Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi all! We have been experiencing an issue on site where threads have been missing the latest postings. The platform host Vanilla are working on this issue. A workaround that has been used by some is to navigate back from 1 to 10+ pages to re-sync the thread and this will then show the latest posts. Thanks, Mike.
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

  • 12-12-2011 4:04am
    #1
    DeVore
    Business & Finance Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 32,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭DeVore


    I suffer from depression.



    I was spurred to write this by a few things, but what put me over the top was the recent handling of Kate Fitzgerald's suicide by the Irish Times and The Communications Clinic along with SineadW's terrific photographical artwork for WhatStigma.

    I'm lucky. I don't get it as badly as other people I know. I want to explain about it though because either you suffer from it too and I want to share, or you don't and I want to explain a few things.

    Now, it's not traditionally the the lightest of topics but hey, I'm game let's see if I can't raise a few giggles along the way? I'm going to break this up into three sections. Firstly for people who dont have a full understanding of depression and its effects. Secondly for those who may get it. Thirdly my own personal experiences and things I wish people knew.



    SO IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND DEPRESSION, HERES SOMETHINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW

    Depression is not sadness.
    One of the biggest misunderstandings about depression is that its like being really sad. It's not. It's like being *nothing*. Not sad, not happy, nothing. No joy, no sorrow. Flat line. Sure it can be triggered, exacerbated or deepened by bad, sad news... But the feeling is not one of sadness, it's more a flat feeling of inertia.
    To give you an idea, there was a day, not years ago, I got up and made myself a coffee and discovered I had no milk and thought: Why do I even bother, the world is ****ed and I can't fix it and went back to bed for the rest of the day. Two days later I couldn't figure out why someone had left a cup of black coffee go cold in my kitchen... :)

    Walk it off!!
    Frequently I will look back on a period, weeks even months and notice the signs. Believe it or not it's not always easy to spot when you are depressed, it's an amazingly insidious thing. And worse, when someone has it bad, they won't even care they have it. Nothing seems worth bothering about, even getting themselves help seems fncking pointless.
    Depression isn't something you can just "snap out of". Vitamin C and a kick in the arse is, curiously, not a solution. :rolleyes:


    Mental health issues = keep him away from sharp things.
    Believe me, if I'm depressed the very last thing I could be bothered doing is chasing your dumb ass around with a carving knife. Mental health has this ludicrous perception in Ireland that somehow sufferers are a danger to themselves and others. Ok, in very severe cases the person might self harm either through omission of care or deliberately. Ironically if we didn't have this stigma many of those people would get help and that wouldn't become an issue and feed the stigma in the first place. Like so many things about depression, its ironically self-referential.

    The number of cases where someone hurts others due to mental health issues (particularly depression) is a tiny tiny fraction. Tiny. We aren't Norman Bates and people need to stop hearing that shower music when someone shares their mental health issues.

    People with mental health issues are intellectually sub-optimal

    Wrong. Just plain wrong. In fact, I would hazard a guess that it has some correlation with high intelligence myself.
    For my own part, last time I had it checked I had an iq above 150. (when I practised the tests I got that up to 180... so I wouldnt put too much stock in those tests :) ).
    I'm 41 and pretty much retired. By any possible yardstick I've been successful and I'm bright. I have 7 honours in the leaving cert, a degree in pure mathematics, I studied 6 languages and have 11 honours in O-Levels which I sat in a single year (my "gap" year). Dumb, I aint. Lots of the people I know who have depression have it because they see TOO clearly rather than that they have poor intellects.


    So, Wtf have you got to be depressed about??
    I have absolutely nothing to be depressed about. By anyone's standards I have lived a life less ordinary. With thanks to everyone on boards, I will probably never have to do a ****ty menial job again. My family are all thankfully healthy and I'm at the top of my game.
    If only depression worked that way. It doesn't, it's not rational, it's insidious, it's illogical. Rather bizarrely I'm much more susceptible to it when things are going really well for me. When everything is in chaos and banjaxed I'm like a pig in ****e! Don't think that because someone's life looks great that they can't suffer from this. Don't think that only losers or people down on their luck can be depressed.

    Instead my depression manifests as my own criticism of me. While I'll cut lots of people lots of slack, I get none. Nothing I ever do is good enough and when the black dog is barking hard I can take every achievement I've notched up and trash it. Boards? I rode on Clouds coat tails. Gaelcon? The rest of the team carried me. SSF, I can do more. My degree? Should have been good enough to be a post grad.

    I'm available for bar mitzvahs and parties you know. Just sayin'...

    How can I help
    If you suffer from depression you can help yourself by talking about it. You can also be honest with yourself and try to see what might be a trigger for you. For me, exercise seems to help. If I allow myself to mope about things like the economy or exactly how ****ing retarded our government is, I can feel the downward spiral coming on and I have learned to head that off at the pass. Diet I'm told, is important. My diet is a wreck but I'm working on it. (Yesterday's dinner was made entirely by Rowntrees I noticed... bold DeV!)

