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Ghosting

wurzlitzer

So guys I have been ghosted never knew what it was until tonight but feel free to pull the piss as I am fuming feel like a complete idiot and deserve a roasting

Just guess I had more faith in human nature

Now I don't

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wurzlitzer

Smidge wrote: »

I'll put my tuppence in
I dont think internet dating would appeal to me if I were to be single tomorrow.
I genuinely feel its not for me, and that in now way is meant to cast aspersions on anyone else who uses it.

As for ghosting....back in my day it happened, just without a name.
Although, I think we called it " get the hint". :pac:
I never took it too personally tbh, just wrote it up as a lucky escape!!

Get the hint is different lol
You get treated badly by get the hint to your face so get the opportunity to tackle them you can throw pints at them or pour it over their head in public or throw dirty looks at each other

Whereas ghosting is created by this smArtphone culture, you don't get to look them in the eye lol

Get the hint was not widespread
Ghosting seems to be epidemic

They just disappear

So do you move on?

Hell yeah I will but I have spent the last two weeks wondering Wtf happened

Optimalprimerib

The fact that I had to google what ghosting is makes me want to ghost you op.

It's basically completely ignoring communication with one person or group of people until they go away.

mmooney1983

How can someone vanish in a country this small? You'll bump into them sooner or later, which will be embarassing for them!
I wouldn't dream of contacting them or looking for an explanation. Just look right through them when you do walk by them on Grafton St.

Lisacatlover

So... you had been dating a guy for three months, seeing each other once a week? Then for a couple of weeks he's not in as frequent contact and isn't free and texts you saying hopefully another time? So your response is to send him a link to an online article about 'ghosting' and ask him if he has any balls? Then he says you two need to meet up 'to have a chat'.

Sure, one interpretation is he's this 'spineless' guy that 'ghosted' you.

But I get the feeling his thread would be something like -

"So I was dating this girl for a few weeks. She was a bit full on, but things were going OK. Then I'm a little bit busy and can't meet up a couple of times and I get this nuts passive aggressive text off her out of nowhere linking to some article on the psychology today website and her saying I have no balls. Yikes! So obviously I'm done with that, texted back fairly quick to tell her we needed to meet up for a chat, so I can dump her. If you don't hear back from me in two days send my bunny rabbit somewhere safe."

Shannon757

mmooney1983 wrote: »

How can someone vanish in a country this small? You'll bump into them sooner or later, which will be embarassing for them!
I wouldn't dream of contacting them or looking for an explanation. Just look right through them when you do walk by them on Grafton St.

Sure they're probably related to you anyway.

Sh1tbag OToole

mmooney1983 wrote: »

How can someone vanish in a country this small? You'll bump into them sooner or later, which will be embarassing for them!
I wouldn't dream of contacting them or looking for an explanation. Just look right through them when you do walk by them on Grafton St.

The girlies who did this to me were usually recluses and were rarely seen out, they prefered to spend the evening sitting on their bed reading a book or with netfix on and eating from a jar of nutella or a bowl of nuts.

I have also been told a few fairly far fetched 'lost my phone' stories as an excuse for being unreachable for weeks

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Seems similar to being "stood up" in my day. Same principle, different delivery.

Sh1tbag OToole

Payton Refined Barracuda wrote: »

Seems similar to being "stood up" in my day. Same principle, different delivery.

That hasn't gone out of fashion either, along with fanciful tales of how their phone dropped down the toilet on the day but they left it dry out and now it's working again

lawlolawl

Payton Refined Barracuda wrote: »

Seems similar to being "stood up" in my day. Same principle, different delivery.

Yeah, it's the same thing but millennials need a new trendy term for everything apparently.

CaraMay

lawlolawl wrote: »

Yeah, it's the same thing but millennials need a new trendy term for everything apparently.

Yeah! Wonder what the male version of 'mistress' will be called

wurzlitzer

Lisacatlover wrote: »

So... you had been dating a guy for three months, seeing each other once a week? Then for a couple of weeks he's not in as frequent contact and isn't free and texts you saying hopefully another time? So your response is to send him a link to an online article about 'ghosting' and ask him if he has any balls? Then he says you two need to meet up 'to have a chat'.

