Your most embarrassing sex story

ColeTrain · 09-10-2013 1:17am

cantdecide wrote: »

I actually feel so sad for the nice girl with two chicken rolls and no one to share them with

From what the poster hinted, she probably would have been happy out having the two rolls for herself

Smidge · 09-10-2013 1:19am

ColeTrain wrote: »

From what the poster hinted, she probably would have been happy out having the two rolls for herself

She probably got more enjoyment out of them than the poster gave her too.

.Henry Sellers. · 09-10-2013 1:21am

ColeTrain wrote: »

From what the poster hinted, she probably would have been happy out having the two rolls for herself

One Roll for eating and the other for eh...... a future embarrassing sex story.

ColeTrain · 09-10-2013 1:26am

Smidge wrote: »

She probably got more enjoyment out of them than the poster gave her too.

I think that's a given

ColeTrain · 09-10-2013 1:27am

Smidge wrote: »

She probably got more enjoyment out of them than the poster gave her too.

I think that's a given

Smidge · 09-10-2013 1:29am

ColeTrain wrote: »

I think that's a given

No need to say it twice, I heard ya the first time

Also, wasn't complimenting the posters eh "technique" lol

ColeTrain · 09-10-2013 1:34am

Smidge wrote: »

No need to say it twice, I heard ya the first time

Also, wasn't complimenting the posters eh "technique" lol

Ha on my mobile. One for each chicken fillet roll

Smidge · 09-10-2013 1:36am

Is anyone else craving a chicken fillet roll now?
It's just me, right?

ardle1 · 09-10-2013 1:37am

Timmyctc wrote: »

I was joking. It was a joke. Please don't hurt me again.

We trusted you and you lied to us how can we ever forgive you.... I suppose you wanna hear my story about the time me and my fiancé were in bed together doin what we do did (best) her on top, anyway we didn't realise her friend had sneaked into the room and was standing at the door watching us, I thought it was hilarious, needless to say we got her back a few days later:cool:

JyesusChrist · 09-10-2013 1:45am

Heard that same story from someone else.

Insect Overlord · 09-10-2013 1:45am

Can't say I've ever done anything too embarrassing in the bedroom. I do say some stupid stuff though.

There was one night with an ex when we were both exhausted, but still in the mood. In the midst of plenty of fore-play, says I to herself "I can't wait to feel you inside me". I didn't realise what I'd said until she grabbed my hand, moved it away, and fell into a fit of giggles. I got embarrassed and rolled over to the other side of the bed and went to sleep. Pretty sure we never had sex again after that night!

Sinfonia · 09-10-2013 3:39am

Insect Overlord wrote: »

Can't say I've ever done anything too embarrassing in the bedroom. I do say some stupid stuff though.

There was one night with an ex when we were both exhausted, but still in the mood. In the midst of plenty of fore-play, says I to herself "I can't wait to feel you inside me". I didn't realise what I'd said until she grabbed my hand, moved it away, and fell into a fit of giggles. I got embarrassed and rolled over to the other side of the bed and went to sleep. Pretty sure we never had sex again after that night!

Fucking lol.
I've said some stuff the wrong way around too (although your line is particularly hilarious); I think it's the adulthood equivalent of calling your teacher 'Mum' in front of the class.

smurgen · 09-10-2013 8:27am

Tried trap number two with an ex one night when we were drunk,bad idea!it culminated with two of us having to take a shower.
Scored an older woman when I was living abroad,woke up after the heavy session and both of us were passed out in a massive piss stain on her bed,I woke first realized it and bolted.never scored her again and she never brought it up,I think she thinks she done it.

Timmyctc · 09-10-2013 8:55am

I'm so very hungover/drunk/drunkover and possibly could have an additional story to add to the many beautiful stories you fine folk have contributed to the thread but I cant remember :pac: But srsly.

Ya know the way girls fake it and on very rare occasion lads fake it too. I've been guilty of faking it when I'm tipsy and I'm simply doing the sexual equivilant of flogging a dead horse because lets face it, sometimes its not just the lady thats leaving unsatisfied. Anyways, One time I was getting an awful handy shandy off a lovely girl and I turned away from her and let on that I was done and it was great.

