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W*nking husband

13

Comments

  • #102
    jockeyboard
    Registered Users Posts: 783 ✭✭✭jockeyboard


    Eric Cartman wrote: »
    true , but in your case the 'things left unsaid' are costing money , which is a big issue in any marriage, let alone during a recession.


    ah lighten up will ya! this isnt primetime ffs:pac::cool:


  • #103
    jockeyboard
    Registered Users Posts: 783 ✭✭✭jockeyboard


    Poor Uncle Tom wrote: »
    Dress up like yer wan and do the tuggin' for him.....;)

    You can always buy a pair of shoes to make up for it.....:p

    now your talkin'


  • #104
    Poor Uncle Tom
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,546 ✭✭✭✭Poor Uncle Tom


    jockeyboard wrote: »
    now your talkin'

    Yes you could always do that, if you could pull off the actress's voice.....:pac:
    pun intended....:D


  • #105
    token101
    Registered Users Posts: 3,050 ✭✭✭token101


    jockeyboard wrote: »
    seriously what would happen if we were all completly unecessaryily (is that a word-spelt wrong) honest with other half.....

    her-how was your day dear?

    him-fantastic.... i looked down the young girl in works top when she bent over and thought she had a great pair of tits, told some rude jokes about the 'ball and chain' in the pub after work. your mam rang and asked me to call in to hang up a picture, she really wrecks my head most of the time, i am polite only to keep the peace.
    oh and when you asked me did i like your new haircut, i actually hadnt even noticed.

    her-thats lovely dear, sounds great. i am secretly back smoking during the day when you are not around but because your dad died of cancer i keep it a secret as dont want to upset you. your bald patch is getting much more then a patch these days and that beer belly you have makes you look nine months pregnant.

    him-fancy a ride later?

    her-actually i am all flicked out after watching midget porn all afternoon.

    ****ing hell, you're secretly smoking too! Sure that's more of it!

    Maybe he's riding the MIL? Maybe she's a MILF?


  • #106
    Woodsocks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32 ✭Woodsocks


    Micky Dolenz wrote: »
    Some people are as funny as a rectal exam.

    Did we find out the actress?
    I bet ya its ur wan Helen Mirren.:)


  • #107
    4zn76tysfajdxp
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,944 ✭✭✭✭4zn76tysfajdxp


    jockeyboard wrote: »
    actually i am all flicked out after watching midget porn all afternoon.

    Is that you're called jockeyboard? You'd like jockeys to board you?


    So to speak.


  • #108
    up for anything
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,778 ✭✭✭up for anything


    pmcmahon wrote: »
    wouldn't marry her in a million years.

    Bitch has a realm in her closet.


    Why? Just why? :confused:


  • #109
    Nodin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 46,938 ✭✭✭✭Nodin


    jockeyboard wrote: »
    Watching a film last night and hubbie tells me he had many a 'tug' over the actress in his younger years....
    What things are better left unsaid/does your other half not need to know?

    I white lie all the time about new clothes, i say they are old/bought on sale from pennys for two euro.

    Share please :)


    .....only a minor thing. Now if he told ye which of yer mates he batters the bishop over, ye'd have something to complain about.


  • #110
    The Mollusc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43 ✭The Mollusc


    Woman eh! Won't even let a man ****....You sicken me jockeyboard. Sicken me!


  • #111
    AngryBollix
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,536 ✭✭✭AngryBollix


    jockeyboard wrote: »
    seriously what would happen if we were all completly unecessaryily (is that a word-spelt wrong) honest with other half.....

    her-how was your day dear?

    him-fantastic.... i looked down the young girl in works top when she bent over and thought she had a great pair of tits, told some rude jokes about the 'ball and chain' in the pub after work. your mam rang and asked me to call in to hang up a picture, she really wrecks my head most of the time, i am polite only to keep the peace.
    oh and when you asked me did i like your new haircut, i actually hadnt even noticed.

    her-thats lovely dear, sounds great. i am secretly back smoking during the day when you are not around but because your dad died of cancer i keep it a secret as dont want to upset you. your bald patch is getting much more then a patch these days and that beer belly you have makes you look nine months pregnant.

    him-fancy a ride later?

    her-actually i am all flicked out after watching midget porn all afternoon.


