Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

thingamagig · 09-03-2013 3:58pm

I
have to say most of the time I feel ok, but I know that I still have
intense self-critical thoughts that could easily bring on another bout.
And I have so little interest in being in a relationship- none in fact.
Being a little harsh here I know but they (the opposite sex) all seem so predictably the
same.

dlofnep · 09-03-2013 4:28pm

Suffering with wicked anxiety today

In a new relationship, and I get terrible relationship anxiety for the silliest of things. Deep breaths!!

Call Me Jimmy · 09-03-2013 11:58pm

Ex got back in touch to see how i am (over a year since we were together) 2 or 3 texts and then she's like 'catch u later' ... i don't know at all. Was feelin pretty low anyway and it just seems a bit cruel

Gillo · 10-03-2013 12:12am

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Ex got back in touch to see how i am (over a year since we were together) 2 or 3 texts and then she's like 'catch u later' ... i don't know at all. Was feelin pretty low anyway and it just seems a bit cruel

A bit like a kick in the teeth... Try not to read anything into it.

Hersheys · 10-03-2013 12:20am

Having a low day. Am very concerned (& aware) that my next counselling appointment is months away & afraid to go to my GP.

Call Me Jimmy · 10-03-2013 12:32am

Gillo wrote: »

A bit like a kick in the teeth... Try not to read anything into it.

Yea no I amn't I know it's nothing but I'm just incredibly lonely.

dlofnep · 10-03-2013 12:35am

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Yea no I amn't I know it's nothing but I'm just incredibly lonely.

Pulling for ya buddy!

Call Me Jimmy · 10-03-2013 12:46am

Thanks man, something about that exact configuration of words that made me feel a tiny bit better. Anyway she text again, i honestly don't know what the ****. I understand 'just dont text her back' and I am a very proud person to my detriment sometimes. It was the other way around during the relationship, maybe I ****ed her about a bit but now I am in a desperately solitary place and it's impossible not to text. I suppose it's just nothing and I should treat it like that.

dlofnep · 10-03-2013 12:50am

I don't know the history of your relationship - but I know from experience, the best way to get over someone is to completely remove them from your life. Remember - there is always someone else out there that can fill the void. You're lonely right now - probably being hard on yourself. Get back up on the horse, move forward - and recognise that your life should revolve around you, and not around other people.

Get happy with yourself, and the rest will follow. If that means picking up a hobby to get out and socialise more, go for it. Anything to beat the monotony of the repetitive!

Chin up pal! You're not alone.

Hersheys · 10-03-2013 12:53am

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Yea no I amn't I know it's nothing but I'm just incredibly lonely.

I'm lonely too if it's any consolation!

Hang in there.

titan18 · 10-03-2013 12:58am

Went out tonight, and just came home. Really wasn't ready for trying to socialise on a night out again. Just felt so alone, and everything started coming back into my head. Already cut myself since coming home. Just needed to after tonight, barely made it 2 hours

Call Me Jimmy · 10-03-2013 1:00am

Thanks both you guys. Hersheys i know you have had it a lot worse than me and I appreciate the solidarity!

dfonlep, solid advice, it's just I lost the hair around my temples and won't be in a relationship again because baldness is death to me. If i wasn't goin balding I'd be out right now!

Her texts just reminded me that that part of my life that I'm trying to kill with fire is still there and still empty but I will be mentally strong, I will be a tree in the forest - just growing on my own.

Call Me Jimmy · 10-03-2013 1:05am

titan18 wrote: »

Went out tonight, and just came home. Really wasn't ready for trying to socialise on a night out again. Just felt so alone, and everything started coming back into my head. Already cut myself since coming home. Just needed to after tonight, barely made it 2 hours

I've done this many a night out. You probably know yourself that the fact that you went out in the first place is a good sign. If you got overwhelmeime d then that is what is. I find the worst times are exactly what you're talking about in terms of endangerment to myself, bit of drink on ye, a frustrating night out, early home... were ye buzzin a bit before ye went out? expectations might have ran a bit high early on or?

