Groped by male work colleague at work party

LegacyUser · 24-01-2015 12:53am #1

So, as the title suggests, i got groped on my behind without conscent by a male work colleague a couple of weeks before Xmas at our work party.

Backgound: i'm working in this company just over a year. I started at roughly the same time as this man. We all sat in same area of the office, and I suppose since we were all new we would routinely go to the canteen for coffee and lunch break. There was another girl too who'd join us. I suppose we 3 were in our own core group but there would be others who we’d sit with in canteen too. Often there'd be 5 or 6 of us, but sometimes just the 3 of us. (Large multinational company).
So, the guy is an extrovert, joker, cheeky chap sort of guy. I suppose I thought he was sound enough and a bit of craic. Sometimes we'd all go to the cinema, out for drinks from time to time. I'd never meet him alone I must admit. Once or twice over the months I got tiny inkling that he might have some interest in me. Those thoughts made me uncomfortable; I hoped he was never going to make a move. Over the last few months or so I also got inklings that he's a bit of a stirrer, my gut told me he liked to exaggerate stories/ bad mouth people etc. I used to ignore this. He'd be a bit rude I guess. Although I don't' have any time for this carry out, I'd never contradict him/disagree. Just sit listen and draw my own conclusions. We got on well enough though, there'd be banter and slagging fairly often. On the whole, the other girl seems to like him too. He’s very ambitious and wants to climb the ladder. I see that he is adept at schmoozing and getting what he wants in work. I wouldn't fully trust him.

Moving on….. once or twice he has invaded my personal space. I'm a passive person so i'd never reprimand him on this. On a night out last summer, he was quite drunk and on the way home he slapped my bum and asked if he could come home with me. I immediately said no. Another guy we work with witnessed this. he said nothing. I didn't reprimand him on touching me. Again, i'm passive and have had a long difficulty with standing up for myself. i'm angry with myself for being so passive and compliant!

To be honest, over the past few months I've come to doubt his honesty, i wonder if he's just a friggin **** stirrer who gets kicks out of gossiping and perhaps plays some people off each other. I witnessed him telling a girl to her face something derogatory that a manager said about her. I felt he was just playing with people for his own amusement. I never distanced myself from him during this time, but just took mental notes. (I suppose if we all show our true feelings about people we work with then we wouldn't get very far?!). Mostly, he’d get along with people, and seems pretty popular from where I sat.

Fast forward to the Christmas party: There was a poor turn out from our dept, so i hardly knew anyone there. The result being that I spent most of my night talking to him and the female friend. A couple of guys at different stages came over to chat to me (lads I'd know vaguely). Both are nice guys and I had the craic with them. My male friend seemed to be watching me a lot, monitoring my behaviour and who I was talking to. I felt watched. He made comments like "he's married", " am I interrupting something?", when two different guys were chatting to me. Trying to put me off. He's a cheeky feker, cos if I reacted with ‘mind your own business’ or similar I would have gotten a 'oh touchy....' reaction. This guy has an answer for everything. Like I said, a cheeky chap. I just ignored him.
So, later in the night, we were standing when a random guy from work came over to chat. They knew each other. The other guy asked if we were a couple! I immediately said no. The only reason I can fathom for this question, was that we would have been seen hanging out most of the night. There was never anything between me and this man (my so called friend), and I never gave any signal to encourage him. I was standing with my back quite close to a wall. Just at that, he reached behind, grabbed and squeezed my bum!!!!!!!! I was stunned. It all happened so quickly. I'm fairly sure the second guy saw nothing, from what I remember the man was drunk. I didn't react to the grope. Again, I can be passive timid person. to this day I don't know why I didn't let rip. I'm think I was sent into a silent humiliation of some sort and I tried to block it out. I do not know how drunk that disgusting so-called friend was, but I didn't think he was that bad at all!! on reflection, I think he knew what he was doing, perhaps the drink just gave him the excuse to do what he wanted....
I pushed it to the back of my mind as much as I could. Nonetheless I found myself being quiet around him at work. I kept my distance a fair bit, but other days I must have blocked it out well as I was relatively OK with him some days...
For new years eve, a gang of us were supposed to go down the country and rent a cottage. He was on the list. I pulled out at the last minute, as I felt extremely uncomfortable at the prospects of being around him, or having to share the same house as him.
Once we came back to work in the new year, I started to feel upset, I kept my distance. I think the reality of what he did was hitting me, and I was seeing it for what it was. i.e. a disgusting violating act, and not what I made myself think it was at the time, a silly drunken mistake. i play it over and over in my head and I cannot see how he did it by mistake and I cannot see why I should let him off with it.
We are 3 weeks back at work, and to be honest I am at the point where the sight of him makes my skin crawl. I have distanced myself completely. He has noticed. I blanked him one of the days. Today, he came over acting all nice, (probably testing the water), I was cold and turned back to my computer screen. When he left I was trembling. I’m anxious.

people will ask me, why didn't I let rip on Day 1?! I’m not sure.... I have had problems with confidence/assertiveness for years (difficult early life, and was bullied at school. I see the good in people, I’m just too nice. I’m a bit of a doormat maybe. I really am very very angry with myself for not standing up for myself and shaming him there and then.
I suppose I need to confront him, but I find it so difficult. He sends a shiver down my spine. When I sit back and think about everythign I know about him, I realise he is a complete Sh*thead.
Any advice?

Merkin · 24-01-2015 2:01am

I'd avoid him like the plague. I wouldn't go to HR about it in this instance but I would a. Email myself a factual account of what happened that night so that it's recorded and b. Stay well out of his way. Don't beat yourself up about your reaction or lack thereof, if you are not assertive and were taken by surprise then that's hardly surprising.

Stop hanging out with him. No more going for coffee or lunch or being friendly and if he asks you why tell him that he knows exactly why and to stay well out of your way.

DukeOfTheSharp · 24-01-2015 3:20am

One thing you've got to understand, people freeze up out of shock or just plain confusion or fear. Blaming yourself, or anyone placing the blame on you, isn't right or fair, and the onus isn't on you to tell him off for being a total creep. My advice, go to HR and file a complaint, make it clear how his actions made you feel and they'll have to deal with him. I know it might seem like a big thing, but HR exists to make it clear to tools like him that he's to keep his hands to himself. What's more, than chances are he has done this to other women in the workplace, and you're one of many. I can't imagine how hard something like this must be, you've admitted your confidence issues, but that's not in any way a reflection on what he did. He didn't keep his hands to himself, he didn't respect your boundaries, he's to blame and should be reprimanded by HR for his actions. I guess what I'm saying is: if this chap was in his right mind, he'd be humiliated by his actions, and you shouldn't have to feel that way because it wasn't your fault.

