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Would you go to a wedding without giving a gift?

freshpopcorn

I saw on another forum here about a person saying that not everyone who attended there wedding gave a gift or even a card.
A good few posters were saying they saw nothing wrong with this.
I'd feel pretty bad tough going to a wedding either by myself or a couple and having a meal, etc and not giving the couple a gift or a card. If I couldn't afford to give the couple a gift I probably wouldn't attend the wedding unless we were family or very close.
P.S I wouldn't be offended if I didn't get gifts at my wedding. If I do get married tough it will be a very small family wedding.

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Sam Kade

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

Ah yes.
My peer reviewed, QED'd theory :rolleyes:

You did say everyone or is your memory that short :rolleyes:

screamer

I think it's the height of ignorance to go to a wedding without giving a gift even if its just a token.

Let's turn it on its head would you be impressed if you were invited to a wedding and given no food?

Etiquette is there for a reason.

[Deleted User]

screamer wrote: »

Let's turn it on its head would you be impressed if you were invited to a wedding and given no food?

.

LOL, anyone remember bridesmaidgate?

Tigger

Sam Kade wrote: »

Or even maths as we say in this part of the world.

i'm from this part of the world

suicide_circus

steddyeddy wrote: »

That's true. I often find those with less more generous. I think it's simple a matter of generosity though rather than a conscious effort to avoid looking poor. Your post seems indicative of a chip on one's shoulder.

Interesting, care to elaborate on this chip?

suicide_circus

steddyeddy wrote: »

It's not arrogant as much as indicative of someone showing him/her up at a wedding with a more expensive gift.

Wrong there chief, I've only been to one wedding in my life and we were told not to bring gifts.

Zimmey

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

How do I know?
I don't, obviously.

But sure if my uncle had breasts and a vagina, he'd be my uncle.
Clutching at straws there.

This makes no sense. The analogy doesn't work, I'm afraid.

My point still stands. I don't give a gift only because there is a good chance I'll get it back in the future. That's not what a gift is.

Zimmey

screamer wrote: »

Let's turn it on its head would you be impressed if you were invited to a wedding and given no food?

As already pointed out by a poster already though, unless a wedding is very local to you, even just attending costs a fair bit before even giving a gift. So nobody is going to be turning up looking for their free meal. There's nothing free about it!

I would never not give a gift but people forget that it costs money to attend outside of that. It's different from just going to a friend's house or a dinner party or a local event.

steddyeddy

suicide_circus wrote: »

Interesting, care to elaborate on this chip?

Not really. I actually thought you were joking with your post and responded with a jokey post of my own.

steddyeddy

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

How do I know?
I don't, obviously.

But sure if my uncle had breasts and a vagina, he'd be my aunt
Clutching at straws there.

Giving a gift is a kind gesture.
It's the the thing to do when going to a wedding.
As it's the social norm, for the vast majority of people, it can therefore be expected, but it's not an entitlement.

Ah yes.
My peer reviewed, QED'd theory :rolleyes:

Inspector are you on the wine again?

Inspector Coptoor

Zimmey wrote: »

As already pointed out by a poster already though, unless a wedding is very local to you, even just attending costs a fair bit before even giving a gift. So nobody is going to be turning up looking for their free meal. There's nothing free about it!

I would never not give a gift but people forget that it costs money to attend outside of that. It's different from just going to a friend's house or a dinner party or a local event.

Totally agree with what you're saying.

If a couple go to a wedding and both are close to The couple and say both go to the respective hen and stag and go the wedding and stay the second night, you could easily spend €1000 each in total and that's average figures.

Most of the weddings I've been at, the bride and groom thank their guests very publicly for making such an effort to be there with them, knowing the financial strain it can put on.

We haven't been on a foreign holiday in almost three years as we are in "wedding season" the last couple of years (and this year) so we have made attending friend and family weddings our mini holidays as it is very expensive.

Inspector Coptoor

steddyeddy wrote: »

Inspector are you on the wine again?

No.
Dry January.
I made a mistake and have since rectified the post

goz83

Would I go without giving a gift? It depends on whether, or not I am being invited to the wedding, or the afters. Why? Well because I, or my OH mean something to the bride/groom if invited to the wedding. So, a gift, voucher, or cash is given. If invited to the afters, well it's often because the bride/groom don't know me, or my OH very well and they certainly won't miss a gift not given. We are there filling the floor and eating crappy finger food while the the people who were at the wedding are already pizzed drunk!

Weddings suck. Its a gift to the bride and groom for anyone to attend. That said...my wedding was the best.

steddyeddy

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

No.
Dry January.
I made a mistake and have since rectified the post

I'm doing dry January too. I thought you were making a political statement about transsexualism.

Inspector Coptoor

steddyeddy wrote: »

I'm doing dry January too. I thought you were making a political statement about transsexualism.

