All ye oul wans and oul fellas out there! Wakey wakey, rise and shine!

BrensBenz wrote: »

Apparently, They don't go away, you know? They fall off the screen into the gaps between the keys on your keyboard and clog it up.

You been watchin' porn? or what?

Janey Mac, this place looks abandoned! Where is everybody?

Did I ever tell yiz about the time I was flying home, in the cheap seats, and there was a couple of total airheads behind me, in seats A and C, with a male type person in seat B.

Well, I became aware of these two before they sat down because I could hear the aircraft's air filtration system having difficulty with the amount and pungency of their perfumes. "A" arrived first - ventilators were turned on. Then "B" arrived, some short, polite remarks. Then "C" arrived - more ventilators were turned on.

"Oh Hoy.........Oh Moy Gawwwd, it's loike..... youuuuuu.......loike that's todally amayyyyyyyyyyzing"
"Hoy........how are youuuuuuuuuuuuu. It's been loike....so lonnnnnnng"

This hysterical dialogue went on and on and on, at full volume, but at least the ventilators drowned out some of it. My main sympathies were with "B" who was having to listen to this verbal cr@p in both ears and suffer perfume overload in both nostrils. My eyes, and those of my companion met for a moment. His head was shaking left and right and then he cast his eyes roofwards, sighed, and returned to his crossword.

There was a break in the conversation while the four Rolls Royce engines roared at the Earth to let us go but as soon as we went into cruise, I and probably every passenger within twenty feet could hear every detail of the lives of these two.......persons.

"Oh Moy Gawg have you bin to Singapore lately. The nooo airport is loike amaaaaayzing".
"Yeah, we were there loike two months ago but have you seen Terminal Chree in Abu Dhabi? It's loike....loike I can't even describe it"
"Yeah, I know. I was in the Louis Vuitton outlet......in the VIP section......and I just could not decide between two bags........so I bought both of them. Well, what's chree thousand for two Louis Vuitton bags?"
"I know. I'm the same with shoes. I can't go to Valentino's in Dubai any more, after loike I maxed out on a pair of Garavani."
"Oh.........Moy..........Gawd..........don't talk to me about Dubai. We were in Burj al Arab and loike the limo was late so we went into the boutique area. Oh Moy Gawg they have gorjusssss stuff. And it's loike juty free so you have to buy it loike."

.......Two hours later........cabin crew have given up asking these two to lower their voices.......

"Did you really? Oh.......Moy......gawd."
"Yeah, he was loike "it's a scarf" and I'm loike "but it's Dolce and Gabbana" and he's loike "if you think I'm paying six hundred for a scarf..." and I'm loike "but it goes with my Jimmy Choos and....."
"Oh wait till I tell you about the Jimmy Choos I got in LA......."
"Oh Moy Gawd I haven't been to LA for loike ages...."

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Just to let you know that we are on our final approach into Dublin so please ensure your seat belts are......" etc. Well, every deity in the firmament was thanked. Indeed, some "things" were thanked which definitely were not deities.

As we taxied to the terminal, the following exchange took place. It may not be word for word accurate but the only thing preventing a standing ovation at its conclusion was that we were not allowed to release our seat belts yet.

Oh,,,,,,Moy........Gawd.......I'm loike so sarry for talking over you loike all the way to Dublin", said "A" or "C" to "B"
"Yeah..loike.......I hope you don't think we're loike ignorant or anything"
"Oh, don't worry, you're grand," said "B".
"Ahh but you must think we're awful....loike not talking to you."
"No, you're grand."
"Are you just coming home?"
"Yes, just for a holiday."
"Ah, that's grand. You're working away loike. What do you work at?"
"Oh, nothing half as interesting as you two."
"Ah, go on, tell us, where do you work?"
"In Houston, Texas."
"Oh, lovely. What do you do there".
"I'm an astronaut."

I've been trying to keep upbeat but I swear if this weather doesn't cop on soon, I'll, I'll, I'll...well I don't know what I'll do but it won't be pretty :mad:

Though the weather was the least of my worries over the weekend. He-who-is-not-my-husband was taken by ambulance to hospital on Saturday morning. He has a heart condition so I was terrified we were heading down that route again Thankfully, we weren't. Deyhdration and exhaustion if you don't mind :eek:

Layinghen wrote: »

Oh Chucken that must have been really scarey for both of you. Hope himself is back to "normal" soon.

Thanks LH.

