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Valentines Day..was it???Ladies

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Comments

  • #52
    Zulu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,965 ✭✭✭✭Zulu


    My GF (who is class I might add) called over to my place and cooked me my favourite food. Three courses of bliss. :) ...now thats what I call a V-Day.


  • #53
    pookie82
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    I understand why people get worked up about being expected to spend too much on VD (ha ha, that looks like venereal disease) but I don't think it's a particularly big ask to show a tiny gesture of affection on the day. All of this "I'm not doing something just because I'm told to" etc seems really childish and stubborn. Did all of the people who say this give and receive xmas presents??? Do they give cards and gifts on birthdays?? It's not that much of a leap to "buy into convention" and give a card on a day reserved to celebrate love.

    Plus, there are loads on here saying "why do I have to show it on this one day?? I'd much prefer to show it at spontaneous moments all throughout the year" etc. Which is all good and well if you DO, but some people aren't that forthcoming with romantic gestures in a spontaneous manner and it can be a day to remind you to just let your OH know you love them by leaving a card on the table or something.

    Wibbs was entirely correct with his point on "so what if you don't buy into it and recognise it's a load of pants, if your OH would like a gesture on the day and would appreciate it being marked it doesn't kill you to do something". (Not a direct quote, just the general idea I think!) I agree with this entirely. So there are alot of people out there who think it's pants or a money racket or whatever, but I think if you know it would be important for your partner to get a gesture (however small) on the day, you should do so for THEM.


  • #54
    mysterymeme123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭mysterymeme123


    I didn't expect anything other than a happy valentines text.I certainly didn't expect flowers or chocolates a card or a teddy .I got him a remote control helicopter. No I haven't done anything to piss him off. I didn't expect him to spend anything other than 15c on a text . Maybe he is just cynical he was the same at Christmas .


  • #55
    Jack B. Badd
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,294 ✭✭✭Jack B. Badd


    OP, did you tell him you'd be expecting a "Valentines Day text" (whatever that is - I would have assumed his text saying "x" probably wasn't far from the sentiments that would be expressed in a VD text)? And why is a text (or lack thereof) bothering you so much?


  • #56
    mysterymeme123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭mysterymeme123


    sorry new here what does the OP at the start of your post mean? sorry

    I don't know why it bothered me , I just thought he would have texted something , sort of made me feel like crap to be honest. I thought it was the norm for the guy to do this sort of stuff. I didn't want to say anything in case he had forgotten and then got embarrassed and then I didn't say anything in case he thought I was silly for thinking it would be fun to do something.

    Anyway I'm over it, still haven't seen him and to be honest I think I'm just going to start being as casual about things as he is.


  • #57
    Placebo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,070 ✭✭✭Placebo


    OP = original poster,
    it varys from relationship to relationship, if i didnt text my gf on any given day, it would be because im annoyed at her, from the sounds of xmas/ and now val, i think your guys just liked that. Could be work depression.


  • #58
    Tadeo Slimy Laborer
    Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Tadeo Slimy Laborer


    Placebo wrote: »
    u have to be a daft, un appreciative man to not bother with valentines with your g/f. People actually booking flowers in advance are not finding money growing on trees, its a nice way to show your partner how much you appreciate them.

    i took day off work and made my gf dinner, now shes getting me a ferrari for my bday, score

    I'm female.
    And I prefer that we show each other the rest of the year.


  • #59
    Placebo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,070 ✭✭✭Placebo


    i know your female. Id hate to have my bday celebrated like the rest of the year mind you.


  • #60
    Jack B. Badd
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,294 ✭✭✭Jack B. Badd


    mysterymeme123 wrote: »
    I don't know why it bothered me , I just thought he would have texted something , sort of made me feel like crap to be honest. I thought it was the norm for the guy to do this sort of stuff. I didn't want to say anything in case he had forgotten and then got embarrassed and then I didn't say anything in case he thought I was silly for thinking it would be fun to do something.

