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Groped by male work colleague at work party
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LostinKildare wrote: »The groping incident did occur at an official work event --- the office Christmas.
I asked did the incident happen at the Christmas party or an after party. Christmas Party = work event..once that part of the night is over and people move on to a different location then this isn't classified as a work party.0 -
JeffKenna, whether it occurs in the work place or not, because it's someone she works with, HR can step in.0
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I asked did the incident happen at the Christmas party or an after party. Christmas Party = work event..once that part of the night is over and people move on to a different location then this isn't classified as a work party.
My reading of the OP is that it did occur at the Christmas party, but it doesn't matter. According to the link above, it is not true that HR can act on sexual harassment only if it happens in the workplace or at an official work event.0 -
similarhappentome wrote: »Hi OP,
I feel compelled to reply to your post.
4 years ago, I was involved in an incident like this.
Christmas party and all, and I (had) a very similar personality to yours.
This is a really horrendous story, and I feel your pain. It's absolutely unforgivable for a manager to behave in this manner.
But there are major differences between your story and the OP's story, and those differences are sufficient to give many posters here (myself included) grounds for saying that going to HR is unlikely to achieve the desired outcome.- The OP has no witnesses to the event, or at least none that she can depend on to support her story.
- The OP's story does not include repeated acts by her colleague; as far as I can tell the colleague caught her off-guard with an unwarranted grope, but has not acted in any way that might be considered improper since then.
- Most importantly in the case of the OP, the groper was a colleague who joined the same time as her, so there is no case to suggest that a power imbalance was involved. When sexual harassment involves a manager it is a very different level of harassment and in most large companies it would mean an immediate dismissal or suspension / re-assignment for the manager
- Your story involves a manager making extremely improper verbal suggestions. None of that is in the OP
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LostinKildare wrote: »The link is worth a read. It says that
If I were you I'd tell him, in writing, that his advances are unwelcome and to knock it off. You will feel better about yourself if you do, and you will also be giving him a chance to cop himself on.you should begin by making it very clear to the person concerned that you find his or her behaviour, conduct, material and so on, unacceptable and offensive. If you find this uncomfortable or too difficult to do, you should seek support (or for an initial approach to be made on your behalf) by a sympathetic friend or colleague, a designated person at work or a trade union representative.
A couple of important things here:- An incident which occurs outside the workplace is not within the remit of a company's HR function to deal with unless that incident leads to an employee being treated differently at work. I did not see in the OP anything which says this groping colleague treated her differently afterwards - what I read is that she feels differently after the incident. While this is understandable, it is not his actions post-incident which have changed.
- The office party venue is, if arranged by the company (or paid for in full or in part by the company) actually considered to be an official place of work, but if some staff move to an alternate venue then the company have no further duty of care for events at the second location.
- A complaint of sexual harassment requires that the complainant should have said that certain actions or verbal comments are unwanted. Again, I have not seen anywhere that the OP has made this point to her groping colleague. She could ask a third party (for example a local manager or somebody in HR) to make this statement to her colleague, but he cannot be reprimanded for his actions under sexual harassment guidelines where no previous rejection of his actions or comments have been made.
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JeffKenna, whether it occurs in the work place or not, because it's someone she works with, HR can step in.
That's simply not the case. If my neighbour, who works in my office, makes a pass at me in the local sauna, I have no grounds for approaching the company HR Manager and ask that he be reprimanded. Even if he gropes me on my own lawn, it is not for the employer to get involved.
Z
(And on the extreme off-chance that my neighbour is reading this, I do know that (a) we do not work together and (b) you would never for a moment want to grope me)0 -
Yeah, I agree that OP needs to make clear to him that his actions -- both the comments and the touching -- are unwelcome. That is a necessary step if she were to make a formal complaint to HR.
And who knows? It might be enough to make him back off.
Plus it might make the OP feel better about herself if she could summon up the courage to confront him. I know it's hard, OP, but you should not allow yourself to suffer for this.0 -
OP, definetely go to HR and let them know what he's done. the fact you're posting here means you are distressed about it and probably are in fear and there's not a single reason people like this should get away with such bullying.
very important, there might be already other complains about him, if different people independently from each other reporting him, it's more of a proof and HR can take action.
There is nothing to suggest that there have been other complaints about him.
By the sounds of it, he had multiple opportunities at social occasions over the course of a year to try it on with the OP if he wanted to - this seems like a badly misjudged once-off.
