Engagement rings: Diamonds & Vanity?

magentas · 25-01-2012 3:51am #1

After watching various documentaries about blood diamonds over the years, I have decided that I would not be happy to wear a diamond engagement ring as I don't want to support the god awful trade.
My boyfriends sister got engaged recently and loves flashing her ring (obviously she's thrilled to be engaged but she tends to be pretty "flash" and showy anyway!) and I've never herad of anybody NOT having a diamond engagement ring.

Is there a vanity issue with girls when it comes to these things? I always hear women say things like "Oh her ring is fab" or just as easily slag off a ring if it's not great. They can be pretty critical and judgemental.

Now I'll be the first to admit I know nothing about stones (cut, clarity etc) and I don't wear very expensive jewellary. A lot of research and money can get you an ethically sourced diamond but my question is this...does it HAVE to be a diamond ring?!

dudara · 25-01-2012 3:58am

We have a running joke that I'd rather he'd spend the €10k on an M3 for me, rather than a diamond ring.

TBH - I don't get the diamond thing. I understand having a symbol of the engagement (I know I'd want something) but I don't why there is the obsession with diamonds. It was probably due to some very clever advertising years ago from De Beers (or some company like that).

When a friend got engaged recently, she took ages (and I mean a painful age) to choose her ring. It had to be X and it had to be Y, and by no means could it be "affordable". Then to top it all off, she made sure to get a diamond encrusted wedding band also. I just simply don't get it? She's wearing ~€10k on her finger, instead of buying a car or something useful.

chickenbutt · 25-01-2012 4:07am

I don't think it has to be diamond. It's your ring, your engagement, let it be whatever you want. It's all an advertising gimmick anyway. Yeah, diamonds are pretty. But so are emeralds and rubies and whatever. I hate overly extravagant rings. I saw my sister in law's engagement ring before my brother proposed and I just thought it was so tacky. Diamonds surrounded by diamonds with even more diamonds down the band. Yeah, great way to say "rob me!" What a waste of money! One small one will do me. I'd rather have that money go towards a home with my future husband than a little ring.

magentas · 25-01-2012 4:11am

Thank God, I thought it was just me!

Yes it's lovely to have a symbol of the engagement and same as you I'd like something but I think diamonds are more of a status symbol for some people.

I've told my boyfriend that I don't want a diamond but he probably thinks I'm just saying that! I really don't but would be interested in hearing if anyones had something alternative.

I know I'd totally be looked down on by some girls but I wouldn't wear something I wasn't happy with, knowing where they come from and how they're sourced and costs a rediculous amount of money just to be conventional.

Very interested in hearing opinions on this

southsiderosie · 25-01-2012 5:11am

The whole "you don't want a diamond ring? HORRORS" thing is just one more instance of people who need to keep their mouths shut about other people's life choices. Honestly, the world would be a better place if people would just mind their own business 90% of the time.

FouxDaFaFa · 25-01-2012 5:25am

I don't think I'd be comfortable wearing something so expensive around the place, and would also share the OP's concerns about blood diamonds. People probably won't believe this but I would be more than happy with a cheap silver and turquoise ring or something. If he wants to spend a load of money on me then I'll take a motorbike or a holiday or something.

cson · 25-01-2012 6:22am

Hmmm, I'll divide this into parts to chart my varying thoughts on this so its easier to digest

Light hearted
I used to/still do get great craic out of this one rising girls I'm friends with or work with; it's insane how much of a reaction you can provoke with this statement - "But whether it's a 3 carat rock or the ring out of a barn brack, the meaning is still the same, no?" > Apparently not. :P

Serious
I think it's just become culturally synonymous with the sought after grandeur of a modern wedding. [I'll temper the following by saying that its not par for the course for everyone, but in my experience this is what I think]. A lot of people tend to equate the value of the ring to the value of their relationship. The Disney fairytale wedding that's perpetuated to everyone and has become really culturally embedded dictates that the bride to be must have everything she wants for her big day. Some people get married for the wrong reasons; i.e. don't understand the difference between wedding and marriage.

