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Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

Boring username

What sets your alarm bells ringing that someone is a bit of an arsehole? For me, there are a handful of things that almost always ring true (although there have been very, very rare exceptions in general.)

1. Wearing a trendy Palestinian type scarf. Always a major indicator that a know it all, insufferable bore is about to lecture you with their 'right on' views of the world. Sometimes accompanied by a neckbeard and general scruffiness.

2. A cokehead. I don't think I ever met a cokehead who wasn't a prick. It really is a great way of identifying a jumped up big time wannabe. Avoid.

3. Any of that corporate speak i.e. "going forward, we'll touch base, from the get-go, out of the ballpark etc".

You are cordially invited to vent you rage and misgivings in your own words.

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Kev W

BattleCorp wrote: »

We use motorbikes for the chase down where I live. Great fun. Much better than horses.

Why not a tank, while you're at it?

kawasaki1100

Kev W wrote: »

Why not a tank, while you're at it?

Ha, head first straight in - you gotta love the self confessed type ****. Good lad well done!

Aglomerado

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Anyone on horseback in pursuit of an innocent terrified animal

the unspeakable in pursuit of the inedible (Oscar Wilde on foxhunting)

OldNotWIse

Aglomerado wrote: »

the unspeakable in pursuit of the inedible (Oscar Wilde on foxhunting)

yes

I love this quote

davo2001

Boards users that sign off their posts with their username, WE CAN ALREADY SEE IT YOU T*TF*CK.

davo2001

worded

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

when you reach that stage you're like a spider that's just mated and is awaiting death

Or

http://www.condenaststore.com/-sp/You-slept-with-her-didn-t-you-New-Yorker-Cartoon-Prints_i8544838_.htm

kawasaki1100

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

A few winters ago, I was sitting in my car on a quiet residential street waiting for an appointment with someone. I see this ould fella pottering around his house when all of a sudden he slipped and went head over heels, picture the RTE ice guy. Anyhow, for a good ten minutes he struggled to get up, he was like an overturned turtle, it was hilarious.

Then out of nowhere some wanker dashed in and picked him up. You could see the smug look on his face as he was filled with self satisfaction. No doubt thinking how great he was and not a thought for the poor ould fella.

What a prick.

So you just sat in your car and laughed at the old chap - congrats, you also qualify as a Wanker. Well done good lad!

Wes Palmer Lee

kawasaki1100 wrote: »

So you just sat in your car and laughed at the old chap - congrats, you also qualify as a Wanker. Well done good lad!

Oh the irony...(he'd say) but "A few winters ago, I was sitting in my car on a quiet residential street waiting for an appointment with someone." means he's possibly an estate agent so yeah...definitely a W*****

Wes Palmer Lee

But then again .. before I go to bed..
aren't we all **** (if we're being honest)?
Like who hasn't cracked one off at some stage hah? hah? HAH?

eerie silence follows..

sdanseo

Someone who approaches the counter in your place of work, begins to ask for service, and then answers a phone call while proceeding to hold up the queue.

[Deleted User]

If they call you 'lad' or 'kid'.

kawasaki1100

Wes Palmer Lee wrote: »

Oh the irony...(he'd say) but "A few winters ago, I was sitting in my car on a quiet residential street waiting for an appointment with someone." means he's possibly an estate agent so yeah...definitely a W*****

Ah yes, you have gotta love the self confessed types. Ha ha
The bloke that rushed over to help the old chap was even described as a prick?? Its scary people with this mentality are actually walking our streets.
You may be right about the estate agent but I think deffo we have the King of all **** on board here. Cheers

The Sun King

Damn. AH has gone very, very literal these days. No room for a bit of sarcasm.

People say that social justice warriors will be the death of comedy but it could be HLW* that kill it off.

*Hyper Literal ****.

aaronjumper

The Sun King wrote: »

Damn. AH has gone very, very literal these days. No room for a bit of sarcasm.

People say that social justice warriors will be the death of comedy but it could be HLW* that kill it off.

*Hyper Literal ****.

Social commentators.

Formosa

dclane wrote: »

Irish people with Americanisms:

1. Talking with american accents

2. Saying "like" alot

3. Saying "My bad"

5. Saying "Have a nice day" yes it's well established in ireland now

Don't forget "go figure", very popular around these parts with the multitude of **** hanging around.

machiavellianme

dclane wrote: »

Irish people with Americanisms:

1. Talking with american accents

2. Saying "like" alot

3. Saying "my bad"

5. Saying "Have a nice day" yes it's well established in ireland now

What's wrong with saying "Have a nice day"? My gran and my mam used to say that all the time or "Have a good evening" etc. depending on the time of day. I don't get it. It is just being polite. Or is being polite a bit odd these days?

PTH2009

Amateur photographers

I'm expected to get out of ur way so u can get a good snap for ur blog. **** off

Got shouted at by some Canadian bitch at the darts in the city west with her 400 Euro camera because there was a mix up in seats and I was standing in her camera view.

turnikett1

People who judge others based on what clothes they wear, or what style they have ie 75% of Boardsies

OldNotWIse

turnikett1 wrote: »

People who judge others based on what clothes they wear, or what style they have ie 75% of Boardsies

How would they know what other Boardsies are wearing?

Ash.J.Williams

Regarding low level guests on talk shows ...especially Irish ones!

People who start a sentence with this "Myself and a few other celebrities..."

you aint a celeb ....you're a c*nt mate!

Ash.J.Williams

OldNotWIse wrote: »

How would they know what other Boardsies are wearing?

most us are in the nip on boards!

OldNotWIse

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

most us are in the nip on boards!

:eek:

[Deleted User]

People who say "boardsies" ....cringe!!

deaddonkey15

dclane wrote: »

Irish people with Americanisms:

1. Talking with american accents

2. Saying "like" alot

3. Saying "My bad"

5. Saying "Have a nice day" yes it's well established in ireland now