Chivalry/Gentlemans' Etiquette

You guys are not getting it.

It is not about women.

It is about being an honorable man in his own right that is what chivalry is.

Real men are polite to women because they are not trying to get anything out of it.

They are men other men trust because that is part of their code.

Chivalry is not self serving. Quite the opposite.

It is the art of offering service to other without being a doormat.

jackofalltrades wrote: »

I've never heard someone refer to chivalry other than in the context of a man's behaviour towards a woman.
I would describe that as being a Gentleman.


There does seem to be a reward attached to the behaviour.
A man helps out a lady with a task and she thanks him or gives him a smile.
Women could potentially look more favourably on a man who offers them special treatment, thus increasing a man's chances of getting into a relationship with these women.

A man not engaging in chivalrous behaviour e.g. paying for the a date, providing a jacket when a woman is cold, even though he would end up cold instead, could see himself losing out to men who engage in this behaviour.

jackofalltrades wrote: »

I've never heard someone refer to chivalry other than in the context of a man's behaviour towards a woman.
I would describe that as being a Gentleman.


There does seem to be a reward attached to the behaviour.
A man helps out a lady with a task and she thanks him or gives him a smile.
Women could potentially look more favourably on a man who offers them special treatment, thus increasing a man's chances of getting into a relationship with these women.

A man not engaging in chivalrous behaviour e.g. paying for the a date, providing a jacket when a woman is cold, even though he would end up cold instead, could see himself losing out to men who engage in this behaviour.

Chivalry

Chivalry, or the chivalric code, is a code of conduct associated with the medieval institution of knighthood. Chivalry arose from an idealized German custom. It developed first in the north of France among horse soldiers who served in Charlemagne′s heavy cavalry. It was originally conceived of as an aristocratic warrior code — the term derives from the French term chevalerie, meaning horse soldiery — involving gallantry, individual training, and service to others.

It was actually to do with the rules of warfar. Knights took other knights prisoner rather than kill them.

It was to prevent the knighthood from descending into anarchy and preserve social cohesion when at the time there was a general lack of law.

It was originally to do with how soldiers should behave to each other in medieval times.

The term chivalry in origin has the meaning "horsemanship", formed in Old French in the 11th century from chevalier "horseman; knight.

he meaning of the term evolved over time, from the original concrete military meaning "status or fee associated with military follower owning a war horse" or "a group of mounted knights" to the ideal of the Christian warrior ethos.

Gautier tries to give a "popular summary" of what he proposes was the "ancient code of chivalry" of the 11th and 12th centuries, viz. the military ethos of the crusades which would evolve into the late medieval notion of chivalry. Gautier's "commandments" are:

Believe the Church's teachings and observe all the Church's directions.

Defend the Church.

Respect and defend all weaknesses.

Love your country.

Show no mercy to the Infidel. Do not hesitate to make war with them.

Perform all your feudal duties as long as they do not conflict with the laws
of God.

Never lie or go back on one's word.

Be generous to everyone.

Always and everywhere be right and good against evil and injustice.

It was pure military ethos of the crusades and masculinity.

The "code of chivalry" is thus a product of the Late Middle Ages, evolving after the end of the crusades partly from an idealization of the historical knights fighting in the Holy Land.

Regardless of the diverse written definitions of chivalry, the medieval knightly class was adept at the art of war, trained in fighting in armor, with horses, lances, swords and shields. Knights were taught to excel in the arms, to show courage, to be gallant and loyal and to swear off cowardice and baseness.

It had a modifying influence on the classical concept of heroism and virtue, nowadays identified with the virtues of chivalry.

The Peace and Truce of God in the 10th century was one such example, with limits placed on knights to protect and honor the weaker members of society and also help the church maintain peace. At the same time the church became more tolerant of war in the defense of faith, espousing theories of the just war; and liturgies were introduced which blessed a knight's sword, and a bath of chivalric purification.

It was ritualizing acts of war to maintain social cohesion. It instructed men on how to be champions and not brutes.

Related to chivalry was the practice of heraldry and its elaborate rules of displaying coats of arms. When not fighting, chivalric knights typically resided in a castle or fortified house, while some knights lived in the courts of kings, dukes and other great lords. The skills of the knight carried over to peacetime activities such as the hunt and tournament to preserve their skills. They were awarded prizes and such. A prize could include a title if they were lucky or wealth.

Chivalry also came to refer to an idealization of the life and manners of the knight at home in his castle and with his court.

There are warfare handbooks of the time that have chapters which discuss the morals and laws of war.

Acts of war were seen as 'legitimate unsheathing of the sword against the infidel'. They were crusaders of Christianity and what they believed in. They venerated Christ and the apostles and began to Venerate the mother of Christ 'The Virgin Mary'.

The medieval development of chivalry, with the concept of the honor of a lady and the ensuing knightly devotion to it, not only derived from the thinking about the Virgin Mary, but also contributed to it. The medieval veneration of the Virgin Mary was contrasted by the fact that ordinary women, especially those outside aristocratic circles, were looked down upon. Although women were at times viewed as the source of evil, it was Mary who as mediator to God was a source of refuge for man. The development of medieval Mariology and the changing attitudes towards women paralleled each other.

The merchant classes wanting to appear noble adopted these codes and manners. They wanted to seem well to do. And not being able to adopt the rules of warfare in society attitudes towards others and women in particular became a more visible way of doing this. This was a democratization of chivalry, leading to a new genre called the courtesy book, which were guides to the behavior of "gentlemen".

In medieval literature, chivalry can be classified into three basic areas.

Duties to countrymen and fellow Christians valor, fairness, protection of the weak and the poor,warrior chivalry.

Duties to God religious chivalry.

Duties to women: this is probably the most familiar aspect of chivalry. Courtly love chivalry, in which a knight's chief duty is to his own lady and his daughters.

From this arose the idea of courtly love. Much popularized by Eleanor of Aquitaine from France mother of Richard the Lionheart and two other kinds of England. Courtly love was a medieval European conception of nobly and chivalrously expressing love and admiration.Generally, courtly love was secret and between members of the nobility. It was also generally not practiced between husband and wife.

Society then was very patriarchal and life tough and brutish. Feminization was seen as ennobling. Courtly love is cherished for its exaltation of femininity as an ennobling, spiritual, and moral force, in contrast to the ironclad rule of the church which burnt or tortured people at the time.

Arranged marriages and frustration needed another outlet for emotions.

Courtly art involved music poetry and dance. And courtly love became a literary convention.

Gaston Paris said amour courtois was an idolization and ennobling discipline. The lover (idolizer) accepts the independence of his mistress and tries to make himself worthy of her by acting bravely and honorably (nobly) and by doing whatever deeds she might desire, subjecting himself to a series of tests (ordeals) to prove to her his ardor and commitment. The love was based on sexual attraction rather than an arranged marriage. It was seen as a benevolent force as it made the man and woman better people by becoming brave or honorable etc.

Troubadour poems praise knights for their chivalry and prowess in war and in love. And how this improves the general character. All courtly love was erotic and sexual in contrast to religious love. It was a way to make sexual desire ennobling.

But Chivalry was/is much bigger than that. And originally had nothing to do with women. It was a humanitarian culture of soldiers attempting to civilize themselves and deal with the reality of the times.
By following the code men could gain greater social status and honors. It was as much about self improvement as anything else.

I think I have earned extra geekiness with all that.