What's more, add to your HR complaint that he makes you feel anxious, that you're worried and that his actions have left you feeling less than happy in the work environment, or outside of it. Trust your instincts around him, if he honestly makes you feel that uncomfortable then you can't keep quiet about it, HR is your best shot. Do yourself a favour and have a friend with you at all times (walking home and the like/to a bus/taxi) as this chap clearly has boundary issues, harassing you might very well be part of his MO.

osarusan · 24-01-2015 7:07am

I would go to HR and tell them what's happened and make a complaint. You might want to ask the other possible witnesses if they'd seen anything, to support you. For all you know, there are others who've suffered in the same way. What he's doing is unacceptable, and he possibly thinks that even if you don't like it, you're not going to do anything about it. Show him he's wrong.

Even if you don't want to make an actual complaint, I would advise going to HR myself also - you can (if you want) say that you just want them to know about it, but not take any action about it. You just want to explain that you don't want to be around him more than absolutely necessary.

It's still better that they know your side of the story earlier rather than later. If your distant relationship becomes an issue at work, people will wonder why you are suddenly bringing it up and hadn't mentioned it earlier.

As for 'confronting him', you could just prepare a short speech to give him, and deliver it some place where other people can see but not hear you talking to each other. Let him know what he did was unacceptable and that you want him to stay away from you. Make sure he knows he can't just pretend nothing has happened.

seventeen sheep · 24-01-2015 9:34am

I'd be with Merkin on this. I don't think there's any point in going to HR right now.

The reason I don't think it would be entirely appropriate to so is because, really, you weren't just colleagues at the time. You had built up a friendship over the course of a year. Everyone at work will be aware that the two of you were friends, that you ate lunch together every day, that you went to the cinema and for drinks with him outside of work (albeit as part of a group). So it's not like it was some random colleague you'd never spoken to who just came up and groped you out of nowhere. You'd spent the evening of the party with him ... he was completely wrong to do what he did, but he may have misread the situation and thought that you were on the same page as him. By the sounds of it, he didn't try anything else afterwards (I assume your reaction - or even your lack of reaction - made it clear that you were in no way interested, and at least it seems he respected this.)

So ... you wouldn't really be complaining to HR about a colleague acting inappropriately; it's more a case that a friend of yours (who happens to be a colleague) overstepped boundaries when he was drunk. I don't think going through HR is the appropriate channel here, at all.

I think you should deal with this by keeping your relationship strictly professional. Talk to him only about work matters, and only when you have to. Communicate by e-mail when possible, rather than phone/face-to-face. Don't engage with him at all at social events.

If he ever asks you why you don't speak to him anymore, be completely honest - "You touched me inappropriately at the Christmas party. I feel very uncomfortable around you now, and no longer wish to be friends with you. I hope this won't affect our professional working relationship. I don't want to discuss this any further with you."

Now, if he were to pursue you or hassle you any further after all of this, then it might be time to consider speaking to HR about possibly one of you transferring departments, something like that. For now though, if I were in your position, I'd be happier to just try to handle the problem myself, if possible.

amdublin · 24-01-2015 9:41am

You are saying you are unhappy with the way you reacted. To my mind you have reacted just fine. He asked you back after a night out - you clearly said No, fair play.

Sometimes a reaction to a grope does not have to be dramatic i.e. a big slap across the face or shouting at someone.
To my mind by not hanging around him now you are sending the clear message (bearing in mind the type of person you are) that this was not acceptable.

As another poster said, and if I were you, I'd not hang around with him again and if he says anything I'd say: giving my bum a squeeze on x night was not acceptable.

Me personally, I wouldn't be going to HR, I'd be dealing with it myself at this point as per above. If it continued I would be considering escalating.

Buona Fortuna · 24-01-2015 10:54am

Hi OP,

I think Merkin is bang on the money

, and I probably wouldn't have replied other than to say.

Don't feel bad about how you reacted - you did absolutely fine.

This guy is a total creep.

jopax · 24-01-2015 10:59am

Agree with Merkin and amdublin 100℅, I would not go to hr with this.
I think you have learned yourself what kind of a creep he is, just stay well away.
Personally I would be afraid of opening up a whole can of worms, the stress and anxiety that would result from confronting this wouldn't be worth it.
You used your head by cancelling the break away, just keep your wits about you where he is concerned.
Pass him in work if you have to for your own sake with a yes or no answer kind of thing.
Don't feel bad about what happened, a lot of people would just freeze in them situations.
I know it feels horrible what happened but I would just take it as a lesson learned, and a lucky escape as sorts.
You seem very intelligent and clued in, so don't leave him knock your confidence.

Zen65 · 24-01-2015 12:24pm

seventeen sheep wrote: »

So ... you wouldn't really be complaining to HR about a colleague acting inappropriately; it's more a case that a friend of yours (who happens to be a colleague) overstepped boundaries when he was drunk.

Seventeen Sheep is correct about this, and like Merkin the advice not to take this encounter to HR is (IMHO as a people-manager for over 30 years) spot on.

Also, you need to be aware that how you feel about him is entirely within your own control, so there is no basis for making a complaint to HR that he makes you feel uneasy, or that your skin crawls when he is near you. These are your issues, not his.

Two things stand out for me in your OP:

You have issues around self-expression that are harming your mental health, albeit not in a dramatic way.
Until you explain to this man why he has upset you, you will always feel unhappy about being near him.

The core issue for you is not being comfortable speaking your mind. While that behaviour persists it is only a matter of time before somebody else upsets you, then somebody else, and eventually you may find it unbearable to work with people. Taking a passive response such as not speaking to him except about work, not going out to social functions that he will be attending etc. will not change his behaviour towards you in any significant way. Men are generally poor at reading subtle actions, and the time gap between his action and your response is too great to have any impact.

Speaking your mind does not require conflict. You can learn to do it appropriately and it is actually a very liberating and empowering thing. Rather than damaging relationships it can make them stronger, and more equal.