    Chances are if you two had discussed this before yesterday and you had told him what you would like (which doesn't seem all that much) you probably would have got it. Making assumptions about each other and the lack of communication seems to be what's causing the problem. You thought he'd do something for VD, he probably thought you weren't interested in it and not discussing it means you're now unhappy.
    Just tell the boy that you'd like a bit of pampering/effort/acknowledgement on VD in the future and don't punish him by "as casual about things as he is" for something he doesn't even know he's done.
    Men are not psychic, there are quite a few women who need reminding of this. Don't be one of them. It's highly unattractive.


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  • #61
    mysterymeme123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭mysterymeme123


    Jack B. Badd wrote: »
    Chances are if you two had discussed this before yesterday and you had told him what you would like (which doesn't seem all that much) you probably would have got it. Making assumptions about each other and the lack of communication seems to be what's causing the problem. You thought he'd do something for VD, he probably thought you weren't interested in it and not discussing it means you're now unhappy.
    Just tell the boy that you'd like a bit of pampering/effort/acknowledgement on VD in the future and don't punish him by "as casual about things as he is" for something he doesn't even know he's done.
    Men are not psychic, there are quite a few women who need reminding of this. Don't be one of them. It's highly unattractive.

    1. that post is completely patronising and condescending
    2. I am not punishing him, I am just going to take it easy. How is that a punishment?


  • #62
    Jack B. Badd
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,294 ✭✭✭Jack B. Badd


    The tone of what you posted below indicates that you think he's neglecting you and you will reciprocate in kind.
    mysterymeme123 wrote: »
    Anyway I'm over it, still haven't seen him and to be honest I think I'm just going to start being as casual about things as he is.

    Now, I may have read this incorrectly, you may have meant that you were going to calm down over such non-issues as receiving a VD text. Did you mean this?

    As for being patronising and condescending in my last post, did you discuss VD with your boyfriend at any point? Did you tell him what you wanted him to do? Or did you make an assumption and then get annoyed about him not knowing exactly what you expected, i.e. get annoyed about him not being psychic?


  • #63
    mysterymeme123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭mysterymeme123


    yeah you misread the post I should have put in a few LOLs :)

    Seriously though where is this psychic thing coming from. Yes we had discussed it I said that there was no need to go out because of work so he was more than aware it was Valentines.Did all the other girlfriends who got a kiss or a card say to their boyfriends Oh Get me a card and a kiss for Thursday? Surely it is perfectly reasonable to expect at least the acknowledgment that it s Valentines? ( not speaking specifically here but generally)


  • #64
    daiixi
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,347 ✭✭✭daiixi


    Tbh it's never reasonable to expect anything in life. And the sooner you learn not to expect anything the happier you'll be.


  • #65
    scoot on
    Closed Accounts Posts: 344 ✭✭scoot on


    mysterymeme123 wrote: »
    yeah you misread the post I should have put in a few LOLs :)

    Seriously though where is this psychic thing coming from. Yes we had discussed it I said that there was no need to go out because of work so he was more than aware it was Valentines.Did all the other girlfriends who got a kiss or a card say to their boyfriends Oh Get me a card and a kiss for Thursday? Surely it is perfectly reasonable to expect at least the acknowledgment that it s Valentines? ( not speaking specifically here but generally)

    It is and it isn't. It dependson the fella. I know my bf has absolutely no mass in it and probably would never txt me wishing me happy valentines day unless i txt him first.
    We're together a few years and had a big fight around the 3rd year we were going out because he didn't bother to get me a card or anything. We've never done anything besides go for a few drinks on valentines but as they say it's the thought that counts and i would have appreciated a card. This year he surprised me with a gorgeous present that I really wasn't expecting. You can't expect your bf to be a mind reader and you certainly shouldn't expect him to txt you when you never txt him. I know a lot of girls (including myself) like surprises on these kind of occassion but it's not always going to happen. You should tell him you were disappointed. Don't keep things to yourself.


