Favourite Simpsons Quote

Father Stone · 12-06-2009 6:07pm

Homer: Stupid horse! It's a deer crossing!

Sea Devils · 14-06-2009 8:25pm

Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story

Comic Book Guy: Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me

Homer: Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman

Homer: Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true

Sideshow Bob: Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king

tommybrennan15 · 26-06-2009 7:52pm

Homers lying on the bed drunk and he says to Marge 'gess how many bobbies ive seen today -fffffiiiifffteeeenn -hahahahahah very funny quote

mudokon · 07-07-2009 3:32pm

Moe: I got this deep fryer on loan from the US Army. It can flash fry a buffalo in 40 seconds

Homer: 40 secoonnds... but i want it nooow.

Bonkers_xOx · 07-07-2009 5:03pm

1) In a family photo, Bart holds up a speech bubble saying "I stink" and holds it beside Homer's head.
Homer: "Hey I don't remember saying that!"

2) When Homer goes crazy.

Homer: No TV and beer make Homer go something something......
Marge:Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I dooooo!

Krusader · 11-07-2009 11:19pm

" Hey I can see my Maw from here.
Hey Maw, get off the dang roof." - Cletus

" You've down well laddy, now you know what you have
to do. Burn the house down. Burn them all " - The Leprechaun talking
to Ralph

Dmullar · 13-07-2009 7:36pm

Lousy Smarch weather!

mudokon · 14-07-2009 8:08pm

After Homer has been kicked out of the house:

Marge: Homer, you don't even know why you're apologizing.
Homer: Yes, I do. Because I'm hungry, my clothes are smelly, and I'm tired.

scouttio · 22-07-2009 11:46am

dr nick:
the hip bones connected to the..something
the somethings connected to my.. wrist watch
uh-oh

strawberryb0y · 23-07-2009 12:52am

Homer: Well Mr Molloy, it seems that the cat has been caught by the very person who was trying to catch him, how ironic.

Lisa: dad what are you doing down in the basement?
Homer: Just washing my fat guy hat honey.

strawberryb0y · 23-07-2009 1:19am

Marge: Homer tell your daughter what you did when i sent you to get home insurance.
Homer: Curse you magic beans!

Marge: Homer are you sure you wont come to church with us.
TV Announcer: Coming up next: make your own ladder.
Homer: Very sure.

RandolphEsq · 09-08-2009 2:51am

I was just about to look for this thread or start one. Love it!

"Do you know what button you pressed Homer?'' ''Sure. I pressed moe"

"Works on contingency, no money down" "Works on contingency? No, money down!"

"We drove around until 3am looking for another all-you-can-eat. And when we couldn't find one, we went fishing"

"*ugh* this high speed modem is intolerably slow. Internet king? I wonder if he can provide faster nudity"

RandolphEsq · 09-08-2009 3:09am

This one deserves a post of its own;

The Mr. X episode;

Comic Book Guy: I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kbps internet connection to a 1.5 Mbps fiber-optic T-1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router that's compatable with my token ring ethernet LAN configuration?

Homer (after a blank stare): Can I've some money now?

Max Power1 · 09-08-2009 3:13am

christ thisthread deserves an award

Mr Burns: How would you like it if i cam e over to you a started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering over you
Smithers: If you did t sir?
Mr Burns: Exactly

God there is so many brilliant quotes from this show!!!

candy-gal1 · 09-08-2009 3:13am

call mr plow thats my name, that name again is mr plow!!!!

oh mercy!

RandolphEsq · 09-08-2009 3:22am

Actually that whole computer episode;

Homer (after bumping his head): Don't worry head. From now on the computer will do all our thinking.

Homer (talking into the mouse): Computer, kill Flanders

The Springfield Police Department Website: If you have committed a crime and want to confess, click yes. If not click no. (Homer clicks no) You have clicked no, meaning you have committed a crime but don't want to confess. A paddywagon is now speeding over to your home.

Comic Book Guy browsing the internet on his own: Hmm let's see here; x-rated girls, already bookmarked. Dial x for sex. Mr. X? Shall I cross the final frontier?

Comic Book Guy: There's no emoticon for what I'm feeling!

razorblunt · 12-08-2009 6:49pm

Grandpa driving the car.

Car is shown to be braking sharply then moving then braking again and again.
Homer is sitting in the back with a boot on a pole.
Grandpa: "Stop doing that!"
Homer: "No way youre an old man your reaction times are too slow"
Grandpa: <pause> <pause> "Boloni!"

razorblunt · 12-08-2009 7:04pm

Just remembered my favourite...

