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    #152
    MaryMagdalene
    Registered Users Posts: 121 ✭✭MaryMagdalene


    Hi Sparkles

    What agency are you dealing with - someone may have dealings / knowledge of them as some seem to be more helpful than others.

    What you could do is to send them a registered letter - at least that say someone has to be assigned the case and you would have a name and surely they would have to write back to you.

    I spent years writing to them most years requesting information and believe me they did everything they could to deter me. I now know that they lied to all parties so don't trust them. My daughter told me she was glad I did not give up and she was glad that she knew I was out there for her when she felt ready - she contacted me when she was 23.

    I would push but not hold my breathe - why don't you use the tracing guides on this site if you get nowhere with the Agency.


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    #153
    NGibbler
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭NGibbler


    sparkles2009 wrote: »
    Hi allMy daughter was given up for adoption 21 years ago, a decision that was taken out of my hands & I have never gotten over it. Now that she is 21 I was told by a friend that if I contact the agency they must tell her of my interest to meet & after that it is her decision. The agency are not getting back to let me know about this & I appreciate they are also considering the adoptive parents view so I would really appreciate any advice on this.Thank you

    Hi Sparkles.

    I had a meeting with my agency the other day to find out how tracing happens, hope this helps.

    For a child looking for the bm it is easier for the agency to locate the bm because they make the link up of the madien name with there PRSI number as that would be the newest address for them ,

    As your daughter is only 21 she may not even have a prsi number, and she possibly could have moved home since she was adopted.

    I hope this helps in some way, I wish you all the best in your search!

    N x


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    #154
    sparkles2009
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2 ✭sparkles2009


    Thank you for your responses. Although married now I haven't changed my name so hopefully this will help her if she ever does decide to find me. My agency is in Cork & to be fair to them they have been very good to me over the years but suddenly it has stopped now that I have asked them for a meeting to discuss them letting her know that I am here if she would every like to meet. I am not forcing the issue with her or her adoptive parents in any way but just want her to know that the door is open if she every needs it and I would love the chance to tell her she has never left my mind since the day she was taken away. Is it true that she can be told directly by the agency that I am willing to meet if she chooses to do so? It's so hard to know because there is no one to advise me and I just don't know any other way to go about it if the agency won't help me.


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    #155
    Honestbutevil
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭Honestbutevil


    It's been so long since I've been on boards... Heatherward, that's great news!
    So I've got my date and time for my first meeting with PACT. And now that I have that I'm even more nervous than before. But I think this is mainly because I haven't worked out what outcome I'd like. but I'll try to get on boards more and keep you guys posted.


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    #156
    Bella_purple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 63 ✭✭Bella_purple


    Hello!

    I've been with a guy who at the age of 7 was given by his birth mother at an orphanage. Life there was hard. He was never adopted, he just had to struggle in life by himself. Now he's doing fine, he works, is a good worker and has a great soul.


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    #157
    The_Conductor
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 32,279 Mod ✭✭✭✭The_Conductor


    Bella_purple wrote: »
    Hello!

    I've been with a guy who at the age of 7 was given by his birth mother at an orphanage. Life there was hard. He was never adopted, he just had to struggle in life by himself. Now he's doing fine, he works, is a good worker and has a great soul.

    Hi Bella- that was tough on your ex. It was always a lot harder for older children to be adopted- most couples would only consider babies. It was quite common for the orphanages to hold regular open days for prospective adoptive parents- all the kids would be done up their best- and competing to appeal to possible parents. Some of the stories I've heard are totally soul destroying. Shane


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    #158
    Bella_purple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 63 ✭✭Bella_purple


    Hi, Shane!

    He told me that this practice for open days for prospective parents was held in the orphanage, he had been to some meetings but he didn't like the families. He didn't complain, though. More he was having the philosophy of wearing his cross and be it. Simple as that. I deeply admire him for that. He's 31 now so I guess he knows what he's talking about, not trying to be cocky or something.
    Anyway, in an orphanage, you learn your lessons on the hard way. It's similar with emprisonment, where the law is done by the most powerful or the one that can make alliances. Life is like a battlefield somehow, sometimes.