He's as cool as a breeze. I do enough worrying for both of us

Chucken wrote: »

Deyhdration and exhaustion if you don't mind :eek:

One of my chemo courses caused dehydration, a really sneaky form of dehydration that crept up on me from behind. I can honestly say that it was the worst ever. Everything hurt and nothing (and I mean nothing) worked properly for almost a week. I refused hospital because my first grandchild was expected any day and I was going to see him as soon as he was able to see me!

So, all sympathies to Mr. Chucken - I hope he's back to normal soon.

PS: I'm not qualified to give medical advice - Mods, delete if required - but it's vital to attack dehydration as soon as the first symptom appears, i.e. not "we'll see what it's like tomorrow" or "ah sure, I'm grand". And I now keep a box of Dioralyte handy for just such an attack.

Very sorry to hear that Chucken and hope he will feel better soon

Chucken wrote: »

Brens, I never would have thought of Dioralite. Great idea!!

It's hard to tell with him at times though. He's on a heap of tablets. One lifts him up and then another brings him down. He gets what I call ''a 6 week slump''.
He just gets really tired and looks more wrecked than usual
Maybe from now on I'll dose him every 6 weeks with the Dioralite...just in case

Well, I only suggested it because it won't do any harm. If your system needs it, it goes to work. If not, it passes through. I find the citrus flavour to be the least worst.

Of course, if the symptoms persist, drag him to the doctor.

Unfortunately, Dioralyte is associated with hangovers so, living in a small town in NCD and buying Dioralyte in the local chemist, this tea-totaller is known locally as "that cranky oulfella with the drink problem."

Not a problem, I have the oven on and I'm putting in the first batch, sorry deposit....

Enjoy your gurrcake Brens, you deserve it after that story.


Oven is warming if you want to earn anymore:)

Just as an aside, I recall some months ago, Rubecula and others were discussing dogs, well, humongous dogs, really. One of those mentioned was the Caucasian Shepherd.

Well, there I was last week, driving my new NCT cert around the local streets, when I spotted a rather large, beautifully coloured dog being walked by a young lady. "Wow", I thought, "he's a beaut!" Proud stance, lots of hair, happy expression, even his tail was majestic. The only minor thing I noticed was that his paws seemed extra huge, but I put that down to more fluffy hair.

Over the weekend, my brurdder called in and, since he knows everything, I mentioned the dog. "Oh yes", he said. Isn't he fabulous? It's such'n'suches dog.......he's about seven months old now!!!!!!!" "SEVEN MONTHS???? Bluddy 'ell. Oh wait, he did have huge paws." "Yes, the best clue as to how big a pup will grow - check his paws!"

I still have reservations about his temperament but, if he's properly trained and treated, he will be a tourist attraction for this little NCD town.

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

But of course I want to know about the time you were 'rescued' at Ballycotton.

OK. This is just a simple story but one which, even after all these years, still hurts!

There we were, sailing our single-handed, racing machine type sehlin' dinjez out of Crosshaven. A huge fleet - perhaps 50 or more - for a week long, championship regatta. 10 races, with 9 results to count so, if you had one bad race in the week, you could "discard" that result.

The winner would be champeeen and have honour and glory bestowed on him for a whole year.

At the end of the week, I had 8 pretty good results and one disaster (I broke my rudder) which I could discard IF the very last race went well.

The wind gods were having an argument among themselves and they were puffing and panting away goodo but, for national championship racing, the unwritten understanding is that the competitors are all experienced and aware of the dangers. It's their choice to go or not to go sailing. Local club racing would probably have been cancelled that day.

So off we went, well, most of us and yes, it was a little draughty. To the uninitiated, the wind does its best to blow small sailing boats over - you use your body weight to counteract the force of the wind. Now, although fairly tall and fit, I'm built like a stick so simply keeping the boat upright was going to be a challenge. My best hope was that the race would be shortened. And besides, I had practiced capsizing and righting the boat dozens of times.

The race started and I was just where I needed to be. Other boats were capsizing but were being quickly righted.

Another unwritten understanding was that, regardless of racing, if you are closest to a craft in difficulty and there isn't a rescue boat visible, your race is over! You go to their assistance. Of course, no problem with that, but there was a fleet of rescue boats around, large and small, and, as I was close to the lead, it was unlikely that anyone around me would require assistance from me.

Well, the leader capsized and was a little slow about righting himself. "No probs! He's not in trouble. I'll just assume the lead, thank you." He got going again and we exchanged waves / salutes.

