Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi all! We have been experiencing an issue on site where threads have been missing the latest postings. The platform host Vanilla are working on this issue. A workaround that has been used by some is to navigate back from 1 to 10+ pages to re-sync the thread and this will then show the latest posts. Thanks, Mike.
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

The Cooking Disaster Thread

1356789

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,678 ✭✭✭nompere


    robindch wrote: »
    Years ago, for some family celebration in West Cork, my mum asked me to drop by Killarney on the way down from Dublin and collect the 5kg of Ling she'd ordered from a well-known fishmongers in the town. "Thank f*ck I'm not droppin' by yer place this weekend!" said the shop assistant, before starting to weep with laughter.

    I read this yesterday, and couldn't see a disaster in it, but thought that maybe it was just me, and moved on. I've read it again today, and still can't see a disaster.

    I know it's quite a a lot of fish, but if there are going to be lots of people, so what. And why on earth was the shop assistant amused?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 537 ✭✭✭dipdip


    Glad it's not just me who couldn't understand this!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,161 ✭✭✭✭the beer revolu


    As a young fella still living at home, one Sunday afternoon, home alone, I decided to cook myself a steak, some frozen chips and sweetcorn. I cooked the lot without incident and took it to the sitting room to eat in front of the TV. As I finished my dinner, I heard a strange noise and bang I ran into the kitchen to find that the deep fat fryer had belched flaming oil all over the draining board and the lethal polystyrene wall tiles were ablaze.
    End result was scarred hands, fire brigade, burnt out kitchen and smoke damaged house. My mother got a brand new kitchen out of it but she never did thank me.

    Worst pat of it was that we knew the thermostat was gone in that deep fat fryer but continued to use it. The simple act of forgetting to unplug it resulted in burning out a kitchen.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 537 ✭✭✭dipdip


    Once, when trying to impress a new boyfriend, I set two toasted sandwiches on fire under the grill. They were stacked too high and lit off the element. :o

    I've had so many disasters...I made a sweet potato and chorizo soup that strongly resembled vomit in texture, appearance and odour. I tipped the whole lot down the sink in disgust and the kitchen smelled like a giant had puked in it for 24 hours.

    One day I spent ages preparing a sticky toffee pudding for a dinner party. If you've ever made it you know it involves soaking and blitzing dates...lots of steps and quite pricey, too. It came out of the oven at the correct time and looked golden and risen. I proudly bought it to the table to oohs and aahs with a jug of creamy toffee sauce on side. I dipped in the serving spoon and it was like popping a pimple - it was completely raw in the middle and the batter spurted out. Horrific.

    I'll leave it there for now...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,812 ✭✭✭Vojera


    Oh, I forgot about the time that I was grilling something (me and grills seem to not get on). I had a tea towel in my hand to pull out the shelf rather than an oven glove and my creepy housemate at the time loomed over my shoulder and scared the crap out of me. I jumped and got the middle of my middle finger on my right hand stuck to the grill. I didn't even notice for a second, I was after getting such a fright. I pulled my finger away and had a semi-circular dent melted into it. Bizarrely it didn't even scar but it was really sore for ages! And I stopped cooking when the housemate was around.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,161 ✭✭✭✭the beer revolu


    Burnt me fried polenta cake last night.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,774 ✭✭✭Minder


    Last night was supposed to be simple baked potato with a little wilted spinach and a pile of pink lamb chops. Baked spuds took an age. After an hour and 15 minutes, they were still as hard as the hobs of hell. I took them out expecting crispy bags of fluffiness ready for a slather of butter and a little cheese. Unfortunately, chops were already on. Meh! Hate dinner in shifts.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,969 ✭✭✭hardCopy


    Vojera wrote: »
    Oh, I forgot about the time that I was grilling something (me and grills seem to not get on). I had a tea towel in my hand to pull out the shelf rather than an oven glove and my creepy housemate at the time loomed over my shoulder and scared the crap out of me. I jumped and got the middle of my middle finger on my right hand stuck to the grill. I didn't even notice for a second, I was after getting such a fright. I pulled my finger away and had a semi-circular dent melted into it. Bizarrely it didn't even scar but it was really sore for ages! And I stopped cooking when the housemate was around.