I would suggest that you should look at doing some assertiveness training. You may find that your HR function can help you source such training. I also think it would help if you took up a physical activity that required strong verbal skills (such as orienteering or sailing) or one that encouraged building inner resilience (a martial art, for example). Toastmasters is an excellent organisation for helping people to learn the skill of public speaking, which is really powerful when it comes to self-expression. They regularly get new members who are shy or introverted and they are not at all pushy about helping you to speak up, whether that's just one sentence or a full-blown public debate. I'd strongly encourage you to find your local branch and get involved - I think it would change your life for the better.

Finally, stop beating yourself up for not being more assertive. Many people find it difficult to freely speak their minds, especially if they have had experiences like bullying when they were younger. Take pride in your determination to change, and do not dwell on what your starting point was.

Be at peace,

LegacyUser · 24-01-2015 12:48pm

Don't listen to those telling you not to go to HR, you were sexually assaulted at work this is the exact thing HR is there for, and it makes no difference if you were friendly with him or if it was a stranger.

If you don't want to make a scene you can ask HR for a confidential meeting, that way anything you say is 100% confidential but it is on record If it gets worse.

I would strongly recommend this course of action, it is clear this is affecting you and the last thing you need is more implications that you somehow led him on by being friendly and need to sweep it under the rug.

FactCheck · 24-01-2015 12:54pm

I think that given what you've said about him being a gossip and fond of spreading lies, explicitly explaining to him why you are upset could really backfire for you. I doubt very much that hearing that you didn't enjoy being groped out of the blue will prompt a massive personality change for him. He's not an idiot, he knows you didn't like being groped. He just didn't care. It's far more likely he will attempt to pre-empt any trouble from HR by going on the attack. Expect him to start telling everybody you came on to him and are now sulking because he rebuffed you. And generally assassinating your character.

Unfortunately, NOT telling him why you're no longer interested in being his friend will probably also lead to this. He's not stupid, he'll figure it out. So perhaps getting a word in with HR before he can might be a good idea. You never know, others may have reported him too and this could be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

On the other hand, the culture in your workplace could be such that you are labelled a hysterical troublemaker and find your own work prospects suffer.

That's something only you can assess really.

I'm very sorry you have been put in this situation. It is not your fault and there are no easy ways to help yourself out of it. Hopefully it will all blow over. At the very least, please stop blaming yourself as you have behaved and reacted in a perfectly normal way to everything. You have nothing to reproach yourself with there.

DeclanJWhite · 24-01-2015 2:33pm

What a nightmare it is to be in a passion of anger with oneself. You sound like you are dying for this man to present you with just one more opportunity for you to assert yourself against his bad behaviour and then you will vindicate yourself to yourself, and restore back to yourself your pride and sense of calm.

When that moment comes, you'll be on a high all day, delighted with yourself. I think you've learnt great things from knowing this man, and they'll be the makings of that aspect of yourself you're dissatisfied with - that lovely quality that unpleasant people take advantage of, where a mile is taken whenever an inch is given.

Why didn't you let rip that first time he slapped you on the bum and asked you to come home with him, you ask? And why didn't the other male colleague with you not instantly say to him on your behalf 'what do you think you are doing? That is no way to treat a lady'.

You will let rip the next time. That is to say, you won't let rip, but you'll calmly assert yourself against any mistreatment he's unwise enough to dare to try on again. And any empty charm offensive he tries on will not work as an evasive tactic in the face of your calm, confident insistence that he respect you.

I think the productive anger you've accumulated with yourself has already wrought change in you, going by the passionate energy of your post. You won't let yourself off the hook in the way you perhaps have before. Those days are over. :-) Sincere salutations.

There's no point in going to HR at his point. This is a personal battle; you don't want anyone else defending you just yet. This man - or the experience you've had with this man so far - stands for all the confrontations you'll be addressing directly for the rest of your no doubt happy life.

amdublin · 24-01-2015 2:49pm

Alanonymous wrote: »

...

I would strongly recommend this course of action, it is clear this is affecting you and the last thing you need is more implications that you somehow led him on by being friendly and need to sweep it under the rug.

Who is implying this

Kidchameleon · 24-01-2015 5:44pm

Be careful about blanking him at work. This can be deemed as bullying. Your better off being civil.

StevieNicksFan · 24-01-2015 10:03pm

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Be careful about blanking him at work. This can be deemed as bullying. Your better off being civil.

I have to strongly disagree. This man groped her without consent. Violated her and made her feel extremely uncomfortable in work and rightly so. Now you recommend SHE has to watch was SHE does in case SHE is called up for bullying? Absolutely ridiculous.

I could never even look in the direction of someone who did that, never mind be civil to them. That would be validating his behaviour and basically saying ah yea no big deal what you did, im going to be civil and pretend everything is a-ok. The word bullying is completely inappropriate to throw into the OP's situation as she has every right to distance herself from this man.

I can guarantee you now if the OP is called up for bullying (very unlikely) the tables will most definately turn on him if she discloses the reasons why she is ignoring him. OP i would continue to do what you are doing now, have as little contact as possible and only communicate when absolutely necessary. Even at that keep it short, sweet and to the point. Look after yourself OP x

LegacyUser · 24-01-2015 11:23pm

Hi OP,
I feel compelled to reply to your post.
4 years ago, I was involved in an incident like this.
Christmas party and all, and I (had) a very similar personality to yours.

I was working in the company 3 months. I didnt really get to know anyone, so I went to the Christmas party. Had good craic etc. Of course people were getting more drunk. A manager took a shine to me. He would not leave me alone that night. Amongst other things, he even followed me into the toilet. I went for a cigarette to cool the jetts and he followed me too. And told me in graphic terms if I was to go to his hotel that night, what he'd do to me. All along I was telling me to leave me alone, taking into account that he was a manager in a new place I was working. And he wouldnt listen.

To say I was scared was an under statement. I was terrified. I was also very angry.

Following week we are back in the office, and am trying to stay out of his way. And I did a good job (I was terrified Id be left in a room with him/what he might do/I was so scared), until I went into the canteen part of our kitchen and as wide as the kitchen is, he rubbed up against me. I just froze with the shock.

I was so distracted on my way home, I crashed my car! Yep.....bout e4000 of damage because I was so distracted and upset. At this stage, I then resolved I had 2 months to go to fulfill a 6 month contract. And then Id be gone. But a few days later, a manager called me into the office and said "we've a permanent position for you. hurrah" and with that, I just started bawling. I mean, bawling. And I said, no thank you-I have to leave here. Eventually after much coaxing, my manager got it out of me.

