Jokes not everyone will get

cloudymouse · 05-06-2009 9:02am

There's 3 types of people in the world that understand maths , those that can and those that can't.

kumate_champ07 · 05-06-2009 11:52am

mink_man wrote: »

what does the soap stand for??

cleanliness and purity and equal rights for all bathers

tech77 · 05-06-2009 2:40pm

General Zod wrote: »

V/I is futile.

Ohmigod.

tech77 · 05-06-2009 2:41pm

sedantez wrote: »

Q. Whats the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

A. Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon....

whereas ...

Michael Jackson sleeps with small children.

^Good example of an anti-joke.

tech77 · 05-06-2009 2:45pm

civis_liberalis wrote: »

I thought this thread was called "Jokes not everyone will get".

I didn't get the UVF joke btw...

Well then at least that joke belongs here :cool:

stereo_steve · 05-06-2009 3:40pm

GiftofGab wrote: »

Should it not be 'what have an apple and an orange got in common?

they're both green.....

except for the orange'

Nope, he had the question right but the wrong answer ...

Q. whats the diff. between an apple and an orange?

A. There's no such thing as an apple bast*rd

Stabshauptmann · 05-06-2009 8:40pm

FruitLover wrote: »

どうして鶏はメビウスの輪を横切ったの？

同じ側にいくためさ。

I think I got the word joke out of that. Anyone with Japanese care to translate?

05-06-2009 8:51pm

What's blue and square?

An orange in disguise.

confusticated · 05-06-2009 10:36pm

Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

An Fear Aniar · 05-06-2009 11:18pm

++ copied and pasted++

Two hydrogen atoms are walking along, and one of them says to the other: "Damn! I just lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "I'm positive."

----

Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, "Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?" Gödel replies, "We can't know that because we're inside the joke." Chomsky says, "Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong."

----

Heisenberg was driving down the Autobahn whereupon he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman asked, "Do you know how fast you were going back there? Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."

.

poindexter · 06-06-2009 1:21am

guys at the doctor and doc tells him to lie on the couch. when he's on the couch doctor asks him "comfy?", guy says "Govan"

Mahatma coat · 06-06-2009 1:12pm

Why did the Cat fall of the Roof

It lost its Mu

:D:D

thebullkf · 07-06-2009 11:40pm

A man says to his dog trainer, "I don't know what to do. Every time a bell rings, my dog goes into the corner."

The trainer says, "That's OK, he's a boxer."

kildara · 08-06-2009 8:50am

poindexter wrote: »

guys at the doctor and doc tells him to lie on the couch. when he's on the couch doctor asks him "comfy?", guy says "Govan"

Furryboots?

Bearhunter · 09-06-2009 3:53am

kildara wrote: »

Furryboots?

Boot three mile.

kildara · 09-06-2009 8:55am

What's the most popular drug in Aberdeen?

Ken fit a mean.

banquo · 09-06-2009 10:06am

Yo mama so fat, she's an array out of bounds exception error.

Rented Mule · 09-06-2009 10:17am

Descartes walks into Burger King and says to the girl behind the counter.

'I'll have a Whopper with cheese, an apple pie, and a chocolate shake'.

The girl behind the counter asks 'would you like fries with that?'

Decartes responds 'I think not'

<<poof>>

He disappeared.

Sam Vimes · 09-06-2009 1:14pm

Kaptain Redeye wrote: »

I think I got the word joke out of that. Anyone with Japanese care to translate?

http://translate.google.com/

Why the chicken crossed the circle of the Mobius strip?

I have to go to the same side.

Sam Vimes · 09-06-2009 1:17pm

A plane was flying in from Poland when they went through some turbulence.

The pilot said over the intercom "We're experiencing some instability. Could all the poles please move to the left of the plane?"

poindexter · 09-06-2009 7:37pm

kildara wrote: »

Furryboots?

just hairy toes.

Dumbartonish, yirsmelf??

Amston · 09-06-2009 8:59pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm so cultured, I make yoghurt jealous

I like it

VinnyTGM · 09-06-2009 9:51pm

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

How did our old currency get it's name ?
It rhymes with bank manager.

Good one.

MelonieHead · 12-06-2009 2:52pm

Q: What three elements combine to make a weapon?

A: Potassium, Nickel and Iron.

