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ex hassling me via text

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    #32
    meglome
    Registered Users Posts: 7,980 ✭✭✭meglome


    There are number blockers you can run on some phones. I'm sure if you ask over in the Mobiles & PDA's forum someone would be able to tell you about them better than I can. http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=411

    They work on the handset only but might save you changing your number as they will automatically block anything from him.


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    #33
    millyj
    Closed Accounts Posts: 88 ✭✭millyj


    you need to change your number. Seriously. I just had to do the same with an ex who i broke up with before christmas. he has a serious drinking problem and when we were together he was violent. I wasnt afraid of him but 2 weeks ago i woke up saturday mornign to see 52 missed calls on my ohone, all from him and then a torrent of abusive voicemails and texts. I ignored it but that just made him call to my apartment the following saturday.

    there he was banging away on my door at 6.30am. I opned the door to him ( big mistake) and he barged his way in and got abisive and made some excuse about wanting half hsi bed back before totally trashign my room and hurlign abuse at me. Because he was drunk i managed to get him out of my place.

    Now please dont let it get to this stage. I have changed my number and called the gurads and hopefully this is the end of it buit somehow I think not. he doesnt think straight when he is drunk. If he calls again, this time i will be so scared.


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    #34
    dade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,178 ✭✭✭dade


    on the phone thing I know before some of the software that comes with the phone allows you to save the text messages. that may still be the case so once a week you could upload all the crap he sends you to a PC in case you need to provide it to the police or a lawyer


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    #35
    Dragan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    Cmol wrote: »
    Have you tried contacting his mobile provider? Same thing happened to me at home and his number ended up being cancelled.... or is there some way you can get your provider to block his number from contacting you???

    Contacting HIS mobile provider will do nothing....they won't or at least SHOULDN'T tell you a thing about his line.

    And sadly it is not possible to block one number from contacting your phone from a network side.

    OP, you will either need to contact your provider for a number change or contact the Gardai if you want to go down that route.


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    #36
    meglome
    Registered Users Posts: 7,980 ✭✭✭meglome


    can_emphatise wrote: »
    Hi, I'm in the same situation, just a shorter time.
    I broke it off with the gf, after a long period of us fighting because she didn't like my friends.
    I'm male and my ex girlfriend (23 years old) will text, email and phone me with abuse every day.
    She will ring up just to tell me that I smell, that I'm ugly, tells me that I have no friends etc.
    I laugh it off mostly.
    Unfortunately I can't change my number as I need it for work, and she would be easily able to find my new number/email/etc.
    I get a severe amount of nasty texts. I also reply the very odd time (only in email, not text) with a standard message saying that her nuisance calls are illegal and her abusive texts are harrasment, and I'd like her to stop contacting me, or I'd be going to the Gardai, which I didn't want to do, as she's actually a nice girl and doesn't need a criminal record.
    I've gone so far as to ring one of her parents and ask. I was given a very polite answer where he assured me that their daughter wouldn't demean herself ever to ring such a scumbag as myself again, and to never contact her again, and to never contact them again.
    I agreed to this, fair enough. A bit rich coming from them, considering I had only sent 2 or 3 emails asking her not to contact me. This in light of up to 50 calls a day, and 2-20 texts per day giving me abuse, as well as an occasional email with more abuse.

    Of course she didn't stop ringing or texting or calling. I was tempted for a while to ring her parents again, but sure that makes me just like her, calling someone who didn't want to speak to me. I considered going to the Gardai, and just as I was about to go, I realised something.

    (bear with me, this is getting to the point of my story to help you, hopefully)

    I realised that she was ringing me to be nasty (although she is normally lovely).
    She was just hurt. She still wants me, and is so hurt that the relationship didn't work out that she was striking out in the only way she could, by trying to hurt me as much as she could. She was/is lashing out totally at me in an effort to upset me as much as she can.

    You need to understand(and I do now) that people get over relationships at different rates. Your ex needs to get himself out and get a life. In the meantime, just ignore it or go to the Gardaí to get the number blocked if you feel its going too far.

    take care!

    I can see you're trying to be understanding which is nice. But her behaviour is not okay and she needs to understand that, even if the guards have to be involved.


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    #37
    sam34
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,073 ✭✭✭sam34


    can_emphatise wrote: »

    She was just hurt. She still wants me, and is so hurt that the relationship didn't work out that she was striking out in the only way she could, by trying to hurt me as much as she could. She was/is lashing out totally at me in an effort to upset me as much as she can.

    You need to understand(and I do now) that people get over relationships at different rates. Your ex needs to get himself out and get a life. In the meantime, just ignore it or go to the Gardaí to get the number blocked if you feel its going too far.

    take care!

    i believe my ex's motivation is different. i dont think he wants to hurt me or get at me in some way. the text content is never abusive or threatening. what he wants is to make sure i dont move on and dont forget him. he is an unbelievable control freak and i think this is his way of saying "you may have dumped me but you wont get me out of your life that easily".


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    #38
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Why don't U just find somebody - say, another friend :

    And, let the bollico see U and that friend 'atein the face' off
    each other and looking all luvy-dovey like ...