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    #159
    Heatherward
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13 ✭Heatherward


    Hi hon omg cant believe its this long since i have been on this site just goes to show how much has happened letters, photos etc have been exchanged on a weekly basis the coincidenses in my life and my bm's life r scary we have so taken th same path had the same dog growing up, our marriages lasted 11 years for both of us and on and on she had a dogs life being pregnant with me and after having me with her "country" family to the point she had to run away anyway we had an organised meeting on 9th Aug which was eating away at me like a curse so at 1.00am this morning i said enough booked a flight to england ... woke up this am and thought holy **** nobody knows im coming ..on internet all morn looking up uk phone book cant find anybody .. rang pact my person is on hols spoke to somebody else told her what i had done and to call my bm and tell her im on my way .. woman very confused but did what i asked .. next thing phone rang my bm was on the other end .. aaahhhhhhhhhhhhh fantastic going on friday guys follow your instincts and go with your heart and i hope with all my heart you get the same result xxx let me know how you get on i defo will log on lots more ...... good luck all xx


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    #160
    s.somm
    Registered Users Posts: 5 ✭s.somm


    Hi this is the first time ive posted and have read everything in the threads
    I'm a 39yr old adoptee and in the middle of my trace through the HSE.
    3 letters have been sent to my BM's address but to no avail. No response.
    I'm feeling a bit disappointed now as i didnt expect it to take so long, it's been 3 years since I first started my search. I'm thinking of going to the mormons records in glasnevin to search for my birth cert as ive heard their records are good, has anyone used this route?


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    #161
    Annal07
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12 ✭Annal07


    hi my names Anna Im not adopted but my younger brother was adopted 18yrs ago as my mother was too young and could not cope, I think his 18th birthday was July!! i just pray he comes looking as I cant wait to meet him!!!:D


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    #162
    dramaqueen00
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭dramaqueen00


    This is my first time to post. I am a birth mom who gave my son for adoption in 1979. Last year he contacted the agency and they contacted me immediately. I was lucky they had my home phone number from the time I gave up my son and my mother was still living there and was able to pass on my mobile number. I got a phone call from the social worker, a nun, while I was in work to tell me that my son was sitting downstairs in her office! It was a roller coaster of emotions that went through me when she told me I had two grandchildren!

    Thankfully ours has been a good reunion. We corresponded by letter through the agency for a while but quickly moved on to email. The agency also fascilitated out face to face reunion.
    There have been times when my emotions were all over the place. But we have taken it slowly and given each other space and time to get to know each other. I am not saying it is all rosy. There are issues and emotions and memories that well up from time to time and I know there are some things that we have not talked about yet but I know there is nothing we cannot deal with.

    I just wanted to share this as I have found the threads on posts on this website to be of great help to me over the years, eventhough I never had the courage to post until now


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    #163
    annieo
    Registered Users Posts: 14 ✭annieo


    Just to introduce myself, im searching for my brother born 29th october 1972 in holles st dublin, to my mother through cunamh agency, she stayed in meath before birth. Her maiden name was o meara and fathers name sullivan.


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    #164
    -Chris-
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,035 ✭✭✭✭-Chris-


    I'm adopted and I'm thinking about thinking about starting the search for my birth mother. I think I'm confident enough to tackle it now.

    I'm going to start lurking actively and thank you all in advance for your help.


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    #165
    angel01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,030 ✭✭✭angel01


    Hi, I am adopted, I have met my birth mother, we met a few times but she suddenly cut contact and I have to accept that it wasn't meant to be and that I didn't mean as much to her as she did to me. She has another child and I presume focused on him. It wasn't easy being dumped by her twice but I now realise, she is my birth mother yes but never acted like a true mother in all senses of the word.

    Never met my birth father, would like to one day but don't know much about him.. It is an emotional experience and one that can have positive or negative experiences.

    If you do go down the tracing route, make sure you have lots of support :)


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    #166
    Cutie18Ireland
    Registered Users Posts: 1,600 ✭✭✭Cutie18Ireland


    My bf is searching for his half-brother and half-sister, they were twins born on 28th february 1984. The adoption was dealt with by st annes adoption society in cork. Their names were Brian and Gillian.