Philosophical
What is a diamond anyway except a pretty stone? Without wanting to throw this onto a philosophy tangent its value is dictated by what the mind perceives. It has no inherent usefulness other than to serve as a very nice accessory [ii] to show off to your peers what your relationship is worth or [iii] a symbol of the ties that bind, in a good way, as regards your relationship.

Value
Personally as mentioned I'd rather give a prospective fiancee an M3 or the likes than a rock of a similar value. Having said that, if its what she really wanted, and it was for the right reasons then I wouldn't be averse to buying one either.

Considered Opinion
Anyway, as you can probably guess, I'm little disillusioned by the wedding ethos in this country. Huge pressure to conform, huge pressure to have everything perfect, huge pressure to spend big for a big day [not marriage], huge pressure on the bride to have the nicest dress, huge pressure on the groom to buy her the most expensive ring... I really believe it does coerce people into choices that they fell they have to make and not what they want which is so very very wrong.

A ring shouldn't dictate the value of your relationship. It should be a symbol you wear to remind you that there is someone in your life that cares very deeply about you and you for him/her. Whether its a 10 carat de beers diamond ring or something that the two of you picked out in a tacky souvenir shop on holidays shouldn't matter; what matters is what it symbolises.

chickenbutt · 25-01-2012 6:24am

Perhaps Sheldon says it best?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa61-zjo6QE

CaliforniaDream · 25-01-2012 8:19am

I don't get why people think it's about vanity or being flashy when someone gets a diamond ring.
Who are you to look down on someone else and judge their purchase. How do you know it's a waste? Why would they prefer to spend then money on a car? What's important to you is not important to someone else. That goes both ways.

Is it really that big of a deal for you to let someone be happy with their diamond ring? No one cares if you don't have one.
Don't want a ring? Great, good for you. Do want a ring? Great, good for you.

FWIW, I'd prefer the ring over the car. I'm married and didn't get an engagement ring. No one judged me or even mentioned it tbh. I will get one some day but where's the rush.

Dolbert · 25-01-2012 8:42am

There's a middle ground between a €10k De Beers number and a barm brack ring... My fiance and I picked out my ring in a small, family-run jewellers, and I offered to go halves on it (he was having none of it). I couldn't care less about cut, clarity etc but it is beautiful and very simple. I honestly can't tell the difference between mine and one that cost thousands!

Azureus · 25-01-2012 8:50am

I like the idea of a diamond ring-I like the fact that the stone in synonomous with the meaning-ie if you see a diamond ring on someones engagement finger it stands out as an engagement ring, whereas if you see another stone the meaning for me is more ambiguous (is she engaged or does she just like wearing her ring on that finger?). That's just me though, my best friend has a ruby engagement ring and its stunning, but if I saw it and didnt know her I wouldnt be sure it was an engagement ring (but I suppose what does that matter if I dont know her?).

Anyway, the one thing about a diamond engagement ring I dont like is the ''obligation'' to spend a small fortune on it. All this three months wages crap or whatever it is-if my OH spent three months wages on a ring I'd ask him to come pawn it with me and go on holiday! Personally I would love a diamond, they're my birthstone and my favourite looking stone, but I would hate something extravagant.
All that said I cant stand weddings and never plan on having one, so if I were to get engaged, itd just be the ring and the honeymoon :L

MagicMarker · 25-01-2012 9:09am

I hope people realise that not all diamonds are blood diamonds! No reputable store would/should sell blood diamonds.

Personally, I don't get it. Materialism gone made imo.

25-01-2012 9:22am

magentas wrote: »

I've never herad of anybody NOT having a diamond engagement ring.

Oh dear

Before the 20th century, other types of betrothal gifts were common. Before the end of the 19th century, the bride-to-be sometimes received a sewing thimble rather than an engagement ring.[1] This practice was particularly common among religious groups that shunned jewelry. Engagement rings didn't become standard in the West until the end of the 19th century, and diamond rings didn't become common until the 1930s.[1] Now, 80% of American women are offered a diamond ring to signify engagement.[1]

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/1982/02/have-you-ever-tried-to-sell-a-diamond/4575/

It was introduced under heavy advertising from de beers in the 20th century

you can have whatever ring you want!
If i ever get engaged, i wouldn't mind a sapphire. because they're blue... :pac:

Seomra Mushie · 25-01-2012 9:52am

Not big into jewellery at all, but if I WAS getting an engagement ring, it would be either sapphire or emerald.

