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The Fathers Thread

Melion

Am i the only male that looks in here?

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spottybananas

brianblaze wrote: »

Yeah as a self employed person I just have to close up shop for two weeks or that so it could be worse!

Do you have an actual shop or is that just a turn of phrase?? My husband is self employed with a shop and some staff, our son was luckily born on a bank holiday and it was closed (he obviously would've taken day off anyway!) but every other day he went and opened up, closed, stayed a few hours when he could. But we're lucky in that the hospital, our house and his shop are very close together.

brianblaze

I own and run a cafe, so I will be literally closing. I can't let her have all the fun at home so I'd say a week or two I'll close for

spottybananas

Might as well if you can do/afford it!

robinph

There were changes to paternity leave in April in the UK so was handy for me with a May birth. I think the two weeks paternity may have already been in place though, and the main change was that between both parents you are entitled to share a years leave. You only get any pay from the state though for about 6 months, and after that nothing unless your employer is topping it up.

As self employed though it made no sense for me to take any of the extra time off as the work still needs to be done, I'd get no benefit from tax as an employer, and I can just take time off whenever I want if something needs doing with the kid.

As a small employer though I did get a grand total of £8 compensation from the government for having given my staff member, me, two weeks off. Not even enough to buy a box of formula.

toadfly

robinph wrote: »

There were changes to paternity leave in April in the UK so was handy for me with a May birth. I think the two weeks paternity may have already been in place though, and the main change was that between both parents you are entitled to share a years leave. You only get any pay from the state though for about 6 months, and after that nothing unless your employer is topping it up.

Its 9 and not 6 months in the UK. 52 weeks leave, 39 paid and 37 of those can be split between the parents. The admin side of it is a balls though :mad:

robinph

toadfly wrote: »

Its 9 and not 6 months in the UK. 52 weeks leave, 39 paid and 37 of those can be split between the parents. The admin side of it is a balls though :mad:

Yep, the admin of it through PAYE was a pain allright just for dealing with my basic two weeks. No idea how I'd go about claiming the couple of months worth of paternity pay and tying that up with her employer and how many weeks are left to be claimed, or if I'd want the pain of calculating it all.

Pawwed Rig

I would be sceptical that the government will deliver paternity in the time frame suggested. Assuming the same government gets re elected it may happen at some point (like universal free gp care) but if a different government are elected then all bets are off. There is no appetite at an official level to give Fathers more rights than they already have.

tempnam

tempnam wrote: »

Wanted to let you all know we had our first baby last night at 20 to 12. A girl, a big girl! Weight was almost 9lbs.

Great feeling - but I need some sleep now!!

So we had baby number 2 this week. Another girl. Born on Wednesday morning & weighing in at just over 10lbs!

She's a little smasher! Very alert and moving loads / lifting her head already.

Only problem is now the 1st born has obviously reacted the way any normal 2yr old would react to a new baby in the house! She's playing up / acting out / whatever you want to call it.

She's quite intelligent & advanced for her age so I'm not sure if this is actually a bad thing in this situation as she is more aware of all the changes happening.

Also, my dad passed away last weekend and the funeral was during the week. The whole household & extended family are a little all over the place emotionally & I think this is affecting her too. I feel so sorry for her but when she's acting out I'm trying to discipline her while it's breaking my heart to see how upset she is.

Anyone got any advice please????

Diamond Doll

Big congrats on the new arrival!

To be honest, in your position, I'd be going quite easy on your eldest daughter for now. It's a lot of disruption and change for her to process! I think it's understandable if she's acting up a little bit, I'd go for a lot of extra cuddles and attention and chats for now rather than discipline, until things settle down a bit.

Pawwed Rig

tempnam wrote: »

Anyone got any advice please????

Depends whether she is home full time or part time in creche and what the current childcare arrangements are but in general she wants attention so give her as much as you can.

tempnam

Diamond Doll wrote: »

Big congrats on the new arrival!