    Wouldnt life be so much more interesting if we all actually said what we thought?


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  • #112
    jockeyboard
    Registered Users Posts: 783 ✭✭✭jockeyboard


    Damien Gigantic Ball wrote: »
    Is that you're called jockeyboard? You'd like jockeys to board you?


    So to speak.

    *gasps* how did you foil my disguised user name.....you've won this round....


  • #113
    cloptrop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,923 ✭✭✭cloptrop


    humberklog wrote: »
    Kelly Lebrock in Weird Science?

    Just noticed that Weird Science has two words together that break the "I before E except after C" rule.
    Hmm although a nice fact , dont ever mention this to a girl,
    Back to the op he did tell you a white lie , he still bangs one out to this actress and probably the woman across the road , your sister and the mailman , whenever he gets a few minutes to himself, he is a man leave him a lone.


  • #114
    BackScrub
    Registered Users Posts: 353 ✭✭BackScrub


    If the asterisk in the thread title was a substitute for 'I' instead of 'A', you'd have a bigger problem.


  • #115
    BackScrub
    Registered Users Posts: 353 ✭✭BackScrub


    Dudess wrote: »
    Interesting. She just said she doesn't want to hear about his **** episodes. Now I wouldn't share her view, but she didn't say she tells him not to ****, however, never let the truth get in the way of a nasty swipe.

    Had to read that twice, thought it said a nasty wipe at the end.


  • #116
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    cloptrop wrote: »
    he still bangs one out to this actress and probably the woman across the road , your sister and the mailman , whenever he gets a few minutes to himself, he is a man leave him a lone.
    I don't see her disputing that, just that she'd rather not hear him talk about it - so that seems like she is sufficiently leaving him alone to do his own thing. Are people deliberately misinterpreting her here, or just perhaps... a lil slow on the uptake?

    In fairness Micky, a rectal exam is pretty funny.


  • #117
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    Dudess wrote: »
    I don't see her disputing that, just that she'd rather not hear him talk about it - so that seems like she is sufficiently leaving him alone to do his own thing. Are people deliberately misinterpreting her here, or just perhaps... a lil slow on the uptake?

    Do you not think that maybe some people are just taking a light hearted approach to the topic?


  • #118
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    stupidusername wrote: »
    Do you not think that maybe some people are just taking a light hearted approach to the topic?
    Of course - but some are leaping at the opportunity to throw out unfounded insults.


  • #119
    Xavi6
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,899 ✭✭✭✭Xavi6


    Dudess wrote: »
    Interesting. She just said she doesn't want to hear about his **** episodes. Now I wouldn't share her view, but she didn't say she tells him not to ****, however, never let the truth get in the way of a nasty swipe.

    How many **** stories have you received by PM so far?


  • #120
    stoneill
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,609 ✭✭✭stoneill


    Jasus - poor man entertaining himself while watching murder she wrote and then all this can of worms pandora box stuff.
    Leave him be - doing no harm.


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  • #121
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    stoneill wrote: »
    Jasus - poor man entertaining himself while watching murder she wrote and then all this can of worms pandora box stuff.
    Leave him be - doing no harm.
    And not only that, but purple-monkey-dishwasher...


  • #122
    AskMyChocolate
    Registered Users Posts: 2,312 ✭✭✭AskMyChocolate


    Dudess wrote: »
    And not only that, but purple-monkey-dishwasher...

    Jaysus, you're on fire tonight Dudess.


  • #123
    Copper_pipe
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,553 ✭✭✭✭Copper_pipe


    I thought the thread was called winking husband








    but then i clicked on it


  • #124
    Leiva
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,117 ✭✭✭✭Leiva


    Your all **** purely because I have just spat tea all over myself with laughter .

