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Funny Airport Stories

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    #62
    pebbles21
    Registered Users Posts: 1,817 ✭✭✭pebbles21


    Just got off a long flight in Dublin Airport,and lit up a fag

    A bloke cleaning the floor shouts over to me whilst pointing his finger at the No Smoking sign and says"Oi!!..You!!...Can you not read???"

    I flicked the lit butt as his face and said"Course I can fcuking read...thats why I'm not sweeping floors in a fcuking Airport..



    /Do i win?:D


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    #63
    NegativeCreep
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,351 ✭✭✭NegativeCreep


    pebbles21 wrote: »
    Just got off a long flight in Dublin Airport,and lit up a fag

    A bloke cleaning the floor shouts over to me whilst pointing his finger at the No Smoking sign and says"Oi!!..You!!...Can you not read???"

    I flicked the lit butt as his face and said"Course I can fcuking read...thats why I'm not sweeping floors in a fcuking Airport..



    /Do i win?:D

    Yep, you win. You win a medal for cvnt of the year! He's only doing his job.


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    #64
    pebbles21
    Registered Users Posts: 1,817 ✭✭✭pebbles21


    NegativeCreep wrote: »
    Yep, you win. You win a medal for cvnt of the year! He's only doing his job.


    It was a joke...having a bad day?


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    #65
    Super-Rush
    Registered Users Posts: 19,473 ✭✭✭✭Super-Rush


    cookiecheck wrote: »
    A woman in a burqua joined the queue for the flight.
    I promptly cancelled my flight.
    NegativeCreep wrote: »
    Yep, you win. You win a medal for cvnt of the year! He's only doing his job.

    Both banned.


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    #66
    SocSocPol
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,043 ✭✭✭SocSocPol


    Pantsface wrote: »
    I feel your pain SocSocPol :(

    I too am outraged
    Ah, too kind, but your support is appreciated:)


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    #67
    Colmustard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,836 ✭✭✭Colmustard


    Funny and Airport in the same sentence is bad grammar.

    Airports are horrible places devoid of any comedy.


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    #68
    Colmustard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,836 ✭✭✭Colmustard


    When someone dies on a plane which happens frequently, on one flight one of the crew shouted out "did anyone else have the fish" he was disciplined.

    I read that somewhere.


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    #69
    face1990
    Registered Users Posts: 1,039 ✭✭✭face1990


    Colmustard wrote: »
    Airports are horrible places devoid of any comedy.

    Indeed. That's why all of these stories are monumentally shíte, anti-climactic borefests.


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    #70
    larchielads
    Registered Users Posts: 1,699 ✭✭✭larchielads


    coming back from berlin a few years back,goin to dublin, a mate of mine went to check in for the flight home after we had done so. the checker inner woman informed him that he was not booked on the flight to which my mate quickly replied "oh yes i am" to which she replied in her german/english accent "oh no your not" which went back and forth for a few mins to when my mate grabs back his check inn details from her and point out his name, passport numbe,r seat number, the flight time etc etc but then the checker inner woman with a smile on her face pointed out he had booked a flight for the same time for 12 months time. stupid dope clicked the wrong year for his return flight.

    dont ask me how he managed to do that as we were only away for the weekend. cost him nearly 400 euro to get on the flight home when the return trip only cost like 150 for that weekend.


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    #71
    Melion
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 10,259 ✭✭✭✭Melion


    Airports are hilarious when you work in one, guaranteed to meet 2/3 nutjobs every day.


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    #72
    danniemcq
    Registered Users Posts: 14,163 ✭✭✭✭danniemcq


    <Snip>

    nothing to add, just wanna pee off people on touch screens....


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    #73
    fasttalkerchat
    Registered Users Posts: 5,652 ✭✭✭fasttalkerchat


    went straight to the airport at 6am after a houseparty in glasgow. i was pissed!
    Had trouble finding the ticket amongst drink receipts but eventually got it and was sent off to security.
    At that time they were doing work at the airport so you had to go outside and into the other terminal to get to security. I was staggering along with my stomach churning and somehow got lost. I ended up on the wrong side of security trying to come in the exit doors. Yer man says "You cant come back this way" so I tell him I havent been through security yet he looks shocked and lets me in. I get scanned and on to the plane to sleep off the drink.

    the end... still a better love story than twilight!


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    #74
    Muir
    Registered Users Posts: 948 ✭✭✭Muir


    larchielads wrote: »
    coming back from berlin a few years back,goin to dublin, a mate of mine went to check in for the flight home after we had done so. the checker inner woman informed him that he was not booked on the flight to which my mate quickly replied "oh yes i am" to which she replied in her german/english accent "oh no your not" which went back and forth for a few mins to when my mate grabs back his check inn details from her and point out his name, passport numbe,r seat number, the flight time etc etc but then the checker inner woman with a smile on her face pointed out he had booked a flight for the same time for 12 months time. stupid dope clicked the wrong year for his return flight.

    dont ask me how he managed to do that as we were only away for the weekend. cost him nearly 400 euro to get on the flight home when the return trip only cost like 150 for that weekend.