And I went to HR. And HR told me I was right to complain. And I had every right to complain. And that Id done the right thing (in case he done it to anyone else). He was reprimanded for it (there was a witness for one stage of it - when he tried to drag me out the door of the pub - I mean really violently, a colleague asked what was going on and told him to back off - was only at that stage he did back off.) He was told hed be fired. Except, I asked mercy on his job - I didnt want anyone to be fired. I wanted him to realise what hed done was wrong, and apologise. I took power away from him.

I dont get why females put up with this s*ite. And "dont report to HR". In work places or work nights out, there is etiquette that you follow. You go have a colleague grope your arse, or whatever, and then go work with them. You dont feel safe. Her arse or her body is not a piece of meat.

And it is all his own doing/responsibility (for a long long time I blamed myself-I "mustve" done something wrong.

Myself OP from this experience, Ive become a lot more assertive, in many aspects of my life.

Ironically, the only person who couldnt get her head around what happened what the manager who I blurted it all out to. All she could say was "but he is such a nice guy". She also passed a few comments over the years (he has since left). But I see it as babyish (she is in her 50s). I would 95% guess she has had inappropriate things happen her with colleagues, and she never had the guts/balls to say anything, so she "normalised" it all. Its not normal. So, anyone here discouraging you to not say anything (even an informal chat with a HR rep or something-just to get it out there/off your chest), really dont know what they are talking about.

Fear breeds contempt.

Chucky the tree · 24-01-2015 11:51pm

StevieNicksFan wrote: »

I have to strongly disagree. This man groped her without consent. Violated her and made her feel extremely uncomfortable in work and rightly so. Now you recommend SHE has to watch was SHE does in case SHE is called up for bullying? Absolutely ridiculous.

I could never even look in the direction of someone who did that, never mind be civil to them. That would be validating his behaviour and basically saying ah yea no big deal what you did, im going to be civil and pretend everything is a-ok. The word bullying is completely inappropriate to throw into the OP's situation as she has every right to distance herself from this man.

I can guarantee you now if the OP is called up for bullying (very unlikely) the tables will most definately turn on him if she discloses the reasons why she is ignoring him. OP i would continue to do what you are doing now, have as little contact as possible and only communicate when absolutely necessary. Even at that keep it short, sweet and to the point. Look after yourself OP x

Well, yes. There are no witnesses to the grope. If the OP does not interact with the lad who groped her then chances are she won't be able to do her job properly. If that happens then there is only one person going to be shown the door here, and it's going to be the OP.

She has very few options.

A) complain and hope he gets fired(unlikely)

Be professional and interact with him as her is needed for her to do her job properly
C) Leave and find a new job.

amdublin · 24-01-2015 11:59pm

I don't think he would get fired if she complains to HR.

Likely he will just "training" that it is in inappropriate and maybe a warning.

Kidchameleon · 25-01-2015 12:11am

@StevieNicksFan,

I'm not in the slightest bit suggesting the OP validate his behavior. I suggested she 'be careful' how she deals with it. If there were no witnesses to his grope, there could well be witnesses to her shunning. Do you think the guy in question here would be the type to turn the tables if the situation were to go to HR? I have seen pretty much that exact scenario happen in the recent past. Shunning a staff member is textbook bullying (check your own company's bullying and harassment policy, I have no doubt its mentioned) Ignoring a person is neither an adult nor a good way to deal with this situation.

StevieNicksFan wrote: »

Now you recommend SHE has to watch was SHE does in case SHE is called up for bullying? Absolutely ridiculous.

Its not in the slightest bit ridiculous, she really could be called up for bullying. As I have said, ive seen it happen and I've no doubt some of my fellow boardsies have too.

LegacyUser · 25-01-2015 12:12am

StevieNicksFan wrote: »

I have to strongly disagree. This man groped her without consent. Violated her and made her feel extremely uncomfortable in work and rightly so. Now you recommend SHE has to watch was SHE does in case SHE is called up for bullying? Absolutely ridiculous.

I could never even look in the direction of someone who did that, never mind be civil to them. That would be validating his behaviour and basically saying ah yea no big deal what you did, im going to be civil and pretend everything is a-ok. The word bullying is completely inappropriate to throw into the OP's situation as she has every right to distance herself from this man.

I can guarantee you now if the OP is called up for bullying (very unlikely) the tables will most definately turn on him if she discloses the reasons why she is ignoring him. OP i would continue to do what you are doing now, have as little contact as possible and only communicate when absolutely necessary. Even at that keep it short, sweet and to the point. Look after yourself OP x

I think you are mixing up what should happen, and what might well happen. Of course the OP shouldn't be called out for bullying, but unfortunately it might well happen if she refuses to work with the guy in a civil manner - because that is very obviously behaviour that isn't condoned in the workplace, and will have multiple witnesses. To say that you guarantee that won't happen is ridiculous.

Of course the guy shouldn't have pinched her bum, but it's he said / she said, no witnesses, so I would presume at most he can be given a warning. Not sure how that works if he denies it to the hilt. On the other hand, if she refuses to work with him, that's a verifiable transgression and a yellow card right there.

strandroad · 25-01-2015 12:55am

Go to HR and ask discreetly what the procedure is if you were groped by a unnamed colleague at a company party. Listen to what they say and if it sounds like it makes sense for you, come back and give them the name.

Talking to him alone makes no sense, he knows full well what he did and why you cut contact.

You do want the complaint registered though in case he started to make things difficult for you by further approaches or backstabbing gossip.

StevieNicksFan · 25-01-2015 1:50am

Kidchameleon wrote: »

@StevieNicksFan,

I'm not in the slightest bit suggesting the OP validate his behavior. I suggested she 'be careful' how she deals with it. If there were no witnesses to his grope, there could well be witnesses to her shunning. Do you think the guy in question here would be the type to turn the tables if the situation were to go to HR? I have seen pretty much that exact scenario happen in the recent past. Shunning a staff member is textbook bullying (check your own company's bullying and harassment policy, I have no doubt its mentioned) Ignoring a person is neither an adult nor a good way to deal with this situation.

Its not in the slightest bit ridiculous, she really could be called up for bullying. As I have said, ive seen it happen and I've no doubt some of my fellow boardsies have too.

I have checked my own companys bullying policy and seeing as I am the only employee in my business it is not mentioned. I would advise to direct the advice towards the OP instead of having a presumtious idea about whats in my (not relevant) company rules.

