what to think of a gf who...

dee_mc · 13-03-2015 11:34am

I'm very confused, reading over this thread. It's going around in circles.
People tell you your relationship is going nowhere, you admit yourself that your girlfriend doesn't want regular sex with you and doesn't care how badly stringing you along like this will effect you, and yet you continue to ignore everyone's advice (and your own instincts) and keep spouting 'but I love her!', 'but she loves me!' - I'm sorry but there's no evidence of love here!
Honestly, do you not feel you deserve to be with someone who can go a step further than telling you she loves you, and actually have a normal, functional relationship that includes fun sex, trust, mutual respect, honesty?
All this stuff about her new bed in her mum's place is farcical, you're supposed to be grownups! I didn't understand all you said about your own place but it sounded like excuses.
Your relationship is flawed. If she doesn't want regular sex now, when you should both be in the first flush, she's not going to miraculously become interested in sex. Stop feeling guilty for wanting a normal, full relationship and move on with your life, stop procrastinating.

Penny Tration · 13-03-2015 11:36am

ippn1 wrote: »

Well she initates sex 2 times since we are together.One time she took my hand and take me to bed while i was watching a TV (great feeling, was really happy that day), and the other time we were kising and she started undressing me... But thats about it.

And that's not normal.

In my first year with my boyfriend, we didn't have sex for about 3 months at the start, because I wanted to wait.

After that, i initiated sex at least 3 times a week, and he'd initiate more times.

I'm very insecure about my body, and yet I'm happy to initiate sex very frequently because I love him, and part of that love is sexual.

You should be at it like rabbits at this stage!
You need to decide which is more important - a good sex life, or her.

ippn1 · 13-03-2015 12:40pm

dee_mc wrote: »

If she doesn't want regular sex now, when you should both be in the first flush, she's not going to miraculously become interested in sex.

But she already did once! Thats whats bothering me so much! It d be easier for me if she has never showed interest in sex in the first place. But she did. During that period of time things were normal regarding sex.. Dont know why after half a year of our realtionship and dont know why it stops after a while and go back to the same old cycle... just cant figure it out.

Stavro Mueller · 13-03-2015 12:44pm

Well you'll have plenty of time to consider this conundrum while you continue to be sexually frustrated. I'm not sure what it is you are looking for on this thread because it's going round and round in circles.

dee_mc · 13-03-2015 12:44pm

But you're missing the point, what I am talking about is REGULAR SEX, the kind that is part of a healthy, normal relationship! Not just once in a blue moon interest, or feeling grateful for a bit of hand action when she's on her period, but regular (often, frequent, at regular intervals) sex.

ippn1 · 13-03-2015 2:26pm

I just talked to her - I just met her for a drink… i told her sex is still an issue with us and that things hasnt changed since the last conversation we had. I said we have to try something else in order to make it work. She said we wont try anything anymore, that we are not compatible and she is breaking up with me. She also said how i did not invite her to move in with me. On the other hand she said how i always making plans and she hates planes ands stuff like that. Of course i have to make plans, im a bussy man. She said at this age and at that stage of relationship i should think differently, and that our relationship should progress – we should have move in together and that her plan is to have a baby in a year or two. Talking about plans??? We never had that conversation. When i said we havent had sex for another month she said 'DISASTER'... LOL…I asked her what is her issue with sex, she said to me she has none, i asked her does she even like it she said yes, i asked is it true she has never experienced an orgasm with any bf, she said Yes. I asked her do you even enjoy having sex with me, she said yes, and WHY EVERYONE IS ASKING THAT QUESTION WHEN RELATIONSHIP IS OVER! So yeah, she dumped me in the end, making me look like a bad guy for not suggesting to move in with me. At the same time she always had problem to come to my place and/or have sex with me. Its over now. I feel stupid.

dee_mc · 13-03-2015 2:42pm

You're well rid of her.
Learn from it, don't settle.

DeltaWhite · 13-03-2015 2:57pm

Nope. Dont feel stupid OP! You would feel WAY more stupid if you went along with her plans to move in and have a baby and it all falls apart down the line, and you'd be back here like those other men who are in marriages/relationships that they are completely miserable in.

Lick your wounds now, you were not compatible with her and that's not the end of the world! We all have to find our fish in the sea. So chin up dude

I'm just glad that you know where you stand now, no more bitterness or resentment towards her, just cut contact and live your life.