    If you dont suffer from it then you can help by understanding it better. You can help by not making a big deal out of something that probably wouldnt be a big deal if we didn't make one out of it. :) Be supportive, listen and for God's sake dont say something like "yeah, when my cat died I was totally bummed out". I know you mean it well, but its like consoling a cancer suffer with the tale of how you once cut your finger. :)


    TO ANYONE OUT THERE WHO GETS THIS NASTY LITTLE CURSE:

    "I'm a basketcase, ****ed up and if I tell people they will try to kill me with fire."
    1 in 4 suffer depression. At those odds if you tell two people, you are almost 50/50 to be talking to another sufferer. It's means almost every family has a member who is hit by it. It means everyone knows someone who has a mental health problem, probably several people.
    You aren't frankenstein's monster, they aren't going to chase you out of the village with torches.
    You aren't a freak. Ok maybe you ARE a freak, I dunno. :) but if you are, its not because of your mental health issue.

    What should you do?
    Talk to someone. Anyone. Either in person or on the phone/email if you feel you can't face someone just yet. It wasn't easy for me either. Some people find it easier to talk to a complete stranger, others find it easier to talk to a family member or best mate.
    Me? Well people have this strange image of me and who I am because of Boards and other things I do and telling people that I am not perfect was really hard at first. I'm a ridiculous over achiever. I wanted to preserve that public image because I thought people will treat me like a leper. Worse, they'll pity me. I don't need anyone's ****ing pity! :)
    Talking really helped. REALLY helped. Waay more than I thought it would. In fact once I started, I couldnt stop and you know what, it felt goooooooooood.



    MY STORY

    My breakthrough came when my sister (a pharmacist) once said to me, "Tom, you know it sounds like you might have a touch of depression". She said it like it was nothing, like I might have a bit of a head cold. A touch of depression?? WTF?? To me that was like saying "Hey, you might have a touch of Ebola!". How could she be so nonchalant about this huge massive overwhelming secret I've been hiding?!

    For some reason we find it perfectly fine to talk about physical illness. People will more then readily tell you they are dying from flu or that they sprained their ankle but a touch of depression and it's like the third secret of Fatima. Why? Because the belief is that mental health means you aren't rational, reasonable, predictable.

    The vast majority of people with mental health issues are not "mad". They haven't lost their moral compass. When I'm depressed I'm the same person I always am, indeed on many many occasions since I was 9 I have successfully fooled people perfectly well that I'm "normal", whatever that is. Well, normal for me. Ok maybe I'm not a great example :) but lots and lots of people do it, they maintain a facade of normality while being depressed. If someone tells you they suffer from depression, don't start backing away. You've probably met them a dozen times when they *actually* were depressed, now isnt the time to stop believing they are who they are.


    Depression isnt a joke. Untreated it can lead people to very dark places. But its not a death sentence either. I've lived with it all my life and it hasnt held me back because I deal with it as best I can. If you suffer from it, please please please, from someone who knows where you are, talk. You wont believe how much better you will feel, its ****ing awesome. Talking about things put it in perspective for me, made me see that I *could* cope, that life could be good. I listed the top ten most important things about me, in my opinion. I was shocked when I reaslised I hadnt listed depression.


    Talk to someone.

    Anyone.




    (just not the Irish Times).

    DeV.

    Edit: Other resources online:
    Our own Long Term Illness forum has a thread on it: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055828992
    Pieta House has been mentioned a few times on the site: http://www.pieta.ie/
    The Clearsil & Hormones forum has a thread on it specifically for younger people (teens and 20s I guess): http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055801504

    Reading Material:
    Royal College of Psychiatrist: Readable info on all mental health topics aimed at patients and caregivers.

    Psychology Today on Mindfulness: Readable and essential non-medication treatment ideas. All stuff that can improve your life with no side effects. Does not negate the need for meds in many cases but it can improve your quality of life.

    NIMH booklets on mental health topics: Good reading. Again aimed at patients.

    Over the Xmas 2011, there is a Twitter account named: @121depression which will be manned by some cool peeps. You can talk to them or you can just have a natter.

    This video was released by the people behind #depressionhurts http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP7DIIcgkzs&context=C31d1892ADOEgsToPDskLkwkiEZMmlX12oYXVB3euR


    FAMILY SUPPORT: Aware run relatives groups, twice a month in Cork anyway, for peer support and similar. Console have a helpline for people bereaved by suicide. The Samaritans accept calls (as far as I know) from people whose source of stress and worry is the mental illness of a loved one or friend.

    Group support: https://www.turn2me.org/index.php/group-support.html?gclid=COrkxZbC160CFQIm3godbS4mmQ

    DepressionHurts Ireland: http://www.depressionhurtsireland.com/ great website and a great read for sufferers and supporters alike!