    How'd he manage that? Airlines only allow you book 11 months in advance.


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    #75
    Sunnyisland
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,562 ✭✭✭✭Sunnyisland


    Not funny,more embarrassing.

    Was flying from Faro to Dublin via Lisbon,Got taxi to faro for 11oc check in,no problem just started drinking in bar,Of we went to Lisbon checked in and had to wait for 3/4 hours for flight,So of course of to the bar again,By the time I got to board I was to drunk to be allowed on plane and was sent away,Now instead of sleeping it of in Lisbon airport till next morning,I jump in a taxi and tell them to take me back down to the algarve,That's like a distance from Cork to Donegal,I have no money and tell portuguese taxi I will pay at destination,needless to say he wasn't impressed and after many phone calls to a portuguese friend in algarve he took me, I arrive about 6/7 in the evening at friends bar, he pays the taxi man about 150/200 euro,I then have some more drink and then fall asleep on couch in bar,Next morning at 5, my friend wakes me and brings me back up to Lisbon to catch 10.30 flight :o:o As I said more embarrassing than anything:(


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    #76
    nbar12
    Registered Users Posts: 1,381 ✭✭✭nbar12


    realies wrote: »
    Not funny,more embarrassing.

    Was flying from Faro to Dublin via Lisbon,Got taxi to faro for 11oc check in,no problem just started drinking in bar,Of we went to Lisbon checked in and had to wait for 3/4 hours for flight,So of course of to the bar again,By the time I got to board I was to drunk to be allowed on plane and was sent away,Now instead of sleeping it of in Lisbon airport till next morning,I jump in a taxi and tell them to take me back down to the algarve,That's like a distance from Cork to Donegal,I have no money and tell portuguese taxi I will pay at destination,needless to say he wasn't impressed and after many phone calls to a portuguese friend in algarve he took me, I arrive about 6/7 in the evening at friends bar, he pays the taxi man about 150/200 euro,I then have some more drink and then fall asleep on couch in bar,Next morning at 5, my friend wakes me and brings me back up to Lisbon to catch 10.30 flight :o:o As I said more embarrassing than anything:(

    so you weren't allowed on the plane for being a pisshead and then you fcuked your mate out of €200 for a fare that you had no intention of paying and then KO'd, woke up and made your flight...oh right


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    #77
    Sunnyisland
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,562 ✭✭✭✭Sunnyisland


    nbar12 wrote: »
    so you weren't allowed on the plane for being a pisshead and then you fcuked your mate out of €200 for a fare that you had no intention of paying and then KO'd, woke up and made your flight...oh right


    The first part right defoe a pisshead, The second part haven't a clue where you got that from :confused: But you carry on your amusing :P


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    #78
    Evidemment
    Registered Users Posts: 6 ✭Evidemment


    face1990 wrote: »
    Indeed. That's why all of these stories are monumentally shíte, anti-climactic borefests.

    Indeed.


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    #79
    kirving
    Registered Users Posts: 5,914 ✭✭✭kirving


    In an airport in Thailand, a friend of mine asked if it was OK to bring a lighter into the airport building at the security point on the door.

    The security guard looked at him funny, and said "OK, OK, you bring it in, no go boom on plane, OK?" (while making a gesture like lighting the lighter)


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    #80
    Wall E
    Registered Users Posts: 9 ✭Wall E


    Going to Spain a good few years ago with my family, we flew from Shannon, there was a really loud family from limerick, seemed harmless do with all the chat they were doing on the plane over to spain, kept me entertained :D Anyways when we arrived in the Spanish airport and went to collect our bags, three of the teenagers fromm the family proceeded to lie on the belt that brings your bags around for about twenty minutes. It was hiliarious to see them disappear under the door where the bags come out only to come back out lying on the belt every five minutes. Can't help think why the airport workers/ security didn't go mad. Can see them being shot if it was in a US airport :D


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    #81
    Carlos_Ray
    Closed Accounts Posts: 685 ✭✭✭Carlos_Ray


    realies wrote: »
    Not funny,more embarrassing.

    Was flying from Faro to Dublin via Lisbon,Got taxi to faro for 11oc check in,no problem just started drinking in bar,Of we went to Lisbon checked in and had to wait for 3/4 hours for flight,So of course of to the bar again,By the time I got to board I was to drunk to be allowed on plane and was sent away,Now instead of sleeping it of in Lisbon airport till next morning,I jump in a taxi and tell them to take me back down to the algarve,That's like a distance from Cork to Donegal,I have no money and tell portuguese taxi I will pay at destination,needless to say he wasn't impressed and after many phone calls to a portuguese friend in algarve he took me, I arrive about 6/7 in the evening at friends bar, he pays the taxi man about 150/200 euro,I then have some more drink and then fall asleep on couch in bar,Next morning at 5, my friend wakes me and brings me back up to Lisbon to catch 10.30 flight :o:o As I said more embarrassing than anything:(

    Its people like you that give Irish people a bad name.