Something like this:

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AOGRG-EM1C.jpg&sa=X&ei=68IfT6O_FYTMhAfH4L3YDQ&ved=0CAsQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNG6sDcGHZk1F9KT6EC7DZ87mMgi6A

LenaClaire · 25-01-2012 10:03am

When we got engaged my husband got me a sapphire ring since he knew I really had no interest in diamonds but I think some of the coloured stones are lovely.

It is not big or flashy but I think it is perfect.

Dolbert · 25-01-2012 10:51am

I had really loved the idea of an antique sapphire or emerald art deco style ring, but upon trying them on I realised that none of them suited my small stubby hands! I ended up picking a simple white gold solitaire, something I never thought I'd go for. Diamonds don't automatically equal materialistic, I just went with the ring that looked good on my hand, at a price we didn't get ripped off with (he would have easily paid twice the amount on Grafton St!)

Honey-ec · 25-01-2012 10:59am

I'd love an M3 too, but cars devalue. Certified diamonds, not to mention the band & setting, generally* don't.

I'd guess that for most people, it's simply a matter of tradition. When I got engaged, my ring was from H. Samuel, which I'm sure a lot of people were horrified at. I didn't give a fiddlers, though, all I cared about was that I was marrying the man I loved. I lost it about 3 weeks before the wedding, and as we were going to New York on our honeymoon, decided to replace it there. I paid for the replacement myself, and, since I had the money and felt like spoiling myself a bit, got a more valuable ring that time.

Some women definitely do go a bit bats about the whole thing. Plus, the goalposts keep moving in relation to how much you're "supposed" to spend on the ring. Tradition always dictated a month's salary, but then it seemed to go from two months to three very suddenly during the Celtic Tiger years. A friend of mine recently got engaged and she confessed that her boyfriend first proposed well over a year ago, but wasn't willing to spend more than a grand on the ring so she told him not to bother asking again until he'd "copped on". To me, that is beyond madness and totally missing the point of an engagement.

*If you've bought from a reputable dealer, most of whom will guarantee you the purchase price of the ring back should you ever want to trade it in.

25-01-2012 11:06am

Honey-ec wrote: »

Tradition always dictated a month's salary,.

nah

The sale of diamond engagement rings continued to rise in the 1950s, and the marriage between romance and commerce that would characterize the American wedding for the next half-century was cemented. By 1965, 80 percent of American women had diamond engagement rings. The ring had become a requisite element of betrothal—as well as a very visible demonstration of status. Along the way, the diamond industry's guidelines for the "customary" cost of a ring doubled from one month's salary to two months' salary.

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/weddings/2007/06/diamonds_are_a_girls_worst_friend.html

baby and crumble · 25-01-2012 1:01pm

I proposed with an engagement ring charm from Thomas Sabo because I couldn't afford a 'proper' ring, and I still wanted to propose, it was important to me, and to us at the time. The fact that she's not 'out' to a lot of her family means that for the time being, we need to be relatively discreet.

My girlfriend (feels too weird saying fiancee!!) loves it, and wears a diamondy ring she already had on her engagement finger now, when she can. She gave me a ring she used to wear back, but I'm allergic

, so I just wear the commitment ring she gave me years ago.

When the times comes that we both have enough money to splash out on 'fancier' rings, then we will. We both would prefer manufactured diamonds- less of the ethical problems, less cost, and just as shiny!!! Hers will no doubt look very sparkly and traditional, whereas mine will probably be less so. It just suits us better.