    Blog about Mental health and dealing with it from a personal point of view. http://beautyfrompainblog.wordpress.com/

    Aware run meetings, with trained facilitators.

    http://www.aware.ie//help/support/aware_support_services/

    http://www.aware.ie/help/support_groups_map/

    They also run separate support groups for family and partner of people living with depression.

    GROW is a group therapy org for mental health... more about them here: http://www.grow.ie/about.html

    I'll edit in any more that people post, if you think of any, please let me know.
    Tagged:


«134567…168

Comments

  • #2
    Millicent
    Registered Users Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    Great post, DeV and thanks for posting. :)

    To add to that "seeing too clearly" point -- you can't just stop seeing things that way. My advice to anyone who doesn't understand depression is that telling people to get out of their own heads will not help. I think it was no fewer than three doctors who suggested I stop thinking so much when I went seeking help. The problem with this advice is that I stopped analysing my thoughts and feelings and the depression was allowed to just take over.

    Learning to reshape how you think, rather than just trying to cut off any thoughts, can help immensely. One of the keys to conquering depression is to turn that incredible self awareness on the areas of your life that are impacting on your mental health and figuring out solutions.

    And I've said it before and I'll say it again -- Pieta House saved my life, not only through stopping me wanting to end it, but by helping me to find meaning in it and learning to place a value on it.

    Good luck to anyone suffering or who is struggling to deal with a depressed love one. It can get better. x


  • #3
    policarp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,664 ✭✭✭policarp


    After Hours.
    Best place for counciling. Maybe.
    Why not go to Personal Issues?


  • #4
    Millicent
    Registered Users Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    policarp wrote: »
    After Hours.
    Best place for counciling. Maybe.
    Why not go to Personal Issues?

    Because it's not a personal issue. It affects a giant chunk of the population as well as the families and friends of those who suffer.


  • #5
    Jimoslimos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,930 ✭✭✭Jimoslimos


    A1. Excellent post
    For a moment when I saw the heading I thought a hacking had occured!
    DeVore wrote: »
    Talk to someone.

    Anyone.




    (just not the Irish Times).

    DeV.
    I did laugh, guess that was the point!


  • #6
    DeVore
    Business & Finance Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 32,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭DeVore


    policarp wrote: »
    After Hours.
    Best place for counciling. Maybe.
    Why not go to Personal Issues?
    Because PI people already know this stuff.

    Because the ignorance of the general populace is more of a problem than depression itself.

    Because I'm willing to be the guinea pig and have people say anything they like about me and this, so long as its talked about, so I'm happy to "brave" AH and talk to everyone, sufferer or otherwise.

    Millicent, you will be pleased to know then that an Xbox bought with the proceed of last years AH SSF drive was delivered to Pieta House and they were beyond chuffed. I have them locked on for this year too. :)

    DeV.


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    AstridBean
    Closed Accounts Posts: 138 ✭✭AstridBean


    DeVore wrote: »
    Depression is not sadness.
    One of the biggest misunderstandings about depression is that its like being really sad. It's not. It's like being *nothing*. Not sad, not happy, nothing.

    Firstly, great post.

    But I just want to pick up on something here. I have suffered from depression on and off throughout my life. Always have, always will. Depression IS like emptiness but for me at least, it is also a persistent sadness. Sadness and nothingness in a curious mix. A sense of despair. So, it's not necessarily true to say it is nothingness and there are no other feelings involved. I just want people to know that. Some people might just feel emptiness but for others, all-consuming sadness and despair features heavily too, in conjunction with nothingness.


  • #8
    Millicent
    Registered Users Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    DeVore wrote: »
    Because PI people already know this stuff.

    Because the ignorance of the general populace is more of a problem than depression itself.

    Because I'm willing to be the guinea pig and have people say anything they like about me and this, so long as its talked about, so I'm happy to "brave" AH and talk to everyone, sufferer or otherwise.

    Millicent, you will be pleased to know then that an Xbox bought with the proceed of last years AH SSF drive was delivered to Pieta House and they were beyond chuffed. I have them locked on for this year too. :)

    DeV.

    Fantastic -- delighted to hear it. :) If I can help out in any way, please let me know. I can't praise them enough. They are a wonderful, wonderful organisation.


  • #9
    efb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35,514 ✭✭✭✭efb


    down that road a bit, not the mae west tonight.


  • #10
    ThePower11
    Closed Accounts Posts: 553 ✭✭✭ThePower11


    Great post, one point you made really stood out to me and that was exercise! Exercising is a great way of relieving depression.

    You are going to get 500 thanks or more for that post I'd say :D


  • #11
    AstridBean
    Closed Accounts Posts: 138 ✭✭AstridBean


    ThePower11 wrote: »
    Great post, one point you made really stood out to me and that was exercise! Exercising is a great way of relieving depression.

    Curiously, exercise has always made me feel really low afterwards, my mood completely drops.


  • Advertisement
  • #12
    Oranage2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,128 ✭✭✭✭Oranage2


    I think we may be all aware of depression but it's very hard to know what to say or do with a person with depression I think is the problem.


