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Q.1 -Why dont women approach men theyre attracted to? + Other enquiries

  • 27-08-2008 3:06pm
    #1
    Pen1987
    Closed Accounts Posts: 870 ✭✭✭


    I think if would be interesting to get answers from a female perspective on certain things I've been wondering about, if any women have questions I'm sure the lads will glady reply with their input... something of an Ask Men (for women) or Ask women (for men) thread. (this would certainly not work in BGRH thoug...)

    Question One: As thread title.
    I mean, there has to be a variety of reasons. I'll list a few theories why I'd think a women may not approach to start with...

    lack of self confidence on your part

    because you tried it before and it didnt work out

    because its not 'usually' the girls job

    because you prefer to try give him 'eyes' all night and hope he'll notice (he VERY probably won't... I'll explain exactly why if needs be)

    because hes in a group and you dont want to risk the potential embarassment

    Question Two:

    What makes you notice a man and be attracted to him when youre out? From a blokes perspective, nearly every week I go to a fairly small bar and think I've scoped out all the potential partners after the first two hours (probably completely unsubtley) then at the end of the night theres ALWAYS some stunner comes to the fore because she gets more 'loose' (read: tipsy... starts going to the dancefloor etc, more prominent etc) and looks like more fun, hence more attractive... does this happen to women aswell? Do women notice men from a distance and become more attracted when the men seem to be having a laugh?


    Ask youre own questions (men+women) if you want... I'll gladly submit my input from a male perspective.


«134

Comments

  • #2
    ntlbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    In my short few years on this planet.

    Regardless of how successfull/good looking/intelligent/funny a woman was I've never met a woman who was not or knew of a woman who was not horribly insecure about themselves I've never met a man who knew of a woman who wasn't horribly insecure...

    so somethings wrong somewhere or my chain is seriously borked


  • #3
    DancingDaisy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,285 ✭✭✭DancingDaisy


    Regards question one, for me I think it's a confidence issue, and I like to really get to know somebody before I take it further. So generally, when I was single I didn't approach a guy I didn't know. Purely fear, then again I don't recall anytime I was approached by guy I didn't know. So maybe I was always just getting "you're not attractive" vibes :D

    However, with my OH I had to be very forward in the fact that I was interested cos he was so shy! Best thing I ever did!!!


    Second question, for me attraction really is based on if thebguy is having a good time and fun to be around. Again I was instantly attracted to my other half cos he was having fun and messing with our mutual group of friends when we were first introduced.


  • #4
    missmatty
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,126 ✭✭✭missmatty


    Q1: I have approached guys twice before. First time worked and second time didn't. Both times with alcohol aiding and abetting :D Could not do it sober as I'm pretty quiet. Would not rule it out in future.

    Q2: Firstly I would notice due to looks, I guess if he was my 'type'. Would help if he looked sound/chilled out/having fun/not hammered etc. But situations vary, I would like a guy who i clicked with no matter if he wasn't technically what i would consider good-looking. It's all about the chemistry!


  • #5
    LivingDeadGirl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,150 ✭✭✭LivingDeadGirl


    In a bar type situation I would approach the guy if he was checking me out too, I'd need some bit of indication he was interested, and men are usually pretty clear about it one way or the other.
    As for the 'asking out' type situation well I'd prefer if he did the asking, guess I'm a bit old fashioned in that respect.


    I don't think I'm horribly insecure, maybe just a little bit insecure, about certain things. I know I have both positive and negative attributes just like everyone else, so I try not to worry about stuff like that.


  • #6
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Fear of rejection I suppose...

    But, when out with my friends, we generally will approach a group of men we find attractive.. if not for that then just for the craic.


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  • #7
    Piste
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,440 ✭✭✭✭Piste


    I wouldn't approach a random guy, cos when you do and when you talk there's always the dynamic between you that there's an expectation of being more than friends, like it's rare that you'd approach someone just for a chat and not looking to get stuck in, and I wouldn't like that pressure.


  • #8
    Twee.
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 9,722 Mod ✭✭✭✭Twee.


    I don't really approach guys and would put it down to confidence and fear of rejection. I also have a stammer and god if I get nervous I just stutter all over the place!