    Aldi are doing a special at the moment on "shelf guards". Heat proof rubber bumpers that clip on to the edge of the oven rack.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,798 ✭✭✭✭The Hill Billy


    Rockiemalt wrote: »
    Making rice crispie buns once when i was about 12, i was wondering why the chocolate wasn't melting very quickly. (the hot water was melting it a little bit)
    I had the wrong ring on the cooker on and our plastic kettle was sitting on the hot ring slowly melting....
    Did something similar to our fairly newish fancy-pants iron yesterday. :(


  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Sweet and Sour mince anyone?


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,858 ✭✭✭homemadecider


    Oooh, I had a similar one as a teenager... sweet and sour from a jar with loads of dried herbs de provence thrown in. I thought I was being posh. It was horrendous!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,305 ✭✭✭April O Neill


    Rockiemalt wrote: »
    Making rice crispie buns once when i was about 12, i was wondering why the chocolate wasn't melting very quickly. (the hot water was melting it a little bit)
    I had the wrong ring on the cooker on and our plastic kettle was sitting on the hot ring slowly melting....

    I am SO afraid of doing this. And it WILL happen some day. :(


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,969 ✭✭✭hardCopy


    I am SO afraid of doing this. And it WILL happen some day. :(

    I almost did it with my phone last night. 50:50 chance of the hob being cold and I got lucky.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    Does nearly blowing the place up count as a food disaster? Working in a pub kitchen I knocked the lighter for the gas rings into the deep fat fryer. The only experience I have ever had of time slowing down so in .2 of a second I was able to think 'Ok, you don't have very much time before that lighter melts and gas meets chip oil and [pub owner] won't care that your face is melted off she'll still kill you so try get it out nice and quickly because you're going to have to run out of here before the fireball starts'

    Managed to get it out with a tongs just after the outer layer of plastic melted and the inner layer around the fluid was starting to go. If I hadn't been desperately socially awkward at the time I would have marched behind the bar and demanded a whiskey for my nerves. Instead I panic-ate a catering sized bag of tortilla chips

    Just saw this now and it made me cry laughing MF :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,292 ✭✭✭Mrs Fox


    Oooh, I had a similar one as a teenager... sweet and sour from a jar with loads of dried herbs de provence thrown in. I thought I was being posh. It was horrendous!


    Yeah, the classic jar-with-anything-and-everything.
    A guy I went out with a loooong time ago, who's deluded to believe he was some kind of a genius in the kitchen, tried to impress me with a jar of Patak's Madras with deli cooked chicken, over a bowl of penne that "I boiled from scratch, you know", and topped it with crumbled Stilton. It was vile.
    I should've known well before, because the first time he invited me for dinner that "I'll be making myself" was a large plate of 5 kinds of salads, and sliced roast beef, all from Superquinn deli.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,057 ✭✭✭MissFlitworth


    Merkin wrote: »
    Just saw this now and it made me cry laughing MF :D

    I laughed & cried when it happened too :) All at the same time, I sounded not unlike a donkey
    Mrs Fox wrote: »
    Patak's Madras with deli cooked chicken, over a bowl of penne that "I boiled from scratch, you know", and topped it with crumbled Stilton. It was vile.

    Oh hello watery sick mouth, urrrrrrhhhh


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,657 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Not a total disaster, but I bought ingredients to make brownies and decided to teach my OH to bake this evening. He was delighted with himself but we noticed that the mixture was a much paler colour than usual. It was only when they were out of the oven that I realised I'd only bought half the chocolate that I actually needed :o. They still taste nice, but I'd bought milk rather than dark chocolate, so coupled with the phenomenal amount of sugar in them they're INCREDIBLY sweet :o.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 649 ✭✭✭Cork selfbuild


    Benn there Faith! Also had a few times where I forgot a vital ingredient, one time I was making mushroom soup, hard to get wrong, mind was else where and I forgot the flour at the start so said id just add it in after it was simmering for ages and figured out why it wasn't thickening, so in it went, it ended up like a pot of mushrooms and just balls or flour stuck together floating on the surface. No soup that day!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 215 ✭✭Rebel Rebel


    Back in my student days we has one of those cookers that had a grill/oven combined, i was using the grill and forgot to turn in off before closing the oven door. After many many hours the glass on the oven door had shattered and the cooker knobs were half melted. Cooker was ruined and had to be replaced and i lost my security deposit.