    Another thing is this exact time is very common for suicides (early monday mornings) and especially around the festive time, so ring the Samaritans even if it's just for a chat.


    So why did you post this now Devore, are you feeling particularly low tonight?


  • #13
    policarp
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,664 ✭✭✭policarp


    DeVore wrote: »
    Because PI people already know this stuff.

    Because the ignorance of the general populace is more of a problem than depression itself.

    Because I'm willing to be the guinea pig and have people say anything they like about me and this, so long as its talked about, so I'm happy to "brave" AH and talk to everyone, sufferer or otherwise.

    Millicent, you will be pleased to know then that an Xbox bought with the proceed of last years AH SSF drive was delivered to Pieta House and they were beyond chuffed. I have them locked on for this year too. :)

    DeV.
    Sorry DeV missed the point.


  • #14
    DeVore
    Business & Finance Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 32,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭DeVore


    AstridBean wrote: »
    Firstly, great post.

    But I just want to pick up on something here. I have suffered from depression on and off throughout my life. Always have, always will. Depression IS like emptiness but for me at least, it is also a persistent sadness. Sadness and nothingness in a curious mix. A sense of despair. So, it's not necessarily true to say it is nothingness and there are no other feelings involved. I just want people to know that. Some people might just feel emptiness but for others, all-consuming sadness and despair features heavily too, in conjunction with nothingness.
    Sorry, yes, thats why I tried to split this into three parts with the third as my personal experience. It hits everyone differently and I'm "lucky" that I dont get that sadness. At least I dont now, when I was a kid I would cry myself to sleep and I wouldnt know why. Over the years I've come to recognise that downward spiral and I know that it goes nowhere good.

    I also know that the best time to combat it is right at the start, right then when I see the trend. Thats helped me from getting to that state now...

    But yes, its a very subjective experience.

    DeV.


  • #15
    starviewadams
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,116 ✭✭✭starviewadams


    Great post.

    It was such a struggle for me to finally spit out how bad I was feeling to my GP just over a year ago.Luckily he was excellent,and referred me to the community mental health clinic where various mental health staff assessed and diagnosed me with clinical depression with bi-polar tendencies,apparently!

    I reckon I had been struggling with depression since my early teens,but my shocking family history in relation to depression and mental illness,and the way that various aunts and uncles of mine who had been diagnosed,were dismissively discussed by my parents and grandparents when out of earshot made me supress the idea of ever telling my family how I was feeling.

    I've since told my mother who's been great in fairness,and a few close friends who have been very supportive too.

    I'd definitely echo Dev's advice,if you are feeling depressed,talk to somebody,anybody,don't just bottle your feelings up like I did for so many years,which I wish I hadn't of done!


  • #16
    Millicent
    Registered Users Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    Oranage2 wrote: »
    I think we may be all aware of depression but it's very hard to know what to say or do with a person with depression I think is the problem.


    Another thing is this exact time is very common for suicides (early monday mornings) and especially around the festive time, so ring the Samaritans even if it's just for a chat.


    So why did you post this now Devore, are you feeling particularly low tonight?

    You know what I found hurt the most when I was depressed? The reluctance of people to just listen. You don't have to say the exact right thing. Just letting a depressed person let off steam or have a cry or get it all out of their system can be the kindest, most loving and definitely most appreciated thing you can do.

    And genuinely, fair played to you for being willing to make the effort to try to find the best way to deal with a depressed person. Sadly, a lot of people tend to ignore it, either out of awkwardness or not wishing to pry, creating a sense of isolation that really compounds the illness.

    Being there for someone is genuinely enough for most. :)


  • #17
    im invisible
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,372 ✭✭✭im invisible


    Meh,...


    I've suffered from depression all my life, and i've talked about it with people (well told them, anyway). But we can talk, and we can cry, and we can hug, and we can laugh, but tomorrow its going to be the same, i'm going to feel the same, and if you keep talking about it, how everything you say, or dont say, everything you do, or dont do, is because of the way you feel inside... people can get tired of it.


    Not feeling too bad these days (well, on the dole, so dont have to leave the house, can stay in bed all day...), havnt talked to anyone about it in a while either


  • #18
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    Dev, it was a well constructed, informative post. Your honesty is inspiring, and while I read through it, my fear was that it wouldn't receive the best response in AH.


    I've suffered from it too, but I don't have the bravery you have to go into specifics. Fair play to you.


  • #19
    Millicent
    Registered Users Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    starviewadams wrote: »

    I'd definitely echo Dev's advice,if you are feeling depressed,talk to somebody,anybody,don't just bottle your feelings up like I did for so many years,which I wish I hadn't of done!

    I'd add a caveat to that. Talk to the right people. I know that opening up to people who were dismissive made me feel so much worse. If you don't have a friend or family member you can talk to, there is no shame or failure in speaking to the Samaritans, a counsellor, a doctor, your clergyman or similar if you are religious etc. Someone will give you the response you need. Don't give up if the first people you try can't or won't understand.