Big Bag of Chips · 13-03-2015 3:33pm

Attack is a form of defense, OP. I'd even guess she sensed you weren't happy and might finish it with her, so she finished it with you first. You say she mentioned "at this age". Well I think "at this age" she needs to be a bit more mature about how she handles communication in a relationship and she needs to accept her own failings. It looks like she is still very dependent, either on her mother or a bf. If she wanted to move out why didn't she get her act together and move somewhere? She wanted to move from her cosy set up with her mother to a cosy set up with you. Involving little work, planning or organisation on her part. "At her age" she shouldn't need those safety blankets.

You have looked at yourself, you've spent longer than most analysing things and trying to see if you can make it work, somehow. Whereas she threw a few tantrums and then stropped off.

Now you know what you want from a relationship. Now you know the warning signs to look for in the early days. I hope by next weekend you will realise how much better off you are now. She will carry those same issues into her next relationship. And you will go into your next relationship wiser.

ippn1 · 14-03-2015 11:13am

im pretty heartbroken now and there are times Im still wondering what if
...i sleep over at her place when she bought new bed for us and ivited me...
... she didnt like the way i was inviting her to sleep over at my house...
and some other stuff.

i know some of you will be angry at me for still thinking like this, but it was my first love and i think ill need a litlle more time to realize whats just happened.

I D LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE FOR OPINIONS/HELP AND YOUR TIME.

Big Bag of Chips · 14-03-2015 11:22am

Ah, OP give yourself a chance. This happened a day ago. You're going to need more than 1 day to get over it. You obviously cared a lot about her, it's why you stuck it out when others would have left.

It'll take you a bit of time, but you will get over it. Allow yourself a little bit of self-pity...... Just not too much!

mazdaminx · 14-03-2015 11:27am

Chin up. Try not look back. Look ahead tothe healthy sex life you'll have with the right girl. I was in a sexless relationship too. It's never worth it in my opinion. Like someone said already ye should be at it like rabbits :-)

It'll take time but this is all happening so you can meet the right girl.

LegacyUser · 14-03-2015 2:25pm

Don't worry op.
It is not your fault. Probably it is not her fault either.
Please do remember water and fire cannot hold hands no matter how much they like each other. Relationships reveal what you really are. Now you know better what you want/expect from a relationship, and what you can give.
Don't fight the pain, nor feed it. Let it lash out and be spend.
Take care

ippn1 · 14-03-2015 4:26pm

Yeah I know, the only thing that concern me is that i spent 26 years of my life to find my first one...

it also pains me when i look back and think how sure i was she might be what i was searching for so long. She even said it for herself she taught the same about me the last time we talked - when she broke up with me... but i guess thats always the case when things go great and everyone is happy.

ippn1 · 15-03-2015 5:05pm

i went through this thread again all over and im also reading my diary.

im glad i was writing a diary all along. From the very first date to the last. And i can tell you now, that from the start I KNEW something is not as it should be, i wrote it all down back then and things that has been bothering me lately has bothered my from the start - nothing has changed! but i rather looked away and stay focused only on good sides. its interesting to see how many times she got me in the bad mood/anger/being hurt by avoiding sex with me and to see that i WAS NOT her top priority most of the time. Things like that make me feel so much better. i still have feelings for her and i know i ll always remember her but at the same time I realized that sex at this stage should not be a problem at all and if she wanted me that ways she would try harder and make some effort. I also ralized thing would not go better over time ragarding sex and that id be more and more unhappy. She never tried to put some effort to satisfy my needs even tho i made it clear how important they are to me. its like my needs didnt matter as long she got her needs checked. but as soon as i stop putting so much effort to satisfy her needs she gave up on us. Bottom line is she didnt gave me what i needed - to feel loved. Sex once a month is just not enough for me or any other normal man at this age. i bet i was not her 1st bf with this problems. An i m pretty sure im not the last. I dont know about other men but i thin every guy need a feeling to be wanted in bed - sexually in order to feel loved and wanted.

Happy memories brings me the most pain, but diary helps me to remind thre were soke bad to and they were quite often to be honest. i ll keep on writing my diary, its a great therapy.

this is my last post in this thread so tnx again to everyone who took time and try to help me. i really appreciate it! THANKS

what to think of a gf who...

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