    Another time i was cooking roasting veg and when it came time to turn the veg, i put on the oven glove not knowing that one of the girls in the house had gotten it wet, but it had not soaked all the way to the inside, so it felt dry to me, as i was holding the hot baking tin the dampness turned to stream in my hand, steam burns!. Dropped everything onto the floor, oil and all. As i was away getting my hand seen to the kitchen floor was only half cleaned, it was lethal for a few days after.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 811 ✭✭✭canadianwoman


    I set the kitchen on fire making chips once. Thank goodness for that fire extinguisher on the building's hallway.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 12,110 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dizzyblonde


    I made a courgette loaf this afternoon, to use up the last of my courgettes from the garden.
    It has to be the most vile thing I've ever made - truly sick-making.
    I used this recipe.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,057 ✭✭✭MissFlitworth


    I made a courgette loaf this afternoon, to use up the last of my courgettes from the garden.
    It has to be the most vile thing I've ever made - truly sick-making.
    I used this recipe.

    Oh no :( How so? Taste or texture?


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 12,110 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dizzyblonde


    Oh no :( How so? Taste or texture?

    Both. It was overly moist in spite of the fact that I wrung out the grated courgettes in a cloth. And the taste was icky.

    I've since seen a Nigel Slater recipe with only 150g of courgettes (that one had 350g), I may try that one when I recover from the trauma :(


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,057 ✭✭✭MissFlitworth


    Yuck, not much out there more gross than unexpectedly wet food.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,305 ✭✭✭April O Neill


    Both. It was overly moist in spite of the fact that I wrung out the grated courgettes in a cloth. And the taste was icky.

    I've since seen a Nigel Slater recipe with only 150g of courgettes (that one had 350g), I may try that one when I recover from the trauma :(

    I wonder could you try and squeeze and must moisture as possible out of the courgettes? Like you do with potatoes when making a rosti? If you could, then maybe the recipe you used might work out a lot better.

    EDIT: never mind, I see you did that! :)


  • Advertisement
  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 12,110 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dizzyblonde


    Yes I did, and it wasn't wet inside - just so moist it was heavy. It didn't taste quite as bad when it had been sitting for a few hours but it just wasn't nice.
    I hate to waste ingredients :(


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 537 ✭✭✭dipdip


    There is a courgette loaf recipe in the cooking club.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,969 ✭✭✭hardCopy


    Potential disaster averted last night. I was making carrot and potato wedges in the oven. I didn't have much olive oil left in the bottle so poured what was left on the tray and added some olive spread, stuck it in the oven to preheat the oil and came back 5 minutes later to hear the oil spitting all over the oven, opened it up to find a cloud of smoke.

    Had to tip out the oil and make do with a few squirts of 1cal Cooking Spray. Didn't manage to get my wedges as crispy as I had hoped but at least I spotted the burning before I wasted a whole pot of parboiled carrot and potato.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,305 ✭✭✭April O Neill


    Just remembered what was probably my first cooking disaster. :cool:

    Around my early teens, I think, I decided I wanted to learn how to make pancakes, so I accosted my mother one day and got the information I needed. :D

    Made the batter just fine. (in fairness, pancake batter = very difficult to mess up)

    The only problem was (and my mind is a bit fuzzy on the deets here), either my mother didn't tell me you only need a tiny bit of oil or butter in the pan, or she did tell and didn't stress exactly how little.

    So, I poured WAY too much oil into the pan (think the amount of oil you'd use if you were frying a few eggs) and set about frying the pancakes. I think I also didn't have the hob at a high enough heat either, which didn't help.

    Soggy, greasy pancakes, anyone? :(:P


  • Registered Users Posts: 149 ✭✭Dubchild


    My dog loves hot dogs :pac: one day i put them in the pot of water and i turned on the hob. It was a nice sunny day this summer, so i went up the garden to sit in the sun. I totally forgot about them, i just happen to come in a good while later and the kitchen was covered in smoke, the smell of burning hot dogs was rotten.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,322 ✭✭✭✭leahyl


    I was a disaster in home ec in general when I was in school but one time I made an apple tart and it turned out really nice - it was only after it had come out of the oven that I realised I had forgotten the sugar.....extremely bitter apple tart mmmm....:o


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,969 ✭✭✭hardCopy


    leahyl wrote: »
    I was a disaster in home ec in general when I was in school but one time I made an apple tart and it turned out really nice - it was only after it had come out of the oven that I realised I had forgotten the sugar.....extremely bitter apple tart mmmm....:o

    Someone on The Great British Bake Off this year used salt instead of sugar in one of their creations.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 537 ✭✭✭dipdip


    I had a disaster today.