    In a guy I would notice looks, then what he's wearing, who he's with. I suppose I'd be attracted if he looked like he was having a good time - no one wants a miserable chap!


  • #9
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    Generally if I see a man I like I go for it, but if I don't it's because I think he might have a girlfriend, or it's a situation where it would lead to something more than I want. Hope that makes sense. I do like it when they make the first move, but sometimes guys are shy. Why doesn't giving the eyes work?

    Absolutely men are sexier when they're fun. Looks are nice and all, but it's so much more about personality than anything else, at least for someone you'd like to get serious about. Aside from being funny, it's very hot when men are confident and strong. Love that.


  • #10
    Star Lord
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    PillyPen wrote: »
    Why doesn't giving the eyes work?

    It's too subtle... Most men would need a huge flashing neon sign above your head, and at that, they may even need someone to tap them on the shoulder and point it out to them!*


    *May all be cancelled out if we've already noticed you and are trying to do the same


  • #11
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    DamoElDiablo wrote: »
    It's too subtle... Most men would need a huge flashing neon sign above your head, and at that, they may even need someone to tap them on the shoulder and point it out to them!*


    *May all be cancelled out if we've already noticed you and are trying to do the same

    Ha! I feel like the men who would need a flashing neon sign to figure out that a woman is interested are the same men who don't know where the clitoris is! :pac: Probably men are just more clueless than I realize.

    It's sort of frustrating as a woman to feel like you're really putting it out there and the man hasn't picked up on the slightest thing. What's up with that?


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  • #12
    ntlbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    PillyPen wrote: »
    Ha! I feel like the men who would need a flashing neon sign to figure out that a woman is interested are the same men who don't know where the clitoris is! :pac: Probably men are just more clueless than I realize.

    It's sort of frustrating as a woman to feel like you're really putting it out there and the man hasn't picked up on the slightest thing. What's up with that?

    the simple answer is our emotional and social intelligence is that of a chimp


  • #13
    Star Lord
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    PillyPen wrote: »
    Ha! I feel like the men who would need a flashing neon sign to figure out that a woman is interested are the same men who don't know where the clitoris is! :pac: Probably men are just more clueless than I realize.

    It's sort of frustrating as a woman to feel like you're really putting it out there and the man hasn't picked up on the slightest thing. What's up with that?

    I can only speak from personal experience, but I've had times in the past where you just can't tell if someone is just being friendly, or more, and when you mess up what could have been a decent friendship by trying to come on to them then, you don't want to do it unless you're sure.

    I know the female anatomy quite well though. ;)

    Also, when a woman is "putting it out there", it usually involves some series of very subtle hints, which the men may not always pick up on.
    Say what you think and what you feel, then there are no mix-ups!


  • #14
    brianthebard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,165 ✭✭✭✭brianthebard


    PillyPen wrote: »
    Ha! I feel like the men who would need a flashing neon sign to figure out that a woman is interested are the same men who don't know where the clitoris is! :pac: Probably men are just more clueless than I realize.

    It's sort of frustrating as a woman to feel like you're really putting it out there and the man hasn't picked up on the slightest thing. What's up with that?

    By putting it out there are you referring to eyeing the guy up and other subtle hints? Cause thats not putting it out there for a guy.


  • #15
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    Lots of women are dumb emotionally and socially as well. I guess it's true regardless of gender. But I've met (straight) men who are absolutely brilliant emotionally. Sooo nice.
    DamoElDiablo wrote: »
    I can only speak from personal experience, but I've had times in the past where you just can't tell if someone is just being friendly, or more, and when you mess up what could have been a decent friendship by trying to come on to them then, you don't want to do it unless you're sure.

    That makes sense. But what if you're just out with your buddies and a woman is giving you eyes? Would you pick up on it?


  • #16
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    brianthebard wrote: »
    By putting it out there are you referring to eyeing the guy up and other subtle hints? Cause thats not putting it out there for a guy.

    Yes, subtlety is the name of the game. I'm not sure about other women but I tend to go for subtlety because it's classier. It's a wonder anyone has ever bred.


  • #17
    ntlbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    PillyPen wrote: »
    That makes sense. But what if you're just out with your buddies and a woman is giving you eyes? Would you pick up on it?