  • #20
    ibarelycare
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 58,456 ✭✭✭✭ibarelycare


    This is really insightful. I've just gone through a really tough break-up where the other person was depressed and had to break up with me because of it. I thought that I could help it by simply being cheerier and a better girlfriend. He never attempted to break it down for me like this (not that I would expect him to, and I never asked him to). But reading this post actually helps me a lot. I know now that it's not my fault, and it's not his either. Thanks.


  • #21
    Millicent
    Registered Users Posts: 4,559 ✭✭✭Millicent


    im invisible wrote: »
    Meh,...


    I've suffered from depression all my life, and i've talked about it with people (well told them, anyway). But we can talk, and we can cry, and we can hug, and we can laugh, but tomorrow its going to be the same, i'm going to feel the same, and if you keep talking about it, how everything you say, or dont say, everything you do, or dont do, is because of the way you feel inside... people can get tired of it.


    Not feeling too bad these days (well, on the dole, so dont have to leave the house, can stay in bed all day...), havnt talked to anyone about it in a while either

    Maybe counselling might help? I know it wasn't till I learned what to change in my thought process or figured out how to deal with emotions in a more practical way instead of having an "Argh! Run away!" response that I started to get better.

    Good luck with everything.


  • Advertisement
  • #22
    DeVore
    Business & Finance Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 32,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭DeVore


    efb wrote: »
    down that road a bit, not the mae west tonight.
    Oranage2 No, I'm ok. I've come through a bout of it this summer, a particular insididous bout which is why you guys may not have seen me around quite as much, but I'm good now, on the rise and heading to the surface. I have been working on that piece for days and a bout of insomnia made me determined to finish it tonight.


    Efb, for what its worth there's an irish bloke sitting in Malta wishing you well right now. Please talk to someone when you get a chance. I'm not a therapist so I dunno what to say but you arent alone.

    DeV.


  • #23
    Jimoslimos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,930 ✭✭✭Jimoslimos


    DeVore wrote: »
    Because the ignorance of the general populace is more of a problem than depression itself.
    Indeed, it seems an unspoken taboo. I see sportsmen and women being less reluctant to come out as gay than to admit depression.

    For the most part, people these days accept that sexuality isn't something that can be altered - so therefore more accepting. With depression it's a case of;
    - Pull yourself together
    - What are you depressed about? You have a good job/family/etc


  • #24
    talkinyite
    Closed Accounts Posts: 349 ✭✭talkinyite


    Great post. I think depression is like trying to find a balance between self-creation and self-destruction. Exercise works for some depressed people but self-harming works for others.


  • #25
    cursai
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,915 ✭✭✭cursai


    Nicely put Dev. You captured a lot in that piece. I'd say you have a lot of hope and light left if your mind can keep on articulating what it's going through.


  • #26
    TeddyTedson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,758 ✭✭✭✭TeddyTedson


    Wow great post DeV. Very informative, I learned a lot about depression that I didn't know.


  • #27
    ThePower11
    Closed Accounts Posts: 553 ✭✭✭ThePower11


    cursai wrote: »
    Nicely put Dec. You captured a lot in that piece. I'd say you have a lot of hope and light left if your mind can keep on articulating what it's going through.
    Good point Ant :pac:


  • #28
    Gloomtastic!
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,618 ✭✭✭Gloomtastic!


    Blimey O'Reilly! Looks like all members of Boards are depressees (sic). ;)

    Good post DeV. I know two people who have had it. One who couldn't bear it any longer and left behind such a beautiful, caring family steeped in grief ten years later. The other fighting hard to get out of the depths of despair but just when you think they've beaten it, it grabs them again and tears them, and their families lives to pieces. Both incredibly intelligent and successful people.

    My question? Can stupid people get Depression? ;)


  • #29
    efb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35,514 ✭✭✭✭efb


    DeVore wrote: »
    Oranage2 No, I'm ok. I've come through a bout of it this summer, a particular insididous bout which is why you guys may not have seen me around quite as much, but I'm good now, on the rise and heading to the surface. I have been working on that piece for days and a bout of insomnia made me determined to finish it tonight.


    Efb, for what its worth there's an irish bloke sitting in Malta wishing you well right now. Please talk to someone when you get a chance. I'm not a therapist so I dunno what to say but you arent alone.

    DeV.

    Dev, I do. tks. but the more we stand together the less alone we are.


  • #30
    Guill
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,331 ✭✭✭Guill


    Thanks OP, great read, great insight into something, TBH, i don't understand.


    Ah response: Grow a pair! ;)


  • Advertisement
  • #31
    efb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35,514 ✭✭✭✭efb


    Guill wrote: »
    Thanks OP, great read, great insight into something, TBH, i don't understand.