    I was making chicken soup for a sick friend. Without thinking, at the very last step, I threw in a cup of frozen corn. This is the world's least fussiest person but she dislikes one thing: you guessed it, corn.

    As I had no more stock or chicken left, I was forced to pick out the sweetcorn, one kernel at a time. One kernel at a time.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,487 ✭✭✭✭Alun


    I'd have made her pick out her own corn :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 537 ✭✭✭dipdip


    Aw, she's sick! :o


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,057 ✭✭✭MissFlitworth


    <bites back disgusting comment about corn sorting itself out in the end>


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,305 ✭✭✭April O Neill


    leahyl wrote: »
    I was a disaster in home ec in general when I was in school but one time I made an apple tart and it turned out really nice - it was only after it had come out of the oven that I realised I had forgotten the sugar.....extremely bitter apple tart mmmm....:o

    If that was me, I'd still eat it, taking the lid of the pie and just sprinkling on sugar. :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,154 ✭✭✭Dolbert


    This is embarrassingly recent, but I experienced an epic fail while attempting to make Mellor's cola chicken wings. The recipe calls for 3 hours on a lower temp, but as I was running short of time, I thought I'd crank up the temperature *just* a notch and take it out earlier. You can see where this is going. I ended up with hard, chewy, toffee-style wings, which even the cats couldn't eat.. I r smrt


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    Just remembered what was probably my first cooking disaster. :cool:

    Around my early teens, I think, I decided I wanted to learn how to make pancakes, so I accosted my mother one day and got the information I needed. :D

    Made the batter just fine. (in fairness, pancake batter = very difficult to mess up)

    The only problem was (and my mind is a bit fuzzy on the deets here), either my mother didn't tell me you only need a tiny bit of oil or butter in the pan, or she did tell and didn't stress exactly how little.

    So, I poured WAY too much oil into the pan (think the amount of oil you'd use if you were frying a few eggs) and set about frying the pancakes. I think I also didn't have the hob at a high enough heat either, which didn't help.

    Soggy, greasy pancakes, anyone? :(:P
    I had a housemate who did that. She asked me to show her where she was going wrong, turns out she had been putting about a 2'' depth depth of melted butter in the end of the pan.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,034 ✭✭✭Loire


    So I'm there last night all excited about cooking my first indian (red lentil dahl (a contender for it's own entry in this thread!). I'm cutting open the packaging of the solid coconut milk that I bought. Whilst doing this I start to think "I haven't cut myself in ages". Obviously my mind only heard the words in bold. Cue the slicing of the skin on the very tip of my finger straight off. Sounds worse than it is as only the skin was removed but it was a close shave and I sitting here today with my finger all bandaged up. DISASTER

    Just to add....thanks God for Dominos :D


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,161 ✭✭✭✭the beer revolu


    Loire wrote: »
    So I'm there last night all excited about cooking my first indian (red lentil dahl (a contender for it's own entry in this thread!). I'm cutting open the packaging of the solid coconut milk that I bought. Whilst doing this I start to think "I haven't cut myself in ages". Obviously my mind only heard the words in bold. Cue the slicing of the skin on the very tip of my finger straight off. Sounds worse than it is as only the skin was removed but it was a close shave and I sitting here today with my finger all bandaged up. DISASTER

    Just to add....thanks God for Dominos :D

    Those 'taking the finger tip off' cuts are nasty because there is no skin left to cover the cut - very raw. I have a few slightly flat finger tips from doing just that. Cut the tip off my left middle one Christmas morning chopping herbs. I went running to Mrs Beer wailing for sympathy. She was having none of it until I went back and produced the finger tip from amongst the parsley to show her!
    Bit of a nuisance having to cook Christmas dinner with the finger bandaged up!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,305 ✭✭✭April O Neill


    kylith wrote: »
    I had a housemate who did that. She asked me to show her where she was going wrong, turns out she had been putting about a 2'' depth depth of melted butter in the end of the pan.

    Butter would be marginally better than oil though, which is what I used. :(


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,678 ✭✭✭nompere


    Those 'taking the finger tip off' cuts are nasty because there is no skin left to cover the cut - very raw. I have a few slightly flat finger tips from doing just that. Cut the tip off my left middle one Christmas morning chopping herbs. I went running to Mrs Beer wailing for sympathy. She was having none of it until I went back and produced the finger tip from amongst the parsley to show her!
    Bit of a nuisance having to cook Christmas dinner with the finger bandaged up!