In the end, people should do what they want. If that's wanting a €10,000 diamond encrusted whojamathing, then go for it. If it's wanting a handmade ring out of coconut shell, knock yourself out. No-one should judge. But I also feel people should really live within their means. I fail to see the point of getting yourself into ridiculous debt for the sake of appearances. All fur coat and no knickers, silly carry on!!!

dearg lady · 25-01-2012 1:16pm

CaliforniaDream wrote: »

I don't get why people think it's about vanity or being flashy when someone gets a diamond ring.
Who are you to look down on someone else and judge their purchase. How do you know it's a waste? Why would they prefer to spend then money on a car? What's important to you is not important to someone else. That goes both ways.

Is it really that big of a deal for you to let someone be happy with their diamond ring? No one cares if you don't have one.
Don't want a ring? Great, good for you. Do want a ring? Great, good for you.

FWIW, I'd prefer the ring over the car. I'm married and didn't get an engagement ring. No one judged me or even mentioned it tbh. I will get one some day but where's the rush.

I think what some people take issue with is people placing more emphasis on the ring than the relationship, as though a bigger ring means he loves the girl more.

Personally I hate diamonds and I hate wearing rings so I deffo don't want an engagement ring.

Lia_lia · 25-01-2012 1:58pm

I dislike diamond rings. Actually I don't really like rings in general. Never wear them, they irritate me. My Mother has her great grandmothers engagement ring that her Mother gave her when she turned 21. Bit of a family tradition. I never got it though because she knew I would just throw it in my room somewhere :rolleyes:

Whenever someone shows me their engagement rings I don't know what to say really. I usually just notice they have just got a manicure because they know they'll be showing it to loads of people, ha! And they usually cost a bomb. For a ring?! Do some women feel like they are worth however much the ring costs or something? Why do people like having loads of money spent on them for something so silly?

Morag · 25-01-2012 2:02pm

Before the big advertising push in the 1920, ruby engagement rings were the most used.
I know more people who don't have diamond engagement rings then who do.

Bubblefett · 25-01-2012 2:05pm

My OH wants me to wear his grandmothers ring, I love the idea of having a part of family history and handing it down again after me.
It's a beautiful ring and yes, it is diamond. But it's got such a significant emotional meaning behind it that we're looking past all that (he's very antidiamond trade)
Before he told me about the ring I always imagined I'd end up with something like this but with an Amethyst stone (my favourite stone), I love having things a little different and really simple
http://www.etsy.com/listing/76678881/wedding-ring-set-delicate-leaf?ref=pr_faveitems

Acoshla · 25-01-2012 2:16pm

I have my grandmother's diamond engagement ring, if I hadn't inherited that I'd be picking something much smaller and cheaper, probably for about 5% the cost of this one! And I would pick a diamond for the very simple reason that much as I adore sapphires and emeralds I would be afraid I'd get sick of the colour, diamondy white goes with everything so can survive my fickle taste.

If anything happens this one I won't be getting it remade, the value this has is all sentimental, and while it is a stunning ring if it got lost I would just get a little ring to replace it. I totally agree that people waste so much money on a tiny object when they could buy cars, go on holidays!

Neyite · 25-01-2012 2:39pm

I know a good few women who didnt get an engagement ring. They just didnt see the need for an expensive piece of jewellery that they would never wear.

Any person who is judgemental over a friends engagement ring/lack of engagement ring is a horrible person in my opinion

ElleEm · 25-01-2012 3:09pm

I wouldn't choose a diamond engagement ring, and certainly wouldn't choose an expensive one.

The rings I've found are very "tokeny", silver or unusual handmade rings.

It seems that the women who are into the cooky cutter weddings (church, 100+ people in a hotel, flowers, cars, etc.) prefer the similarly common diamond rings.

Scarinae · 25-01-2012 3:13pm

Just because someone is wearing a diamond ring it doesn’t mean it’s a blood diamond. All diamonds are meant to be certified – I know that there are problems with the Kimberley Process, but that is the general idea – you can check that sort of thing with your jeweller.

