Fourteen year olds and debs.

paperclip2 · 12-09-2008 3:24pm #1

A couple of days ago some neighbours casually told me that their fourteen year old daughter was going to a Debs with her 18 year old boyfriend.:eek:

Am I so out of touch, cos honestly this shocked the hell out of me. I have a thirteen year old and the idea of letting her (a) go to a debs next year and (b) with an eighteen year old lad is just not gonna happen in my world.

But is it the norm for girls that young to be going to Debs these days?

Piste · 12-09-2008 3:25pm

My friend went with her boyfriend in TY when she was 15. So I guess it's not so uncommon.

ntlbell · 12-09-2008 3:30pm

I use to go out on a thursday night and come back on a sunday when I was 14

Age is irrelevant it's the maturity of that 14yr old that matters...

Some 14yr olds are very immature others are way beyond the years

I guess each case would have to be taken on their own merits

if you feel your 14yr old is not mature enough to go out for a night then hold the chord

but she'll probably be doing something similar when she's 16/17

which i don't see much of a difference if the maturity level is right

it's time we stopped thinking about the number and think about the person..

paperclip2 · 12-09-2008 3:39pm

ntlbell wrote: »

I use to go out on a thursday night and come back on a sunday when I was 14

Age is irrelevant it's the maturity of that 14yr old that matters...

Some 14yr olds are very immature others are way beyond the years

I guess each case would have to be taken on their own merits

if you feel your 14yr old is not mature enough to go out for a night then hold the chord

but she'll probably be doing something similar when she's 16/17

which i don't see much of a difference if the maturity level is right

it's time we stopped thinking about the number and think about the person..

I take your point but I suppose I would have the view that no matter the maturity level there are going to be some life lessons that a 14 year old may not have assimilated at this stage. And tbh I guess my own experience has been that there is a big difference between a 14 year old and a 16/17 year old,

Maybe because of the ones I've had dealings with.

Niamho! · 12-09-2008 3:40pm

my arse would i let any fourteen yr old girl i know go to a debs with an 18 yr old bloke! i know theres not necessarily anything going on between the two of them. thats not what i'd be worried about...! 16 minimum!

ntlbell · 12-09-2008 3:43pm

paperclip2 wrote: »

I take your point but I suppose I would have the view that no matter the maturity level there are going to be some life lessons that a 14 year old may not have assimilated at this stage. And tbh I guess my own experience has been that there is a big difference between a 14 year old and a 16/17 year old, Maybe because of the ones I've had dealings with.

LOL

There all the same

I think I was more mature at 14 then I am now

Dudess · 12-09-2008 3:43pm

ntlbell wrote: »

I use to go out on a thursday night and come back on a sunday when I was 14

Doing what?
I agree with you on the maturity vs age thing all right though. Yeah I remember girls in my class in first and second year going to grads with lads. It was unusual but not that big a deal.

Cathmandooo · 12-09-2008 3:44pm

14 is way too young for a debs. The schools shouldn't allow anyone under 16 go.

ntlbell that seems extremely young to be days away from home. May I ask what age you are now?

challengemaster · 12-09-2008 3:45pm

I think a few people need to wake up and smell the cofee - todays 14 year olds are a lot more 'educated' than people (would like to) think. Depends on the person tbh.

ntlbell · 12-09-2008 3:45pm

Dudess wrote: »

Doing what?
I agree with you on the maturity vs age thing all right though. Yeah I remember girls in my class in first and second year going to grads with lads. It was unusual but not that big a deal.

Dancing my little heart out..

Up here for thinking down there for dancing..:cool:

ntlbell · 12-09-2008 3:46pm

challengemaster wrote: »

I think a few people need to wake up and smell the cofee - todays 14 year olds are a lot more 'educated' than people (would like to) think. Depends on the person tbh.

when that coffee reachers your nostril's you'll realise it's not today's 14yr olds..

but we all like to think it's the "kids of today"

RedXIV · 12-09-2008 3:47pm

in the school i went to, if you weren't in 6th year and you were a student of the school, you couldn't go. My mate who was going out with a girl in the year ahead of him found this very irritating

Dudess · 12-09-2008 3:50pm

ntlbell wrote: »

Dancing my little heart out..