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    #82
    larchielads
    Registered Users Posts: 1,699 ✭✭✭larchielads


    Muir wrote: »
    How'd he manage that? Airlines only allow you book 11 months in advance.
    honestly have no idea but thats what happened


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    #83
    dave3004
    Registered Users Posts: 621 ✭✭✭dave3004


    I've a sh!tter airport story !

    I was going through security in Orlando airport. Was visiting a friend over there. Well I was rocking up on my own in and out in and out towards the security entrance when it hit me..... I still had a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs in my jacket pocket. Panic Set In !!!!

    Instead of looking like a terrorist, turning on my heels and running back....I stopped, padded myself down as if I forgot something, rolled my eyes and wandered back to the safety of the open plan airport.

    Red-faced but holding a normal look I peer over to see the airport official on walkie talkie. I look elsewhere and another one glances at me walking across me. All of a sudden I'm paranoid as fcuk and drop the cuffs in a bin casually and continue walking.

    Was like a scene from a Bourne movie !!!


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    #84
    Sunnyisland
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,562 ✭✭✭✭Sunnyisland


    Carlos_Ray wrote: »
    Its people like you that give Irish people a bad name.



    :o Indeed carlos Ray indeed :o But you be glad to know that it wont happen again as there are now direct flights from Faro to Dublin all year round, So know need to go to lisbon now ;)


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    #85
    skinny90
    Registered Users Posts: 2,466 ✭✭✭skinny90


    Was in an airport in lille waiting on a plane for hours,me and my mate where messing with those big luggage carriers,I think we decided to have a race...anyways to cut the story short he has very bad eyesight and without seeing them he ran over a French couple who where sleeping on the ground...needless to say they where not happy


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    #86
    Blitzkrieger
    Registered Users Posts: 6,661 ✭✭✭Blitzkrieger


    I don't know about funny but a couple of the more remarkable things that happened to me in airports are :

    I was going through Schlipol very early in the morning after getting off a long haul flight where I didn't sleep well (side note : if there's a kid in the window seat, beg the stewardess to change). I was finishing up my breakfast and thinking about strolling down to my gate when something caused me to tune into the announcements which I had been ignoring : "This is the last and final boarding call for passenger Blitz. Your plane is ready to depart... your bags will be removed.... blah, blah, blah". This was surprising because the plane wasn't scheduled to leave for 45 minutes. Doubly weird as the Cork-Amsterdam route is almost like a shuttle bus and I wasn't even expecting that the plane would have arrived yet. But anyways, I wasn't far from the gate so hurried over.

    There was nobody in the line at security, so I lobbed my bag in the scanner and was surprised when the sleepy Dutch security guy asked me to open my bag. I had a bottle of whisky from the duty free I had purchased before my last flight, that he wouldn't let me take on despite being in a sealed plastic bag. Only stuff bought in Schlipol could be taken on board. So thinking I'm holding up the plane, being sleepy and not really caring at that stage, I tell him to just throw it out and board the plane. I was indeed the last person to board, so I ignored all the pissed off looks from the well settled looking passengers and found my seat..... where I waited 20 more minutes for the plane to depart. Bastards - I would have been in plenty of time without any announcements.....


    Another time I was waiting for a domestic flight in Thailand and was amazed by the amount of Indian guys who would arrive at the departure gate with a video camera out, filming their walk through the airport, the passengers waiting for the plane, the plane, taking their picture with the plane in the background, taking a picture of the whole clan in the departure lounge, etc. Usually while talking loudly for the benefit of whoever will be watching the footage. One guy came in, spotted me and came over and shoved the camera in my face while jabbering away loudly. I imagine it was the equivalent of a redneck going : "Hey Paw! Look at this freaky looking felluh!" Thankfully he spots the plane and ****s off to excitedly film a stationary plane. I found it unthinkably rude, but hey, different cultures and all that...

    Unfortunately that turned out to be a theme at a lot major of tourist attractions in Thailand. At the reclining Buddha in Bangkok one guy seemed far more interested in filming me than the giant ****ing statue behind him, and called all his friends over for a look too. So many people used to take my picture in India that I think I've missed a trick. I should go be a Bollywood mega-star, but for my inability to carry a tune and the misfortune of having been born without rhythm....


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    #87
    Ficheall
    Registered Users Posts: 9,023 ✭✭✭Ficheall


    A friend and I missed our flight from Beauvais once because we were engrossed in playing a game of chess to while away the time in the departure lounge.

    Not a terribly funny story, but it's shorter than the OP.


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