My brother’s fiancée felt very strongly about getting an ethical diamond, and she had one sourced from Namibia (nothing to do with my boyfriend, incidentally, it was just a coincidence that she got one from the country he lives in) and then had it made into a ring with recycled platinum. She said she found it a bit strange though that whenever people heard they were engaged the first thing they wanted to see was the ring, and then they were often puzzled when she said it hadn’t arrived yet (my brother proposed with a family ring because he knew she’d want to choose a ring with him, but it was too big for her tiny fingers so she just went ring-free until her own one had been made). She said it was almost like people didn’t believe they were really engaged because she didn’t have a ring yet

I would have thought that the fact they’d agreed to get married meant they were engaged, whether or not she had a piece of jewellery on?

I do also think it’s interesting how against synthetic diamonds some people are... Somehow it is less ‘romantic’ having one grown in a lab rather than having a diamond from the earth’s mantle, despite the fact that a synthetic diamond will have less flaws and is cheaper. The only way anyone would be able to tell the difference is through spectroscopy, and yet they’re seen as inferior - is this due to snobbery/marketing/something else?

25-01-2012 3:20pm

Fishie wrote: »

and yet they’re seen as inferior - is this due to snobbery/marketing/something else?

there are people who think they're "fake", "pieces of plastic", etc... so I'm going to guess marketing and ignorance

doriansmith · 25-01-2012 3:29pm

I prefer rubies & sapphires to diamonds & love antique rings. Not a fan of huge showy diamond engagement rings & they wouldn't suit my skinny fingers anyway.

And the "having" to spend three months' wages thing is lunacy IMO. I'd kill my boyfriend if he spent that much on a ring for me. I'd also be scared to wear the bloody thing if it was worth that much!

ElleEm · 25-01-2012 3:33pm

doriansmith wrote: »

I prefer rubies & sapphires to diamonds & love antique rings. Not a fan of huge showy diamond engagement rings & they wouldn't suit my skinny fingers anyway.

And the "having" to spend three months' wages thing is lunacy IMO. I'd kill my boyfriend if he spent that much on a ring for me. I'd also be scared to wear the bloody thing if it was worth that much!

That is something that really shocks me!
I have a few pieces of jewelry worth over €100 and sometimes, depending on where I am, I get concerned wearing them.
There is no way I would feel comfortable wearing a piece of jewelry worth more than a few hundred.

magentas · 25-01-2012 3:50pm

CaliforniaDream wrote: »

I don't get why people think it's about vanity or being flashy when someone gets a diamond ring.
Who are you to look down on someone else and judge their purchase. How do you know it's a waste? Why would they prefer to spend then money on a car? What's important to you is not important to someone else. That goes both ways.

Is it really that big of a deal for you to let someone be happy with their diamond ring? No one cares if you don't have one.
Don't want a ring? Great, good for you. Do want a ring? Great, good for you.

Jeez relax, maybe you should have a look at my original post again. My whole point is that women shouldn't be judged for not wearing a diamond but most women would be snide about it.
Why then do you think anyone here is judging someone else for wearing one? That'd be pretty hypocritical. Show me where I made any reference to any such opinion? I didn't.

Anyway, good to see that not everyone is of the opinion that it must be a diamond or worth X amount of salary! I love amethyst myself. I've heard of manufactured diamonds too, sounds interesting.

I think passing rings down through the generations is a lovely thing to do and adds great sentimental value..something money can't buy;)

Dolbert · 25-01-2012 4:26pm

What I really don't get is spending thousands extra for 'clarity and cut' - when you can't see the difference with the naked eye! Gives me visions of women inspecting your hand with a microscope :P Alls I know is mine is sparkly, and didn't cost the earth!

I know a woman who, upon hearing her sister's engagement ring was more expensive than hers, went out immediately to get it 'upgraded'. Lunacy.

Acoshla · 25-01-2012 4:32pm

Dolorous wrote: »

I know a woman who, upon hearing her sister's engagement ring was more expensive than hers, went out immediately to get it 'upgraded'. Lunacy.

