Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

jammstarr · 07-03-2012 8:42pm

Princess Peach wrote: »

I never told my family, and I told a couple of friends but they didn't really want to hear about it like.

Had a bit of a moment earlier. Was on Skype to my mam, and she is sending me out a parcel and I mentioned a few t-shirts I had left at home that I like. Then it entered my head that before I left for Canada I got 6 months of my tablets, but took them out of the cardboard boxes, just took the pill sheets. And I have a vague memory of me putting all the boxes in my t-shirt drawer. Now I can't remember for sure, but I really don't want her looking there :-/ Don't know how I'd explain it.

Would you not want your Mam to know about it? Not to be worrying about you but just to know nonetheless.

anonimous · 07-03-2012 9:09pm

just if anyone is interested there's an aware depression support meeting on now here:

http://support.aware.ie/

Call Me Jimmy · 07-03-2012 9:53pm

I wouldn't worry about anyone else claiming depression or talking about it (other than the fact that it can become boring if you're subjected to it often) because if the whole world falsely claimed all day every day that they were depressed it still wouldn't change the things I know I have to do to feel better.

Princess Peach · 07-03-2012 10:01pm

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I wouldn't worry about anyone else claiming depression or talking about it (other than the fact that it can become boring if you're subjected to it often) because if the whole world falsely claimed all day every day that they were depressed it still wouldn't change the things I know I have to do to feel better.

I like your attitude

Sorry about the rants, have a bead headache today and I was getting very agitated at everything!

I've been very up and down the last month. But I'm not going to put that down to my past with depression. I've just moved by myself to a new country and started back in college, I think its normal for me to feel like this and anyone would. Plus I am having plenty of ups, and when I used to feel very down it would be for long long periods with no ups. Its just settling in emotions. Had a drama queen moment the other week when I didn't really get out of bed for 2 days and I was thinking of going to get my dosage increased. Then I just told myself to cop on, 2 down days is not a spell a depression.

So yeah then it does just annoy me when someone has a bad day and "Oh I'm so depressed. Better tell all of facebook." But it shouldn't and I should just be able to let it go and get on with things.

I think ranting on about it does not help :pac:

greenshoes88 · 07-03-2012 10:07pm

You could be immune to em. Maybe you should go back to the doctor. I'm no-one to preach. I haven't even been able to tell a doctor how i feel yet. I know i should but the severe anxiety i feel just thinking about going to the doctor is too much

I went to my doctor when I was at the end and wanted to kill myself-he told me "ah it can't be that bad" MY DOCTOR said that and iv'e been with him all my life (I was 20 at the time)

Call Me Jimmy · 07-03-2012 10:17pm

Princess Peach wrote: »

So yeah then it does just annoy me when someone has a bad day and "Oh I'm so depressed. Better tell all of facebook." But it shouldn't and I should just be able to let it go and get on with things.

I think ranting on about it does not help :pac:

Funnily enough, just reading that line about someone saying their depressed on facebook reminded me of something that I only realised now I've been doing a lot more recently.

Basically with something like a post on facebook along the lines of "Had to work late!! I think I have depression

", it's like a vortex because of the infinite ways in which it is retarded. So if you even begin to rant about it, ye'll be frustrated because your vocabulary and ultimately your stamina will not be sufficient enough to do justice to the depths of the stupidity of it, leaving you with blue-balls of the brain.

Now, unless I have some interesting point about something retarded that could be funny, I just acknowledge it as a 'vortex' and don't even indulge. I think I'm of pretty much average intelligence but if someone says something that makes me feel like Einstien (can't even spell it :P) I know I should probably just leave it be.

greenshoes88 wrote: »

I went to my doctor when I was at the end and wanted to kill myself-he told me "ah it can't be that bad" MY DOCTOR said that and iv'e been with him all my life (I was 20 at the time)

That is an odd reaction. What's up with you greenshoes?

jammstarr · 07-03-2012 10:27pm

Princess Peach wrote: »

Sorry about the rants, have a bead headache today and I was getting very agitated at everything!