    This is comedy gold . 10/10

    God I love these threads .


  • #125
    GrumPy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,561 ✭✭✭GrumPy


    humberklog wrote: »
    Kelly Lebrock in Weird Science?

    Just noticed that Weird Science has two words together that break the "I before E except after C" rule.


    That rule is BS, I don't know why it exists tbh.


  • #126
    pickarooney
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,497 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    Why the hell is it TheZohanS now?


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  • #127
    working fool
    Registered Users Posts: 813 ✭✭✭working fool


    I was w*anking lastnight wearing the girlfriends new dress !
    She told me it only cost 10€ in penneys
    I feel guilty now :-/


  • #128
    jockeyboard
    Registered Users Posts: 783 ✭✭✭jockeyboard


    Dudess wrote: »
    I don't see her disputing that, just that she'd rather not hear him talk about it - so that seems like she is sufficiently leaving him alone to do his own thing. Are people deliberately misinterpreting her here, or just perhaps... a lil slow on the uptake?

    In fairness Micky, a rectal exam is pretty funny.

    i think you are the only one who has actually read it!

    also OTHER peoples rectal exams=hilarious! your own rectal exam=not so much....:)


  • #129
    jockeyboard
    Registered Users Posts: 783 ✭✭✭jockeyboard


    working fool wrote: »
    I was w*anking lastnight wearing the girlfriends new dress !
    She told me it only cost 10€ in penneys
    I feel guilty now :-/

    how very dare you:pac:


  • #130
    working fool
    Registered Users Posts: 813 ✭✭✭working fool


    In fairness the stilettos where my own


  • #131
    Son0vagun
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,297 ✭✭✭Son0vagun


    jockeyboard wrote: »
    Watching a film last night and hubbie tells me he had many a 'tug' over the actress in his younger years....
    What things are better left unsaid/does your other half not need to know?

    I white lie all the time about new clothes, i say they are old/bought on sale from pennys for two euro.

    Share please :)

    You sound like the type of woman who cheats on her husband and thinks its ok!


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  • #132
    Faolchu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,740 ✭✭✭Faolchu


    jockeyboard wrote: »
    Watching a film last night and hubbie tells me he had many a 'tug' over the actress in his younger years....


    well at least he's not doing it now over her in HER younger years


  • #133
    Born to Die
    Closed Accounts Posts: 830 ✭✭✭Born to Die


    There are a lot of wanker's on this thread.


  • #134
    jockeyboard
    Registered Users Posts: 783 ✭✭✭jockeyboard


    Son0vagun wrote: »
    You sound like the type of woman who cheats on her husband and thinks its ok!

    cool story bro.....*whispers-your a knob head*


  • #135
    Son0vagun
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,297 ✭✭✭Son0vagun


    jockeyboard wrote: »
    cool story bro.....*whispers-your a knob head*

    Well if you lie about clothes you buy what else do you lie about?

    Plus does the thought of your husband **** off really disgust you? You hate the thought of him in a erect state!

    You're either an asexual person or you cheat!


  • #136
    jockeyboard
    Registered Users Posts: 783 ✭✭✭jockeyboard


    Son0vagun wrote: »
    Well if you lie about clothes you buy what else do you lie about?

    Plus does the thought of your husband **** off really disgust you? You hate the thought of him in a erect state!

    You're either an asexual person or you cheat!


    did you bother reading the thread of just read first few posta and write that??

    whatevers......

    actually yeah your dead right, i am a slut who cheats but cant stand my husband **** off etc. his erection scares me. thanks for the analysis.