Hersheys · 10-03-2013 1:05am

If it's any consolation to you most girls don't mind baldness. Those that do ain't worth the hassle.

Call Me Jimmy · 10-03-2013 1:13am

Hersheys wrote: »

If it's any consolation to you most girls don't mind baldness. Those that do ain't worth the hassle.

It's just an image thing Hersheys. **** it I'm gonna say it for the first time in my life, before I started balding I was a knockout, I looked ****ing great. Looks are so superficial and all that but I was a good looking kid. Just to balance things: I'm deep too. My isolation has lead me to follow every thread of thought imaginable to its completion but I still want to love and be loved as we all do and it's just ****ing terminal losing looks you once had in a very short period of time. Ye look at the mirror and you, yes you are an old man. sorry guys I just... I'm upset. I know you's are too, and I'd help that if I could.

titan18 · 10-03-2013 1:18am

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I've done this many a night out. You probably know yourself that the fact that you went out in the first place is a good sign. If you got overwhelmeime d then that is what is. I find the worst times are exactly what you're talking about in terms of endangerment to myself, bit of drink on ye, a frustrating night out, early home... were ye buzzin a bit before ye went out? expectations might have ran a bit high early on or?

Nope, don't drink, and was trying to get the courage all day to go out so wasn't expecting it to be too good

dlofnep · 10-03-2013 1:20am

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Thanks both you guys. Hersheys i know you have had it a lot worse than me and I appreciate the solidarity!

dfonlep, solid advice, it's just I lost the hair around my temples and won't be in a relationship again because baldness is death to me. If i wasn't goin balding I'd be out right now!

Don't sweat it brother! I went thin on top at 25, and just shaved my head. I mach-3 it every day

Ladies love it!

Call Me Jimmy · 10-03-2013 1:25am

titan18 wrote: »

Nope, don't drink, and was trying to get the courage all day to go out so wasn't expecting it to be too good

Oh okay that's different then. I suppose trying to up your game so to speak when your mind is 99% of the time in a negative context its just tough

Call Me Jimmy · 10-03-2013 1:29am

dlofnep wrote: »

Don't sweat it brother! I went thin on top at 25, and just shaved my head. I mach-3 it every day Ladies love it!

Yea I keep it shaved tight. But does it not make you feel (and you sound comfortable enough with it at this stage so I hope you don't mind) like your 'stock' went down. I dunno, I feel like anyone who sees me will just think 'well he must be bringing something else to the deal because he is bald'. I just can't resolve it in my mind. It is like a death, no? You had to become reborn to get back out there?

titan18 · 10-03-2013 1:48am

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Oh okay that's different then. I suppose trying to up your game so to speak when your mind is 99% of the time in a negative context its just tough

Just felt really alone there, and despite being surrounded by people, just wasn't comfortable or anything.

Lightbulb Sun · 10-03-2013 2:43am

Blew a potential relationship chance with someone I'm in love with recently enough. Very depressed about it since.

The feelings are mutual though. But it's the constant thoughts of what I want to say to her and flashbacks about the recent past. I'm angry with myself and to an extent with her for kind of messing with my head a bit, I dunno.

Esel · 10-03-2013 6:38am

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

... I lost the hair around my temples and won't be in a relationship again because baldness is death to me.

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

It's just an image thing Hersheys. **** it I'm gonna say it for the first time in my life, before I started balding I was a knockout, I looked ****ing great. Looks are so superficial and all that but I was a good looking kid. Just to balance things: I'm deep too. My isolation has lead me to follow every thread of thought imaginable to its completion but I still want to love and be loved as we all do and it's just ****ing terminal losing looks you once had in a very short period of time. Ye look at the mirror and you, yes you are an old man. sorry guys I just... I'm upset. I know you's are too, and I'd help that if I could.

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

... does it not make you feel like your 'stock' went down. I dunno, I feel like anyone who sees me will just think 'well he must be bringing something else to the deal because he is bald'. I just can't resolve it in my mind. It is like a death, no? You had to become reborn to get back out there?

CMJ, I think this is my first post on this thread, which I came to recently from the AH Laugh thread. I have trimmed your posts above to leave the thing I want to reply to. I accept that nothing I say here is going to result in you having an instant insight, but I am going to say it anyway.

