Weeding Gift Amount

Not everyone wants money to be fair, we saved for the wedding we could afford. We did get money from my brothers, 500e each, i used it to get them thank you gifts as they wouldn't take no for an answer. They were really helpful with the wedding wouldn't have come off so well without their help, which was more than enough of a gift. They were both in the process of furnishing houses so got them stuff i know they needed/wanted. You'll have an idea what they want or expect, mine did so much to help us out i nearly keeled over when they gave us money as well. Neither are loaded but they work hard and we've always looked out for one another. Give what you can, help is the best gift, to me anyway.

We got around 500 I think from one sibling and partner. They both helped lots with little jobs around the wedding as well as organising and putting money towards making the stag/hen amazing.
We gave them a few years ago between 400 and 500 I think, it wasn't in cash, we paid towards something for their honeymoon, as they had that as their wedding registry. We got set of glasses from another sibling, and the third was still in school so was included in the "parents' gift".
It all depends on your situation. I think 400-500 is great if you can afford it. If not, then a sentimental gift they can keep as a reminder of you and their wedding.

murphyebass wrote: »

At least €200. If your good friends it'd be more, €250+. And I don't go in for this depends what you can afford lark. €100 more than likely wont even pay for your meals. If you can't afford to go don't. Or here's another thought €20 multiplied by 10months saving. If its someone you half know you'll know we'll in advance as to when their getting married giving you more than enough time to save.

Lastly as for the gift your proposing as good an all that it sounds don't bother. Ask anyone getting married what they want and if they're honest they'll say cash. Weddings cost lots.

Answers like this wind me up.

You're hardly going to refuse to go to a family wedding because you can't afford to give a gift of over €200! My brother is getting married in a few months and I can't afford to buy or give them anything. So I won't be, not until I can afford it. But I'm not going to miss his wedding because of it. And I would be incredibly disappointed in him if he thought I should.

The way I look at all this is that you're inviting people as a guest to your wedding. If you were to invite people around to your house for a dinner party would you be charging an entrance fee? If someone brought a bottle of wine as a gift would you ask for the cash they spent on it instead? No, because it's rude. Am I expecting people to give me any money for my wedding? No. That's why I have a budget of what we can afford out of savings and we stick to it.

If you decide to get married, fair play. But don't invite me and expect me to pay for myself in cold hard cash. It's not my problem if you decide to go into debt because you just HAD to have organza chair covers instead of regular, or because you decided you wanted a string quartet, and a church singer, and a band and a DJ. If you can't afford to cover the whole wedding yourself then get a marriage license for €150 and get chips on the way home. You wake up the next day exactly equal to all the other married couples and you won't have lost friends because of your selfish attitude.

murphyebass wrote: »

Not selfish attitude at all. More the reality of weddings and the costs involved.

Look if someone is genuinely broke and can't afford to save a fiver a week for the months in the run up the wedding to give to a friend or family member as a gift so be it. Most weddings are well in advance. A friend of mine recently got engaged but the wedding date was set 2 and a bit years away!
In this case it's for a family member so by all means go and explain to said member you have no money if you really can't save for it.

I'm just goin on experience. These things cost money and gettin the likes of plates or something else equally pointless is just that when you are trying to make sure you pay off every last thing. And it's all well and good saying to cut back on this that and the other but that enevitably doesn't happen. Not because you want to spend a fortune but they do cost money. Not plates or whiskey or - insert pointless gift here - they cost in real life money.

It's an extremely selfish attitude.

Weddings aren't an enterprise whereby the couple make out better off for having it.
You should be willing to throw your wedding at your own expense, without expecting a penny from guests. If you can't afford to pay for it yourself, you can't afford it.
These things are gifts, not cover charges.

It costs people a lot of money to go to a wedding, especially ones that require an overnight stay. To put such a high minimum on a gift on top of that is ludicrous.

You invite people to your wedding, not their wallets.

BizzyC wrote: »

It's an extremely selfish attitude.

Weddings aren't an enterprise whereby the couple make out better off for having it.
You should be willing to throw your wedding at your own expense, without expecting a penny from guests. If you can't afford to pay for it yourself, you can't afford it.
These things are gifts, not cover charges.

It costs people a lot of money to go to a wedding, especially ones that require an overnight stay. To put such a high minimum on a gift on top of that is ludicrous.

You invite people to your wedding, not their wallets.

While I can see where you're coming from I don't see it as reality. The cost of overnight stay isn't always the case either. The last number of weddings I've been at I could have chosen to not drink and drive home or get a cheaper b&b near the hotel.

Anyway whether you like it pr not people plan weddings on the expectation that the money they receive in gifts will pay for most or at least a good chunk of the wedding.

Personally I did save and had my wedding pretty much paid for prior to getting gifts so for us it was all gravy essentially but I hasten to reiterate that I know talking to lots of couples that gifts are very much integral to how they pay off the wedding bills.

Again I'm not selfish I'm just putting across the other side of the coin. All too often I hear just give what you can. It's the "pc" answer, I expect it and that's fine but its really not reality. And as I said before if someone genuinely can't afford it and is genuinely smashed broke and there are certain people with financial difficulties, mortgage arrears etc..then so be it but the vast majority of people will give €200+ and imo rightly so.

robinph wrote: »

It is selfish to be expecting anything from your guests other than they turn up and have a good time.