Sure, one interpretation is he's this 'spineless' guy that 'ghosted' you.

But I get the feeling his thread would be something like -

"So I was dating this girl for a few weeks. She was a bit full on, but things were going OK. Then I'm a little bit busy and can't meet up a couple of times and I get this nuts passive aggressive text off her out of nowhere linking to some article on the psychology today website and her saying I have no balls. Yikes! So obviously I'm done with that, texted back fairly quick to tell her we needed to meet up for a chat, so I can dump her. If you don't hear back from me in two days send my bunny rabbit somewhere safe."

Yeah you could say that second interpretation could be accurate but you should swap the full on bit for him, texting before bed every night etc

Then he has a freak out about status of relationship wanting to name it , I don't validate and he starts to limit contact

It's meant to be fun

Busy again he's not a world leader ...it is called extremely lazy communication.

guess he found someone else to stroke his ego. I know I know making up stories in my head that's what you do when are being ghosted.

the so called passive aggressive txt was sent about ghosting was sent after he "sent a text about a friend visiting from out of town with no sorry we can not meet up"

Sure it was sent in a moment of anger to his lack of enthusiasm.

All I want him to say "jeez it was fun but.....:..let's call it a day" and I would agree coz there is no fun anymore.

Meeting up after two weeks of limited contact not sure how it going to pan out or if it will this could be another BS excuse that may never come to fruition

No bunnys will be boiled or harmed, it was hardly on the fatal attraction level of passion this is not the 1990s where all women are portrayed as crazy single white females being over demanding and controlling.

I now know and have sympathy for women who go slightly crazy maybe it was the men that do this lazy communication when things go off the boil.

We now live in a world where smartphones allow ghosters manipulate people for ego strokes

Maybe not to the extreme as Catfish which is a pile of cRap TV show

I was just ghosted and feeling rejected I guess and I need to move on my bad.

Anyway you are completely right I have turned into a fruit loop as a result wondering whether he's dead or alive

I never asked him to marry me, just lets hang out let's show each other some respect while doing it

It would have saved us both unnecessary Agro if he just ended it two weeks ago....

Calypso27

Ah it's just a sh1tty thing to do to someone. If you aren't interested then don't be a coward, just say it, or Christ I don't know, don't be an arsehole about it, ignoring them in the hopes that they will go away. Mind games really p1ss me off, I prefer to know where I stand with someone.

Ice Maiden

Lisacatlover wrote: »

So... you had been dating a guy for three months, seeing each other once a week? Then for a couple of weeks he's not in as frequent contact and isn't free and texts you saying hopefully another time?

Didnt the poster say he just suddenly cut all contact full stop as if it had never happened?
Big difference between that and "not being in as frequent contact".

wurzlitzer

Ice Maiden wrote: »

Didnt the poster say he just suddenly cut all contact full stop as if it had never happened?
Big difference between that and "not being in as frequent contact".

Yeah it went from four texts a day talking about random crack from David Bowie dying, making of a murderer , links to music films sending photos normal stuff but engaging the list goes on.

Now to 2 weak responses a week with lame excuses about being busy & plans and hopefully next weekend. Two weekends in a row. The busy Avalanche hit big time, this person is a phone addict and FB addict too, bottom line he checked out with me meanwhile he is checking in with someone else but failed to mention it to me.

Weird world we live in were people have relationships with their phones & FB is some kinda of reality and a breeding ground for narcissism

Privatisation of the public space is what I think now when I see people in their phones on buses no one communicates the old fashioned way face to face.

Hide behind a screen it's a bit off topic

But are we all becoming lazy communicators?

frozenfrozen

jesus lads I must be a serial ghoster, I have done that several times going from texting every day and meeting up regularly to just not contacting them anymore. I don't see an issue with it at all. I'd only break up with someone if I was in a long term relationship. Same goes for friendship, do people really break up with friends rather than slowly fading out of contact?