    Like U have moved on and found someone else ...

    That should really piss the bollico off !


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    #39
    pookie82
    Registered Users Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    can_emphatise wrote: »
    Hi, I'm in the same situation, just a shorter time.
    I broke it off with the gf, after a long period of us fighting because she didn't like my friends.
    I'm male and my ex girlfriend (23 years old) will text, email and phone me with abuse every day.
    She will ring up just to tell me that I smell, that I'm ugly, tells me that I have no friends etc.
    I laugh it off mostly.
    Unfortunately I can't change my number as I need it for work, and she would be easily able to find my new number/email/etc.
    I get a severe amount of nasty texts. I also reply the very odd time (only in email, not text) with a standard message saying that her nuisance calls are illegal and her abusive texts are harrasment, and I'd like her to stop contacting me, or I'd be going to the Gardai, which I didn't want to do, as she's actually a nice girl and doesn't need a criminal record.
    I've gone so far as to ring one of her parents and ask. I was given a very polite answer where he assured me that their daughter wouldn't demean herself ever to ring such a scumbag as myself again, and to never contact her again, and to never contact them again.
    I agreed to this, fair enough. A bit rich coming from them, considering I had only sent 2 or 3 emails asking her not to contact me. This in light of up to 50 calls a day, and 2-20 texts per day giving me abuse, as well as an occasional email with more abuse.

    Of course she didn't stop ringing or texting or calling. I was tempted for a while to ring her parents again, but sure that makes me just like her, calling someone who didn't want to speak to me. I considered going to the Gardai, and just as I was about to go, I realised something.

    (bear with me, this is getting to the point of my story to help you, hopefully)

    I realised that she was ringing me to be nasty (although she is normally lovely).
    She was just hurt. She still wants me, and is so hurt that the relationship didn't work out that she was striking out in the only way she could, by trying to hurt me as much as she could. She was/is lashing out totally at me in an effort to upset me as much as she can.

    You need to understand(and I do now) that people get over relationships at different rates. Your ex needs to get himself out and get a life. In the meantime, just ignore it or go to the Gardaí to get the number blocked if you feel its going too far.

    take care!

    Whether or not this girl is nice/hurt/doesn't deserve a record, what she's doing is wrong and she's displaying all the signs of a very sick person (by that I mean mentally). Lots of people have been hurt after break ups and have made a few drunken calls/ texts to an ex after a night out or whatever and look back in shame at what a fool they made of themselves.

    This goes far far beyond that. 50 missed calls a day and up to 20 texts? Calling you fat and smelly????? is she 15????

    This is pathetic behaviour and she should be suitably embarrassed and ashamed. I've been hurt and heartbroken many times but have never resorted to this kind of behaviour and never will. She has no excuse.

    If i'd gotten that reaction from her parents i'd be going straight to the guards to be honest. If you needing to contact her family hasn't put a stop to it, nothing but a legal warning will. As another poster said, she needs to know that what she's doing is unacceptable and wrong.

    OP, I think nicely explaining your situation to a guard and maybe asking them to call him on your behalf sounds like a really good idea. It may mean you don't have to change your number or go to any extreme measures. Plus if you have any mutual contacts or mates it won't be hard for him to gain your new number.


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    #40
    Gumbyman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 272 ✭✭Gumbyman


    Horrid situation. I can completely see OP's point in not wanting to change number. I couldn't do that myself as I have had it for years and it is my business contact number. Have you tried ringing him and telling him to stop calling you? Alternatively call to his place of work and tell him off in front of his workmates/receptionist/anybody. Hopefully will embarass him enough to make him not want you to do it again.

    You could keep ringing his workplace and asking for him and then saying "stop texting me" or keep ringing his direct line and hanging up. A few days of this constantly should hammer the point home.

    Go to cops first, then if that doesn't work do as somebody suggested - have somebody call around, and if that fails then fight fire with fire.


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    #41
    biko
    Registered Users Posts: 81,223 ✭✭✭✭biko


    sam34 wrote: »
    please dont tell me to change my number, as that would be huge hassle for me.
    Not as big as the hassle you're currently having.


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    #42
    Toots
    Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,905 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    Top_Drawer wrote: »
    Why don't U just find somebody - say, another friend :

    And, let the bollico see U and that friend 'atein the face' off
    each other and looking all luvy-dovey like ...

    Like U have moved on and found someone else ...

    That should really piss the bollico off !

    I dunno if that would help. On one hand it might make him realise you'd moved on and he'd give up, but on the other hand it may make him really jealous and even more determined to 'win you back'. OP, do not stage any kind of encounter for him, just IGNORE HIM COMPLETELY, and if he doesn't stop, seriously go to the Gardai. They may not be able to do anything now, but they'll have a record of the complaint, and if it persists over a long period of time and you come back to report it more, they'll do something. They need to be 100% sure the guy is making a nusiance of himself, and they need to make a strong case for it, (they told me that a lot of these cases can be hard to prove, as it's sort of like your word against his, as they'd need a special permission to view his phone records) rather than you just going down to the station once. Although hopefully you won't have to, and he'll just cop the fcuk on and stop.


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