    Ah response: Grow a pair! ;)


    4 balls would look funny


  • #32
    Local-womanizer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,798 ✭✭✭Local-womanizer


    Jimoslimos wrote: »
    - What are you depressed about? You have a good job/family/etc

    Thankfully I don't suffer from depression and I agree with many on here that it is subjective.

    Sometimes when I feel a bit down,which is normal, I just think that yea,I have good friends, family and a job I enjoy going too.

    These things probably help a lot when it comes to getting over a bout of depression,simply because of the support and understanding (family and friends) available to a person to keeping busy in a happy environment which takes your mind off things even for a brief time (a job)

    I'm not saying these are a reason not to suffer from it but can help a person deal with it to a certain degree.


  • #33
    Jimoslimos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,930 ✭✭✭Jimoslimos


    Image embedding doesn't work but anyway
    http://memegenerator.net/cache/instances/400x/11/11905/12191324.jpg


  • #34
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 85,044 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Very reflective post DeV. I've had my own bouts and posted about them on the site previously, not that I think I wish to revisit them right here. It's always very good to read these especially if you are a regular sufferer of depression (especially in the winter!) - acts as a good reminder to self-diagnose yourself for the telltale signs. I have a bedroom floor index myself, based on a ratio between 0 and 1 of how much of my floor I can see visibly and how much is obscured by random clutter or laundry.


  • #35
    im invisible
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,372 ✭✭✭im invisible


    Overheal wrote: »
    I have a bedroom floor index myself, based on a ratio between 0 and 1 of how much of my floor I can see visibly and how much is obscured by random clutter or laundry.
    jesus, going by that i must be worse than i thought so...

    Ah, we'll have it tidy for christmas


  • #36
    Insect Overlord
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,912 Mod ✭✭✭✭Insect Overlord


    **Warning!** Bit of a long post coming up here! I write far too freely in the middle of the night. :)

    I've never had a formal "diagnosis" of depression, but at least one counsellor has recognised the symptoms in me and I've known what it's like to spend months at a time feeling hopeless, direction-less, purposeless. I've spent nights lying awake in bed thinking about suicide. That's not to say that I've ever considered killing myself. But, it's a sign of very unhealthy thinking when you're quietly comparing and contrasting methods.

    My story? Nothing extraordinary. Bullied for a long time in primary school. Reached the top and had to stop, but then moved on to secondary and once again it was bothering me. Found it hard to make friends, both because I was an awkward, temperamental individual and because people were actively warning others to avoid me. I got in fights after school and never fought back, had my locker broken into, books stolen, bike vandalised, that kind of thing, for the first two and a half years in that school.

    I started coming into my own in the build-up to the Junior Cert. I stood up in an English class one day and read a short essay about how the loneliest time in my life was when I was bullied. I think that started the process anyway. I know I started making a lot more friends after that, and I'm still close to most of them now, ~8 years on. Since then it's been a series of highs and lows. Not quite bi-polar (the highs and lows tend to last too long for that) but a bit like the biblical metaphor of times of plenty and times of little.

    Intense relationships bringing out the best in me, bad break-ups sending me crashing again. Failing to prepare for exams, projects, deadlines. Getting anxious and doing everything at the last minute. Not really caring about consequences. Not taking enough risks, as opposed to taking too many. Putting too much energy into side-projects when I should have focussed on my degree/MA. Spending hours on the Internet when I should be asleep, working, shopping, cooking, exercising, anything! Being stoic about trivial things instead of just getting them done. Torturing myself with memories of when I've screwed up in the past. Convincing myself that there's no fairness in the world.

    And on the other side of the coin, I've learned to play an instrument. I've sung on stage with a band and performed in a few pubs to entertain friends. I've published poetry. I do martial arts/self-defence to a fairly high level. I'm respected locally as a very reliable goalkeeper, and right now I'm in the best shape of my life. I got my degree, even though I hated the time I spent doing it and ended up in counselling twice. I run an Irish language discussion forum and moderate some great forums here on Boards and have a decent little following for my blog. I've done the Gatekeeper and the ASIST suicide awareness and prevention courses and educated myself about mental health in general so I can help myself and so I can offer to be there for others.

    Talking about my life on-line has always helped. The year I spent modding the Clearasil & Hormones forum brought me close to an incredible group of exceptional young people. Most of them have stopped posting in that forum now, but we all helped each other through some really bad times. It didn't matter that some people suffered more than others. There was just an acceptance and an understanding and an empathy in that group that made the forum a magical little corner of the Internet. We are the generation who knows it's okay to talk and to share and to be honest. And all of that is possible because of this marvellous resource the OP has been building since the late 1990s.

    DeV, a million thanks for this platform and for encouraging people to use it for good, and for leading by example yourself. It'll be great to have this thread to look back on the next time I go through a dark spell.


  • Advertisement
  • #37
    Snowie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,048 ✭✭✭✭Snowie


    The other day some one said to me, they need to either turn the voltage up or down... I think there person was trying, to say Im nuts or crazy maybe even immature.