In the distance, I could see blackness in the air and whiteness on the water. "Oh dearie dearie me" (or something similar) I said. "That storm is coming this way and it's going to knock us all down. No probs, I'm feeling strong and I have practiced this to a fine art."

Shortly after that, I had what I would call a "violent" capsize. But, no probs, I was still "on" the boat and nothing would prevent a quick righting of the boat. Yes, all went to plan and we were soon underway and still leading. More salutes from the lads. Then one of them, then two, then three capsized but righted fairly quickly.

There were some "broken" boats visible in the distance but did not appear to be in any danger. Some of these tail-enders were being towed home by rescue craft so the fleet was decreasing but I was still in "pole position" for the championship and feeling strong and confident.

On the second lap now and I was flying. I had capsized three times altogether but no problems. Now, the course required a 180 degree leg or, in other words, the leaders and back-enders would be sailing directly for each other. Normally, this is fine but the wind was furious and waves were being blown into spray - visibility was not good. Now with that gale behind me, the boat was flying but highly unstable so I did everything I could think of to increase stability. A capsize at that speed would have been painful.

The leaders were now among the back-enders and rescue craft - it was a little conjested but, you know, there were no beginners here, we all knew our stuff.

A rescue boat was having difficulty with a boat near me which had ejected its crew and then went completely upside down. There were two more rescue boats in my view, one carrying the colours of the RNLI, the Ballycotton lifeboat. "Great" I thought. "Those guys know what they're doing so maybe I can just concentrate on keeping upright and finishing the race."

Splat again - I was in the water but I could handle this blindfolded now. Grab this, pull, slide in, a little power, get direction and get going!

Then Splat again. And again. I do admit I was getting a little tired at this stage but the finish line was only about a mile away and I knew I had it in the bag.

Since I started sailing, the tradition was that any new trophy was brung home and slapped on top of me Mammy's telly. She would say "what's that?" I would tell her it's such'n'such and she would say "Oh. Put it with the rest. And don't ask me to polish it!" I could hear all this in my head above the fury of wind and waves.

Well, the boat was "humming" with speed as I weaved through the back-enders and rescue craft. My main competition had either retired or fallen far behind and, although wet, tired and sore from various bumps, a certain smugness descended on me. Not a good idea really because....splat....climb back in ....splat.....climb....back...in ...splat.....climb...............back...............in... violent splat.................climb..."oh, wait, I'm underwater. No problem - the life jacket knows which way is up." My eyesight isn't great under water but I could make out my hull and a big dark hull quite close to it. The life jacket did its job and I broke surface like a torpedo. Next thing, I felt a large hand close its grip and start yanking me into the rescue boat, the RNLI boat, by the hair!

"Der you are now boy, Oi have ya, we'll soon get you all dry."
As soon as I got my breath back, "But...but...Awww good (very rude word). You've just disqualified me! As soon as we receive outside assistance, we're out!"
"Ah now, don't you be worryin' about that race, sure you're knackered, so y'are."
Awww good (a certain holy man in sandals), I had it won!"

OK, they weren't to know and probably thought that ALL stopped boats in that area needed help. And I had been "out of sight" for a few seconds. But.........
I assured them that I was OK, slipped back into the water, righted my boat and sailed back to Crosshaven.

I now had two "Did Not Finish" results, each carrying a points penalty. One could be discarded but the other put me among the also rans.

"Howaya? Where were you all week?"
"Oh, sailing down in Cork."
"How did you do?"
"Ahhhh, not too bad, I suppose."
"Hmmm. Put the kettle on, will ya? There's a good lad."

BrensBenz wrote: »

I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to the boards community for getting the seriousness of Laurel's alcoholism so wrong. Last week, I said that she would be cured last week but, in fact, it took two weeks for her alcoholism to be eradicated. This miscalculation is unforgiveable and I will agree to whatever punishment the Mods think appropriate.

Three PINTS of cod liver oil administered twice an hour for the said two weeks will suffice

Perhaps the Mods will take into consideration the fact that Ashley's recovery from a critical brain condition took three days, even quicker than Cain's critical brain condition last year, for which he needed over a week and even had to have a special hair-do.

I never take things into consideration do you think you get to be a mod by being NICE? The very thought gives me shivers.

Indeed, t'ospitull cured some baby's broken arm in three minutes and Brenda's critical brain cancer in less than two weeks, with no chemo side effects whatsoever, so will somebody please tell me WHERE t'ospittull is because I could do with some of that medical expertise.

Thinking of you BB