Yeah a friend of mine got engaged, I was admiring her ring and she said that when she showed it to her best friend in the world, full of excitement, the friend counted the diamonds, said there were more in this new ring than her own ring which wasn't fair and how much had it cost :eek: My friend hadn't even noticed how many diamonds were in it (she thought there were was 1 either side of main one but there were 3) and was so upset at her friend's petty reaction.

baby and crumble · 25-01-2012 4:32pm

Dolorous wrote: »

I know a woman who, upon hearing her sister's engagement ring was more expensive than hers, went out immediately to get it 'upgraded'. Lunacy.

:eek:

Ah jaysis, people have more money than sense.

doriansmith · 25-01-2012 4:53pm

Dolorous wrote: »

I know a woman who, upon hearing her sister's engagement ring was more expensive than hers, went out immediately to get it 'upgraded'. Lunacy.

Wow. That's all kinds of crazy

Scarinae · 25-01-2012 5:27pm

Ugh :mad: I don’t have a problem with engagement rings, and maybe I’ll get one myself someday, but I do have a problem with engagement ring pissing contests. If someone asked me how much mine cost, I don’t know if I’d tell them to fcuk off or if I’d make something ridiculous up (one hundred BILLION dollars!!), but I certainly wouldn’t tell them. None of their business!

FouxDaFaFa · 25-01-2012 5:37pm

Fishie wrote: »

If someone asked me how much mine cost, I don’t know if I’d tell them to fcuk off or if I’d make something ridiculous up (one hundred BILLION dollars!!), but I certainly wouldn’t tell them. None of their business!

...do people actually ask how much the ring cost?

:eek:

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by these things...:pac:

Storminateacup · 25-01-2012 5:43pm

I love my rock. Yeah, it's diamond but it's not disgustingly garish. If someone asked me how much it cost, I'd tell them to mind their business. He got me engagement shoes too, which were far more my scene. Not really into wearing jewellery

Acoshla · 25-01-2012 6:11pm

I've been asked how much mine is worth, by about three crass people, I don't tell them, I'd be wary of giving out that info to anyone. The only people that know the worth of mine are me, my mother, my fiance, and the house insurance company!

I made him buy me engagement earrings...basically I wanted them for a party and thought he could buy them seeing as we got a free ring

They are stunning earrings, and look like they cost hundreds...they were €20 in Accessorize.

shinikins · 25-01-2012 7:02pm

I've noticed the tendency to ask how much the ring is worth-incredibly vulgar IMO. If I were newly engaged and asked that question, it would be a polite eff off answer in return. I couldn't care less if a weeks wages or a months was spent on it, as long as i liked it, and I could wear it for the rest of my life. Diamonds I'm not very fond of, so I think I would prefed another gemstone, amethyst is my birthstone so that would be one choice, or sapphire, maybe emerald.

Ickle Magoo · 25-01-2012 8:16pm

We were poor struggling students when we got engaged - and I got an antique ring with small diamonds set in the band...think it cost a couple of hundred quid - I think we actually spent more on the party that followed than the ring!

:pac:

It doesn't go with my thick band wedding ring so it now sits pride of place on my dresser. Funnily enough we spent much more time and expense on our wedding bands than the engagement ring.

Neyite · 25-01-2012 10:03pm

Storminateacup wrote: »

He got me engagement shoes too, which were far more my scene. Not really into wearing jewellery

mmmmm....Engagement shoes... I like the way you think!

Much more up my street.

25-01-2012 10:10pm

Diamonds have only really caught on since the latter half of the last century (since the famous 'diamonds are a girl's best friend' thing). Before then coloured stones were most in favour because they were more decorative.
My mam's engagement right has two emeralds and a blue sapphire and it's gorgeous. Diamonds are most definitely NOT a must when it comes to rings. Your engagement ring should be something YOU like, made from a stone that means something to YOU. If you don't want diamonds, don't have diamonds, and make sure people know it.

CaliforniaDream · 26-01-2012 7:33am

magentas wrote: »

Jeez relax, maybe you should have a look at my original post again. My whole point is that women shouldn't be judged for not wearing a diamond but most women would be snide about it.
Why then do you think anyone here is judging someone else for wearing one? That'd be pretty hypocritical. Show me where I made any reference to any such opinion? I didn't.

Show me where I said my post was aimed at you?