Up here for thinking down there for dancing..:cool:

As in the particular type of dancing popular in 1992/93? Bah... I really wanted to go to Sir Henry's but was too baby-faced.

ntlbell · 12-09-2008 3:53pm

Dudess wrote: »

As in the particular type of dancing popular in 1992/93? Bah... I really wanted to go to Sir Henry's but was too baby-faced.

That particular type of dancing had a few nights in henry's and found one of fav pub's in Cork

aul Waxy's

Dudess · 12-09-2008 4:03pm

Waxys :eek:

The immediate vicinity of that place is a no-go area on Saturday night!

ntlbell · 12-09-2008 4:07pm

Dudess wrote: »

Waxys :eek:

The immediate vicinity of that place is a no-go area on Saturday night!

I want to ask why and stay on topic

so why would 14yr olds want to avoid it on a saturday night?

cocoa · 12-09-2008 4:10pm

challengemaster wrote: »

I think a few people need to wake up and smell the cofee - todays 14 year olds are a lot more 'educated' than people (would like to) think. Depends on the person tbh.

lol, I'm 19, so I may have a 'fresher' perspective...

I think it's funny that no one's said it yet, but I'm gonna go ahead and step on the elephant in the room...

This would be a totally different thing, if it was a 14 year old guy, going to 18 year old girl's debs, although I dare so that's much less common. Fact of the matter is, girl's develop, in terms of social interaction, relationships etc. faster than guys, on average. There is still, obviously, the variance from person to person. You often hear of girls bullying mentally, but it's much less common among boys.

So, while I would find it unusual, I wouldn't have a huge problem with a 14 year old going to a debs with a 18 year old guy, but the reverse would be strange.

LolaLuv · 12-09-2008 4:49pm

I wouldn't be comfortable with a 14 year old going to Debs no matter the gender, nor would I let a 14 year old of any sex leave for days at a time. But I don't have kids yet and everyone says your perspective changes once you do have so.

Nevyn · 12-09-2008 4:53pm

It's not got a lot to do with the school and tbh given the drinking laws she could go but have to leave after 9:30 anyway.

Dudess · 12-09-2008 5:00pm

ntlbell wrote: »

I want to ask why and stay on topic

so why would 14yr olds want to avoid it on a saturday night?

Tis very rough... Probably moreso than back then.

DublinWriter · 12-09-2008 5:15pm

paperclip2 wrote: »

A couple of days ago some neighbours casually told me that their fourteen year old daughter was going to a Debs with her 18 year old boyfriend.:eek:

Am I so out of touch...

I don't think that you're out of touch. That just makes me feel downright uncomfortable.

Four years difference in adulthood is nothing, but it's a veritable chasm between a 14 year old girl and a 18 year old guy. He'd be classed as a pedophile under the eyes of the law should they ever have sex.

Oh, and please don't give me that 'You've got a dirty mind! I'm sure it's all innocent!' routine. We were all 14/18 once!

mike65 · 12-09-2008 5:21pm

Whats depressing is that an event that historically was for the young women of high society to be introducted into the world of well connected courtship is now a slapper fest for teenagers.

*shakes head*

Mike.

DublinWriter · 12-09-2008 5:35pm

mike65 wrote: »

Whats depressing is that an event that historically was for the young women of high society to be introducted into the world of well connected courtship is now a slapper fest for teenagers.

Yes Mike, but think of the much-needed ancillary employment it brings to a declining economy.

For example, just imagine if most of our primary schools were secular rather than religious - there would be bloodshed in the Pedicure and Bouncy-Castle sectors come First Holy Communion Season.