Also, I think calling it bullying is completely wrong. I don't get the impression he was ever trying to intimidate her or frighten her or make her in any way uncomfortable - I get the impression that he was interested in being more than friends; he believed she felt the same way; he drunkenly decided to show his feelings in a very immature and inappropriate way. But it wasn't done maliciously, or with the intention of hurting or upsetting her.
While I understand that the OP was upset over what happened, I also think it's worth mentioning that - I think - most of us who ever went on drunken college nights out, or attended festivals when we were younger, etc, occasionally had similar happen to us. I think most of us would be pissed off, maybe give out to the person who'd done it, but then move on and forget about it without a further moment's thought. The colleague couldn't really have known how much this would have affected the OP.
I think it's important to be objective here. You seem to be implying that because of the way the OP is feeling and because she is distressed, that this means she has been the victim of bullying. In reality, it was a drunken misunderstanding between two people who had been friends (as well as colleagues), and by the sounds of it, he stopped straight away when he didn't get whatever reaction he was hoping for, and hasn't tried anything at all since.
So what's to be achieved by going to HR? They're not going to take disciplinary action against him for a once-off like this with no proof or witnesses. There is no need for them to step in to stop it happening again, as by the sounds of it, it's unlikely to happen again anyways - this isn't an ongoing problem. As it happened, the incident occurred at a work-related function, but it could just as easily have happened any of the times that the two of them were out for drinks etc outside of work.
I'd be completely in favour of approaching HR in actual cases of bullying or sexual harassment, but this is an isolated incident which the OP should be able to deal with on her own.0 -
I don't mean to be pedantic, but there are a few things posters have said that seem to be at variance with the law on harassment in the workplace, and I don't want them to go unchallenged if they discourage OP from asserting herself here.
The information I quote below comes from the Employment Equality Act 1998 (Code of Practice) (Harassment) Order 2012 at http://www.irishstatutebook.ie/2012/en/si/0208.html- The OP's story does not include repeated acts by her colleague; as far as I can tell the colleague caught her off-guard with an unwarranted grope, but has not acted in any way that might be considered improper since then.
Just to be clear, "A single act may constitute sexual harassment" (per section "What is sexual harassment")- Most importantly in the case of the OP, the groper was a colleague who joined the same time as her, so there is no case to suggest that a power imbalance was involved. When sexual harassment involves a manager it is a very different level of harassment and in most large companies it would mean an immediate dismissal or suspension / re-assignment for the manager
The law makes no distinction about whether the harassment occurs between managers and employees, or same-level colleagues, or an employee of the company and a non-employee -- an outside contractor, client or customer of the company, etc. (See the section "Sexual harassment and harassment by employers, employees and non-employees"). In the eyes of the law, there are no "very different levels of harassment" --- whether there is a pre-existing "power imbalance" between the two parties is irrelevant. (And of course, an act of sexual harassment itself creates a power imbalance between the parties, in that it intimidates, humiliates, degrades the recipient.)seventeen sheep wrote: ». . . Also, I think calling it bullying is completely wrong. I don't get the impression he was ever trying to intimidate her or frighten her or make her in any way uncomfortable . . .
it wasn't done maliciously, or with the intention of hurting or upsetting her.
. . . .
The colleague couldn't really have known how much this would have affected the OP.
I think it's important to be objective here. You seem to be implying that because of the way the OP is feeling and because she is distressed, that this means she has been the victim of bullying.
Just so you know:
"The intention of the perpetrator of the sexual harassment or harassment is irrelevant. The fact that the perpetrator has no intention of sexually harassing or harassing the employee is no defence. The effect of the behaviour on the employee is what is relevant." (Under the section "Intention")0 -
LostinKildare wrote: »Just to be clear, "A single act may constitute sexual harassment" (per section "What is sexual harassment")
Nobody has said otherwise. My post, which you are quoting out of context, was to illustrate the difference between the incident in the OP and the incident being described by similarhappenedtome. Likewise for the other differences I listed.0 -
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Nobody has said otherwise. My post, which you are quoting out of context, was to illustrate the difference between the incident in the OP and the incident being described by similarhappenedtome. Likewise for the other differences I listed.
Zen, I know you were illustrating the differences between the two stories, but you said "and those differences are sufficient to give many posters here (myself included) grounds for saying that going to HR is unlikely to achieve the desired outcome."