Johnny was a chemist's son but Johnny is no more.
What Johnny thought was H2O was H2SO4

Ping Chow Chi · 12-06-2009 3:19pm

banquo wrote: »

Yo mama so fat, she's an array out of bounds exception error.

LOVE LOVE IT

Hagar · 12-06-2009 4:53pm

A man goes into a barber's and asks for his hair to be cut like Frank Sinatra.
Ten minutes later the barber has shaved his head completely bald.
The man goes mad saying he looks like Yul Brenner.
The barber says, "Damn, I was sure it was Frank Sinatra who starred in 'The King and I'".

Capt'n Midnight · 12-06-2009 5:35pm

Two flies on Kojacs head, 'Smile we're on Telly'

Why do elephants have big ears?
Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.

how many amoeba does it take to change a lightbulb?
1, no 2, 4, no 8, no 16, 32, 64, 128.........

Capt'n Midnight · 12-06-2009 6:23pm

What do you call one Ukrainian? --A partisan.
What do you call two Ukrainians? --A partisan cell.
What do you call three Ukrainians? --A partisan cell with a traitor in their midst.

4F6E65204F5320746F2072756C65207468656D20616C6C2C204F6E65204F5320746
F2066696E64207468656D2CDA4F6E65204F5320746F206272696E67207468656D20
616C6C20616E6420696E20746865206461726B6E6573732062696E64207468656D

Rented Mule · 17-06-2009 8:46am

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

4F6E65204F5320746F2072756C65207468656D20616C6C2C204F6E65204F5320746
F2066696E64207468656D2CDA4F6E65204F5320746F206272696E67207468656D20
616C6C20616E6420696E20746865206461726B6E6573732062696E64207468656D

.....and he rode a black horse.

Stabshauptmann · 17-06-2009 4:15pm

Rented Mule wrote: »

.....and he rode a black horse.

he rode a nazgul, no?

fikay · 17-06-2009 7:40pm

What does P.M.P.A. stand for?

National Dyslexia Association of Ireland

Bearhunter · 17-06-2009 11:20pm

Two dyslexics walk into a bra...

mink_man · 17-06-2009 11:26pm

i think the thread should be called "every joke i will not get!"

tossy · 18-06-2009 6:10am

fikay wrote: »

What does P.M.P.A. stand for?

National Dyslexia Association of Ireland

Thats a great one - thank you very much,i cracked up in work!

Stabshauptmann · 18-06-2009 11:51am

fikay wrote: »

What does P.M.P.A. stand for?

National Dyslexia Association of Ireland

Is this joke over my head, or is it just told wrong?

Bearhunter's I get, but I cant figure out how a dyslexic person would write DAI as PMPA

KarmaGarda · 18-06-2009 1:46pm

2 sausages in a pan. 1 says to the other "god it's awful hot in here". Other sausage replies "holy crap! a talkin sausage!"

WIZE · 18-06-2009 1:53pm

Why are Nuns called Nuns?
coz they don't get none

Stabshauptmann · 18-06-2009 2:19pm

Come one guys, stay on topic, dont ruin a good thread

Penn · 18-06-2009 2:26pm

fikay wrote: »

What does P.M.P.A. stand for?

National Dyslexia Association of Ireland

I always heard it as "What does DNA stand for?..... National Dyslexia Association"

Penn · 18-06-2009 2:28pm

What sits at the bottom of the ocean and stops water going towards the Earths core?

DPC

bennyc · 18-06-2009 4:56pm

OK Not really a joke but kinda on the same track.

This appeared in the Sunday Times crossword years ago and stumped a lot of people.

Clue: Number of fingers.

_ _ E (and the answer is not one)

ICE

Bearhunter · 18-06-2009 9:46pm

ICE

, I imagine.

zuroph · 18-06-2009 10:08pm

Bearhunter wrote: »

... I imagine.

It's spoilered for a reason.

mink_man · 18-06-2009 10:14pm

why did the chicken scross the road? cos he had nobody to go with!

mink_man · 18-06-2009 10:15pm

bennyc wrote: »

OK Not really a joke but kinda on the same track.

This appeared in the Sunday Times crossword years ago and stumped a lot of people.

Clue: Number of fingers.

_ _ E (and the answer is not one)
ICE

i dont get it!, explain!