A rant does a lot of healing to be fair

talullah · 07-03-2012 11:07pm

Bad bad bad day, tried so hard not to use the knives at work...wanted to do it so bad that i'd have to go to hospital but i managed to stop myself. Still need to do something, it's so hard to fight it.

i hate this.:(

Call Me Jimmy · 07-03-2012 11:11pm

When you say bad, do you mean in terms of circumstances or that you felt lower than usual?

talullah · 07-03-2012 11:56pm

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

When you say bad, do you mean in terms of circumstances or that you felt lower than usual?

Well feeling very very low and then a situation occurred (work related) that in itself i suppose isnt too bad but it's a reoccurrance because of a particular couple of people and i just cant handle any stress or complications at all at the minute so it was enoughh to completely ruin an already very low day.

Tbh i was managing ok before the 'incident' today and doing things to keep my head above water, nice peaceful things in the bit of sunshine - a bit of gardening, played with the dogs etc. but it really doesn't take much to turn me into a blubbering wreck. Actually turned up to work in floods of tears, lovely woman i work with gave me a hug before she went home (she doesnt know about my depression) One of the lads knows and was trying to be supportive but when you're in such a state nothing really matters, words are meaningless unless they're the distructive ones.:(

luckyfrank · 08-03-2012 12:15am

Has anyone had experience being on an ssri while taking a slimming/exercise supplement

cloud493 · 08-03-2012 12:24am

talullah wrote: »

Bad bad bad day, tried so hard not to use the knives at work...wanted to do it so bad that i'd have to go to hospital but i managed to stop myself. Still need to do something, it's so hard to fight it. i hate this.:(

No hospitals. Hospitals arent nice, specially for self harm

Call Me Jimmy · 08-03-2012 12:41am

talullah wrote: »

Tbh i was managing ok before the 'incident' today and doing things to keep my head above water, nice peaceful things in the bit of sunshine - a bit of gardening, played with the dogs etc.

I think that's why I'm going through such a 'good' patch. I have a couple of months off before work starts so I can just sit around being peaceful and trying to expand my mind with lofty thoughts of inner calmness but once I start the job I know it'll be hard not to lose everything I've gained.

Can't relate to the cutting though myself... never could understand it even at times where I'm thinking about suicide I just think 'Either jump under a train or else there's no point hurting yourself unless it gets the job done'. I have a vague awareness of why people self harm but it's just too scary to me.

jammstarr · 08-03-2012 12:51am

You keeping ok at the moment Jimmy?

Call Me Jimmy · 08-03-2012 1:17am

Tough one to answer my friend. On the scale of the last 4 - 5 years I'm internally quite good but in a way I'm still avoiding my main issue to do with my appearance. So I can be all grand in my room, thinking I'm improving (which I feel I am) but there is so much fear relating to balding, wierd face etc. that I can feel the tension physically. That's what I'm addressing at the moment.

It's harder for me to talk about my stuff because I feel like people are usually turned off by anyone who shows any vanity, but it's not vanity it's the reality of attraction. Sure, not great looks can be overcome almost 100% by charisma, charm, warmth etc. but you need to have an inner confidence that I don't feel I could ever have without decent aesthetics.

How bout you? What's your gig?

jammstarr · 08-03-2012 1:21am

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

How bout you? What's your gig?

I've the blues, anxiety along with a whole range of social and self image issues. A well rounded individual you could say

Call Me Jimmy · 08-03-2012 1:34am

So right now, you good or bad? Do you feel like there is one core thing stopping ye from just exploding out into the world in a nuclear bomb of joy and creativity?

jammstarr · 08-03-2012 1:35am

I'm alright. Mood is alright however the anxiety has been nagging at me more and more lately.

Call Me Jimmy · 08-03-2012 1:48am

You do any physical stuff to combat your anxiety?

jammstarr · 08-03-2012 1:55am

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

You do any physical stuff to combat your anxiety?

I live a very sedate lifestyle and that's after not after helping at all.

Do you do anything?

Call Me Jimmy · 08-03-2012 2:07am

I'm the same at the moment, exact same because I'm off. Yeah I do a lot, but it's all a bit hard to articulate.