My point is that two of the differences you cited in your post --- (1) that OP's story "does not include repeated acts by her colleague," in contrast to similarhappenedtome's story of repeated incidents, and (2) that OP's story involves colleagues at the same level, rather than a manager and lower-level employee as in similar's story --- should make no difference in how the two cases would be handled. (Assuming the HR dept is correctly following the law.) Because a finding of sexual harassment doesn't depend on how many incidents there were, or what the professional roles of the two parties were.
I also don't see the relevance of the last difference you cited in your post --- that similar's story included verbal harassment, whereas OP's did not. If you accept that "a single incident may constitute harassment," then what difference does it make whether he also harassed her verbally? HR has to deal with it, whether it's a grope or a grope+dirty talk.
I'm pointing this out not to annoy you, Zen, but because I think it would be helpful for the OP to know what the law actually says if she is considering going to her HR dept. You may actually be correct that they would try to brush it off, but they would be wrong to do so.
PS -- not sure what you mean about my having quoted you "out of context" Zen, but your post in its entirety is below:This is a really horrendous story, and I feel your pain. It's absolutely unforgivable for a manager to behave in this manner.
But there are major differences between your story and the OP's story, and those differences are sufficient to give many posters here (myself included) grounds for saying that going to HR is unlikely to achieve the desired outcome.- The OP has no witnesses to the event, or at least none that she can depend on to support her story.
- The OP's story does not include repeated acts by her colleague; as far as I can tell the colleague caught her off-guard with an unwarranted grope, but has not acted in any way that might be considered improper since then.
- Most importantly in the case of the OP, the groper was a colleague who joined the same time as her, so there is no case to suggest that a power imbalance was involved. When sexual harassment involves a manager it is a very different level of harassment and in most large companies it would mean an immediate dismissal or suspension / re-assignment for the manager
- Your story involves a manager making extremely improper verbal suggestions. None of that is in the OP
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LostinKildare wrote: »My point is that two of the differences you cited in your post --- (1) that OP's story "does not include repeated acts by her colleague," in contrast to similarhappenedtome's story of repeated incidents, and (2) that OP's story involves colleagues at the same level, rather than a manager and lower-level employee as in similar's story --- should make no difference in how the two cases would be handled. (Assuming the HR dept is correctly following the law.) Because a finding of sexual harassment doesn't depend on how many incidents there were, or what the professional roles of the two parties were.
Like yourself I believe we should try to remain focussed on giving advice to the OP, and not debating the finer points of the law on sexual harassment. However the incident quoted by poster similarhappenedtome is sufficiently different to the OP to merit consideration of those differences when the OP weighs up what to do about he situation.
It is important to know that the law in this regard is not entirely objective, and the very definition of sexual harassment includes a vagueness that requires each case is dealt with on its own merits by an employment tribunal. For example the idea that it's all about effect on the person claiming harassment rather than on the intention of the person against whom the claim is being made is only a guideline, because you cannot have a law which is asserts impropriety on the basis of the feelings of the victim. For example if I were to keep a photo of my wife on my office desk, and some lady in the office felt that I was doing this in order to highlight how beautiful my wife is in comparison to my co-workers, well frankly no tribunal in the land would agree that there was a case of sexual harassment to be answered. But in that same scenario if you replace the photo of my wife with a large poster of a scantily-clad Megan Fox then my co-workers have a case. If I am the manager in that office the case would be even more compelling since I have an obligation to establish the tone and culture of that office, and to ensure that the provisions of the law are enforced, and I would be blatantly failing in that regard. Bullying is all about the power imbalance, harassment is all about the act. The scale or significance can be judged by the effect on the victim, but there must firstly be evidence of improper behaviour.
Translate that to the OP's story, and consider how a HR function (and ultimately an employment tribunal) might treat it. This was a one-off act at a Christmas party. It was not witnessed. The two staff members were at the same level, knew each other, had previously socialised together, and had spent most of the night in question in each other's company. The man did a dickish thing, and when there was no encouragement he appeared not to take it any further. There is no evidence in the OP that he treated her any differently following the incident, in fact she says he tried to be nice to her in the office afterwards.
As I said in my response I have managed teams of people for over 30 years. I have dealt with several cases of bullying and harassment (including sexual harassment) and taken appropriate action in every case, including dismissing the ridiculous claims when they arise (which thankfully is far more rare these days). If this case was presented to me, with only what OP has described, I would certainly not consider it to fall within the remit of sexual harassment because (a) the OP never expressed any disquiet about the event, nor previously when she felt her personal space being compromised, and (b) the event was not repeated, nor was there any improper behaviour by the colleague before or after the event. What I'd be saying to OP is 'you need to be explicit in saying when somebody behaves in a manner that makes you uncomfortable', and with the male colleague I would have a quiet word and say 'Please do not grab any of your colleagues by their bums - it's not how we behave around here'. That would be the end of my involvement.