To be honest, in your position, I'd be going quite easy on your eldest daughter for now. It's a lot of disruption and change for her to process! I think it's understandable if she's acting up a little bit, I'd go for a lot of extra cuddles and attention and chats for now rather than discipline, until things settle down a bit.

We've been consciously trying to give her more attention & cuddles etc. But even so she's still lashing out.

We were just playing earlier today when she decided to smack me across the back of the head. Conor McGregor would've been proud of the hook she gave me. Then later on she did the same to mammy while she was breastfeeding the newborn. Mammy's glasses were knocked off onto the floor with the force of it.

She also 'accidentally' throws herself around right beside the new baby and has managed to hit & kick the new baby in the face & head a couple of times. She has also hit her cousin & uncle yesterday.

Very hard to ignore this behaviour and not tell her it's wrong.

tempnam

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Depends whether she is home full time or part time in creche and what the current childcare arrangements are but in general she wants attention so give her as much as you can.

She's home full time since the start of the month. Before that (when my wife was in work before maternity leave) she was looked after by a family member with her older cousin while we were in work each day. We are going out of our way to make an extra fuss of her but it hasn't calmed her down yet!

Pawwed Rig

tempnam wrote: »

She's home full time since the start of the month. Before that (when my wife was in work before maternity leave) she was looked after by a family member with her older cousin while we were in work each day. We are going out of our way to make an extra fuss of her but it hasn't calmed her down yet!

That is a huge change of routine for the girl. Could you not maintain the previous arrangement so she is not disrupted as much?

tempnam

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

That is a huge change of routine for the girl. Could you not maintain the previous arrangement so she is not disrupted as much?

No we can't due to a change in circumstances on our side as well as the family member who was looking after her. Hopefully she'll settle down soon

Penny Dreadful

tempnam wrote: »

She's home full time since the start of the month. Before that (when my wife was in work before maternity leave) she was looked after by a family member with her older cousin while we were in work each day. We are going out of our way to make an extra fuss of her but it hasn't calmed her down yet!

Its a difficult situation to be in for all concerned. You older daughter has a sudden rival in her house for the love and affection of her parents. She doesn't understand that love isn't a finite resource and there is lots for both of your kids. The change in childcare arrangements won't have helped the situation either.
I have a 17 month old (and am 23 weeks pregnant too) who got quite disruptive after Christmas. The change in her routine (2 weeks off going to the minder, lots of time with both Mammy and Daddy and lots of time and attention from grandparents, cousins, aunties and uncles) meant that she didn't quite know which end of her was up.
I found that once we got her back into her regular routine she was back on track again after a day or two.
Is there any way you could establish the old routine for her again? I know your child care arrangements have altered but soon they will become the new normal for her. I really think children thrive with routine and knowing whats coming next.

Her lashing out and smacking, etc while understandable cannot be tolerated though. She might learn that its the best way to get what she wants when she wants or even just get some attention even if its negative attention.
Telling her firmly but quietly that slapping is not nice, it hurts people and being gentle is the only way to behave especially near the baby would be a good start perhaps.

All too soon I'm going to be in a very similar boat to you once baby #2 arrives. Good luck with getting things sorted and congratulations on your second baby.

brianblaze

Hey guys!! Checking in. We had our baby girl 6 weeks ago now! All is well with everyone. It's a crazy experience so just be prepared!

(Also, am doing a podcast on being a dad and pregnancy in general if you're interested. Episode 1 went up today!)

boardsuser1

Howdy lads?question for anybody who can answer. The mrs is expecting again. She isn't a lover of chocolate but now craves it. Any idea could this mean boy/girl. Some say it is a girl. Have 3 daughters already but this is a completely different pregnancy to the others which were all the same.

brianblaze

I'm sure there are a million old wives tails about it but AFAIK they're all based on fantasy! Cravings are based on the bodies need for certain vitamins/ minerals apparently.

boardsuser1

brianblaze wrote: »

I'm sure there are a million old wives tails about it but AFAIK they're all based on fantasy! Cravings are based on the bodies need for certain vitamins/ minerals apparently.

yeah plenty of old wives tales I've been reading. the chocolate could provide minerals/vitamins she ordinarily wouldn't have as you point out.