Blush_01 · 12-09-2008 5:50pm

If our schools were all secular rather than religious the vast majority of classes would be back in the hedges as they would have no classrooms/schools, what with the schools currently in use being predominantly owned and largely financed by their respective churches. However, that's an aside.

A 14 year old at a debs? I don't think it's appropriate, regardless of the maturity of the child in question. Legally, they're a child, they couldn't even legally attend a 15s film in the cinema, and they're expected to put up with the absolute nonsense involved with a debs? I don't think it's fair. That 14 year old and her 18 year old boyfriend might have been perfectly well behaved and respectful of eachother, however she could be seen as an easy target by older kids. Especially if they're anything like some of the scumbags who were at either of the debs I attended.

Susannahmia · 12-09-2008 6:42pm

There was one fourteen or fifteen year old girl at my debs. She went with her boyfriend who was in my year, someone (probably her boyfriend) spiked her drink and she ended up in an awful state the whole night. When the bus dropped us off back in town later her boyfriend and his friends abandoned her and my friend had to bring her to hospital to get her stomach pumped. They found some traces of rohypnol in her system, god knows what had been planned for her.:(

suzi-suz · 12-09-2008 6:53pm

i think we all know what they had planned for the poor girl.
i have a daughter now she is still very young,but under no circumstances would i or her father at the age of 14 no matter how mature she was let her go to a debs. and for that girl who was out from thursday to saturday,did your parents not wonder where you were? or to be so blunt and not to cause any offence care where you were or what you were doing? if it was my son or daughter at 14 yrs of age i think i would be pulling my hair out with worry..in fact i think i would be combing the streets looking for them

Susannahmia wrote: »

There was one fourteen or fifteen year old girl at my debs. She went with her boyfriend who was in my year, someone (probably her boyfriend) spiked her drink and she ended up in an awful state the whole night. When the bus dropped us off back in town later her boyfriend and his friends abandoned her and my friend had to bring her to hospital to get her stomach pumped. They found some traces of rohypnol in her system, god knows what had been planned for her.:(

Karen_* · 12-09-2008 6:57pm

I've a 14 year old boy. I have to say I was far more streetwise than him when I was 14 but I still wouldn't have been allowed to go to a debs. And I wouldn't let him go either. I let him go to the square on the bus the other day with a friend and that was a huge big deal.

Pyr0 · 12-09-2008 7:35pm

A 14 year old going to a debs with an 18 year old is pretty damn weird to me ! That'd be like one of my sisters friends going with me ! :eek:

Twee. · 12-09-2008 10:14pm

I think it's a bit weird. She may even be ostracised by the other girls at the event. Some of them will be 19, it's a big difference! And here I was fretting about possibly bringing a guy who's 17 and in 5th year to my debs! It doesn't seem so bad now!

kayos · 15-09-2008 10:03am

Not a snowballs chance in hell I would ever let any future offspring I am blessed with go to a debs at 14. No, just a simple no! I was a 18year old teenage male at one point, so where most of my friends and I know what we used think about! Heck if I had a daughter and she was 14 this would never come up as she would not have an 18 year old boyfriend to begin with!

Dragan · 15-09-2008 10:27am

At the age of 18 i wanted to have a lot of sex.

If i had a 14 year old daughter and she showed up with an 18 year old boyfriend he'd swiftly get his hands nailed to his hip bones.

Throw is stuff like too young to drink etc and it would be a no go.

kayos · 15-09-2008 10:42am

Dragan wrote: »

If i had a 14 year old daughter and she showed up with an 18 year old boyfriend he'd swiftly get his hands nailed to his hip bones.

As a previous 18 year old male you should know that this would not stop you, where there is a willy there is a way.

As they say have a boy and you only have one prick to worry about, have a girl and you have every prick in town to worry about.

I think I'll be fitting a GPS tracking device to any off spring I have along with a device to notify me everything their belt is undone!