But i'll throw it out there, ye have to open your mind a bit though and realise that you could at the very least strive to be as physically comfortable as you can in every moment.

One thing I do is try and be still like a statue, really disciplined like. Hold my breathing (without puffing my cheeks or a big breath, just stopping everything for a few seconds mid flow) and just and see what happens. I usually recognise quite quickly that I am in a lot more pain than I am usually conscious of.

The key for me is to slow down and appreciate the feeling of physical comfort in each part of my body. Also, making sure I'm not tilting my head. I've been so many years with my head looking down that I have to keep correcting myself and tilt it up.

Ah, if we were talking in person I know I'd be able to connect with ye and get you to feel what I'm talking about but it's hard for someone not to think your a nutjob through text. But just, try to focus on the areas with tension (stomach, neck, arms anywhere) and think "that should not be that uncomfortable" and try and correct it.

jammstarr · 08-03-2012 2:19am

Nah doesn't come across nutjob at all

anonimous · 08-03-2012 8:33am

reading back through this thread, cloud493, have you been to pieta house?

thrilledskinny · 08-03-2012 3:55pm

Sitting on my couch having a cup of tea to nurse a splitting head ache ! No wonder i have a head ache with all the stress i'm putting my self through ( and my partner ! )
Think I'm nearly getting past the anxiety to go back to work but still have to go back, have swore i would each day this wk, well there is always tomo.

Would love to have this problem over me and then I coudl just worry about enjoying the lovely sunshine !
Hope someone out there is getting over their problems

thrilledskinny · 08-03-2012 4:00pm

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

So right now, you good or bad? Do you feel like there is one core thing stopping ye from just exploding out into the world in a nuclear bomb of joy and creativity?

I very much like the way you've worded that, ohh wouldnt we all love to do that......

Its anxiety stopping me at the moment, it used to be always depression stopping me.......or at least i wasnt as aware of the anxiety, but i certainly am now !!

And u ?

thrilledskinny · 08-03-2012 4:09pm

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Tough one to answer my friend. On the scale of the last 4 - 5 years I'm internally quite good but in a way I'm still avoiding my main issue to do with my appearance. So I can be all grand in my room, thinking I'm improving (which I feel I am) but there is so much fear relating to balding, wierd face etc. that I can feel the tension physically. That's what I'm addressing at the moment.

Gees dont be so hard on yourself, as a hairdresser said to me lately, what percentage of the population are models anyway ?? Not everyone out there is drop dead gorgeous, and for some its gorgeous on the inside that counts most....
you sound like a very nice guy ...

Call Me Jimmy · 08-03-2012 5:10pm

thrilledskinny wrote: »

I very much like the way you've worded that, ohh wouldnt we all love to do that......

Its anxiety stopping me at the moment, it used to be always depression stopping me.......or at least i wasnt as aware of the anxiety, but i certainly am now !!

And u ?

I think it's much better to be aware of anxiety because I believe it is beaten once you stop trying to hide it from yourself. Mine is improving every day now.

But the one thing stopping me is shame of my appearance. I feel like I'm letting people down just from how I look. It takes a lot of discipline for me to talk to someone (anyone) close up because I feel sorry for what they have to look at. I'm working on it, but it is such a deep-seeded feeling that it doesn't change overnight.

Hope you get back to work soon if that's what you want to do. Otherwise I hope you keep having days off.

Plumpynuter · 08-03-2012 6:10pm

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I think it's much better to be aware of anxiety because I believe it is beaten once you stop trying to hide it from yourself. Mine is improving every day now.

But the one thing stopping me is shame of my appearance. I feel like I'm letting people down just from how I look. It takes a lot of discipline for me to talk to someone (anyone) close up because I feel sorry for what they have to look at. I'm working on it, but it is such a deep-seeded feeling that it doesn't change overnight.

Hope you get back to work soon if that's what you want to do. Otherwise I hope you keep having days off.