Back to the OP's situation, As i have suggested, deal with him within work situations and limit it to that. If HR raise a query as to why you are limiting conversation you should inform them of what has happened. Then they will know there is an underlying reason why this is occuring and its not as simple as an open and shut case of bullying. Plus then they will have it on record - keeping everything above board and following company policy.

LegacyUser · 25-01-2015 4:20am

Hi Op, you poor thing. He is a d*ckhead essentially. Best to keep your distance. Might I make a suggestion, this is how I approached something before. I was not groped by guy but he did on a number of instances say lewd / sexual things to me that made me feel uncomfortable when others were not around in work. One day he crossed the line, and I like you did not respond at time but when I reflected on it I got really peeved off. So I wrote down what happened in notebook and said to myself I would take note of anything that might happen in future (including dates, comments, any witnesses etc). Then I mentioned it to manager (whom I get on well with and felt I could discuss with) that I was having some issues with X person and that they had made me feel a bit uncomfortable but that I did not wish to raise it to HR level but rather that I was going to discuss it with the X person and hope that it would resolve then (this was in case things got worse that at least I would have aired it somewhere beforehand). Then I waited till an appropriate time where I could speak with X person in private and simply said that I had felt uncomfortable with what they had said and would appreciate if they could be respectful and professional in future, they apologised and I never had any trouble from them again in the future.

Taltos · 25-01-2015 9:44am

Stevie & Kid,

Spats like yours just derail threads. Please don't post like this again in PI/RI as it will result in moderator action.

Thanks
Taltos

tara73 · 25-01-2015 12:00pm

OP, definetely go to HR and let them know what he's done. the fact you're posting here means you are distressed about it and probably are in fear and there's not a single reason people like this should get away with such bullying.

very important, there might be already other complains about him, if different people independently from each other reporting him, it's more of a proof and HR can take action.

personally I would recommend to tell this scumbag very clear and loudly to f** off. if he's ever doing sth. like groping you again, and others are around, I would scream at him and make the situation public. I know it's not easy for some people but you need to learn to defend yourself, stand up for yourself. people like this guy feel with whom they can do it, who won't be able to defend themselves, that's why he choose you. I would bet if you shout at him and tell him to not dare to touch you ever again, he would be very stupid to do it again. you have every right to do this.

ahnow · 25-01-2015 2:30pm

Don't be too hard on yourself for not letting rip at him, when people cross boundaries like that it can often be so shocking you wouldn't be ready for him.
Dont interact with him. Try and remember the dates of the groping and when he was invading your personal space and go straight to HR and log a complaint.
Creepy ****er!

JeffKenna · 25-01-2015 2:43pm

Hi OP,

Just in relation to the suggestions here about going to HR...did these events happen at official work parties? Obviously the Christmas party was official but did he grope you at the party or was it when the party was over and everyone had moved to a pub together..aka the unofficial party/carry on party? Again the same with the previous incidents...were they at official company night outs or just a group of people working together going on the piss? If these events didn't happen at official company parties then I can't see how HR would come into it.

ahnow · 25-01-2015 3:32pm

Because she's being sexually harassed by someone she works with...

JeffKenna wrote: »

Hi OP,

Just in relation to the suggestions here about going to HR...did these events happen at official work parties? Obviously the Christmas party was official but did he grope you at the party or was it when the party was over and everyone had moved to a pub together..aka the unofficial party/carry on party? Again the same with the previous incidents...were they at official company night outs or just a group of people working together going on the piss? If these events didn't happen at official company parties then I can't see how HR would come into it.

JeffKenna · 25-01-2015 5:02pm

ahnow wrote: »

Because she's being sexually harassed by someone she works with...

Not in the work place though...HR can only implement their policies regarding sexual harassment if it happens in the work place or at an official work event...

strobe · 25-01-2015 6:23pm

Tbh it just sounds like a friend from work being a bit inappropriate and trying his luck when a bit drunk at a party. I'd just forget about it. If you don't want to be his friend then don't anymore, but I think you've built something fairly tame and minor into a massive deal in your head. Just carry on with your life and keep your relationship with him strictly professional from now on if that's what you want to do.

LostinKildare · 25-01-2015 7:33pm

JeffKenna wrote: »

Not in the work place though...HR can only implement their policies regarding sexual harassment if it happens in the work place or at an official work event...

The groping incident did occur at an official work event --- the office Christmas party.

But even if it had happened outside of work, HR still would have to deal with it if it resulted in the employee being treated differently while back at work:

Sexual harassment is any form of “unwanted verbal, non-verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature”. In both cases it is defined as conduct which “has the purpose or effect of violating a person’s dignity and creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for the person” and it is prohibited under the Acts. . . .
Harassment can take place at work or on a training course, on a work trip, at a work social event or any other occasion connected with your job.
Under the Acts, your employer may also be held responsible if harassment takes place completely outside the course of your employment but you are treated differently at work because of your rejection or acceptance of the harassment.

The above is from Citizen's Information here: http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/employment/equality_in_work/harassment_at_work.html

The link is worth a read. It says that

you should begin by making it very clear to the person concerned that you find his or her behaviour, conduct, material and so on, unacceptable and offensive. If you find this uncomfortable or too difficult to do, you should seek support (or for an initial approach to be made on your behalf) by a sympathetic friend or colleague, a designated person at work or a trade union representative.

If I were you I'd tell him, in writing, that his advances are unwelcome and to knock it off. You will feel better about yourself if you do, and you will also be giving him a chance to cop himself on.

If you want to confront him in person, perhaps bring someone with you. You say you don't think the other guy talking to you at the party noticed the groping, but maybe he did. Or what about the other work colleague who witnessed the butt-slapping incident months ago?

If after you confront him he persists or is rude or whatever to you, then go to HR. Don't brush it off.

JeffKenna · 25-01-2015 9:31pm

LostinKildare wrote: »

The groping incident did occur at an official work event --- the office Christmas.

I asked did the incident happen at the Christmas party or an after party. Christmas Party = work event..once that part of the night is over and people move on to a different location then this isn't classified as a work party.

ahnow · 25-01-2015 10:55pm

JeffKenna, whether it occurs in the work place or not, because it's someone she works with, HR can step in.

LostinKildare · 25-01-2015 11:31pm

JeffKenna wrote: »

I asked did the incident happen at the Christmas party or an after party. Christmas Party = work event..once that part of the night is over and people move on to a different location then this isn't classified as a work party.

