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Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

Boring username

What sets your alarm bells ringing that someone is a bit of an arsehole? For me, there are a handful of things that almost always ring true (although there have been very, very rare exceptions in general.)

1. Wearing a trendy Palestinian type scarf. Always a major indicator that a know it all, insufferable bore is about to lecture you with their 'right on' views of the world. Sometimes accompanied by a neckbeard and general scruffiness.

2. A cokehead. I don't think I ever met a cokehead who wasn't a prick. It really is a great way of identifying a jumped up big time wannabe. Avoid.

3. Any of that corporate speak i.e. "going forward, we'll touch base, from the get-go, out of the ballpark etc".

You are cordially invited to vent you rage and misgivings in your own words.

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Maximus Alexander

DrPhilG wrote: »

And what do they do with the poop scoop afterwards?!?

Probably use it a trough to slurp cheap lager out of.

PopePalpatine

Kev W wrote: »

What if it's very bright though?

Or if their glasses have Reactions lenses, like mine.

mfceiling

mapaca wrote: »

When you're at the till paying for your shopping and the next person in the queue stands RIGHT BEHIND you looking over your shoulder while you're entering your pin on the card reader - wait your turn you fathead! I always give them a filthy look.

Oh I love this. Standing in the local shop last night and this tosser is an inch behind me in the queue. When this happens I always make a point of very slowly edging back til I'm on top of them. I HATE this carry on of being on top of someone in a queue. Tosser.

bottlebrush

mfceiling wrote: »

Oh I love this. Standing in the local shop last night and this tosser is an inch behind me in the queue. When this happens I always make a point of very slowly edging back til I'm on top of them. I HATE this carry on of being on top of someone in a queue. Tosser.

What gets me are the ones that try to overtake me while I'm putting in my PIN so that they can be around and ready to pack their purchases, while I'm still in the process of paying. Pushing out past me with their trolleys - what's wrong with these people, the cashier can't scan their stuff until I have paid and got my receipt.

Other tossers are people who reverse their car into the space of a supermarket carpark, then come out with a big trolley load of groceries only to pull up the trolley between their car and the one beside it to get at the boot, scratching the other person's car and also the car parked at their boot. I had no idea how my car had so many scratches on the driver door and the back passenger door until I came up on somebody one day about to pull the trolley along side it up to his boot to unpack the groceries. I asked him to wait until I had reversed out. What bloody idiots.

Rym Shanley

DrPhilG wrote: »

Thats a serious amount of effort to go to in order to crap in a urinal.

Can't see the benefit to be honest.

And what do they do with the poop scoop afterwards?!?

just leave it behind.

5rtytry56

Anybody which part of whose DAILY LEXICON is "I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE TOO, ONLY THAT....<<insert readymade excuse>>

[Deleted User]

One here imo....

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=98055347&postcount=1

thelad95 wrote: »

I don't understand people who stand there watching a concert, which they have paid up to €100 to see, through the screen of their phone. I'm sorry love but if you're putting it on Snapchat, nobody cares and if you're saving it to your phone you'll never look at that shït again.

People need to start rocking out again and remember how to live in the moment.

Rocking out, utter tosser phrase

cazzer22

People with road rage are absolute tossers. A guy pulled out right in front of me (very dicey) and I beeped him. He proceeded to get out of his car and walk towards mine, moving his hands all over the place and looking seriously aggo. Who in their right mind thinks it's ok to intimidate someone like that? FOOL.

YungKeo

People on the train who leave their bags on the seat beside them when it's absolutely packed

DEFTLEFTHAND

YungKeo wrote: »

People on the train who leave their bags on the seat beside them when it's absolutely packed

I love when they get scolded by the ticket guys when the train is full. 'Put that bag up in the rack or you'll be removed at the next station.'

DEFTLEFTHAND

I had a really funny train experience during the week. The ticket guy was doing his rounds, the guy in front of me was asleep up against the window. He was a mid 20s 'howya' Dubliner, tough looking customer. The ticket guy another Dub starts shaking him and going ticket please.

Your man wakes up and says 'Wha?'

Ticket Please!

It's in me bag up there, don't be fcuking touching me you weird cnut

Show it to me or you'll be off.

Jaysus give me down me bag, fcuk sake!

Sheep Lover

People who use public transport.

Good indication they are ****.

YungKeo

Sheep Lover wrote: »

People who use public transport.

Good indication they are ****.