Your party, your expense, your problem.

Just be grateful if someone is flush enough to be able to give you some cash as a gift. There is absolutely zero requirement for people to be having to hand over X amount per person for them turning up to your party. If you are expecting money from people then it is an entry fee and not a gift, and nobody's wedding is that good that you'd be wanting to pay for an entry fee.

I agree its not a requirement but it is an expectation. If it wasn't an expectation we wouldn't be having this conversation.

murphyebass wrote: »

Or here's another thought €20 multiplied by 10months saving.

That's all very well if you have only all married or all single friends and just 1 getting married, but you might have a dozen friends from school, college, work as well as family. and what if you have 9 weddings to go to that year? You start saving for one, then the next, at some point you're saving 9*20=180 Euro a month, and a total of 1800 over 19 months. Some people can't afford that.
It's fathomable to say that about your one sibling maybe, or one child - you'll do whatever you need to to be at their wedding or give them a gift, but certainly not when its extended family or friends.

robinph wrote: »

nobody's wedding is that good that you'd be wanting to pay for an entry fee.

+1!

murphyebass wrote: »

Not selfish attitude at all. More the reality of weddings and the costs involved.

Look if someone is genuinely broke and can't afford to save a fiver a week for the months in the run up the wedding to give to a friend or family member as a gift so be it. Most weddings are well in advance. A friend of mine recently got engaged but the wedding date was set 2 and a bit years away!
In this case it's for a family member so by all means go and explain to said member you have no money if you really can't save for it.

I'm just goin on experience. These things cost money and gettin the likes of plates or something else equally pointless is just that when you are trying to make sure you pay off every last thing. And it's all well and good saying to cut back on this that and the other but that enevitably doesn't happen. Not because you want to spend a fortune but they do cost money. Not plates or whiskey or - insert pointless gift here - they cost in real life money.

If you can't afford to get married without relying on your guests gifts to pay for it maybe you should consider putting it off for a year or two.

guests should be invited to enjoy your wedding not pay pay for it. It's the Bride and Grooms responsibility to pay for it.

robinph wrote: »

Nope, it is definitely wrong for the couple to be planning their wedding based on how much cash they think they will be getting from their guests. There is absolutely no way that is the correct way of going about planning a wedding, or more importantly to be treating your guests as your own personal interest free loan source.

Its the reality of the situation though. People are and will continue to plan for their weddings in this way.

Personally not the way i did it but its the rule rather than exception like it or not.

robinph wrote: »

To get back to the OP's question though, the answer is whatever you can afford and are comfortable with giving as a gift. Don't feel pressured into giving any thing you don't want to.

Absolutely. As a sibling, I'd suggest an actual present of something you know they might like - monetary value irrelevant. You must know your brother well enough to know the kind of things he likes doing - tickets to sporting events, festivals, craft beers, books, whatever - obviously better if you can think of something they can do/enjoy together. It should be a token acknowledging a major event in their lives and your family's, not a subscription to the wedding fund.

However. And this will sound petty and selfish, but hey...

My wife's only sibling and partner (reasonably well off) gave us nothing at all, and while we had a very small cheap wedding and certainly weren't looking for cash, it does slightly rankle to get nothing. Especially when we had to shell out for their wedding a few years later. So give them something.

robinph wrote: »

Probably better to use different words for that statement. There are no rules at all about how much someone should be paying for attending a wedding.

There may be things that are commonly done, but they are not rules and they should not be expectations upon anyone.

From your first post in the thread you seem to be suggesting that things have to be done in a particular way, with strong suggestions that people have to pay a minimum cover charge, don't be my friend unless your loaded with cash, put yourself out of pocket for months so that you can turn up to my party and aren't I wonderful for letting you give me money type sentiment.

The statement is a figure of speech. Rule in this case refers to what happens 9 out of 10 times not specifically inferring that it has to be done, just that it generally is done.

Anyway we digress. I'm not saying people have to pay a cover charge. What I am saying is that its the expectation that people do. You can bet your bottom dollar the bride and groom look at each card and inspect who gave what. You may not like that but its the way it is.

In an ideal world everyone would pay for their own wedding and not feel obliged to gift a couple of hundred quid to each wedding they attend. But we dont live in an ideal world. In this country it is the norm, yes the norm, or the done thing or whatever way you want to put it that if you attend a wedding you "gift" a couple of hundred quid to the couple. Its also the norm that if you then get married yourself the couple will "gift" you back the same amount you gifted them.

The expectaion whether you like it or not is a couple of hundred quid per couple and if you decide to gift plates, etc.. know that in most scenarios it will be not be appreciated. Of course theres exceptions to that with some people getting gifts they can use/actually want but many people end up having to sell said items which is a bigger pain, or like me giving them away as they were of no use to us and couldnt be bothered selling them.
Ive had friends who were gifted crazy designer items worth stupid amounts of money. Seriously why?! Just put the few quid in an envelope so the person can use it for whatever they want, be it pay off the wedding or spend or save or whatever.

I remember when giving a €100 was the norm. Wish that was still the case!