    But I think people confuse being random with being a bit mad really, I'm not, I suffered for 20 years of being well tbh pretty damm miserable, and its fine, Ive been bullied, Ive been singled out bye groups of people. I've had people stab my back I've had people gang up on me.. Ive had people mentally **** with me physically beat me. Ive had it all.


    So for a long time id say I've been depressed these days err not so much. But to a degree Im past the depression I'm trying to get over anger, anger at the people who singled me out ho hit me who hurt me for no reason what so ever...even a member Of family which is awful at times because I feel guilty.
    Getting over it slowly.. It takes time.


    But being honest, depression is not a glum feeling. Its fvcking hell. its like standing in the worlds biggest airport, with thousands of people walking around they don't really see you, because your completely out of faze with every one else, they don't notice your down or in the middle of your chest there's a black hole which is sucking any good feeling you have out of you.

    But people this is were theres a difference people rant mind readers if i had a penny for every time some ones asked me am I alright and not been able to talk about it because I was shy or embarrassed.

    It's all well and good promoting and trying to defend depression, but I'm sorry when your depressed your usually very selfish and only think about your self. but some times you don't know why. Some one said it to me, Well actually she said I think you have no self confidence, no self eseatem no value to your self or to any one, Finishing off with i think you suffer from depression.


    That person is the reason I'm able to write this. Id love to point out I love to hate her :D Im aloud.

    3 weeks later i was in the most aggressive therapy sessions you could imagine man I kicked the flying fvck out of that black hole. but

    Being honest these days all I want in life is to be happy and sod any one who trys to stop that telling me i gotta be successful, I just wanna be happy and when Im taking pictures I am. When Im being creative, I see the satisfaction and feel the satisfaction in my life that I never and I've only been taking photos a year and I've been told I've got potential My confidence is at an all time high.

    Im finishing of on a positive note. :)

    The only person who can change things is you and it takes work if your sick of it you the anger of being pissed of feeling like **** as the strength to deal with it because people who suffer from it. beat it with large sticks.


  • #38
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,170 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Great opening post and great and welcome thread.

    I'd certainly agree with DeV on the depression/intelligence angle. IMHO and IME "thinkers" get it more and more often than less bright people, or bright people who are quite narrow in their focus. Of the cleverest people I know, I honestly can't think of one who didn't get it to some degree or other. Not necessarily requiring treatment, often situational triggered and for the majority thankfully temporary but they got more than a case of the "blues" that's for sure. Stands to reason. The more one sees the world, the more likely one also sees much of the BS of it. Objectively speaking the BS tends to outweigh the good stuff.
    DeVore wrote:
    "I'm a basketcase, ****ed up and if I tell people they will try to kill me with fire."
    1 in 4 suffer depression. At those odds if you tell two people, you are almost 50/50 to be talking to another sufferer. It's means almost every family has a member who is hit by it. It means everyone knows someone who has a mental health problem, probably several people.
    You aren't frankenstein's monster, they aren't going to chase you out of the village with torches.
    You aren't a freak. Ok maybe you ARE a freak, I dunno. but if you are, its not because of your mental health issue.
    This + 1000. It's incredibly common. People who talk about their own "black dog", whether that be a temporary encounter in their past or an ongoing issue in their lives less so, but thankfully that's changing.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #39
    efb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35,514 ✭✭✭✭efb


    Sleepless night- decided to head to my doc now


  • #40
    DeVore
    Business & Finance Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 32,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭DeVore


    Insect Overlord, your early life mirrors mine very closely!

    Snowie, if the black hole has balls, I hope you burst them :) Its good to hear therapy has you back to yourself and you are happy and focused.

    Depression can make people seem to be right selfish bastards sometimes. And sometimes thats true but sometimes its an interpretation of their actions by people who are trying to make sense of them. Like the person earlier on who said their boyfriend broke up with them.... well that sounds like he simply couldn't see a future for the relationship, many people who suffer depression feel like that, nothing could possible come from X and its dooooooomed to failure so why bother.


    Finally, great work Tom, you have something you want everyone to see and read.... so 5am on a Sunday morning is a GREAT time to post it. :):)
    Oh, im smart alright, reaaaaal smart lol :):p

    DeV.


  • #41
    KKkitty
    Registered Users Posts: 7,537 ✭✭✭KKkitty


    I suffer from anxiety and even though it's no laughing matter I've done so many irrational things cos of anxiety. I can't have a pain without thinking something is wrong. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. I feel like a basket case most of the time.


  • Advertisement
  • #42
    44leto
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,137 ✭✭✭44leto


    LOL
    A great OP, I was about to get on my high horse and write a big post challenging the thread title.

    I use to think it was a fake illness till I got a serious bout of it. It was like being lost in the middle of an endless dark forest and paralysed from the neck up.