The airconditioning is broke in the Church

Lovejoy: "As you all know the airconditioning is broke"
Guy off camera: "Ya whats up with that?"

Totally random but by fock its funny!

RandolphEsq · 21-08-2009 10:47am

Chief Wiggum: heh, they only come out at night. Or in this case, during the day

RandolphEsq · 29-08-2009 12:19pm

"BYOBB; the extra B is for BYOBB." "What's that extra B for?" "Typo"

Riddle101 · 29-08-2009 10:27pm

When Homer's teach class and starts eating an Orange

Smithers: Simpson!
Homer: What, I was listening
Principal Skinner: No you weren't you were eating that orange.
Grounds Keeper Wille: Ah, If I wanted to see a man eating an Orange. I would have taken the orange eating class.
At orange eating class
Hans Moleman: The layers of the Orange
Abe Simpson: Just eat the damn Orange!

teamB_macro · 01-09-2009 10:46am

From Springfield Files

Scully: Now we're gonna run a few tests. This is a simple lie detector. We'll just ask you some questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?

Homer: Yes.

I]lie detector explodes[/I

bungler · 06-09-2009 12:44am

Homer's Brain: Eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding eat the pudding

mink_man · 06-09-2009 12:47am

burns: smithers, are they sayin burns or boo-urns??

mink_man · 06-09-2009 1:08am

muad: some1 think of the children!!

larrykinney · 06-09-2009 3:50am

RandolphEsq wrote: »

This one deserves a post of its own;

The Mr. X episode;

Comic Book Guy: I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kbps internet connection to a 1.5 Mbps fiber-optic T-1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router that's compatable with my token ring ethernet LAN configuration?

Homer (after a blank stare): Can I've some money now?

From the same episode...

Homer: 'I know, I'll just make up the news!'
Lisa: 'Could you at least take off your Pulitzer Prize when you say that?'

Or from the U2 episode...

Otto (at U2 concert): 'Sit down! You're ruining it for everyone!'

Tee hee hee...:pac:

civildefence · 06-09-2009 4:07am

1. Burns: And Smithers will you send a thank you card to Marge, Lisa, Maggie and Bart Simpson....

2. Burns: I suggest you get more practice operating your telephone machine.

3. Answering machine: The fingers you are using to dial are too fat, to obtain a special dialling wand, mash your palm on the keypad now.

4. Homer: Only God can help me now! (phone rings)
Caller: Homer, this is God.....frey Jones.

SICKBOi · 06-09-2009 4:41am

the gay steel mill. WE WORK HARD WE PLAY HARD!

pipeliner · 06-09-2009 5:00am

denachoman wrote: »

Can't remember the exact quotes but Chief Wiggum has a couple of classics when radioing in a call:

"Pursuing suspect, directly under the sun.........................now!!!!!!"
or

"The suspect is hatless, I repeat - hatless"

I love the one when he is consoling mr burns over his girlfriend ditching him

Dont worry mr burns i have a sister you might like. She s completely hairless, like one of those cats

filthymcnasty · 06-09-2009 5:23am

patty (blackmailing homer about something):
say my name is homer simpson and i am a lowly dog
homer:
my name is homer simpson and i am a lowly dog
patty:
now say it in a dog voice

love that one

pipeliner · 06-09-2009 5:33am

Sherifu wrote: »

Joe Banks... 82 years young has come to this pond every day for the past 17 years, to feed the ducks. But last month, Joe made a discovery... the ducks... were gone! Some say the ducks went to Canada, others say Toronto. And some people think, that joe used to sit down there, near those ducks. But it could be, that there is just no room in this modern world, for an old man... and... his ducks...

MR BURNS(on the verge of tears): Smithers, do you think that maybe, my power plant had something to do with those ducks?

SMITHERS: There's no maybe about it sir.

MR BURNS:(Sniff) Excellent

Claasman · 06-09-2009 5:47am

We need a sharp name, maybe cutcom, edgeco or interslice...

larrykinney · 06-09-2009 6:32am

...Or what about when the Flanders find Homers sensory deprivation device and mistake it for a coffin...

Ned (shakes head): Tut tut, is this what passes for eternal rest these days? Rod, get Daddy his burying shovel...'