  • #137
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,214 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    OP YOU CLEARLY WANT TO CASTRATE YOUR HUSBAND AND ALL MEN!!! :eek:


  • #138
    jockeyboard
    Registered Users Posts: 783 ✭✭✭jockeyboard


    thecornflake wrote: »
    Probably your husband tbh.

    what i look like my husband or you are my husband???? (you wish:D)


  • #139
    jockeyboard
    Registered Users Posts: 783 ✭✭✭jockeyboard


    Dudess wrote: »
    OP YOU CLEARLY WANT TO CASTRATE YOUR HUSBAND AND ALL MEN!!! :eek:


    its true.....*sobs* i am a danger to myself and others....this thread was a cry for help:(


  • #140
    120_Minutes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,706 ✭✭✭120_Minutes


    Op, there's only one solution come clean about the money spending and offer him a threesome with a mate who looks like Melissa as penance.


  • #141
    jockeyboard
    Registered Users Posts: 783 ✭✭✭jockeyboard


    120_Minutes wrote: »
    Op, there's only one solution come clean about the money spending and offer him a threesome with a mate who looks like Melissa as penance.

    would that person be you?? *crosses fingers*


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  • #142
    kfallon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    OP just think it could have been a lot worse, imagine if you were watching TV3 some night and he told you he had a 'pedal' over Vincent Brown :pac:

    Actually whatever happened to that Cassie girl who used to do the tweets for VB? She was a stunner, oh you'd get one out to her alright ;)


  • #143
    jockeyboard
    Registered Users Posts: 783 ✭✭✭jockeyboard


    kfallon wrote: »
    OP just think it could have been a lot worse, imagine if you were watching TV3 some night and he told you he had a 'pedal' over Vincent Brown :pac:

    Actually whatever happened to that Cassie girl who used to do the tweets for VB? She was a stunner, oh you'd get one out to her alright ;)


    sniggers-pedal.

    just realised i started this thread to find out what white lies make your relationships work but instead it desended into this.....sigh


  • #144
    kfallon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    jockeyboard wrote: »
    sniggers-pedal.

    just realised i started this thread to find out what white lies make your relationships work but instead it desended into this.....sigh

    Most of us just lurk on AH every day just waiting for threads about 'roughing up the suspect' so when this thread was composed it was like mannah from heaven for those of us who like to discuss the finer things in life like rashering the bejaysus out of one's self :P


  • #145
    Son0vagun
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,297 ✭✭✭Son0vagun


    jockeyboard wrote: »
    did you bother reading the thread of just read first few posta and write that??

    whatevers......

    actually yeah your dead right, i am a slut who cheats but cant stand my husband **** off etc. his erection scares me. thanks for the analysis.

    Of course I've read the whole thread. You've failed to justify any of your lies.

    What does your husband make of this thread?


  • #146
    kfallon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    Son0vagun wrote: »
    Of course I've read the whole thread. You've failed to justify any of your lies.

    What does your husband make of this thread?

    Well he got a **** out to it :pac:


  • #147
    Cantona's Collars
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,709 ✭✭✭✭Cantona's Collars


    Son0vagun wrote: »

    What does your husband make of this thread?

    He's **** himself into oblivion over it.


  • #148
    Gummy Panda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,919 ✭✭✭✭Gummy Panda


    Dudess wrote: »
    OP YOU CLEARLY WANT TO CASTRATE YOUR HUSBAND AND ALL MEN!!! :eek:

    LEAVE MY WILLY ALONE!! :mad:


  • #149
    cowzerp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,549 ✭✭✭✭cowzerp


    alphabeat wrote: »
    ** PUKES SPERM OUT OF WILLY***

    fixed.
    Faolchu wrote: »
    well at least he's not doing it now over her in HER younger years

    Yeah like he is whacking them out to the less attractive version :rolleyes:
    Sabrina on history channell = her husband not answering phone for 5 mins!

    Rush Boxing club and Rush Martial Arts head coach.



  • #150
    alphabeat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 514 ✭✭✭alphabeat


    cowzerp wrote: »
    fixed.


    you are a sick individual , sick i tells ya


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  • #151
    Deus Ex Machina
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,556 ✭✭✭Deus Ex Machina


    jockeyboard wrote: »
    .
    What things are better left unsaid/do the people of AH not need to know?

    Your weird little neuroses.


This discussion has been closed.
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