Same thing as people who you meet for 10 minutes wanting to add you on facebook. Eg. a few people I was camping near at electric picnic last year, looking to add me on facebook while we were still there. Just enjoy eachothers company in the real world and then part ways, if our paths cross again that's great but you can't keep in contact with everyone you've ever met for the rest of your life.

CaraMay

frozenfrozen wrote: »

jesus lads I must be a serial ghoster, I have done that several times going from texting every day and meeting up regularly to just not contacting them anymore.

But had you met then or given any explanation for stopping?

[Deleted User]

frozenfrozen wrote: »

jesus lads I must be a serial ghoster, I have done that several times going from texting every day and meeting up regularly to just not contacting them anymore. I don't see an issue with it at all. I'd only break up with someone if I was in a long term relationship. Same goes for friendship, do people really break up with friends rather than slowly fading out of contact?

I think what the OP is talking about is when two people are dating and are both in to each other. Rather than say "this isn't working for me anymore" one person reduces contact to the minimum or ceases completely.
Then what happens is the ghostee (I can't believe I just typed that :pac: ) is left wondering wtf?! Did I do something wrong? Did he meet someone else? We were getting on so well. I'm hurt now.

[Deleted User]

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

The girlies who did this to me were usually recluses and were rarely seen out, they prefered to spend the evening sitting on their bed reading a book or with netfix on and eating from a jar of nutella or a bowl of nuts.

That's what I did last night but it wasn't nuts or nutella it was chips. Tonight I'm going to do the exact same thing. It's great

frozenfrozen

CaraMay wrote: »

But had you met then or given any explanation for stopping?

I'd have met most of them since stopping and there's no animosity, a lot of the time there will still be the same feelings as there were at the start but it just wasn't enough to carry full-on relationship. 'breaking up' would definitely make it awkward. There was one girl who weeks after my 'ghosting' (just not initiating conversations anymore and hadn't seen her in person since) started retweeting loads of cringy things on twitter like 'u should go out with me because i am so le random nobody will want 2 take me from u!!' -- she probably needed to be told that it was over, but in fairness with that kind of mad carry-on can you blame me.

Deleted User wrote: »

I think what the OP is talking about is when two people are dating and are both in to each other. Rather than say "this isn't working for me anymore" one person reduces contact to the minimum or ceases completely.
Then what happens is the ghostee (I can't believe I just typed that :pac: ) is left wondering wtf?! Did I do something wrong? Did he meet someone else? We were getting on so well. I'm hurt now.

I suppose that would make sense and fall into what I'd call a long term relationship, or really anything kind of serious. But I definitely wouldn't say you'd need to break up when you're sort of courting someone and you just don't fully click or hit it off. I'm not sure what I've done is real ghosting.. but who knows

wurzlitzer

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I think what the OP is talking about is when two people are dating and are both in to each other. Rather than say "this isn't working for me anymore" one person reduces contact to the minimum or ceases completely.
Then what happens is the ghostee (I can't believe I just typed that :pac: ) is left wondering wtf?! Did I do something wrong? Did he meet someone else? We were getting on so well. I'm hurt now.

Yeah all of the above but I am actually laughing at how ridiculous the whole thing seems to be....

In two minds whether to meet for long over due chat, to see what he has to say for himself

Listening to sound cloud this track reminded me I felt about it yesterday

Except you could substitute her for him

Brilliant lyrics! Bunny boiler humour

https://soundcloud.com/nicolas-loizides/ill-kill-her-soko-lost-frequencies-remix

[Deleted User]

frozenfrozen wrote: »

I suppose that would make sense and fall into what I'd call a long term relationship, or really anything kind of serious. But I definitely wouldn't say you'd need to break up when you're sort of courting someone and you just don't fully click or hit it off. I'm not sure what I've done is real ghosting.. but who knows

I disagree. Dating someone, for however brief a time, if you don't click the right thing to do is say so.