    Personally I'd prefer a bit of cleavage and a rub of the leg and a hows your father..


  • #18
    Star Lord
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    PillyPen wrote: »
    That makes sense. But what if you're just out with your buddies and a woman is giving you eyes? Would you pick up on it?
    Not unless I'd already noticed her and was trying to find a way/excuse to chat to her already! :D


  • #19
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    ntlbell wrote: »
    Personally I'd prefer a bit of cleavage and a rub of the leg and a hows your father..

    Lol. The problem with being overt is that most women don't want to be thought of as sluts!


  • #20
    Star Lord
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    Ya don't have to be slutty to be overt...

    Chat to the lad, make a few jokes, then drop a few double entendres into it too, bang, you just scored ;)


  • #21
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Answer 1 some to most don't, why dunno they are not me.
    Answer 2 isn't that how everyone is ?


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  • #22
    ntlbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    PillyPen wrote: »
    Lol. The problem with being overt is that most women don't want to be thought of as sluts!

    Aye as said you can be overt without being a slut just make it a bit more fecking clear :pac::pac::pac:


  • #23
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    DamoElDiablo wrote: »
    Ya don't have to be slutty to be overt...

    Chat to the lad, make a few jokes, then drop a few double entendres into it too, bang, you just scored ;)

    In high school I had this major crush on a boy. I loved e.e. cummings at the time (still do) and my friend told me to print a copy of this poem and put my number on the back. I thought it was a terrible idea, but a whole bunch of people said it's hilarious, he'll love, it, blah blah. Well, I did it and we dated for a while. Never took off though, wonder why. :rolleyes:


  • #24
    Star Lord
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    Can't say that poem would do anything for me other than think she wants to sex me up... but certainly wouldn't have thought it was hilarious, or an invitation to anything other than a quick fumble... :o

    Which me being me, would have left me just feeling slightly akward around the sender of the poem, and nothing would come of it! But I'm a little strange that way! :D


  • #25
    ntlbell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,288 ✭✭✭✭ntlbell


    yup poem was a pretty awful idea ;)


  • #26
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    DamoElDiablo wrote: »
    Can't say that poem would do anything for me other than think she wants to sex me up... but certainly wouldn't have thought it was hilarious, or an invitation to anything other than a quick fumble... :o

    Which me being me, would have left me just feeling slightly akward around the sender of the poem, and nothing would come of it! But I'm a little strange that way! :D

    That's exactly what it did! It was horribly awkward. The worst part is that I knew it was a bad idea but instead chose to listen to my socially maimed friends. Ah well, I was 16, it would've been an awkward age no matter what.


  • #27
    Star Lord
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    True enough! :D

    You'd have been better off passing him a dirty limerick! :D
    NSFW ;)


  • #28
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    DamoElDiablo wrote: »
    True enough! :D

    You'd have been better off passing him a dirty limerick! :D
    NSFW ;)


    Lolol. One of them has my name in it, so that's what I'll be using to give my number out in Dublin! :pac:


  • #29
    brianthebard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,165 ✭✭✭✭brianthebard


    PillyPen wrote: »
    Yes, subtlety is the name of the game. I'm not sure about other women but I tend to go for subtlety because it's classier. It's a wonder anyone has ever bred.

    I think there needs to be a balance between crotch grabbing obviousness and fluttering eyelashes subtlety-you might as well be conversing by semaphore if thats how you are signalling to a guy you are interested.

    Edit; a poem would totally score me, god how sad am I.


  • #30
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    brianthebard wrote: »
    I think there needs to be a balance between crotch grabbing obviousness and fluttering eyelashes subtlety-you might as well be conversing by semaphore if thats how you are signalling to a guy you are interested.

    Edit; a poem would totally score me, god how sad am I.

    Lol, did you read the poem? It's not exactly William Butler.

    And what's the in-between? What would a guy pick up on? Asking seriously here, I'd like to know if my tactics are off.


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  • #31
    Star Lord
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,123 ✭✭✭✭Star Lord


    Make him laugh, make him think some naughty thoughts with double entendres or some tongue in cheek jokes... primarily involves chatting to the lad!


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