ex hassling me via text

sam34 · 19-06-2008 8:53pm #1

can anyone advise me on this?

i broke up with a guy last august. we did the whole "staying friends" thing for a while, but to be honest he never respected it, he would still call/text as much as when we were together, and kept saying he still loved me etc. when i asked him to stop the "i love you" stuff and to reduce contact frequency, he always agreed to it but never followed through.

so, by november i got totally fed up of this, and i told him we had to cut all contact. now, since then he has continued to contavt me, at irregular intervals. in december it was quite bad, a couple of texts a day. he sent me a christmas present, which i returned with a note saying "i have repeatedly asked you not to contact me, please dont do so again", but he continued to text. over the next few months he still texted, sometimes a few times a day, at other times he could go one or two weeks without texting. at times he has phoned also, and when i just reject the call he phones back, uo to 5 times on one occasion.

the content of the texts has changed - at the start it was all about how he loved me and why couldnt we talk etc, now he uses stupid excuses to contact me - such as telling me there was a match on in my local gaa pitch etc.

i have only replied on a few occasions, and always saying the same thing "stop harassing me". since april i have made the decision not to reply, no matter what the content of the message. i thought that if he wasnt getting any response from me whatsoever, that he might give up altogether. but he hasnt. the latest text was yesterday.

do people think i should text him again, asking him to stop, or continue ignoring him?

please dont tell me to change my number, as that would be huge hassle for me.

Cmol · 19-06-2008 8:59pm

Have you tried contacting his mobile provider? Same thing happened to me at home and his number ended up being cancelled.... or is there some way you can get your provider to block his number from contacting you???

Sephiroth_dude · 19-06-2008 9:01pm

At this stage I think You should be thinking bout going to the guards :-),or change your number,actually maybe try changing ur number first :-).

StandnDeliver · 19-06-2008 9:01pm

Change your number!Thats one way of getting rid of him.

Cmol · 19-06-2008 9:05pm

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

At this stage I think You should be thinking bout going to the guards :-),

I dont think the guards will do anything unless its threatening

20 Times 20 Times · 19-06-2008 9:06pm

What age are you two ? Also how long have you been together. I have to say that you shouldn't ignore it but address it , I would suggest that you let him know that you don't like this constant texting and contact and that you really want to get on with your life without him , a good dose of reality is probably what he needs to be honest.

HouseHippo · 19-06-2008 9:08pm

Either change your number, but i know how much hassle that can be(when i was being harrassed by text i had to change sim card every 3 weeks till they lost trsck of all new nums)
Or as far as i know you can contact either your network or the garda and he can be blocked from ringing your phone

sam34 · 19-06-2008 9:10pm

as i said in my original post, i really dont want to change my number, as it would be very awkward cos of my work situation.

vodafone have said they cant block him from contacting me.

doubt the guards would/could do anything, as hes not threatening me

re age- i'm 28 and he's older (quite a bit older)

dundalk stephen- i agree in part with what you suggest, but im afraid that he will get encouraged by any contact from me, even if its negative. hes not the most rational or level headed person

Deliverance · 19-06-2008 9:11pm

Isn't there an option on your phone to block certain numbers? Sounds like he can't let it go and is a bit obsessive and can't accept rejection. Personally I think that any kind of reply back to him however negative will only encourage him.

Definately ignore him if you can, if you find his texts continue look into blocking his number. He might need time to just 'get over it' and move on.

sam34 · 19-06-2008 9:11pm

also. we were together 11 months, and broke up last august

20 Times 20 Times · 19-06-2008 9:13pm

sam34 wrote: »

also. we were together 11 months, and broke up last august

Honestly just explain the situation to him , that should give him a good wake up call. When you explain it too him , expect a text back etc saying sorry , I think at this point explain your next course of action to him.

drunkmonkey · 19-06-2008 9:14pm

Do you have a Big Brother or your Dad.....seem like somebody needs to take this guy to one side and have a polite word in his ear.....

Sounds like he's on the verge of cracking be carefull....