I am a wanker and would never dream of using public transport

pgj2015

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

I had a really funny train experience during the week. The ticket guy was doing his rounds, the guy in front of me was asleep up against the window. He was a mid 20s 'howya' Dubliner, tough looking customer. The ticket guy another Dub starts shaking him and going ticket please.

Your man wakes up and says 'Wha?'

Ticket Please!

It's in me bag up there, don't be fcuking touching me you weird cnut

Show it to me or you'll be off.

Jaysus give me down me bag, fcuk sake!

I have seen ticket inspectors do that in the past and the howrya guy might of had a point, I doubt the ticket inspector should of done that, putting themselves at risk of being accused of assault. you should not put your hands on someone like that.

johndaman66

YungKeo wrote: »

I am a wanker and would never dream of using public transport

I don't believe Sheeplover said that just because you don't use public transport its means that you aren't a wanker though.

Eugene Norman

johndaman66 wrote: »

I don't believe Sheeplover said that just because you don't use public transport its means that you aren't a wanker though.

Well he wasn't making much sense anyway. I mean people who use public transport probably are fairly normal non threatening folk with normal sized egos. I'm sure there's a few **** all the same.

lanos

pgj2015 wrote: »

putting themselves at risk of being accused of
assault. you should not put your hands on someone like that.

there is no way in the world that the act of rousing a sleeping passenger by
shaking him gently could be interpreted as assault under the current
definition of assault in Ireland.

pgj2015 wrote: »

I doubt the ticket inspector should of done that.

Your grasp of law is on a par with your grasp of English grammar.

Puibo

People who proclaim themselves to be "not a big drinker" like everybody else just walks around in booze cloud everyday.

valoren

There's a new Star Wars film coming out.

Some people won't be going it until the weekend and beyond but the early bird **** will be mouthing off about the plot and any spoilers therein.

"Did you see the opening bit where..."
"I couldn't believe it when they said that..."
"The bit at the end where....."

****!!

robbiezero

Puibo wrote: »

People who proclaim themselves to be "not a big drinker" like everybody else just walks around in booze cloud everyday.

The "Look how fun I am even though I don't drink" people.

****

pgj2015

lanos wrote: »

there is no way in the world that the act of rousing a sleeping passenger by
shaking him gently could be interpreted as assault under the current
definition of assault in Ireland.

.

mattser

Coulda Woulda Shouda

HalloweenJack

I have one acquaintance who recently stopped going out and having any kind of fun because she turned 30 and is "too old to be doing that". At 30?!

Absolute BS, it's all in her head too. The idea that people are "too old" to be having fun and the people who push that idea are signs of a wanker.

The Sun King

People who pretend to be asleep on trains so their ticket, or lack thereof, won't be inspected.

Know lads that buy tickets for a few stations short of where they want and just claim they slept through them if caught.

"Oh I'll hop out at Thurles boss and wait for the next train to head back. Sorry boss."

kidneyfan

pgj2015 wrote: »

grammer nazi's are tossers

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God.

rubadub

valoren wrote: »

Some people won't be going it until the weekend and beyond but the early bird **** will be mouthing off about the plot and any spoilers therein.

I hate the ones who think they are not spoiling anything, and will say "I won't say a word about the film, but the twist in it is amazing"

You fucking cunt, now I know there is a twist, that IS a fucking spoiler in itself, I'll be on the total look out now and might cop it.

kidneyfan

That one in trainwreck isn't bad looking.

DrPhilG

kidneyfan wrote: »

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God.

Brilliant.

DrPhilG

rubadub wrote: »

I hate the ones who think they are not spoiling anything, and will say "I won't say a word about the film, but the twist in it is amazing"

You fucking cunt, now I know there is a twist, that IS a fucking spoiler in itself, I'll be on the total look out now and might cop it.

I had that recently about a TV show (I won't name it to prevent spoilers).

Someone who had seen a season finale before me announced "I'm not going to spoil it for you, but someone dies. Don't worry I won't tell you who it is".

*facepalm...

PS, a guy I work with was once on the way to the cinema to watch "The Usual Suspects".

As he came up the steps from the tube station, someone had taken a can of spray point and written "(actor's name) is Keyser Soze".

That person would win any wanker competition they enter.

Brendan Bendar

Tossers who roll onto Motorways at 60-70kph thus ensuring that any traffic behind them has difficulty accessing.

Get up to speed and blend in you bunch of tossers.