I've had numerous first dates where I haven't felt any kind of a connection. Do you know what I do? I tell that person.

wurzlitzer

frozenfrozen wrote: »

I'd have met most of them since stopping and there's no animosity, a lot of the time there will still be the same feelings as there were at the start but it just wasn't enough to carry full-on relationship. 'breaking up' would definitely make it awkward. There was one girl who weeks after my 'ghosting' (just not initiating conversations anymore and hadn't seen her in person since) started retweeting loads of cringy things on twitter like 'u should go out with me because i am so le random nobody will want 2 take me from u!!' -- she probably needed to be told that it was over, but in fairness with that kind of mad carry-on can you blame me.

I suppose that would make sense and fall into what I'd call a long term relationship, or really anything kind of serious. But I definitely wouldn't say you'd need to break up when you're sort of courting someone and you just don't fully click or hit it off. I'm not sure what I've done is real ghosting.. but who knows

You sound like a chancer but a loveable one....there is probably no animosity after you stopped seeing them coz you were haphazard or half hearted to begin with.,..you are the guy in school that dated everyone but when it ended the girl the way you did it was expected coz you never seemed bothered

I have a guy friend who dates everyone he gets on with but it always ends in a shambles coz he is awful at being a boyfriend cancels plans makes crap excuses but he's a nice guy can't finish things coz he's afraid of looking bad when in fact it looks a lot worse

But even when you courting you should have the conversation

I courted a guy for six months in the end on a date night I pulled the plug by nicely saying this is not going anywhere let's call it a day finished our drink and parted ways

Simples if you exchange bodily fluids, went to cinema, had each other round to each others gaffs for dinner and even went to a few gigs together, surely you can exchange a few words to end it too.

Am I deluded?

sassyj

wurzlitzer wrote: »

Yeah all of the above but I am actually laughing at how ridiculous the whole thing seems to be....

In two minds whether to meet for long over due chat, to see what he has to say for himself

Listening to sound cloud this track reminded me I felt about it yesterday

Except you could substitute her for him

Brilliant lyrics! Bunny boiler humour

https://soundcloud.com/nicolas-loizides/ill-kill-her-soko-lost-frequencies-remix

Why would you meet him, he wasn't interested and couldn't be bothered to tell you. You admit yourself you'd nothing in common, I don't understand the giving a f**k about an idiot. Sending him the link about ghosting only makes you look silly, and that he'd bothered you. Leave it and move on.

wurzlitzer

sassyj wrote: »

Why would you meet him, he wasn't interested and couldn't be bothered to tell you. You admit yourself you'd nothing in common, I don't understand the giving a f**k about an idiot. Sending him the link about ghosting only makes you look silly, and that he'd bothered you. Leave it and move on.

I completely agree with all of the above...but glad I have vented so I can move on.

Hugo Stiglitz

wurzlitzer wrote: »

I completely agree with all of the above...but glad I have vented so I can move on.

Venting is very important!

bnt

mud wrote: »

Yeah I get that but from his POV everything was going well, he didn't know what a creep he was.

So, the logical next question is: if the guy doesn't know he's being perceived as a creep, what the hell is he supposed to do about it? Is he doomed to repeat the same pattern over and over, multiple relationships failing without knowing what he's doing "wrong"? Well, I guess he's a SEP* now.

* Somebody Else's Problem

Shannon757

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I think what the OP is talking about is when two people are dating and are both in to each other. Rather than say "this isn't working for me anymore" one person reduces contact to the minimum or ceases completely.
Then what happens is the ghostee (I can't believe I just typed that :pac: ) is left wondering wtf?! Did I do something wrong? Did he meet someone else? We were getting on so well. I'm hurt now.

Wouldn't It be the ghosted?

Hugo Stiglitz

Being ghosted by a friend can be so much worse.

B.A._Baracus

Had to Google it myself.
So it's something that's happened since the dawn of time lol. Just that a phrase has been coined for it for it now.

Personally I prefer the old saying of 'getting blanked'

wurzlitzer

Shannon757 wrote: »

Wouldn't It be the ghosted?

It's ghostee

Urban dictionary 2013