Nevyn · 19-06-2008 9:14pm

sam34 wrote: »

please dont tell me to change my number, as that would be huge hassle for me.

really more hassle then what you are enduring ?

carbsy · 19-06-2008 9:20pm

Tell him you've got engaged/are getting married.

sam34 · 19-06-2008 9:21pm

stephen - ive told him often enough, by phone, text and in writing that i want no further contact from him and that i consider all contact to be harassment. he knows it full well. he usually throws in "no harassment intended" or "i know you'll be mad but" in the texts.

drunkmonkey- good idea but practically speaking not an option in my situation

thaed- i know what you're saying. sometimes i think i'll go ahead and change my no and then (usualy if ive had a break from him for a week or so) i think that its not worth the hassle

i wish hed just F*** OFF!!!

Toots · 19-06-2008 9:55pm

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

At this stage I think You should be thinking bout going to the guards :-),or change your number,actually maybe try changing ur number first :-).

I'd second this. I had a similar situation a few years where a friend of a friend got my number off someone after a night out and wouldn't stop calling me and texting me. I went down to my local garda station and although they weren't able to do a whole lot from a law point of view, but I was so upset the sergent at the station called the guy from my phone and left him a voicemail telling him that it was the guards and he was to leave me alone and stop messing. I didn't hear a thing from him since! I'd say he got a fright and copped himself on, it might do your ex the world of good too.

edit: forgot to add, it'd be a bad idea to contact him. When I went to the guards about the guy, they said I'd done the right thing by not contacting him. They also said if he rang me, then not to answer, to just ignore it to the best of my ability and to take note of how many times he called and texted. Luckily, as I said, the guy backed off once the sergent phoned him, but in your case I think any kind of contact would definitely be encouraging him.

stepbar · 19-06-2008 9:57pm

Just keep ignoring the texts. He'll eventually get sick of texting and getting not reply. Might take time but persevere. No need to change your number. If you're strong, sh1te like this will not effect you.

Teddi · 19-06-2008 11:13pm

Im being serious here..

If you know some burly shaped guys....who wont take **** from no-one..get them to go over to his house and just give him a warning...no violence...just a warning...two would do I'd imagine....my cousin had that done and he never contacted her again..no violence...just a stern talking too..

Otherwise bite the bullet and change your number..maybe hassle for you but less hassle im sure than what your currently going through..

Teddi

Wibbs · 20-06-2008 12:20am

I would say go with Toots85's advice more than Teddi's as while Teddi's plan sounds vaguely plausible, it's far more likely to go wrong. I've seen that kinda thing go wrong before. You get burly mates and then he gets burly mates and...... etc etc. He could even bring charges of intimidation.

If this gets too much, do not respond and go to the guards, to at least log the complaint. They're pretty cool about this sort of thing.

Gyalist · 20-06-2008 12:24am

Don't even think of responding to his texts. Just keep ignoring him and he will eventually get the message. You should just delete any messages from him without reading them.

If you make the mistake of responding to even one text, the message that he will get is that he still has a chance with you and the cycle will start all over again.

dudara · 20-06-2008 12:33am

Make a complaint to the Gardai, they may not be able to do anything, but at least it will all be on record.

Have you kept a record of all him communications? Bring that to the attention of a customer service manager at your mobile phone company.

And lastly, ignore him. It's the strongest stance that you can take.

MagicMarker · 20-06-2008 5:25am

Seriously, just change your number!! Does it really matter if it's a little inconvenient?

TBH, you have a very simple way of ending this TODAY! Yet you choose to ignore it and have done so for over 6 months which leads me to feel very little sympathy for you.

Sephiroth_dude · 20-06-2008 8:15am

sam34 wrote: »

i really dont want to change my number,

well if you wanna get rid of the arse bandit thats what your gonna have to do.

sam34 · 20-06-2008 9:13am

MagicMarker wrote: »

Seriously, just change your number!! Does it really matter if it's a little inconvenient?