My reading of the OP is that it did occur at the Christmas party, but it doesn't matter. According to the link above, it is not true that HR can act on sexual harassment only if it happens in the workplace or at an official work event.

Zen65 · 25-01-2015 11:39pm

similarhappentome wrote: »

Hi OP,
I feel compelled to reply to your post.
4 years ago, I was involved in an incident like this.
Christmas party and all, and I (had) a very similar personality to yours.

This is a really horrendous story, and I feel your pain. It's absolutely unforgivable for a manager to behave in this manner.

But there are major differences between your story and the OP's story, and those differences are sufficient to give many posters here (myself included) grounds for saying that going to HR is unlikely to achieve the desired outcome.

The OP has no witnesses to the event, or at least none that she can depend on to support her story.
The OP's story does not include repeated acts by her colleague; as far as I can tell the colleague caught her off-guard with an unwarranted grope, but has not acted in any way that might be considered improper since then.
Most importantly in the case of the OP, the groper was a colleague who joined the same time as her, so there is no case to suggest that a power imbalance was involved. When sexual harassment involves a manager it is a very different level of harassment and in most large companies it would mean an immediate dismissal or suspension / re-assignment for the manager
Your story involves a manager making extremely improper verbal suggestions. None of that is in the OP

Zen65 · 25-01-2015 11:51pm

LostinKildare wrote: »

The link is worth a read. It says that

you should begin by making it very clear to the person concerned that you find his or her behaviour, conduct, material and so on, unacceptable and offensive. If you find this uncomfortable or too difficult to do, you should seek support (or for an initial approach to be made on your behalf) by a sympathetic friend or colleague, a designated person at work or a trade union representative.

If I were you I'd tell him, in writing, that his advances are unwelcome and to knock it off. You will feel better about yourself if you do, and you will also be giving him a chance to cop himself on.

A couple of important things here:

An incident which occurs outside the workplace is not within the remit of a company's HR function to deal with unless that incident leads to an employee being treated differently at work. I did not see in the OP anything which says this groping colleague treated her differently afterwards - what I read is that she feels differently after the incident. While this is understandable, it is not his actions post-incident which have changed.
The office party venue is, if arranged by the company (or paid for in full or in part by the company) actually considered to be an official place of work, but if some staff move to an alternate venue then the company have no further duty of care for events at the second location.
A complaint of sexual harassment requires that the complainant should have said that certain actions or verbal comments are unwanted. Again, I have not seen anywhere that the OP has made this point to her groping colleague. She could ask a third party (for example a local manager or somebody in HR) to make this statement to her colleague, but he cannot be reprimanded for his actions under sexual harassment guidelines where no previous rejection of his actions or comments have been made.

Zen65 · 26-01-2015 12:00am

ahnow wrote: »

JeffKenna, whether it occurs in the work place or not, because it's someone she works with, HR can step in.

That's simply not the case. If my neighbour, who works in my office, makes a pass at me in the local sauna, I have no grounds for approaching the company HR Manager and ask that he be reprimanded. Even if he gropes me on my own lawn, it is not for the employer to get involved.

Z

(And on the extreme off-chance that my neighbour is reading this, I do know that (a) we do not work together and (b) you would never for a moment want to grope me)

LostinKildare · 26-01-2015 1:07am

Yeah, I agree that OP needs to make clear to him that his actions -- both the comments and the touching -- are unwelcome. That is a necessary step if she were to make a formal complaint to HR.

And who knows? It might be enough to make him back off.

Plus it might make the OP feel better about herself if she could summon up the courage to confront him. I know it's hard, OP, but you should not allow yourself to suffer for this.

seventeen sheep · 26-01-2015 5:39am

tara73 wrote: »

OP, definetely go to HR and let them know what he's done. the fact you're posting here means you are distressed about it and probably are in fear and there's not a single reason people like this should get away with such bullying.

very important, there might be already other complains about him, if different people independently from each other reporting him, it's more of a proof and HR can take action.

There is nothing to suggest that there have been other complaints about him.

By the sounds of it, he had multiple opportunities at social occasions over the course of a year to try it on with the OP if he wanted to - this seems like a badly misjudged once-off.

Also, I think calling it bullying is completely wrong. I don't get the impression he was ever trying to intimidate her or frighten her or make her in any way uncomfortable - I get the impression that he was interested in being more than friends; he believed she felt the same way; he drunkenly decided to show his feelings in a very immature and inappropriate way. But it wasn't done maliciously, or with the intention of hurting or upsetting her.

While I understand that the OP was upset over what happened, I also think it's worth mentioning that - I think - most of us who ever went on drunken college nights out, or attended festivals when we were younger, etc, occasionally had similar happen to us. I think most of us would be pissed off, maybe give out to the person who'd done it, but then move on and forget about it without a further moment's thought. The colleague couldn't really have known how much this would have affected the OP.

I think it's important to be objective here. You seem to be implying that because of the way the OP is feeling and because she is distressed, that this means she has been the victim of bullying. In reality, it was a drunken misunderstanding between two people who had been friends (as well as colleagues), and by the sounds of it, he stopped straight away when he didn't get whatever reaction he was hoping for, and hasn't tried anything at all since.

So what's to be achieved by going to HR? They're not going to take disciplinary action against him for a once-off like this with no proof or witnesses. There is no need for them to step in to stop it happening again, as by the sounds of it, it's unlikely to happen again anyways - this isn't an ongoing problem. As it happened, the incident occurred at a work-related function, but it could just as easily have happened any of the times that the two of them were out for drinks etc outside of work.

I'd be completely in favour of approaching HR in actual cases of bullying or sexual harassment, but this is an isolated incident which the OP should be able to deal with on her own.

LostinKildare · 26-01-2015 12:42pm

I don't mean to be pedantic, but there are a few things posters have said that seem to be at variance with the law on harassment in the workplace, and I don't want them to go unchallenged if they discourage OP from asserting herself here.

The information I quote below comes from the Employment Equality Act 1998 (Code of Practice) (Harassment) Order 2012 at http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/2012/en/si/0208.html

Zen65 wrote: »

The OP's story does not include repeated acts by her colleague; as far as I can tell the colleague caught her off-guard with an unwarranted grope, but has not acted in any way that might be considered improper since then.

