One-Liner Jokes

What's pink and goes around and around on a carasel?













Stephen Gately's suitcase

News has come in that Boyzone are going to break up cause...they've run out of puff

Apparently Steven Gately was on a bender for 8 hours before he died....






The bender is said to be devestated:o

Sorry if its been told before

Did you hear about the dyxlecsic agnostic insomniac?








He sat up all night wondering was there a dog

I'm gonna poat a few long ones!

1. So a nun is standing naked in her house in the countryside. she is ironing her clothes when suddenly she hears a knock at the door.feeling uncomfortable due to her lack of clothes she hesitently asks: " eh, who is it".
a man responds " It's the Blind Man from the village". The nun thinks to herself, sure he's blind he'll never notice i'm naked?? She opens the door and the man says: " Wiiiii Woooo, nice tits, now where do you want these BLINDS!

2. A young child is sitting upstairs and is aggressivly masterbating. I mean he is really going at it. His father bursts in and says: " oh god, you disgusting little bastard stop that now, it will make you blind." "I'm over here dad" says the child.


3.The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toilet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles. One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.
A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?" Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied, "Not too bad, thanks." After a short pause, I heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?" Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick ****... How about yourself?"
The next thing I heard him say was, "Sorry, mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some **** in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say."

4.A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?" The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him. "No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."

i'm here all week

Bobby

I bet Anne Frank never put milk on her Rice Krispies......




...think about it

.

NiamhDunk wrote: »

explain please, i dont get it,

Rice Krispies make noise when you pour milk on them, someone downstairs will hear, and ring the gestapo....

.

jesus its pure warm today, i'm sweating like Josef Fritzl on an episode of Cribs.....

A scientist has invented a bra that stops tits bobbing up & down and nipples sticking out in the cold.
His colleagues have just been charged with kicking his head in.

Searching for survivors after an earthquake in Pakistan, rescuers hear a noise from a pile of rubble.

A frail voice shouts, "Don't go, we're still open."

What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic Association!




(Why the hell is "dyslexic" such a ****ing awkward word to spell...? That's someone taking the piss!)