TBH, you have a very simple way of ending this TODAY! Yet you choose to ignore it and have done so for over 6 months which leads me to feel very little sympathy for you.

its not just the hassle thats stopping me from changing my no. also, i feel it would be giving into him in some way, or letting him win. but more importantly, if he cant contact me by phone, im afraid he wouldnt give up that easily and would then start using my parents address. he doesnt have their phone no, and its exdirectory so he could never get it, but he knows their address. i dont want him to start writing to me there ar worse, land on the doorstep. my folks dont deserve that crap.

Wibbs · 20-06-2008 9:21am

If you think he's likely to be that pushy and stalkerish, go the police now. Don't put it on the long finger. Just contact them and explain what's what and get it logged. It's really as simple as that.

LegacyUser · 20-06-2008 9:27am

If there's event eh slightest chance he could get your new number from anyone I don't think you should change. Unecessary hassle.

If you're still not sold on going to the Guards, get a small notebook and throw it in your handbag. Note the date/time/content of any calls or texts for the next month or so.

After that, if you decide to go to the guards you can show them the volume of contact over a period of time and see what they're willing to do

Even a phonecall from them might help

sam34 · 20-06-2008 9:33am

thanks for all the replies. reading them and re-reading them has made me realise that i do need to bite the bullet and change my number, and also go to cops.
thanks again

colly10 · 20-06-2008 11:14am

Some phones have an ignore list which blocks out calls or texts from a certain number, set that up on your phone or buy a phone that has this and you wont hear from him again

sam34 · 20-06-2008 11:20am

colly10 wrote: »

Some phones have an ignore list which blocks out calls or texts from a certain number, set that up on your phone or buy a phone that has this and you wont hear from him again

never knew that, cheers

sam34 · 20-06-2008 11:22am

calmlydoesit wrote: »

If you're still not sold on going to the Guards, get a small notebook and throw it in your handbag. Note the date/time/content of any calls or texts for the next month or so.

After that, if you decide to go to the guards you can show them the volume of contact over a period of time and see what they're willing to do

Even a phonecall from them might help

already have a written log of all contacts from last december onwards.
i havent stored any of his texts in my phone as i dont want them there and dont want to be reminded of them every time i open my inbox, but maybe i should actually keep them, better evidence to show guards.

LegacyUser · 20-06-2008 11:49am

Hi, I'm in the same situation, just a shorter time.
I broke it off with the gf, after a long period of us fighting because she didn't like my friends.
I'm male and my ex girlfriend (23 years old) will text, email and phone me with abuse every day.
She will ring up just to tell me that I smell, that I'm ugly, tells me that I have no friends etc.
I laugh it off mostly.
Unfortunately I can't change my number as I need it for work, and she would be easily able to find my new number/email/etc.
I get a severe amount of nasty texts. I also reply the very odd time (only in email, not text) with a standard message saying that her nuisance calls are illegal and her abusive texts are harrasment, and I'd like her to stop contacting me, or I'd be going to the Gardai, which I didn't want to do, as she's actually a nice girl and doesn't need a criminal record.
I've gone so far as to ring one of her parents and ask. I was given a very polite answer where he assured me that their daughter wouldn't demean herself ever to ring such a scumbag as myself again, and to never contact her again, and to never contact them again.
I agreed to this, fair enough. A bit rich coming from them, considering I had only sent 2 or 3 emails asking her not to contact me. This in light of up to 50 calls a day, and 2-20 texts per day giving me abuse, as well as an occasional email with more abuse.

Of course she didn't stop ringing or texting or calling. I was tempted for a while to ring her parents again, but sure that makes me just like her, calling someone who didn't want to speak to me. I considered going to the Gardai, and just as I was about to go, I realised something.

(bear with me, this is getting to the point of my story to help you, hopefully)

I realised that she was ringing me to be nasty (although she is normally lovely).
She was just hurt. She still wants me, and is so hurt that the relationship didn't work out that she was striking out in the only way she could, by trying to hurt me as much as she could. She was/is lashing out totally at me in an effort to upset me as much as she can.

You need to understand(and I do now) that people get over relationships at different rates. Your ex needs to get himself out and get a life. In the meantime, just ignore it or go to the Gardaí to get the number blocked if you feel its going too far.

take care!

ex hassling me via text

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