Anyways, cue about 2 minutes of skepticism on her part (clearly I'm not the thespian I believed I was) followed by her dropping her hand down the sheets around crotch level to feel if I had actually "enjoyed" what had gone on, followed by about 11 weeks of me trying to explain what had happened. I swear, ye girls have no problem faking it but reverse roles and suddenly its "disrespectful and upsetting"

starskey77 · 09-10-2013 9:02am

weird,,,,,,,, some strange people out there

Chairman Meow · 09-10-2013 9:04am

Insect Overlord wrote: »

Can't say I've ever done anything too embarrassing in the bedroom. I do say some stupid stuff though.

There was one night with an ex when we were both exhausted, but still in the mood. In the midst of plenty of fore-play, says I to herself "I can't wait to feel you inside me". I didn't realise what I'd said until she grabbed my hand, moved it away, and fell into a fit of giggles. I got embarrassed and rolled over to the other side of the bed and went to sleep. Pretty sure we never had sex again after that night!

Reminds me of the time an en and i were getting hot and heavy and she says "Do you want to suck my dick??". Laughed my arse off but felt bad as she started crying :pac:

And no it wasnt a ladyboy, sadly.

Timmyctc · 09-10-2013 9:06am

Chairman Meow wrote: »

Reminds me of the time an en and i were getting hot and heavy and she says "Do you want to suck my dick??". Laughed my arse off but felt bad as she started crying :pac:

And no it wasnt a ladyboy, sadly.

I went home with a 30something year old and her cats name was your username :pac:

Chairman Meow · 09-10-2013 9:19am

Timmyctc wrote: »

I went home with a 30something year old and her cats name was your username :pac:

Thats so hot

lukesmom · 09-10-2013 9:28am

A 'friend' of mine and her boyfriend had only been together a short while so they were at it like rabbits, this way, that way, anyway you want way. So decided to take the bus into Dublin City and hit a sex shop. They came home with a porno, willy rub (stuff that heats up on application), and a silly comical monkey willy warmer thing. Anyway they used all the above items and had some fun. A few days later when my 'friend' called out to her boyfriends house they walked into the kitchen where his mother was. And low and behold they noticed some very familiar items on the kitchen table. Yes the monkey willy warmer and rub were on display she had removed them from his bottom drawer. Extremely embarrassing when she locked eyes with my friend and looked at her in a 'you hussy polluting my sons mind) way.

Mr. Manager · 09-10-2013 10:25am

Years ago me and the then current gf went out for some drinks. Got pretty smashed. Came home to drunkenly do the deed.

Stuck on some protection and away I went. Couldn't finish as I was too drunk. Just fell asleep.

Hours later I got up to go for a piss. Went to the bathroom and let rip only there was no splashing sound. Looked down to find the condom still on, filling like a water balloon.

Had to figure a way to take it off my manhood without getting it all over myself and the bathroom.

I achieved neither

Crooked Jack · 09-10-2013 10:34am

I posted this before in another thread, so apologies if you've already read it, but it seemed to fit in with this thread. Not that it was exactly embarrassing, as Im pretty sure she didn't know, but still, it's hardly something to be proud of.

There was this girl worked in a bar in uni that i really fancied. She either was, or really looked like, one of the Suicide Girls.
Anyway, one particularly drunken night she eventually succumbed to my witty banter and insightful, uh, insights.
So we're maulin' the faces off each other in the taxi on the way back to her place and practically kept it up while payin the taxi, walking to the door, goin up the stairs etc...
We get to her bedroom and strip off and me lad near smacked me in the face. She had an unreal body. So I head south and go to town on her and after a fairly enthusiastic exchange of genital and oral fluids she cums.
I move up to kiss her and all of a sudden she's "very sleepy," gives me a quick peck on the cheek, says we'll go again in the morning and rolls over to go to sleep.
So I'm left there with this thumping truncheon and I can practically see the ****er pulsating. Basically theres not a chance of me gettin to sleep with this, so i give it a few minutes to make sure yer wan is asleep and then start seeing to the problem myself. It's not what I'd expected but it would tide me over until the morning.
Im about to shoot and I realise I havent thought this through. there's no where for this to go, so I just catch it in my other hand. Now i'm in this strange room, with a handful of jizz, using the glow from my mobile to find somewhere to throw it.
There's no bin or anything or even a packet of wipes and even the feckin floor was wooden.
Im sat there and this thing is becoming more watery and at a real risk of dribblin out of my hands.
THIS is the feckin moment she chooses to wake up and decide she wants to cuddle.
She murmured something about putting my arms round her and I had a split second to act as she rolled over...so I just hoofed it down my throat.
I wouldnt dip my chips in it now but overall i found the taste fairly inoffensive.
Just in case you're curious she had to "rush off to class" when we woke up the next morning and I never got any.
Never got out with her again after either. Should have rubbed it in her feckin sheets.

