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Win tickets for Dara O' Briain, David O' Doherty, Maeve Higgins and more in Vicar St

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Comments

  • #102
    Ronanc1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 401 ✭✭Ronanc1


    Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?

    A. Spoiled milk.


  • #103
    Gillington
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,555 ✭✭✭Gillington


    What did the stamp say to the envelope?

    Stick with me and we will go places!


  • #104
    itsgrand
    Registered Users Posts: 92 ✭✭itsgrand


    Did you hear about the farmers funeral?

    There was a big turn-up!


  • #105
    Random
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,080 ✭✭✭✭Random


    why didn't the skeleton go to the party? he had nobody to go with!


  • #106
    NoelJ
    Registered Users Posts: 616 ✭✭✭NoelJ


    why does tigger have no friends?

    Cause he plays with pooh


  • #107
    adamski8
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,503 ✭✭✭adamski8


    [FONT=times new roman,helvetica]Where do ants go for their holidays?
    Frants![/FONT]


  • #108
    The Oggmonster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 151 ✭✭The Oggmonster


    Did you hear about the man who caught swine flu?

    He was sick for a weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek.


  • #109
    Piste
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,440 ✭✭✭✭Piste


    So there was this guy right, and he loved tractors. I mean really loved them. He grew up on a farm and was driving tractors since his feet could reach the pedals. Taking the tractor out for a shpin was his favourite activity to share with his dad. Every year he and his dad would go to the big tractor show to scout out the new tractor models. He loved to collect and paint models of all his favourite tractors and his bedroom walls were covered in tractor posters. This guy really loved tractors.

    Unfortunately, his dad was killed in a tragic tractor accident on the farm, and from then on when the boy thought of tractors he was reminded of the pain of losing his dad, so he ripped down all his tractor posters, destroyed all his tractor models and never again went to another tractor show.

    Years later he had moved up to Dublin and was an investment banker. He went to a pub one night and got chatting to a lady he met there. "Gosh it's awfully smoky in here!" she said (these were the days before the smoking ban, when anyone could smoke in pubs) "oh I'll sort that one out" he replied, and sucked in all the air and blew it out the window. "How did you manage that?!" she exclaimed, he winked at her and said:
    "I'm an ex-tractor-fan"


    This joke only works if the kids know what an extractor fan is. And if you've raised them right they will.


  • #110
    rahrah
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13 ✭rahrah


    Why did the chicken cross the playground??


    To get to the other slide!


  • #111
    Dave!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,857 ✭✭✭✭Dave!


    bubbaloo wrote: »
    Why was 6 scared of 7?





    Because 7 8 9 !! :D
    Why was trois afraid of quatre? Because quatre cinq six! :D

    Funny and educational!


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  • #112
    Penisland
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 293 ✭✭Penisland


    q. How do you make a sausage roll?

    a. Push it down a hill :D


  • #113
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 92,474 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    why do elephants have big ears ?

    Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom


  • #114
    Willbbz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 894 ✭✭✭Willbbz


    Did you hear about the monkey who left bits of his lunch all over the computer?

    His dad went bananas.
    :eek:


    :rolleyes:


  • #115
    cHaTbOx
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,011 ✭✭✭cHaTbOx


    What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
    He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
    The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!" :D


  • #116
    Iomega Man
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 523 ✭✭✭Iomega Man


    Q: Why can yo not bring headache tablets to the zoo?

    A: Because the parrots-eat-them-all...!!


  • #117
    Essien
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,985 ✭✭✭Essien


    Where do you find a one legged dog

    Wherever you left him


  • #118
    OhThePenguin
    Registered Users Posts: 225 ✭✭OhThePenguin


    What to you get when you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

    A wooly-jumper :D


  • #119
    RoadKillTs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,710 ✭✭✭RoadKillTs


    The teacher asked the class to put the word centimetre into a sentence.
    Little Tommy from the back of the class put his hand up.
    Yes Tommy says the teacher;
    Well Miss says Tommy "My Granny was coming to visit and I was centimetre."

    :)


  • #120
    MementoMori
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,492 ✭✭✭MementoMori


    Why is 6 afraid of 7?

    Because 7 ate nine (7-8-9)

    :o


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  • #121
    reallyrose
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,727 ✭✭✭reallyrose


    Why are anteaters so healthy?

    Because they are full of anti-bodies.


  • #122
    NeVeR
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,356 ✭✭✭NeVeR


    Did you hear about the dirty egg ?