I so know how you feel

It is my biggest Issue. I am overweight and have a skin condition. I used to be good looking

, fit and healthy. I feel I cant move on with my life until I at least beat the weight and skin problems. I feel strong in so many ways now and I know myself better then I ever have before but this appearance thing is really holding me back.

jammstarr · 08-03-2012 6:49pm

thrilledskinny wrote: »

Its anxiety stopping me at the moment, it used to be always depression stopping me.......or at least i wasnt as aware of the anxiety, but i certainly am now !!

I've gotten that too. I call it "flip flopping". It's after happening a couple of times, first anxiety, then the mood, then anxious again.

cloud493 · 08-03-2012 6:50pm

anonimous wrote: »

reading back through this thread, cloud493, have you been to pieta house?

Yes.

crunchyogurt · 08-03-2012 7:25pm

I feel so hollow most of the time. When Im around people I pretend to be normal and try to be out going but on the inside I feel dead. I start to slip up ever now and then and often wonder do they think Im a weirdo or ignorant. I hate allways being anxious about things that are comming up. If theres some kind of social ocassion comming up I'm anxious for days before it happens. I feel so out of touch with people sometimes. They could be talking about future plans, relationships or what a productive day they had, and I just think to myself that I have missed out on so much.

Call Me Jimmy · 08-03-2012 8:13pm

What are you like when you're alone? Any better?

jammstarr · 08-03-2012 8:24pm

crunchyogurt wrote: »

I feel so hollow most of the time. When Im around people I pretend to be normal and try to be out going but on the inside I feel dead. I start to slip up ever now and then and often wonder do they think Im a weirdo or ignorant. I hate allways being anxious about things that are comming up. If theres some kind of social ocassion comming up I'm anxious for days before it happens. I feel so out of touch with people sometimes. They could be talking about future plans, relationships or what a productive day they had, and I just think to myself that I have missed out on so much.

A lot of us on here will relate to how you're feeling so please keep on posting - it does help to get things off your chest and who knows you might even get some useful advice too.

I too feel I've missed out on so much. I try to be positive however I am a very bitter person.

cloud493 · 08-03-2012 8:42pm

Just gotta keep smiling. Bad for morale otherwise.

jammstarr · 08-03-2012 8:46pm

cloud493 wrote: »

Just gotta keep smiling. Bad for morale otherwise.

Your own morale or other's?

cloud493 · 08-03-2012 8:49pm

jammstarr wrote: »

Your own morale or other's?

Both

Have to keep total control don't you. Or you lose.

jammstarr · 08-03-2012 8:54pm

cloud493 wrote: »

Just gotta keep smiling. Bad for morale otherwise.

jammstarr wrote: »

Your own morale or other's?

cloud493 wrote: »

Both Have to keep total control don't you. Or you lose.

I can see where you're coming from. Just could make you feel a bit false though? Don't want to be a constant downer either I suppose.

cloud493 · 08-03-2012 8:57pm

jammstarr wrote: »

I can see where you're coming from. Just could make you feel a bit false though? Don't want to be a constant downer either I suppose.

As long as people see what they need to see, want, what have you, I don't think about it too much.

Call Me Jimmy · 08-03-2012 9:22pm

Down ta fuck again. Changes every couple of hours... god this is hell sometimes. This is why I always worry about feeling good, I know it'll hurt more the more I come down to cold reality.

fintonagirl · 09-03-2012 12:26am

feel like **** at the minute, and feel **** for feeling ****..

feel like a dealt really badly with a situation at work today.. work with challenging behaviour and actually got visibly upset in front of group today because I just couldn't cope with the behaviour, in particular the attitude and language towards me.. its natural in a way, but I'm supposed to be the professional and be able to deal with this stuff but feel like situation got better of me. Hopefully a change coming soon, which is good because I just don't think I'm capable any more.. if I ever really was.

Hopefully its a sunny day tomorrow and I wake feeling brighter.. I had thought that maybe I was doing a bit better but I think I've just been suppressing things and avoiding situations/ things that would make me anxious.

Feel like a teenager, except its not that I wish my life was better or different.. more if someone could sort out my brain.

nesf · 09-03-2012 1:20am

Not sure how I'm doing over the past few days, maybe a bit better or maybe a new stage. We'll see.