Just to be clear, "A single act may constitute sexual harassment" (per section "What is sexual harassment")

Zen65 wrote: »

Most importantly in the case of the OP, the groper was a colleague who joined the same time as her, so there is no case to suggest that a power imbalance was involved. When sexual harassment involves a manager it is a very different level of harassment and in most large companies it would mean an immediate dismissal or suspension / re-assignment for the manager

The law makes no distinction about whether the harassment occurs between managers and employees, or same-level colleagues, or an employee of the company and a non-employee -- an outside contractor, client or customer of the company, etc. (See the section "Sexual harassment and harassment by employers, employees and non-employees"). In the eyes of the law, there are no "very different levels of harassment" --- whether there is a pre-existing "power imbalance" between the two parties is irrelevant. (And of course, an act of sexual harassment itself creates a power imbalance between the parties, in that it intimidates, humiliates, degrades the recipient.)

seventeen sheep wrote: »

. . . Also, I think calling it bullying is completely wrong. I don't get the impression he was ever trying to intimidate her or frighten her or make her in any way uncomfortable . . .
it wasn't done maliciously, or with the intention of hurting or upsetting her.
. . . .
The colleague couldn't really have known how much this would have affected the OP.

I think it's important to be objective here. You seem to be implying that because of the way the OP is feeling and because she is distressed, that this means she has been the victim of bullying.

Just so you know:
"The intention of the perpetrator of the sexual harassment or harassment is irrelevant. The fact that the perpetrator has no intention of sexually harassing or harassing the employee is no defence. The effect of the behaviour on the employee is what is relevant." (Under the section "Intention")

Zen65 · 26-01-2015 6:43pm

LostinKildare wrote: »

Just to be clear, "A single act may constitute sexual harassment" (per section "What is sexual harassment")

Nobody has said otherwise. My post, which you are quoting out of context, was to illustrate the difference between the incident in the OP and the incident being described by similarhappenedtome. Likewise for the other differences I listed.

LostinKildare · 26-01-2015 9:01pm

Zen65 wrote: »

Nobody has said otherwise. My post, which you are quoting out of context, was to illustrate the difference between the incident in the OP and the incident being described by similarhappenedtome. Likewise for the other differences I listed.

Zen, I know you were illustrating the differences between the two stories, but you said "and those differences are sufficient to give many posters here (myself included) grounds for saying that going to HR is unlikely to achieve the desired outcome."

My point is that two of the differences you cited in your post --- (1) that OP's story "does not include repeated acts by her colleague," in contrast to similarhappenedtome's story of repeated incidents, and (2) that OP's story involves colleagues at the same level, rather than a manager and lower-level employee as in similar's story --- should make no difference in how the two cases would be handled. (Assuming the HR dept is correctly following the law.) Because a finding of sexual harassment doesn't depend on how many incidents there were, or what the professional roles of the two parties were.

I also don't see the relevance of the last difference you cited in your post --- that similar's story included verbal harassment, whereas OP's did not. If you accept that "a single incident may constitute harassment," then what difference does it make whether he also harassed her verbally? HR has to deal with it, whether it's a grope or a grope+dirty talk.

I'm pointing this out not to annoy you, Zen, but because I think it would be helpful for the OP to know what the law actually says if she is considering going to her HR dept. You may actually be correct that they would try to brush it off, but they would be wrong to do so.

PS -- not sure what you mean about my having quoted you "out of context" Zen, but your post in its entirety is below:

Zen65 wrote: »

This is a really horrendous story, and I feel your pain. It's absolutely unforgivable for a manager to behave in this manner.

But there are major differences between your story and the OP's story, and those differences are sufficient to give many posters here (myself included) grounds for saying that going to HR is unlikely to achieve the desired outcome.

The OP has no witnesses to the event, or at least none that she can depend on to support her story.

The OP's story does not include repeated acts by her colleague; as far as I can tell the colleague caught her off-guard with an unwarranted grope, but has not acted in any way that might be considered improper since then.

Most importantly in the case of the OP, the groper was a colleague who joined the same time as her, so there is no case to suggest that a power imbalance was involved. When sexual harassment involves a manager it is a very different level of harassment and in most large companies it would mean an immediate dismissal or suspension / re-assignment for the manager

Your story involves a manager making extremely improper verbal suggestions. None of that is in the OP

Zen65 · 27-01-2015 11:38am

LostinKildare wrote: »

My point is that two of the differences you cited in your post --- (1) that OP's story "does not include repeated acts by her colleague," in contrast to similarhappenedtome's story of repeated incidents, and (2) that OP's story involves colleagues at the same level, rather than a manager and lower-level employee as in similar's story --- should make no difference in how the two cases would be handled. (Assuming the HR dept is correctly following the law.) Because a finding of sexual harassment doesn't depend on how many incidents there were, or what the professional roles of the two parties were.

Like yourself I believe we should try to remain focussed on giving advice to the OP, and not debating the finer points of the law on sexual harassment. However the incident quoted by poster similarhappenedtome is sufficiently different to the OP to merit consideration of those differences when the OP weighs up what to do about he situation.

It is important to know that the law in this regard is not entirely objective, and the very definition of sexual harassment includes a vagueness that requires each case is dealt with on its own merits by an employment tribunal. For example the idea that it's all about effect on the person claiming harassment rather than on the intention of the person against whom the claim is being made is only a guideline, because you cannot have a law which is asserts impropriety on the basis of the feelings of the victim. For example if I were to keep a photo of my wife on my office desk, and some lady in the office felt that I was doing this in order to highlight how beautiful my wife is in comparison to my co-workers, well frankly no tribunal in the land would agree that there was a case of sexual harassment to be answered. But in that same scenario if you replace the photo of my wife with a large poster of a scantily-clad Megan Fox then my co-workers have a case. If I am the manager in that office the case would be even more compelling since I have an obligation to establish the tone and culture of that office, and to ensure that the provisions of the law are enforced, and I would be blatantly failing in that regard. Bullying is all about the power imbalance, harassment is all about the act. The scale or significance can be judged by the effect on the victim, but there must firstly be evidence of improper behaviour.

Translate that to the OP's story, and consider how a HR function (and ultimately an employment tribunal) might treat it. This was a one-off act at a Christmas party. It was not witnessed. The two staff members were at the same level, knew each other, had previously socialised together, and had spent most of the night in question in each other's company. The man did a dickish thing, and when there was no encouragement he appeared not to take it any further. There is no evidence in the OP that he treated her any differently following the incident, in fact she says he tried to be nice to her in the office afterwards.