Ash.J.Williams · 09-10-2013 10:39am

Timmyctc wrote: »

Gowann. Elaborate :pac:

ha i think it happened to everyone who thanked that post!

canadianwoman · 09-10-2013 10:42am

Smidge wrote: »

Is anyone else craving a chicken fillet roll now?
It's just me, right?

I could murder a bacon butty right now.

Ash.J.Williams · 09-10-2013 10:43am

Crooked Jack wrote: »

I posted this before in another thread, so apologies if you've already read it, but it seemed to fit in with this thread. Not that it was exactly embarrassing, as Im pretty sure she didn't know, but still, it's hardly something to be proud of.

There was this girl worked in a bar in uni that i really fancied. She either was, or really looked like, one of the Suicide Girls.
Anyway, one particularly drunken night she eventually succumbed to my witty banter and insightful, uh, insights.
So we're maulin' the faces off each other in the taxi on the way back to her place and practically kept it up while payin the taxi, walking to the door, goin up the stairs etc...
We get to her bedroom and strip off and me lad near smacked me in the face. She had an unreal body. So I head south and go to town on her and after a fairly enthusiastic exchange of genital and oral fluids she cums.
I move up to kiss her and all of a sudden she's "very sleepy," gives me a quick peck on the cheek, says we'll go again in the morning and rolls over to go to sleep.
So I'm left there with this thumping truncheon and I can practically see the ****er pulsating. Basically theres not a chance of me gettin to sleep with this, so i give it a few minutes to make sure yer wan is asleep and then start seeing to the problem myself. It's not what I'd expected but it would tide me over until the morning.
Im about to shoot and I realise I havent thought this through. there's no where for this to go, so I just catch it in my other hand. Now i'm in this strange room, with a handful of jizz, using the glow from my mobile to find somewhere to throw it.
There's no bin or anything or even a packet of wipes and even the feckin floor was wooden.
Im sat there and this thing is becoming more watery and at a real risk of dribblin out of my hands.
THIS is the feckin moment she chooses to wake up and decide she wants to cuddle.
She murmured something about putting my arms round her and I had a split second to act as she rolled over...so I just hoofed it down my throat.
I wouldnt dip my chips in it now but overall i found the taste fairly inoffensive.
Just in case you're curious she had to "rush off to class" when we woke up the next morning and I never got any.
Never got out with her again after either. Should have rubbed it in her feckin sheets.

p1ssin meself here reading this

Crooked Jack · 09-10-2013 10:43am

canadianwoman wrote: »

I could murder a bacon butty right now.

Ha! Bacon Butty sounds like a euphemism for shagging a pig

Legs.Eleven · 09-10-2013 10:59am

Keith wrote: »

A few years ago i was out in a club with a few friends, the night was nearly over, we were all really drunk, when one of them came up, said he pulled and didnt have any condoms so gave him one, a few minutes later i pulled too, ran into the bathroom to get some johnnys from the vending machine and went off with her.
Eventually get back to her place, just about to do it when i reach into my pocket and instead of a condom, pull out a packet of Poppets.

Ahahahahahaa!!!!

x infinity and beyond.

the_monkey · 09-10-2013 11:04am

Charlie Rock wrote: »

I don't mean to pooh-pooh your story but I think I've heard that one before.

Yeah another version I heard was some bloke down in Limerick or Galway and the bird stuck an enema up his hole ....

09-10-2013 11:10am

the_monkey wrote: »

Yeah another version I heard was some bloke down in Limerick or Galway and the bird stuck an enema up his hole ....

He must have been filthy.

sbsquarepants · 09-10-2013 11:21am

Had this typed out already and it just disappeared on me - so here's the short version!
Went back to my ex's one night, she lived with her parents - they were asleep. Were going at it in the sitting room downstairs, she's feeling a bit frisky so she gets her vibrator and handcuffs, happy days:). Deed done we lie on the sofa and in our post coital drunken stupor fall asleep, only to be woken up the following morning by her very conservative and none too happy father tut tuting and fúck saking his way around the room picking up clothes, underwear and finally sex toys and handcuffs while we pretend to be asleep!

Grandeeod · 09-10-2013 11:22am

A Moro bar. Difficult to get out when it melts.

Your most embarrassing sex story

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