Again, repeating myself, I see the root cause of OP's unhappiness is not that some guy she knew once grabbed her bum at a party; it's that she does not speak up for herself when anything makes her uncomfortable. That's a real and serious problem. That's what she should be tackling, because working life will get unbearable if she does not learn to overcome that fear.0 -
seventeen sheep wrote: »Also, I think calling it bullying is completely wrong. I don't get the impression he was ever trying to intimidate her or frighten her or make her in any way uncomfortable - I get the impression that he was interested in being more than friends; he believed she felt the same way; he drunkenly decided to show his feelings in a very immature and inappropriate way. But it wasn't done maliciously, or with the intention of hurting or upsetting her.
Nailed it!0 -
Tbh it just sounds like a friend from work being a bit inappropriate and trying his luck when a bit drunk at a party. I'd just forget about it. If you don't want to be his friend then don't anymore, but I think you've built something fairly tame and minor into a massive deal in your head. Just carry on with your life and keep your relationship with him strictly professional from now on if that's what you want to do.
That.
I know its not pleasant, but like the poster above I think you have this built up in you head more so than anything else. I feel I can tell by the way you analyse him so much, the way he acts, the way you think he's perceived. Like you have a whole story going about him and his character.
You happened to be in a group for circumstantial reasons over an extended period of time and you found out you don't like the guy. Turns out for the right reason. But honestly - trying it on with someone from work is hardly a hanging offence. And finding out that its not welcome is a reality of life. It happens all the time. He's certainly not gone about it the gentlemanly way (not nice, but assault? really?) and for that he deserves a few strongish words to clear the air and let him know where he stands with you. But please don't listen to people who tell you to go nuclear. It would be a silly overreaction in my opinion.
Its a reality of life. Some people you gel with, some people you don't. Some people are pleasant and some people aren't. Some people's advances you welcome, other's you don't.
Going to HR all formal would escalate this beyond the point that it deserves. You seem a bit of an introvert and I understand it may not be that easy for you but sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself and say things that need to be said. Form woman to man or vice versa or whatever the situation is. Social skills is not just about being a great character and the funniest guy, social skills is also about how one deals with situations like this.
By going to HR - as other suggested - you would just be avoiding the necessary confrontation. By going to HR you you would be confiding in someone you know will be on your side and then someone else will have to do unpleasant confrontational thing for you. But honestly, while he seems to be a bit of a dick its hardly so severe that this guy deserves to have his career ended over it.
End the casual acquaintance, be strictly professional and if this ever comes up again just tell him to stay the f*** away from you or else. That should sort it and everybody can go on with their lives and forget about it.
You say it yourself. You need to stand up to him. Believe me if this occurs again in any shape or form and you deal with it yourself appropriately you will feel great about yourself after. It will be possibly a little liberating even since it seems such an ordeal for you. And really its how grown up's deal with such stuff, you know that yourself.
Be well and good luck.0 -
NS33 - posts another inappropriate post like that again and we will have little choice but to ban you. What is numerous to you is insulting to others here and is not acceptable.
Have a read of our charter before posting again please.
Taltos0 -
Wow....i never said it was humorous...
Other people said exactly what i said.. just move on and try and forget about ir..
but apologies all round0 -
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By going to HR - as other suggested - you would just be avoiding the necessary confrontation. By going to HR you you would be confiding in someone you know will be on your side and then someone else will have to do unpleasant confrontational thing for you. But honestly, while he seems to be a bit of a dick its hardly so severe that this guy deserves to have his career ended over it.
Bear in mind that HR may "be on your side", but they also may not get involved i.e. they'd say first step is you tell them him yourself that was not acceptable.
I think Boskowski has given a good opinion about what it was (a fella you don't like trying his like...but assault I don't think so)
I echo what Boskowski says - be well and good luck.0 -
I personally think that those who are calling this incident 'sexual assault' , 'bullying' etc are way wide of the mark.
It was certainly a very silly thing for this chap to do, and the proper order of course here should have been for him to apologize profusely at the next appropriate occasion.