  • #66
    mysterymeme123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭mysterymeme123


    lol but sure i'm over it now though.


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  • #67
    scoot on
    Closed Accounts Posts: 344 ✭✭scoot on


    mysterymeme123 wrote: »
    lol but sure i'm over it now though.

    until next year...


  • #68
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    Ok so everyone taking the cool cynical attitude to VD, you know you can show appreciation all year round but make sure one time falls on VD.

    How would you feel if you didn't get a birthday or a Christmas gesture....


  • #69
    mysterymeme123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭mysterymeme123


    scoot on wrote: »
    until next year...

    :D exaaaaaactly


  • #70
    unreggd
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,835 ✭✭✭unreggd


    Prolly read this thread!


  • #71
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    Lola123 wrote: »
    Have to say OP, I'd be pretty p1ssed off too. He could have at the very least said happy valentines day!
    I don't buy into all that cr@p about it being an overinflated holiday or whatever. It's a day to show the person you're with that you care about them, whats wrong with that?
    And I know other posters have said "well you didn't say it to him", but lets face it, on valentines day at least 80% of the female population would like some sort of romantic gesture without having to suggest it themselves!
    +1


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  • #72
    iguana
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,916 ✭✭✭✭iguana


    I don't buy into all that cr@p about it being an overinflated holiday or whatever. It's a day to show the person you're with that you care about them, whats wrong with that?

    What I think is wrong with Valentines day is the fact that it is a "holiday" which isolates a good chunk of the population and can make them feel utterly crap. It isn't similar to a birthday as everyone gets one. It isn't similar to Christmas as most people celebrate it or a religious equivalent like Hanukkah or Diwalhi. It is a holiday that you only get to celebrate if you are in a loving relationship and if you aren't in a loving relationship you get to watch everybody who is act like a smug twat.

    And lets be honest most people prefer to be in a loving relationship to being single so not only do single people get to not be in love but they get to feel inadequate too.


  • #73
    mysterymeme123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭mysterymeme123


    :eek: to be honest I think the card and the dinner was plenty , more then enough and very sweet. If she wants pressies and treats then she needs a sugar daddy or a pimp not a gentlemanly boyfriend


  • #74
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    walzer wrote: »
    I'm in a fairly new relationship, and I'm afraid that VDday may have wrecked it.

    We've been seeing each other regularly for about 3 months now, and she doesn't like to meet during the week. So I took her out for a meal for last night, Friday. I also secretly delivered a VDday card for her to get on the morning of the 14th.

    I thought that might be enough, but I got a pretty cool reception at the meal. It was all cordial, but there were things she said that suggested our relationship might not be that serious at all. She talks a lot about presents that other people have got her in the past, and she hinted at the fact she got no flowers on the day.

    I feel terrible today, but am very nervous about contacting her. I thought a meal and a card would be enough, and I thought having the meal on the 15th would be better (less crowds, and it's a weekend night). But I get the impression she was seriously disappointed. I wonder should I try talking to her about it, or just leave it and hope she gets over it?

    I really think V Day can produce such pressure and expectations that it can be damaging to relationships as much as helping them.

    If she is not happy with a card and a night out for VD then she is high-maintenance.... I would ask her out straight. You are at the nstart of a relationhip, if she is going to be demanding then you are better off knowing now.


  • #75
    Talliesin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    walzer wrote: »
    I really think V Day can produce such pressure and expectations that it can be damaging to relationships as much as helping them.
    Does it really count as "damaging to relationships" if you're going out with a 4 year old spoilt brat in the body of an adult and this becomes obvious on February 14th? Maybe "rescuing an individual" is a better description.

    BTW, 15th Feb is the best guess for the original Roman festival that St. Valentines replaced, do you didn't really get the date wrong by waiting for the next evening :)


  • #76
    WindSock
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,239 ✭✭✭✭WindSock


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I thought she would have dound the funny side of it too. I laughed but then had to explain myself. Making me think different about her to be honest.