Call Me Jimmy · 09-03-2012 2:24am

fintonagirl wrote: »

feel like **** at the minute, and feel **** for feeling ****..

feel like a dealt really badly with a situation at work today.. work with challenging behaviour and actually got visibly upset in front of group today because I just couldn't cope with the behaviour, in particular the attitude and language towards me.. its natural in a way, but I'm supposed to be the professional and be able to deal with this stuff but feel like situation got better of me. Hopefully a change coming soon, which is good because I just don't think I'm capable any more.. if I ever really was.

Hopefully its a sunny day tomorrow and I wake feeling brighter.. I had thought that maybe I was doing a bit better but I think I've just been suppressing things and avoiding situations/ things that would make me anxious.

Feel like a teenager, except its not that I wish my life was better or different.. more if someone could sort out my brain.

I wouldn't hope for sunny day if I were you... where we live it might lead to disappointment... ye have to stick with whatever has been keeping you well.

nesf wrote: »

Not sure how I'm doing over the past few days, maybe a bit better or maybe a new stage. We'll see.

A new stage sounds good, hope ye get to it!

nesf · 09-03-2012 2:43am

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

A new stage sounds good, hope ye get to it!

A new stage can go in either direction unfortunately, can only tell in hindsight.

Temaz · 09-03-2012 1:27pm

Got some valium for the weekend so Il be ok!

Kaching · 09-03-2012 1:57pm

Temaz wrote: »

Got some valium for the weekend so Il be ok!

I could do with some

talullah · 09-03-2012 3:04pm

Damn it, cut my hand quite bad yesterday, not sure why I did it instead of doing the usual cuts. Have a big dopey bandage on it today, and dealing with each and every awkward moment a customer asks me what happened..:(

thrilledskinny · 09-03-2012 3:12pm

fintonagirl wrote: »

feel like **** at the minute, and feel **** for feeling ****..

feel like a dealt really badly with a situation at work today.. work with challenging behaviour and actually got visibly upset in front of group today because I just couldn't cope with the behaviour, in particular the attitude and language towards me.. its natural in a way, but I'm supposed to be the professional and be able to deal with this stuff but feel like situation got better of me. Hopefully a change coming soon, which is good because I just don't think I'm capable any more.. if I ever really was.

Hopefully its a sunny day tomorrow and I wake feeling brighter.. I had thought that maybe I was doing a bit better but I think I've just been suppressing things and avoiding situations/ things that would make me anxious.

Feel like a teenager, except its not that I wish my life was better or different.. more if someone could sort out my brain.

OHHH if only someone could sort out our brains !!
Know how you feel ie feeling like **** for feeling like ****.

Sometimes I wonder do a lot of us have major problems dealing with other people.....and work makes us deal with other people daily !!
Work is hugh stressor....and the people we work with....

Not sure of a solution except trry like others seem to be able to do to let it roll off your shoulders and dont stress about it ! As if eh ;-)

hope today was a sunnier day for you all round ;-)

Aoifums · 09-03-2012 3:35pm

This might sound really weird but I'm feeling ok but terrified today. I feel like I'm sitting around just waiting for my mood to plummet again. I have a mountain of work that needs to get done and I'm scared that if I start into it, it'll just seem like too much so I'm not even going to try it :rolleyes: Bloody brain!

Anyone · 09-03-2012 3:42pm

Where can I find a list of registered/qualified counsellors? I need to talk to someone, but I am very reluctant to go to my GP.

Call Me Jimmy · 09-03-2012 4:00pm

Aoifums wrote: »

This might sound really weird but I'm feeling ok but terrified today. I feel like I'm sitting around just waiting for my mood to plummet again. I have a mountain of work that needs to get done and I'm scared that if I start into it, it'll just seem like too much so I'm not even going to try it :rolleyes: Bloody brain!

Yea I'm experiencing that exact same thing alot now that I'm really actively trying to get better. When ye don't have optimism for years of your life, when it comes along it's such a relief you're afraid of doing anything that will make you forget it. I'm afraid to do anything that isn't concentrating on getting better - like reading - because I might lose what I've gained.

Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

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