As I said in my response I have managed teams of people for over 30 years. I have dealt with several cases of bullying and harassment (including sexual harassment) and taken appropriate action in every case, including dismissing the ridiculous claims when they arise (which thankfully is far more rare these days). If this case was presented to me, with only what OP has described, I would certainly not consider it to fall within the remit of sexual harassment because (a) the OP never expressed any disquiet about the event, nor previously when she felt her personal space being compromised, and (b) the event was not repeated, nor was there any improper behaviour by the colleague before or after the event. What I'd be saying to OP is 'you need to be explicit in saying when somebody behaves in a manner that makes you uncomfortable', and with the male colleague I would have a quiet word and say 'Please do not grab any of your colleagues by their bums - it's not how we behave around here'. That would be the end of my involvement.

Again, repeating myself, I see the root cause of OP's unhappiness is not that some guy she knew once grabbed her bum at a party; it's that she does not speak up for herself when anything makes her uncomfortable. That's a real and serious problem. That's what she should be tackling, because working life will get unbearable if she does not learn to overcome that fear.

Zen65 · 27-01-2015 11:42am

seventeen sheep wrote: »

Also, I think calling it bullying is completely wrong. I don't get the impression he was ever trying to intimidate her or frighten her or make her in any way uncomfortable - I get the impression that he was interested in being more than friends; he believed she felt the same way; he drunkenly decided to show his feelings in a very immature and inappropriate way. But it wasn't done maliciously, or with the intention of hurting or upsetting her.

Nailed it!

Boskowski · 30-01-2015 8:29pm

strobe wrote: »

Tbh it just sounds like a friend from work being a bit inappropriate and trying his luck when a bit drunk at a party. I'd just forget about it. If you don't want to be his friend then don't anymore, but I think you've built something fairly tame and minor into a massive deal in your head. Just carry on with your life and keep your relationship with him strictly professional from now on if that's what you want to do.

That.

I know its not pleasant, but like the poster above I think you have this built up in you head more so than anything else. I feel I can tell by the way you analyse him so much, the way he acts, the way you think he's perceived. Like you have a whole story going about him and his character.

You happened to be in a group for circumstantial reasons over an extended period of time and you found out you don't like the guy. Turns out for the right reason. But honestly - trying it on with someone from work is hardly a hanging offence. And finding out that its not welcome is a reality of life. It happens all the time. He's certainly not gone about it the gentlemanly way (not nice, but assault? really?) and for that he deserves a few strongish words to clear the air and let him know where he stands with you. But please don't listen to people who tell you to go nuclear. It would be a silly overreaction in my opinion.

Its a reality of life. Some people you gel with, some people you don't. Some people are pleasant and some people aren't. Some people's advances you welcome, other's you don't.
Going to HR all formal would escalate this beyond the point that it deserves. You seem a bit of an introvert and I understand it may not be that easy for you but sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself and say things that need to be said. Form woman to man or vice versa or whatever the situation is. Social skills is not just about being a great character and the funniest guy, social skills is also about how one deals with situations like this.

By going to HR - as other suggested - you would just be avoiding the necessary confrontation. By going to HR you you would be confiding in someone you know will be on your side and then someone else will have to do unpleasant confrontational thing for you. But honestly, while he seems to be a bit of a dick its hardly so severe that this guy deserves to have his career ended over it.

End the casual acquaintance, be strictly professional and if this ever comes up again just tell him to stay the f*** away from you or else. That should sort it and everybody can go on with their lives and forget about it.
You say it yourself. You need to stand up to him. Believe me if this occurs again in any shape or form and you deal with it yourself appropriately you will feel great about yourself after. It will be possibly a little liberating even since it seems such an ordeal for you. And really its how grown up's deal with such stuff, you know that yourself.

Be well and good luck.

Taltos · 30-01-2015 10:52pm

NS33 - posts another inappropriate post like that again and we will have little choice but to ban you. What is numerous to you is insulting to others here and is not acceptable.

Have a read of our charter before posting again please.

Taltos

north_star_33 · 30-01-2015 11:02pm

Wow....i never said it was humorous...
Other people said exactly what i said.. just move on and try and forget about ir..

but apologies all round

amdublin · 31-01-2015 9:13am

Boskowski wrote: »

By going to HR - as other suggested - you would just be avoiding the necessary confrontation. By going to HR you you would be confiding in someone you know will be on your side and then someone else will have to do unpleasant confrontational thing for you. But honestly, while he seems to be a bit of a dick its hardly so severe that this guy deserves to have his career ended over it.

Bear in mind that HR may "be on your side", but they also may not get involved i.e. they'd say first step is you tell them him yourself that was not acceptable.

I think Boskowski has given a good opinion about what it was (a fella you don't like trying his like...but assault I don't think so)

I echo what Boskowski says - be well and good luck.

skallywag · 31-01-2015 9:47am

I personally think that those who are calling this incident 'sexual assault' , 'bullying' etc are way wide of the mark.

It was certainly a very silly thing for this chap to do, and the proper order of course here should have been for him to apologize profusely at the next appropriate occasion.

But seriously, putting a sexual assault tag on someone for a drunken move such as this at an office Xmas party is just way out of line, in my opinion at least.

LegacyUser · 31-01-2015 10:52pm

Thanks,
I was away all week and am only catching up with the comments now. There are a lot! Thanks for the comments/advice.
I take it on-board that people think this is an overreaction on my part. Maybe slightly. But when you have a gut feeling on someone you cannot ignore that.

That same night as the grope, I got a taxi home with him and others. we were the last two in the taxi. His stop was first, but he accidentally on purpose forget to shout out to the driver that his turn was coming. I had to shout it out, and the driver slammed on the breaks. Anyhow, you might ask me how I knew he did this on purpose. Gut feeling, that's all! I firmly believe the man wasn't all that drunk on the night.
Was he chancing his luck again for the second time in an hour, you might ask? All very foolish and innocent on his part. I suppose I don't know. But I had a strong instinct that, if I had been banana's drunk that night he wouldn't have just helped me to my door like a friend would do. He suspect he would have done more than just grope me. I cannot just ignore that and just say to myself, "ah yeah the poor fool just made a silly drunken mistake. Let it go...".
But yes, a conversation will be on the cards soon.

thanks again.

amdublin · 31-01-2015 11:43pm

I think most people are saying have a conversation with him to say his behaviour unacceptable.
But whether or not to bring HR into it is something that people have differing opinion on.

Groped by male work colleague at work party

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