Nah.
Wouldn't touch that argument with a 20 foot barge pole!

Azalea

How do weddings suck? Surely it depends on the wedding.

Inspector Coptoor

Sneaky pint before the church, betting on speeches, shots after speeches, Pant legs rolled up, tie on head and AC/DC blaring - what's not to love?

Weddings are deadly Craic

[Deleted User]

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

Sneaky pint before the church, betting on speeches, shots after speeches, Pant legs rolled up, tie on head and AC/DC blaring - what's not to love?

Weddings are deadly Craic

Not sure if sarcasm or...

Inspector Coptoor

Lia_lia wrote: »

Not sure if sarcasm or...

Sure I'll leave you in suspense.

goz83

Azalea wrote: »

How do weddings suck? Surely it depends on the wedding.

No, it depends on how drunk you get.

Zimmey

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

We haven't been on a foreign holiday in almost three years as we are in "wedding season" the last couple of years (and this year) so we have made attending friend and family weddings our mini holidays as it is very expensive.

That's kinda awful though, isn't it? I'd hate to think of friends missing out on holidays to attend my wedding. The whole thing is a bit of a circus.

Canterelle

Weddings are like everything, some great, some good and some damn ugly. But y'know its 2 people you usually like throwing a big party to celebrate their commitment, which is great. I just hate this recent thing of the sense of entitlement to X amount of cash from guests. Sure, I'd always give a gift, sometimes cash, sometimes something really nice and thoughtful. And it is usually an expense just to turn up. So don't expect your guests to cover costs! Do it because you want to, and can afford to, celebrate with the people you like.

Azalea

Of all the weddings I've been to, I have really enjoyed the vast majority. There was a small minority I didn't enjoy that much - they were boring (to me, because I didn't know many people there) but any time it was family/friends I had a brilliant time. A get-together with your closest pals - I can't see a downside, and ditto with family (but then again there are no issues within my family, which I feel lucky about - I appreciate not everyone's family gets on).

Sam Kade

Azalea wrote: »

How do weddings suck? Surely it depends on the wedding.

It's only weddings in America that suck :rolleyes:

Zimmey

Azalea wrote: »

How do weddings suck? Surely it depends on the wedding.

Some can be good. But generally, they are drawn out, formulaic, dull affairs. They're just a bit boring unless you are very close to the marrying couple and hence know lots of people there.

meeeeh

I have a partner and two kids, every so often we talk about getting married and never do anything. I would hate to organize the bloody thing. However I love going to weddings because it's ideal opportunity to see a lot of my friends in one place. I've been to a few weddings, some big, some small but none vulgar or crazily extravagant. I have no problem giving a gift. Firstly because I think it's a nice thing to do and secondly I certainly wouldn't want to do the leg work organising the event so the gift is appreciation of hard work and something for the future.

There is a lot of talk about 50k weddings and bridezillas. I've never been to one and I have some very well off friends, neither I encountered any bridezillas. It could be type of friends and family some of you have that are causing you all this hardship. You can't pick your family but you can certainly pick your friends and if your friends are attention seeking couples who expect you to pay for their extravagant bash, then what does that say about you?

Canterelle

meeeeh wrote: »

I have a partner and two kids, every so often we talk about getting married and never do anything. I would hate to organize the bloody thing. However I love going to weddings because it's ideal opportunity to see a lot of my friends in one place. I've been to a few weddings, some big, some small but none vulgar or crazily extravagant. I have no problem giving a gift. Firstly because I think it's a nice thing to do and secondly I certainly wouldn't want to do the leg work organising the event so the gift is appreciation of hard work and something for the future.

There is a lot of talk about 50k weddings and bridezillas. I've never been to one and I have some very well off friends, neither I encountered any bridezillas. It could be type of friends and family some of you have that are causing you all this hardship. You can't pick your family but you can certainly pick your friends and if your friends are attention seeking couples who expect you to pay for their extravagant bash, then what does that say about you?

I don't think it says anything about anybody, in fairness. I think the gist of people's complaints are that it usually costs a lot to go to a wedding and then there's the expectation of 100e pp as present. It's a common thing, whether your friends are well off or not. The whole wedding business can get out of proportion.

Toots

Lia_lia wrote: »

LOL, anyone remember bridesmaidgate?

I'm still recovering from that.

MadDog76

Zimmey wrote: »

300 is a large wedding. Most would be 200 or less. So for anyone with an average sized wedding secretly hoping for guests to cover their wedding, if they get a lot of declines, they could be in bother.

A 200 guest wedding would maybe, at most, lose 20% so it wouldn't have any adverse affect except the saving of at least €4000 in costs?

force eleven

Getting a wedding invite is like getting an invoice. I avoid them like the plague unless close family.