    I enjoyed that story, it made me wonder what happened to Susans flowers. And also, your girlfriend is silly. Same as the OP.


  • #77
    Racing Flat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,415 ✭✭✭Racing Flat


    I got my girlfriend nothing for Valentines, she got me nothing and we definitely didn't send each other Valentines texts. But from the minute I woke in the mroning till I went to sleep at night I loved her all day long with all my heart and every ounce of my body. I thought about her a lot in work, went training after work, so did she and then we sat down on the couch for a half hour before bed, I put my arm around her and we had a laugh watching crap on TV. Last year I might have got her something, and maybe next year I will. And maybe in 2 weeks if I see something she likes I'll get it for her. But I'm not going to just get her something because it's Feb 14th - that's not love. Love is still having a laugh watching crap TV after 11 years. She's away on her hen weekend:D, and the telly is really crap, went to the cinema instead. Reinforces the fact that it's her that makes watching the TV good, not the crap TV...My point is love should be about happiness, not wanting gifts or 'the thought' as in 'it's the thought that counts'. I'd say a lot of fellows got flowers, or presents for their old dolls on Feb 14th but maybe it's just papering over the cracks, do they enjoy each other's company - do they make each other happy?

    I used to work with a girl whose hubby sends a huge bouquet of flowers to the work every birthday, special occasion, anniversary etc. (I'd say once a month). Always the same flowers, from the same shop - I'd say he has a direct debit set up at this stage and they know all the dates. All the other girls in work were so jealous. But whenever he phoned work and she answered she'd say 'Who's this?' Like she didn't even know him from 'Hello'!! !- a real functional 2.4children marriage between 2 successful poeple, with both of them doing the right things as expected by society and outwardly very happy, but I imagine them trying so hard trying not to let their minds think about whether they're actually happy or not. Work hard to keep themselves too busy to think about these things...

    Don't fall inot that lonely trap.


  • #78
    dublinlawyer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43 ✭dublinlawyer


    Racing Flat wrote: »
    But from the minute I woke in the mroning till I went to sleep at night I loved her all day long with all my heart and every ounce of my body. ... I put my arm around her and we had a laugh watching crap on TV. Last year I might have got her something, and maybe next year I will. And maybe in 2 weeks if I see something she likes I'll get it for her. But I'm not going to just get her something because it's Feb 14th - that's not love. Love is still having a laugh watching crap TV after 11 years. She's away on her hen weekend:D, and the telly is really crap, went to the cinema instead. Reinforces the fact that it's her that makes watching the TV good, not the crap TV...My point is love should be about happiness, not wanting gifts or 'the thought' as in 'it's the thought that counts'. I'd say a lot of fellows got flowers, or presents for their old dolls on Feb 14th but maybe it's just papering over the cracks, do they enjoy each other's company - do they make each other happy?
    Go on..Admit it...You were too mean to buy a card... lol..


  • #79
    Racing Flat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,415 ✭✭✭Racing Flat


    dublinlawyer wrote: »
    Go on..Admit it...You were too mean to buy a card... lol..

    missed the point buddy


  • #80
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    A woman may view Valentines day as a metre of how the man she's with will behave in the future. The question is what standards she is expecting.

    Some reject the day or prefer an equal relationship and will either ignore it or reciprocate with tokens of affections to their man. Others feel it is a day they should to some degree or other be romanced and pampered. Others again treat it as a second birthday, without the being a year older bit, and expect to be wined, dined and generally showered with generosity.

    As for men the reaction of their women is just as telling for us.

    My own view is that in this modern age where men and women are supposedly equal, while a token of affection follow the spirit of the tradition, the expectations of generosity by some are reminiscent of the adverts that prostitutes place seeking "generous men".

    In short women who expect too much of the day are to be avoided as much as those men who expect too little.


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