    Is that better or worse than grating a big pile of chocolate (for a tiramisu, as it happened) and finding, when finished, that one or two fingernails were shorter than when you started?

    I suppose it's only a disaster if you tell people at the time!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,034 ✭✭✭Loire


    Those 'taking the finger tip off' cuts are nasty because there is no skin left to cover the cut - very raw. I have a few slightly flat finger tips from doing just that. Cut the tip off my left middle one Christmas morning chopping herbs. I went running to Mrs Beer wailing for sympathy. She was having none of it until I went back and produced the finger tip from amongst the parsley to show her!
    Bit of a nuisance having to cook Christmas dinner with the finger bandaged up!

    I hear ya...is it any wonder we have "man flu"? ;):D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,480 ✭✭✭brick tamland


    Everytime I try homemade Pizza it ends in disaster. Ive tried it a few times, Ive bought a stone in arnottts and still no joy

    Tonight I made the dough, left it to the side for it to prove (which it did). Threw the stone in to preheat an put semolina flour on the workboard and rolled out pizza and put on toppings. Took the stone out of the over but the couldnt get the pizza onto the fecking thing. All fell apart. Currently have a messy kitchen and a takeaway on order:mad::mad::mad::mad:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 370 ✭✭genuine leather


    Everytime I try homemade Pizza it ends in disaster. Ive tried it a few times, Ive bought a stone in arnottts and still no joy

    Tonight I made the dough, left it to the side for it to prove (which it did). Threw the stone in to preheat an put semolina flour on the workboard and rolled out pizza and put on toppings. Took the stone out of the over but the couldnt get the pizza onto the fecking thing. All fell apart. Currently have a messy kitchen and a takeaway on order:mad::mad::mad::mad:

    Yeah i have had a few rollover pizza piles, drive ye nuts.
    One has to be quick topping and sliding before it gets a chance to stick:mad:.
    Two ways i manage to avoid the pizza pile up, cut a circle of parchment/greaseproof paper the same size as your stone,if you dont have a peel use a baking tray upsidedown with a sprinkle of semolina,place paper and prep your pizza on top and it will slide easily onto your stone.

    Another method that works well,oven on at 225 deg C, prep your base on top of a circle of parchment, brush lightly with some olive oil if you like and use a fork to poke holes(docking) all over the base to stop it rising in the middle, slide into the oven and cook for only about 2-3 mins. Take out and let it cool for a few mins, i like to brush the edge again with some garlic and herb oil, top away and cook for about 6-7 mins light toppings,8-12 mins lots of toppings.I prefer lots of toppings:D. I use one of those pizza trays with the holes for the second bake without the parchment. Photo is of 20 odd pre baked base for my sons birthday party, it was so handy and really took the pressure off with so many to cook on the day, they are also great to freeze.
    Hope this helps. GL


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,850 ✭✭✭FouxDaFaFa


    I just made the most disgusting seitan in the history of mankind.

    It somehow manages to be rubbery AND spongy at the same time. It's like flubber.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,292 ✭✭✭Mrs Fox


    FouxDaFaFa wrote: »
    I just made the most disgusting seitan in the history of mankind.

    It somehow manages to be rubbery AND spongy at the same time. It's like flubber.

    I actually had to google up seitan.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,057 ✭✭✭MissFlitworth


    The most disgusting thing in the history of kitchen disasters ever just happened to me. I'm in 2 minds about saying it here but I need to tell someone and if I tell my friends they'll never eat in my house again.

    Have some squash in the oven roasting, wanted to toast some almonds too for my big fat healthy salad later. Spotted a terracotta tapas dish, threw them in there and then into the oven. Opened the door about 10 minutes later and there was a distinct smell of 'cat's water'. A very, very distinct smell indeed. So said to my partner, all sultry like, "Babe, did the cat p1ss in here somewhere?!". He couldn't get the smell, insisted it was 'just the nuts'. I am known for imagining smells coming from places so decided was just imagining it, ate an almond, and popped it back into the oven.

    Then.

    Sitting on the couch, remembering the day I came back from Cork with the dishes (really good value in the English market compared to Dublin), and it was the day that the cat hit cat maturity. And I turned around that evening and he was sitting in my handbag having a wee. Into the dishes. Which I thought I had thrown away but clearly in the panic of that day (it only lasted one day but he went everywhere) I washed and put back with my other dishes.

    I have just eaten a cats piss almond.


  • Advertisement
  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Now there's an idea for I'm a Celebrity. :pac:


Advertisement