    I got past mine, the drugs helped a lot and gave me some motivation with encouragement from a family member who does triathlons. So I trained and did a sprint triathlon, the training discipline helped and gave me a purpose, I did the triathlon and in no-way a world beating time, but I completed it. I have been lightly exercising since and the darkness hasn't returned.

    So contrary to the OP, in a way, I did walk it off and I keep it at bay that way.


  • #43
    cloud493
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,835 ✭✭✭✭cloud493


    I was diagnosed with depression, and Almost certainly bipolar, but Im not taking anything anymore. The funny thing is, I've never met anyone in real life who calls it depression. I don't call it depression. Without going in to specifics, since I already have in C&H, bad past. Lost of bad things.


    Please, talk to someone. I, not very long ago, March it was, after 7 years of self injury, decided I couldn't take it anymore, and went further than I'd normally go, nearly spilt my arm open apparently. It was so stupid, and the scars dont fade. Please, talk to someone. It's only a few words to the right person.


  • #44
    DeVore
    Business & Finance Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 32,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭DeVore


    Leto, each person finds their own coping mechanisms. I'm very similar to you exercise works for me. It doesnt work for everyone though, so each person needs to find their path to the surface.

    For me, hurtling down a mountain on a snowboard works wonders. you simply dont have the time or desire to be anything but 100% focused. I find it very hard to have that black ambivalence when I'm shredding :)
    But thats also temporary... what really works for me is fitness. When I'm training and really working myself to exhaustion there is a blanket of peace that comes and a few weeks of that and I stop feeling like I'm driving myself around from 6 foot behind myself. I feel like I really inhabit my body. (sorry, its a very hard to describe the feeling).

    Efp, if thats the only thing that comes from this thread, I've succeeded. Good luck mate, like your said if we all stick together and realise just how many of us there are, we'll never be alone.

    DeV.


  • #45
    Seachmall
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,041 ✭✭✭Seachmall


    I spoke to a counselor a few years ago who he mentioned he thought I was suffering depression however taking into account I can only remember having "depressive episodes" twice in my 20 odd years and a dozen or so of much lighter(?) "episodes" does this really count as depression? Surely it's too sparse to consider it depression?

    Is this simply a case of a counselor jumping to conclusions (only had a handful of sessions with him) or can depression be that sparse?


  • #46
    DeVore
    Business & Finance Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 32,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭DeVore


    You can get depressed once and never again imho. More common is periodic depression... I seem to go through periods of high/low activity. I'm not qualified to decide for you. If you feel its affecting your quality of life or family, you should talk to a professional just on the QT and get a check up.

    DeV.


  • #47
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,170 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Seachmall wrote: »
    I spoke to a counselor a few years ago who he mentioned he thought I was suffering depression however taking into account I can only remember having "depressive episodes" twice in my 20 odd years and a dozen or so of much lighter(?) "episodes" does this really count as depression? Surely it's too sparse to consider it depression?

    Is this simply a case of a counselor jumping to conclusions (only had a handful of sessions with him) or can depression be that sparse?
    It's a small word for a huge range of human emotions and conditions. So yes you might be having low level background "noise" with the odd peak/trough. Plus you may not notice as it's just part of who you are and a trained outsider is more likely to see that. If in doubt, like with any medical issue you may have you can always get a second opinion. Indeed beyond the usual scrapes and sniffles I'd always go for one. On one occasion doing so likely saved my life.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #48
    efb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35,514 ✭✭✭✭efb


    My Depression is a chronic illness it goes away and come back. It's back now and I've gotta beat it.


  • #49
    DeVore
    Business & Finance Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 32,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭DeVore


    Efp, I just noticed you are an Arsenal fan! I was forced to pick a team this year (after years of slagging Hooliball) and I picked Arsenal.

    Maybe we both genuinely have something to be depressed about lol! :)

    Good luck, pm me if you feel like you want to talk.

    DeV.


  • #50
    catpeanut
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1 ✭catpeanut


    I have suffered for as long as I can remember. I have tried medication but it did not help, it numbed emotions for long stretches but the feelings of despair were deeper and more disruptive, and I frequently wanted to kill myself. I did try on one occasion. I am no longer on medication, and have come to terms with the fact that depression will be a longterm companion, I have to learn to live with it and manage it. For me, one thing that always helps is exercise. I am trying to reclaim my life, but unfortunately for me this struggle to stay alive has resulted in a very threadbare CV, that cannot be explained easily to potential employers. I feel that there is a huge stigma around mental health in the workplace. I am often perplexed by the people in society who on the one hand are dismayed by the suicide levels in this country and on the other are uncomfortable discussing or dealing with people with mental health issues. I feel that it is hard for people who are struggling to build a life for themselves to find opportunities, as there are gaps in employment history, etc. In fact, I was advised to say that these gaps were caused by anything other than mental illness. One person said to me that it would be better to be seen as a 'waster' than 'crazy'.


  • #51
    efb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 35,514 ✭✭✭✭efb


    Cheers DeVora lol


  • Advertisement
Advertisement