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    #167
    hcar
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭hcar


    Hi there

    A brief story on where I'm at on the search journey.
    -Registered in 2004 on the Adoptive register.
    -2006 approx received confirmation on a match.
    -2007/08 (cant remember exactly) got an appointment in St Patricks Guild Merrion. Got good bit of non-identifying info names, birth weight, location etc.. and also to my surprise my natural birth parents got married a few years later and I have 2 sisters, I found out few other bits and pieces and I gave some info too.
    I was told she went in and met them in St Patricks Guild also.

    I discussed the next step which was to send a letter but I decided I would prefer her to write one first and I haven't heard a word since approx 2years. Im not sure what to do next? Any suggestions and support at all would be great.
    Thanks.


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    #168
    The_Conductor
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 32,279 Mod ✭✭✭✭The_Conductor


    hcar wrote: »
    Hi there

    A brief story on where I'm at on the search journey.
    -Registered in 2004 on the Adoptive register.
    -2006 approx received confirmation on a match.
    -2007/08 (cant remember exactly) got an appointment in St Patricks Guild Merrion. Got good bit of non-identifying info names, birth weight, location etc.. and also to my surprise my natural birth parents got married a few years later and I have 2 sisters, I found out few other bits and pieces and I gave some info too.
    I was told she went in and met them in St Patricks Guild also.

    I discussed the next step which was to send a letter but I decided I would prefer her to write one first and I haven't heard a word since approx 2years. Im not sure what to do next? Any suggestions and support at all would be great.
    Thanks.

    To be honest with you- I wouldn't have a great deal of confidence in SPG having forwarded your letter (or if they did and there was a reply- that they would have forwarded this to you).

    Personally- if I were in your position- I would leverage the information I have, and do my best to try to initiate a search personally (there are links on the main page of this forum which explain how to go about this).

    Congratulations on getting this far- you must be thrilled to know you have two younger sisters waiting for you!

    Best wishes,

    Shane


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    #169
    hcar
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭hcar


    Thanks for your reply. I had no idea that SPG had a bad reputation after reading some of the comments. When I met them they seemed happy enough to give out the information to me.
    I never wrote a letter as I wished her to write one first but it hadn't crossed my mind that they mightn't have forwarded it to me.
    I was told I need to contact Roscommon to get my birth cert but is there not a place in Dublin I can go to get one?


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    #170
    Ms Marple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭Ms Marple


    Hello All.
    Just posted for the first time, so feel I should at least introduce myself.
    Long story short, I recently found out I was one of five babies placed for individual adoption by our BM. This came as a huge surprise as I've met her and we've corresponded irregularly for many years. Through a combination of events, including the Contact Preference Register, I've recently met with a sister and a brother. :D There just aren't words to describe my delight and excitement, nor to explain the waves of sadness and anger that hit every so often. But it's all good!

    My SW has been doing sterling work, but I fear the disarray of the adoption services may now grind our progress to a halt - hence my post, looking for our two other brothers:

    *Mark, March 1970, St Anne's, Cork

    *Arthur, July 1976, St Patrick's Guild, Dublin

    If these details ring a bell please get in touch.


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    #171
    Balbriggan mechanic
    Closed Accounts Posts: 30 ✭Balbriggan mechanic


    Hi all. I'm 31 and adopted. Never did much digging into my birth parents. I was born in early october 1979 in dublin and was adopted from the navan road at 6 weeks old. I battled addiction for most of my adult life so it's only now having overcome the addiction that i am becoming curious as to where i really came from.


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    #172
    MaryMagdalene
    Registered Users Posts: 121 ✭✭MaryMagdalene


    Welcome and well done on battling your addiction. I hope this journey has a happy ending for you too :).