    Ran down the road with his yoke out !!! loved that one :)


  • #123
    blastman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,451 ✭✭✭blastman


    Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of Alpen?

    He was pulled under by a strong currant...


  • #124
    Redpunto
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,024 ✭✭✭Redpunto


    'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.
    'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'.

    'Is it common?'
    'It's not unusual.'


  • #125
    pebbles21
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,817 ✭✭✭pebbles21


    Whats green,hairy,two heads,slimey,and has ten legs?

    I dont know but its crawling up your leg!!:eek:


  • #126
    dolittle
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 706 ✭✭✭dolittle


    whats blue and smells like red paint?

    blue paint


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  • #127
    Patri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 330 ✭✭Patri


    Father: I heard you skipped school yesterday to play football?

    Son: No I didn't and I have the fish to prove it!

    haha :rolleyes:


  • #128
    nuttlys
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 169 ✭✭nuttlys


    Whats red, flies and wobbles all over ?

    A jelly copter !


  • #129
    Grim_Wreeper
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 273 ✭✭Grim_Wreeper


    What's brown and sticky??


    A stick.


  • #130
    nuttlys
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 169 ✭✭nuttlys


    Why do cows wear bells?

    Because their horns don't work.


  • #131
    nuttlys
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 169 ✭✭nuttlys


    So, there were these two cows standing in a field.

    One turns to the other and asks, "What do think of this 'mad cow disease'?"

    The other cow replies, "I'm not worried. I'm a chicken."


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  • #132
    Pride Fighter
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,729 ✭✭✭Pride Fighter


    A horse walks into a bar. He goes up to the bar and orders a drink. The barman says, why the long face?


  • #133
    Mr Teeny
    Registered Users Posts: 225 ✭✭Mr Teeny


    What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

    el-if-i-no

    :o


  • #134
    lalee17
    Closed Accounts Posts: 688 ✭✭✭lalee17


    Why are teddy bears never hungry?

    Because they're always stuffed. :D


  • #135
    cartom
    Registered Users Posts: 87 ✭✭cartom


    Did you hear about the dirty dressing table?

    It had no draws :o:o:o:o:o


  • #136
    WindSock
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,239 ✭✭✭✭WindSock


    Knock Knock

    -Who's There?

    Interrupting Cow

    -Interrupting C...

    MOOOOOOOO!



    Ehh. I think it might work better when said.


  • #137
    ASBO
    Registered Users Posts: 78 ✭✭ASBO


    Two canibals are eating a clown: One says to the other does this taste funny to you.


  • #138
    ASBO
    Registered Users Posts: 78 ✭✭ASBO


    Oh and does anyone remember that show they used to have on the Den where they went around the country asking kids to tell there best jokes in this little booth..One still sticks with me because of the petrified delayed delivery of the kid..

    What do you call a man hanging from the ceiling?

    Sean.....

    (cue huge tumbleweed moment..)

    Sean D'Olier!


  • #139
    fikay
    Closed Accounts Posts: 251 ✭✭fikay


    Did you hear about the man who stayed up all night trying to figure out where the sun had gone?

    It finally dawned on him!


  • #140
    revrev111
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2 ✭revrev111


    Why did the fish blush?
    Because the sea-weed!


  • #141
    poppy08
    Registered Users Posts: 113 ✭✭poppy08


    Taking a leaf out of the DOD book:

    Q1:who's the coolest guy in the hospital?

    Ans: the ultrasound guy.

    Q2: who's the coolest guy in the hospital when the ultrasound guy's away?

    Ans:
    the Hip-replacement guy ;)


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  • #142
    revrev111
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2 ✭revrev111


    why did the fish blush?

    because the sea-weed!


  • #143
    RawTruth
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭RawTruth


    I wanted to join the debating team at school but my friends talked me out of it


  • #144
    Darragh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,241 ✭✭✭Darragh


    Thanks everyone who entered. We'll pick and contact the winners and announce them now.

    Cheers

    Darragh


  • #145
    Penisland
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 293 ✭✭Penisland


    Darragh wrote: »
    Thanks everyone who entered. We'll pick and contact the winners and announce them now.

    Cheers

    Darragh


    Well which one won....just out of interest :D


  • #146
    NeVeR
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,356 ✭✭✭NeVeR


    Any Winners yet ?


  • #147
    Darragh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,241 ✭✭✭Darragh


    And the winners for this brilliant gig were

    • Piste
    • Lu Tze


    Both chosen at random and both delighted to have won. Congratulations all and thanks for your support :)


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