But seriously, putting a sexual assault tag on someone for a drunken move such as this at an office Xmas party is just way out of line, in my opinion at least.0 -
Thanks,
I was away all week and am only catching up with the comments now. There are a lot! Thanks for the comments/advice.
I take it on-board that people think this is an overreaction on my part. Maybe slightly. But when you have a gut feeling on someone you cannot ignore that.
That same night as the grope, I got a taxi home with him and others. we were the last two in the taxi. His stop was first, but he accidentally on purpose forget to shout out to the driver that his turn was coming. I had to shout it out, and the driver slammed on the breaks. Anyhow, you might ask me how I knew he did this on purpose. Gut feeling, that's all! I firmly believe the man wasn't all that drunk on the night.
Was he chancing his luck again for the second time in an hour, you might ask? All very foolish and innocent on his part. I suppose I don't know. But I had a strong instinct that, if I had been banana's drunk that night he wouldn't have just helped me to my door like a friend would do. He suspect he would have done more than just grope me. I cannot just ignore that and just say to myself, "ah yeah the poor fool just made a silly drunken mistake. Let it go...".
But yes, a conversation will be on the cards soon.
thanks again.0 -
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I think most people are saying have a conversation with him to say his behaviour unacceptable.
But whether or not to bring HR into it is something that people have differing opinion on.0 -
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Btw, I am wondering why you would get into a taxi (others there or not) with someone who made you feel so uncomfortable early on in the night by squeezing your bum.
I am NOT saying it is your fault, but if this was me the last thing I'd be doing is getting into a taxi with a fella I had a gut feeling about.0 -
If you feel this way, there's a reason and you need to address it. I just hope that the conversation you're going to have is with HR, not with the guy in question. All the best, stay safe!0
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DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »If you feel this way, there's a reason and you need to address it. I just hope that the conversation you're going to have is with HR, not with the guy in question. All the best, stay safe!
Obviously we are all entitled to our opinion but I think going to HR on this (as a first recourse) is way way ott.
As a grown adult I would be dealing with this myself.
I'd imagine HR's first question will be, have you told X yet yourself that his behaviour is unacceptable?
Picture it:
OP - no I want your assistance on doing so (which is her perogative)
HR call your man into a meeting with the OP
HR - x when you squeezed y's behind at the christmas party this was unacceptable. When you got a taxi with her and "forgot" to tell the driver to stop this was unacceptable. Your behaviour is making y feel comfortable do not do it again.
Does this not seem an ott way of dealing with someone when the op can deal with this herself.
HR are not there the way a teacher is for ten year olds.0 -
Obviously we are all entitled to our opinion but I think going to HR on this (as a first recourse) is way way ott.
As a grown adult I would be dealing with this myself.
I'd imagine HR's first question will be, have you told X yet yourself that his behaviour is unacceptable?
Picture it:
OP - no I want your assistance on doing so (which is her perogative)
HR call your man into a meeting with the OP
HR - x when you squeezed y's behind at the christmas party this was unacceptable. When you got a taxi with her and "forgot" to tell the driver to stop this was unacceptable. Your behaviour is making y feel comfortable do not do it again.
Does this not seem an ott way of dealing with someone when the op can deal with this herself.
HR are not there the way a teacher is for ten year olds.
I'm sorry...but what? You do realise HR do more than reprimand, they keep a file and essentially in this case, whoever gets to them first will be the opener here. Imagine if the OP confronts him, he feels like her actions might in some way reflect negatively on him and he then goes to HR himself to file a complaint. Not only is the OP now in the sights of HR for something that happened to her, the chap seems pretty close to a manipulative, vindictive individual with no sense of appropriate work/social interaction.
A guy like this would be the first through the door to HR to complain about the OPs treatment of him. Dealing with this one-on-one, given the situation, is not the best course of action. Making sure the person did the harassing is on file as such is the best course of action, because god forbid anyone did suffer a more severe form of harassment/assault as a result of his actions, the OP's complaint might be the difference between this guy getting away with a slap on the wrist, or more serious action being taken. The system is there not only to reprimand those who do wrong in the workplace, it's also there to keep tabs on them. The mature, adult decision would be to avoid contact with him until a third, official party is involved and have his name down for future reference. If there's one thing he can't manipulate, it's an official complaint. Worst case, it stops him from acting like he did, best case, if he does it again there'll be more severe reprimands.0 -
He would have done more than grope you? You're implying now that this guy could rape you all because he slapped your arse? You are oozing drama to me.Janblues1001 wrote: »
Was he chancing his luck again for the second time in an hour, you might ask? All very foolish and innocent on his part. I suppose I don't know. But I had a strong instinct that, if I had been banana's drunk that night he wouldn't have just helped me to my door like a friend would do. He suspect he would have done more than just grope me. I cannot just ignore that and just say to myself, "ah yeah the poor fool just made a silly drunken mistake. Let it go...".