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    #173
    Balbriggan mechanic
    Closed Accounts Posts: 30 ✭Balbriggan mechanic


    MaryMagdalene wrote: »
    Welcome and well done on battling your addiction. I hope this journey has a happy ending for you too :).
    Thanks:)


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    #174
    Heatherward
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13 ✭Heatherward


    kittenkiller wrote: »
    Hi,

    I'm 24 and although I've often wondered about my birth-relatives, I've never followed through and tried to find any of them.
    I seem to be relying on "the right time" to start looking.
    I figure when I'm ready I'll just know and start then.
    Hi I always went on that thought " the right time" too and it took me until i was 42 to start the ball rolling my search took no time at all and has turned out really well but with lots of trying to protect everyone concerned ... so i think u r right " the right time " is good because it takes a lot of emotional energy to do this .. but has not been without its difficulties so go with your heart .. good luck xx


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    #175
    Heatherward
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13 ✭Heatherward


    hcar wrote: »
    Hi there

    A brief story on where I'm at on the search journey.
    -Registered in 2004 on the Adoptive register.
    -2006 approx received confirmation on a match.
    -2007/08 (cant remember exactly) got an appointment in St Patricks Guild Merrion. Got good bit of non-identifying info names, birth weight, location etc.. and also to my surprise my natural birth parents got married a few years later and I have 2 sisters, I found out few other bits and pieces and I gave some info too.
    I was told she went in and met them in St Patricks Guild also.

    I discussed the next step which was to send a letter but I decided I would prefer her to write one first and I haven't heard a word since approx 2years. Im not sure what to do next? Any suggestions and support at all would be great.
    Thanks.
    Please please dont give up .. dont be disheartened.. the first letter ( having had to do this) is one of the hardest ... i was the one searching and like you I waited for her letter before i could send mine she told me after a very successful reunion that the letter that she wrote to me was extremely hard for her to put together .. so dont waste time what have u got to lose write the letter u never know what could come out of it .... good luck xx


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    #176
    leeside2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1 ✭leeside2


    Hi - just reading the posts and would like to reassure everyone that, in my experience, St Patrick's Guild in general (and Sr Francis in particular) were wonderful to deal with - open and caring and very responsive and just delighted to know that any one story has had a happy outcome : )


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    #177
    Geraldo
    Registered Users Posts: 72 ✭✭Geraldo


    Hi.

    I'm Simon. I'm 31 and was adopted by my grandparents. I've known my birth mother all my life but have no contact with her since my parents passed on.


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    #178
    sosyourface
    Registered Users Posts: 62 ✭✭sosyourface


    Hi all,

    I'm 23, from Limerick and was adopted at birth. DOB 25th March 1987.

    I have some basic info about my birth mother and her family, and I have registered on the Adoption Register about 6 months ago but have not had any correspondence yet, other than a confirmation that my registration was received. Doubt that I'll hear anything back in the near future to be honest so I've put it to the back of my mind.


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    #179
    ShiversBM
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1 ✭ShiversBM


    Hi Everyone,

    I found my 31year old daughter and wrote to her three months ago, i haven't heard anything back. I gave my address, email address and phone number.

    I sent the letter directly to her house, there wasn't any sw involved as I found her myself through the adoption register.

    I realise just because I am ready to meet her, it doesn't mean she feels the same way but the waiting is a killer!!


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    #180
    ModeMadFan
    Registered Users Posts: 36 ✭ModeMadFan


    I was adopted in 1967. Have my mothers name but finding it hard to find her. Also according to the Agency, I have 3 brothers (2 of them twins) and a sister.

    Finding it hard to accept that my mother is making decisions for my siblings when they are 38,33 and 28 respectively.

    All I know is she comes from a rural town in the South West of Ireland.

    Although very happy in my own life it feels like there is a piece of the jigsaw missing.


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    #181
    sin_she31
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭sin_she31


    Hi im 31 and decided last year to look for my birth mother.....I was born in Bessboro. Im finding it very difficult to get any of my non-identifying info as the file as in limbo at the moment. I have sent several letters without even a reply:(

    Any suggestions:confused:.....ANYTHING!!!

    I was thinking of trying to find my birth cert with the info I have, which is my date of birth and the place in which I was born.....Do ye think Ill have any luck??

    Thanks
    Sinead


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