Growing older is a fact of life. For a man, that may include losing some of the hair on the head, or that hair going grey, or growing unwanted hair in/on your ears and in/on your nose. Regarding the ear/nose hair, what do you do? You pluck it or trim it, or if you couldn't care less, you let it grow. We all know men who are apparently oblivious to extra ear/nose hair. We don't usually want to emulate them though. The same goes for men who never trim their hair or shave/trim their beard. You probably shave regularly. Or if you have a beard, you keep it trimmed. The same goes for the hair on your head. Keep it trimmed - it can be long, short, very short, very very short, or shaved.

What do other people think when they see you with a shaved head or with a very short haircut? If they think anything at all, it is probably something like this: "That guy looks cool. He is obviously comfortable with his appearance. I wish I could be as comfortable as seems to be." That is if they think anything at all. Because the simple fact is that people in general are not looking at you. If they are, they are probably not thinking what you think they are thinking (phew, too much thinking there!

)

Just out of interest, do you think that a woman who has had a mastectomy should be of the opinion that her life is over? I don't think you would, and rightly so. Not that losing some of the hair on your head is anywhere as life-changing as losing a part of your body that conventional society might consider to be an essential facet of being a woman.

Anyway, recently I told a guy I know (a big Game of Thrones fan) that Wilko Johnson (a famous guitarist and latterly an actor who plays the part of Ser Ilyn Paine, the mute executioner in game of Thrones) had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. His reply to me was "Maybe you could go for the role". Now Wilko in current real life is a shaven-headed scary looking dude. I took that as a compliment, instead of thinking that he meant that I was a baldy, frowny fooker.

So, get with the program, man! Feel cool about yourself, and you will be cool. Don't focus on the image in the mirror, because that's what it is - an image, and a distorted one at that. Do your eyes look old? I don't think so.

Hersheys · 10-03-2013 9:36am

Woeful night, really restless. Exhausted now & can't deal with the thoughts of smiling at my mother all day long.

dlofnep · 10-03-2013 10:16am

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Yea I keep it shaved tight. But does it not make you feel (and you sound comfortable enough with it at this stage so I hope you don't mind) like your 'stock' went down. I dunno, I feel like anyone who sees me will just think 'well he must be bringing something else to the deal because he is bald'. I just can't resolve it in my mind. It is like a death, no? You had to become reborn to get back out there?

Just gotta take it in your stride brother! There's a lot worse things could happen to you than going thin. Many women find it appealing. You just need to accept that it's now a part of who you are, and the sooner you do that - the sooner you'll become comfortable with it.

Call Me Jimmy · 10-03-2013 2:40pm

Esel I appreciate the long post, thanks for taking the time. I suppose everyone goes through a denial/acceptance phase, I stubbornly thought I'd be able to kill myself before having to go through it, but it appears I am a mere mortal!

Hersheys wrote: »

Woeful night, really restless. Exhausted now & can't deal with the thoughts of smiling at my mother all day long.

I'm kinda the same hersheys. Going into the bright lights of a big shop to get her flowers and and a lotto ticket was not something I needed this morning, very anxiety provoking but I just thought of it as submerging under water. Out the door, head underwater, pop back up for air when I get back. And now she will appreciate the thought an all that.

I don't think she'll be expecting you to smile all day. Just think of it as company, try to see her with fresh eyes.

dlofnep wrote: »

Just gotta take it in your stride brother! There's a lot worse things could happen to you than going thin. Many women find it appealing. You just need to accept that it's now a part of who you are, and the sooner you do that - the sooner you'll become comfortable with it.

Yes this is the next step man, it's just I think what they find appealing might be the tight cut rather than the fact that hair is missing, but they are strange creatures so I suppose anything's possible!

Da Shins Kelly · 10-03-2013 4:30pm

Been behaving very weirdly these last couple of weeks. Barely been in college, absolutely no motivation to be there and have found myself getting mixed up with some very sketchy people. Been getting incredibly drunk most nights and been doing other stupid stuff. I feel very homesick and lonely at the moment.