Three phrases that have been said in this thread:
Status symbol
Waste of money
Instead of buying something useful.

Are you telling me there's no judgement here? And since you said one of these things, yes I think you're being judgmental.

I just want to know who everyone is friends with because I don't know anyone that's asked about price of ring or offered the information. My reality is that most people don't care. A nice ring is a nice ring.

chickenbutt · 26-01-2012 7:58am

CaliforniaDream wrote: »

Show me where I said my post was aimed at you?

Three phrases that have been said in this thread:
Status symbol
Waste of money
Instead of buying something useful.

Are you telling me there's no judgement here? And since you said one of these things, yes I think you're being judgmental.

I just want to know who everyone is friends with because I don't know anyone that's asked about price of ring or offered the information. My reality is that most people don't care. A nice ring is a nice ring.

Perhaps you may be confusing judgment with personal opinion? It's not like anyone is saying if you have a diamond ring you are a horrible person!

Anyway, so what? It seems like no matter what a person does, ring or no ring, diamond or no diamond, they're probably going to be judged by someone. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Whatever floats your boat, go for it and no one should be nosing into how much it cost and where did you get it, etc., that's just rude! Appreciate the beauty, congratulate and move on! I know I said my sister in law's ring was "a waste of money" and that I personally would rather buy something useful, but hey, to some people that ring means a lot to them and for her it is her prize possession. And while I think overly diamond-y rings are tacky, she can pull it off really well! I know I couldn't do that everyday.

And yes, to some people the ring IS a status symbol and DO care a lot about the money spent. Shock! People are judgmental. Girls can be especially about this sort of thing. Other people don't care so much.

Chinafoot · 26-01-2012 10:00am

magentas wrote: »

My whole point is that women shouldn't be judged for not wearing a diamond but most women would be snide about it.

How do you know most women would be snide about it? I have never encountered anyone who has been snide about someone not having a diamond engagement ring. Now perhaps some women would be because afterall, there are plenty of snide people in the world, but I think it's rather presumptuous (and a little offensive) for you to say that most women would be snide.

I don't think it has anything to do with status or vanity (and I'm sorry, but I tend to agree with the poster that said you are being judgmental about people who have diamond rings). Personally I think it is down to decades of marketing being drummed into society telling us that engagement = diamonds. To move away from that is to move away from "the norm" which surprises some people.

lazygal · 26-01-2012 11:42am

I have a sapphire ring. I was never into diamonds. It was my husband who suggested we look at rings (before we got engaged) and he very much wanted me to have one. He is very good at buying pieces of jewellry I like and still likes getting me things.

People do comment if you don't have a diamond. I got a few comments like "Is that a costume ring" "is it a temporary ring until you get the real thing". TBH most people fall for the deBeers marketing spin hook line and sinker so I'm happy to be different and wear something that I love, not what the marketing blurb tells me I should have.

ElleEm · 26-01-2012 1:25pm

FouxDaFaFa wrote: »

...do people actually ask how much the ring cost?

:eek:
:

I've actually been voluntarily told the price of a few engagement rings. Its really embarrassing trying to come up with a response to "my fiance spent €X on my ring"!!!

Posy · 26-01-2012 4:28pm

I always thought that in the unlikely event that I got engaged, I'd have a diamond solitaire, but it'd have to be white gold or silver - I don't wear gold.
But if I think of a crazy expensive ring, to me it would be a couple of hundred euro, I can't even fathom spending more than that on a ring, crazy! :eek:

I remember Del in 'Only Fools and Horses' proposing to a girl- "I remember you said you like solitaires so I got you a cluster of them."

Posy · 26-01-2012 4:29pm

ElleEm wrote: »

Its really embarrassing trying to come up with a response to "my fiance spent €X on my ring"!!!

I can't think of anything that's not filthy.

26-01-2012 6:55pm

I'd like a feck off diamond ring. Not necessarily for an engagement.
Not because of status, marketing ploys or social expectation.
I just love the way they twinkle at you.

I have also never heard a bad word uttered about someones engagement ring.

Engagement rings: Diamonds & Vanity?

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