Dragan · 15-09-2008 12:24pm

kayos wrote: »

As a previous 18 year old male you should know that this would not stop you, where there is a willy there is a way.

Not really. It's all a game and all games have rules.

I know exactly what i was up to when i was a kid and should i be unfortunate enough to ever have any of my own i will be dissapointed if they don't try the same ****.

The simple fact of the matter is that i'll beat them the same way i beat my parents.

Ruthlessness and cunning.:)

LightningBolt · 15-09-2008 12:57pm

Dragan wrote: »

I know exactly what i was up to when i was a kid and should i be unfortunate enough to ever have any of my own i will be dissapointed if they don't try the same ****

If I had a daughter there's not a chance in hell I'd allow her to go to a debs at 14. Feck being social savy, when there's an 18yr old bloke feeding you alcohol your social savyness disappears!

On another note this is branching this off into Dublin v Everywhere Else, I'm from Dub but play for a team predominantly with non-Dubs. We were actually talking bout this at the weekend because one of the younger lads had a mate who brought a young girl (just turned 15). All us Dubs lads disagreed with it whereas the rest seen little wrong with it, was a bit taken back by their collective attitude towards it.

dotsman · 15-09-2008 7:02pm

paperclip2 wrote: »

A couple of days ago some neighbours casually told me that their fourteen year old daughter was going to a Debs with her 18 year old boyfriend.:eek:

Am I so out of touch, cos honestly this shocked the hell out of me. I have a thirteen year old and the idea of letting her (a) go to a debs next year and (b) with an eighteen year old lad is just not gonna happen in my world.

But is it the norm for girls that young to be going to Debs these days?

TBH, you should have landed a huge slap on your neighbours face and then called social services.

There is absolutely no reason why a 14 year old (girl or guy) should be going to a debs/grads.

A debs/grads is basically one huge drinking-fest and attempts by everyone there to get laid. Great fun when you're 17/18. Completely wrong when you're 14. And then the parents would probably try and blame the boyfriend when their little child gets her stomach pumped/knocked up etc.

Scarinae · 15-09-2008 9:07pm

I had just turned 15 when I went to my first debs. I had been with my boyfriend for seven or eight months and my parents knew him well, there was a four year academic difference (me in third year, him in first year college) but the age difference was only two and a half years (and no, we weren't sleeping together) They didn't have a problem with it, or if they did they didn't say anything about it to me. I borrowed my sister's old debs dress, and she helped me to do my hair. Yeah, some other people at the debs got hammered, I only had a few drinks. Not everyone that age is untrustworthy you know

brown*eyed*girl · 15-09-2008 9:29pm

Like everything in life it depends on the person/situation. I def would trust my daughter (15 since may). I'd still be worried don't get me wrong but I've explained talked about so many scenarios she has a rake of cop on. Debs don't automatically equal getting up to no good. 14 year olds can do that any night of the week without a debs dress on!

hattie-f · 18-09-2008 8:05pm

im 15 and i went to the dabs this year with my 19 year old boyfriend
i think im plenty mature enough
but i suppose it depends on the actual person themselves
Like i no for example im well trusted at home and school, but some of my peers i wouldnt trust with a tv control.

i had a brilliant time.

422nd · 18-09-2008 8:33pm

Pics or GTFO:pac:

Aisling(",) · 18-09-2008 8:49pm

a girl in my year went to a debs this year and she only went 16 the next day
and when i was in 3rd year there were loads of girls going to debs

Lil' Smiler · 18-09-2008 10:40pm

hehehe when it was our debs...we had our boyfriends the next day. there was about a group of 18 of us and 4 or 5 couples at the time. One of the guys girlfriend didn't come to his debs....coz she was getting her Junior cert results the next day, her mammy wouldn't let her....it was SOOOOOOOOOO funny!!

Fourteen year olds and debs.

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