Kaching · 10-03-2013 4:42pm

Hersheys wrote: »

Woeful night, really restless. Exhausted now & can't deal with the thoughts of smiling at my mother all day long.

hugs

L.Jenkins · 10-03-2013 4:43pm

Anyone have any experience with Lamictal. I've just started it in conjunction with Prozit and it seems to be helping me a lot.

Hersheys · 10-03-2013 11:08pm

Ugh. Feeling so crappy tonight. I just want to go to sleep & wake up when I'm better.

titan18 · 10-03-2013 11:12pm

Hersheys wrote: »

Ugh. Feeling so crappy tonight. I just want to go to sleep & wake up when I'm better.

At least you want to wake up. I don't

Kaching · 10-03-2013 11:17pm

titan18 wrote: »

At least you want to wake up. I don't

I second that

Hersheys · 10-03-2013 11:43pm

Sorry you guys are feeling crappy too

I dunno why I want to wake up. I certainly don't have anything to live for.

Call Me Jimmy · 10-03-2013 11:44pm

Whether we want to or not, we will though.

titan18 · 10-03-2013 11:54pm

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Whether we want to or not, we will though.

Wouldn't be positive on that. No one would care though

Hersheys · 11-03-2013 12:33am

titan18 wrote: »

Wouldn't be positive on that. No one would care though

I'd care

Hersheys · 11-03-2013 12:34am

titan18 wrote: »

Wouldn't be positive on that. No one would care though

I'd care

titan18 · 11-03-2013 12:40am

Hersheys wrote: »

I'd care

You don't know me, so you wouldn't. No one would, anyone who's ever there always just leaves me in the end. No real point in continuing this **** over and over again if I'll never be happy

Hersheys · 11-03-2013 12:49am

titan18 wrote: »

You don't know me, so you wouldn't. No one would, anyone who's ever there always just leaves me in the end. No real point in continuing this **** over and over again if I'll never be happy

What makes you think you'd never be happy?

titan18 · 11-03-2013 1:04am

Hersheys wrote: »

What makes you think you'd never be happy?

I always mess things up with people. People get close, or at least I feel they're close, and mess it up. Puts me back in these places, like a never ending circle.

If I'm never able to not mess all this stuff up, I won't be happy. I just ruin everything

dlofnep · 11-03-2013 1:24am

I had a chat with the girl I'm seeing about my relationship anxiety, and she's really after helping me put it into perspective. She reached out to me, to date me. She wouldn't routinely go out on dates with me if she didn't like me. We have a great time together. I need to stop worrying about silly things like this. All those girls who have hurt me in the past will not dictate my future.

Esel · 11-03-2013 1:30am

dlofnep wrote: »

I had a chat with the girl I'm seeing about my relationship anxiety, and she's really after helping me put it into perspective. She reached out to me, to date me. She wouldn't routinely go out on dates with me if she didn't like me. We have a great time together. I need to stop worrying about silly things like this.

That's brilliant news!

dlofnep wrote: »

All those girls who I have let hurt me in the past will not dictate my future.

Hope you don't mind a little FYP there.

nesf · 11-03-2013 6:08am

Itzy wrote: »

Anyone have any experience with Lamictal. I've just started it in conjunction with Prozit and it seems to be helping me a lot.

No, but it's been mentioned as the "next drug" if Lithium alone can't manage my depressions. I've heard very good things about it from people on it though, it's meant to be great for handling depressive symptoms in some people.

Hersheys · 11-03-2013 5:32pm

It's only Monday and already I want this week to be over.

I wish I had someone to talk to.

HalloweenJack · 11-03-2013 6:03pm

Hersheys wrote: »

It's only Monday and already I want this week to be over.

I wish I had someone to talk to.

I know the feeling, though I have it in a positive way, it still makes me fidgety and unable to relax.

Anyway, feel free to PM me if you need to chat, although I do have to go back to work in a bit.

Hersheys · 11-03-2013 6:08pm

Thanks, I'm just not sure what to say. I don't feel like I can talk to my GP about it, no counselling appointment for a few weeks and not seeing psych until the end of April. Just feel a small bit lost and lonely. It's a big old world out there when nobody in real life understands.