But yes, a conversation will be on the cards soon.
thanks again.
You need to seriously move on as the thoughts going on in your head towards him are quite dangerous tbh.0 -
Not for a second would I suggest rape for heaven's sake!!!
All I'm saying is his perviness wouldn't have stopped.
Of course I was dumb for getting into a taxi!!!(there were others but the driver wouldn't go my direction first.)
I think he's was desperate, sad, foolish, and very pervy. But nothing more sinister.
Gut instinct says he'd do these things again, and quite frankly I think he's a twat who I am best staying clear of.0 -
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DukeOfTheSharp wrote: »I'm sorry...but what? You do realise HR do more than reprimand, they keep a file and essentially in this case, whoever gets to them first will be the opener here. Imagine if the OP confronts him, he feels like her actions might in some way reflect negatively on him and he then goes to HR himself to file a complaint. Not only is the OP now in the sights of HR for something that happened to her, the chap seems pretty close to a manipulative, vindictive individual with no sense of appropriate work/social interaction.
A guy like this would be the first through the door to HR to complain about the OPs treatment of him. Dealing with this one-on-one, given the situation, is not the best course of action. Making sure the person did the harassing is on file as such is the best course of action, because god forbid anyone did suffer a more severe form of harassment/assault as a result of his actions, the OP's complaint might be the difference between this guy getting away with a slap on the wrist, or more serious action being taken. The system is there not only to reprimand those who do wrong in the workplace, it's also there to keep tabs on them. The mature, adult decision would be to avoid contact with him until a third, official party is involved and have his name down for future reference. If there's one thing he can't manipulate, it's an official complaint. Worst case, it stops him from acting like he did, best case, if he does it again there'll be more severe reprimands.
Yes of course HR keep a file. But obviously there is more too it than "first to open the file" is the victim/is in the right. An investigation by HR is required.
I think this lady needs to talk to this man and tell him his actions and attentions are unwanted.
IF she presents this to him that she see this as a sexual assault, yes I think there is a possibility he will go to HR, and frankly I wouldn't blame him.
He tried his luck (in a yocky sleazy way) and she is not interested in him. She needs to tell him she is not interested and he is not to try anything again.
IF his attraction to her was requited, and she did fancy him, as odd as it seems, this bum squeeze could have been the start of a love affair. Stranger things have happened on office party nights out!
OP I think Tilly gives good advice about your thoughts on the taxi ride home. I am still very perturbed that you would put yourself in a position that you were in a taxi with someone who made you feel so uncomfortable. For your own sake I think you need to be more wise about your choices in future. If you have a gut feeling about someone then follow it and get a taxi on your own.0 -
Of course it was stupid getting in a taxi. There were others in it, but the driver wouldn't go my way first, so I was left it with him for a few minutes.
Since that night I have kept my distance and chosen to not be alone with him, either at work or elsewhere.
and Please!!!! Not for a second am I implying rape for heaven's sake!!!!
I'm merely trying mull it over in my head to figure out if the groping was foolish drunkenness, or was it something a bit more creepy.... (Drunken foolishness would deserve a second chance, whereas if it's the lather then he deserves to be dropped as a friend).
Hypothetically only, if I was intoxicated, would he be the gent and look after me to make sure I got home safely? No, I think he's the type who would have taken advantage, but that is not so say rape!
At the end of the day I do not really know him, and to say that I feel uncomfortable now is not drama in my opinion, I think it's me just protecting myself and wanting to choose nice trusting friends to hang around with. and I do not think my thoughts or feelings of discomfort are "dangerous" as the previous poster put it.0 -
I have to say I agree with all the people saying you are over reacting based on your latest post.
Groping someone's arse, while inappropriate, is probably common place between single people at drunken nights out.
You should have put him straight on the spot. Since you haven't done that it's an awkward one to bring up now.0 -
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You've been feeling uncomfortable around him for a long time, trust your instinct and drop him, no second chances.
Don't talk to him, he knows full well what he did, he's not stupid. If you don't want to escalate send an email to yourself to record the incident in case he was starting anything again or was making it difficult for you at work.0
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