Dolbert

KC161 wrote: »

Howdy lads?question for anybody who can answer. The mrs is expecting again. She isn't a lover of chocolate but now craves it. Any idea could this mean boy/girl. Some say it is a girl. Have 3 daughters already but this is a completely different pregnancy to the others which were all the same.

I think it means that she's pregnant :pac:

boardsuser1

Dolbert wrote: »

I think it means that she's pregnant :pac:

:rolleyes:

Pawwed Rig

brianblaze wrote: »

There are a million old wives tails about it but they're all based on fantasy! Cravings are based on the bodies need for certain vitamins/ minerals apparently.

FYP;)

Brianderunner

Bit late to the party but better late than never.

The wife was due 2 days ago. I know its perfectly normal to go over but when the due date comes and goes it's a strange feeling.

Just can't wait for all the little moments that lie ahead :-)

brianblaze

Make the most of the sleep you can get now.... Legitimately, now... Go to bed... I would!

Best of luck on D Day man. Bring a bendy straw so you can give her water when she needs it!

Kathy22

Guys did any of you read a new Dad book? I was hoping to pick up something for my husband to read this week so he can start getting prepared!

brianblaze

Kathy22 wrote: »

Guys did any of you read a new Dad book? I was hoping to pick up something for my husband to read this week so he can start getting prepared!

I bought two, both crap! Just find a blog or podcast *cough* for him

FURET

Just wondering if any other soon-to-be first-time-fathers are privately feeling a bit emotional at the prospect of becoming a father.

Me, I find I am frequently thinking back on my own childhood and reminiscing about how good it was. In particular I'm thinking of fond memories when I was 4, 5, 6 with my parents, such as my mother reading me stories, and especially thinking back to my grandparents who died ten years ago. When I was small, I would spend every day at my grandparents' farm with my cousins. We'd spend hours upon hours wandering around the fields talking and adventuring.

I have always missed my grandparents and now that I'm about to become a father I feel a great sense of legacy -- the family name will go on. I've even selected a first name for my son that's been given to men in my family for around 300 years. It was skipped in the 1980s when my generation was born, but I've decided to restore the tradition, out of respect for earlier generations.

Anyway, I find I'm just thinking of the legacy aspect, and earlier generations of my family who meant so much to me, and of my childhood and the great memories, and I'm very conscious of bringing a new generation into being. I'm overjoyed yet nostalgic or sentimental at the prospect of fatherhood and sometimes, privately, I'm a bit overcome. Is this normal, or nuts?

Pawwed Rig

Wait until you meet the little man. You will be blubbing uncontrollably.
My little fellah is 2 now and its been the best 2 years of my life.
Enjoy

Bacchus

FURET wrote: »

Just wondering if any other soon-to-be first-time-fathers are privately feeling a bit emotional at the prospect of becoming a father.

Soon to be first timer here (due November)

TBH, the whole thing hasn't really sunk in fully. We bought a house recently too and work is manic for me atm, so there's lots going on to distract me a bit from it. It does hit me every now and again in conversations with people (talking about their own kids) or when we're out and about doing everyday normal stuff that won't be everyday normal stuff ever again come November. Only our families know too so it's not like I'm talking about it to anyone other than my wife. Our first scan is in two weeks so that'll probably make it very real for me then.

Actually one thing that was quite cool was last week painting the room that will be our little ones bedroom one day. That was a bit surreal.

StiffOldMan

4 weeks left till we have our first! Very excited. Its MAD how the tummy responds to my voice! No one tells you this at the start!

To add that little bit of stress, hoping to close on a new house this week, so all go go go but the baby is top of the list obviously