Rod: 'Yaaay, this is the best birthday ever!'

(Ned proceeds to bury Homer)

Rod: 'You sure buried him deep, Daddy.'

Ned: Not so deep the Lord can't find him...and judge him...'

sslazio11 · 15-09-2009 4:36pm

Apologies if this has already been mentioned:

Homer: Every time I learn something new, some of the old gets pushed out of my brain. Remember that time I took the wine making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how.

candy-gal1 · 15-09-2009 4:39pm

le grille? what the hell is that!
-when homers making a bbq

lisa - if your the police, who will police the police?
homer - i dont know, coastguard?!

hm they have the internet on computers now!

kiss my ass vault!

i lol at these all the time!!

dotzy · 15-09-2009 4:42pm

when lisa wants to go to the boys school to do maths and the numbers are talking to her:
do it lisa, you will be greater than or equal to boys.
even though your only 8, your possibilities are infinate.
27!

Niamhf · 18-09-2009 9:43pm

Oh, they have the Internet on computers now! -Homer

Classic!

bania · 27-09-2009 9:03pm

Claasman wrote: »

We need a sharp name, maybe cutcom, edgeco or interslice...

How about... Compuglobalhypermeganet?

[From the same episode - Homer starting his own internet company]

Homer:

I think I'll make myself.. vice president.

No, wait! Junior vice president!

Eutow · 27-09-2009 10:38pm

Lisa The Vegetarian:

Homer: Are you saying you’re never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Ham?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Pork chops?

Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.

Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Eutow · 27-09-2009 10:44pm

Or How About -

[Homer, feeling behind the couch for a peanut he dropped, finds a twenty dollar bill instead.]

Homer: Oh, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut.
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woo-hoo!

Victor_M · 27-09-2009 10:53pm

Homer - I never apologise...... I'm sorry that's just the way i am!

Dozen Wicked Words · 27-09-2009 10:57pm

Sorry if previously posted (possibly by me), really cant be arsed to read 27 pages. Anyhooo.

Marge: Homer, do you think we need counselling?

Homer: Who's we? Got a mouse in your purse?

RandolphEsq · 26-10-2009 11:40pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIlpYLIiZLE

lol "That's the joke"

Perrin · 27-10-2009 2:13am

RandolphEsq wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIlpYLIiZLE

lol "That's the joke"

I say that alot when a joke hasn't quite got the reaction expected.

caffrey · 27-10-2009 2:38am

perhaps its been mentioned before but mine is:

MARGE: Have you noticed something different about Bart?
HOMER: New glasses?
MARGE: No. He looks like something may be troubling him.
HOMER: Probably misses his old glasses.
MARGE: I’d think that we should get more involved in his activities, but then I’d be afraid of smothering him.
HOMER: Yeah, and then they’d give us the chair.
MARGE: That’s not what I meant.
HOMER: It was Marge, admit it.

deadshark · 15-11-2009 5:38pm

Lawyer: Robert, if released would you pose a threat to one Bart Simpson?
Sideshow Bob: Bart Simpson? Ha! The spirited, little scamp who twice foiled my evil schemes and sent me to this dank, urine soaked hell hole?
Parole board member: Uhh, we object to the term "urine-soaked hell hole" when you could of said, "pee-pee-soaked heck hole."
Sideshow Bob: Cheerfully withdrawn.

******

Homer: Marge, since I'm not talking to Lisa, could you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Ahh. Please pass your father the syrup Lisa
Lisa: Bart, tell dad I'll only pass the syrup if it wont be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunking your sausages in that syrup, Homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not, not talking to me, and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case!
Bart: Uh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room!

RandolphEsq · 12-12-2009 6:06am

"Comedian": "I finally got round to reading the dictionary. Turns out the zebra did it"
(everyone laughs)
Homer: "I don't get it"
Lisa: "It's a joke dad"
Homer: "Oh, I get jokes"

shockframe · 13-12-2009 2:52pm

great one from the canine mutiny

Homer -"You gave both dogs away.you know how i feel about giving"

MelissaLahive · 29-12-2009 3:58pm

Homer - My dad was a great dad. He got angry every Christmas when Santa didn't bring me any presents

pipeliner · 07-01-2010 12:26pm

bart and lisa are hugging at the end of the hockey match against each other. Everyone is touched by this and it cuts to homer in tears. He cries out "my kids are losers, LOSERS"

Favourite Simpsons Quote

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