Call Me Jimmy · 11-03-2013 6:41pm

Hersheys I'm here too, I don't understand physical abuse but I understand my own despair and my own apathy towards talking about it, 'what's the point if we exchange words' kinda feeling. I also know that despite desperate loneliness it is still hard to know what to say, even though there is an inner monologue constantly streaming a million words.

Nobody can truly understand someone else on an experiential level because that is impossible but if you don't have anyone in real life (I think face-to-face is the best if possible) you can always talk to me. From reading your posts you are lost, but I think given enough time people can find themselves once again. I know that's what I'm hanging around for.

One final thing, and this is not a criticism of you, but the harsh reality is, actions will have to be taken for anything to change. Positive evolution doesn't happen through passivity, I have 10 years at least to prove that. I am taking extremely small steps through sheer boredom and apathy just to be slightly more comfortable each day despite my own reservations, fears and downright negativity.

Having said that I'll probably be on here in a day or two complaining about the exact same things I've always complained about...

Hersheys · 11-03-2013 10:51pm

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Hersheys I'm here too, I don't understand physical abuse but I understand my own despair and my own apathy towards talking about it, 'what's the point if we exchange words' kinda feeling. I also know that despite desperate loneliness it is still hard to know what to say, even though there is an inner monologue constantly streaming a million words.

Nobody can truly understand someone else on an experiential level because that is impossible but if you don't have anyone in real life (I think face-to-face is the best if possible) you can always talk to me. From reading your posts you are lost, but I think given enough time people can find themselves once again. I know that's what I'm hanging around for.

One final thing, and this is not a criticism of you, but the harsh reality is, actions will have to be taken for anything to change. Positive evolution doesn't happen through passivity, I have 10 years at least to prove that. I am taking extremely small steps through sheer boredom and apathy just to be slightly more comfortable each day despite my own reservations, fears and downright negativity.

Having said that I'll probably be on here in a day or two complaining about the exact same things I've always complained about...

Thanks

I know I have to work at it. I try to take baby steps - I don't do big leaps but I try little things every day to make things easier. Problem is I've no positive reinforcement to tell me I'm doing the right thing, if that makes sense.

Doctor Strange · 12-03-2013 1:08am

Feeling like hell lately

I've recently done something I'm not proud of, small though the action may have been. My sleeping pattern is gone, my mood swings are back, I can't find the motivation for college work, I'm skipping lectures, I'm lying bare faced to people abut how I'm feeling, and I've let my prescription for my meds lapse. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

arbitrary constant · 12-03-2013 5:57am

I've posted here before but my old account is gone now. I'm trying to resist the temptation to come back here but it's one of the few places I know where I can rant if I need to. Had a nice weekend that was completely undone by a horrible dream, and am now just drinking wine, avoiding sleep for the night so I can sleep in tomorrow instead and trying to remember where I was last year; at the time I was feeling depressed but looking back I was so much happier there. And this time next year, if I'm still alive, I'll probably be looking at where I am now and thinking "I was much better off then". Because the future holds absolutely nothing for me, there's nothing I want to do or be.

No-one will ever want to give me a job and if they did it would be a job I hate 'cause there's literally nothing I can envision myself doing with my life. I managed to come off anti-depressant medication for nine whole months but am back on them again. I've only had two relationships in my life, both ended in me being the one getting dumped and nobody has shown any interest since then so it's not like I have a nice lovelife to fall back on or anything.

If I had any idea where I was going, I could force myself to grin and bear the bad times and be willing to pay my dues. But why the fúck should I pay my dues if there's nothing due to me at the end of it all?

Gremlinertia · 12-03-2013 2:49pm

Been caught with flu type effort since thursday, went to work alright, but now laid low at home and despite all internet and tv distractions i'm thinking, never good.. Very very close to cutting last night. Pulled out at last minute thankfully, just managed to knock myself out of trance, but no idea how so have to watch myself for the next while. Therapist again on thursday after nearly three months, nerves already.

Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

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