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How many of your Facebook "Friends" are dead?

Snickers Man

Seriously?

I now have three "Friends" who are no longer with us but whose online presences linger as memorials from their loved ones. One of these people only died last week, a relative who was in his early 70s and died after a long illness.

The other two were former workmates who both died young, in their 30s and 40s through cancer and a road accident respectively.

Friends and relatives, especially their children, continue to post sporadically to their pages, telling them how much they miss them, how they still think of them and recognising the anniversaries of major life events, weddings, birthdays and of course theiir days of passing.

This may seem a little weird to people who grew up before the era of the internet. But I actually find it, at least in the cases of the people I know, very respectful and moving. It's the Internet Age's equivalent of lighting a candle in a church in memory of somebody departed.

Naturally, it is a much less private commemoration but then privacy is one of the great victims of our age. And it is possible that as time progresses and more and more users of social media shuffle of this mortal coil, the standard of these commemorations could get dreadfully mawkish and tawdry.

But nevertheless I will continue to drop in occasionally on my old departed friends whose vibrant young faces still beam from their home pages, just to be reminded of them and of what they meant to other people less reticent than I about posting their feelings for all to see.

Have any of you had similar experiences with online friends whose presence is now eternally virtual? What do you think of social media as a shrine to departed loved ones?

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Pherekydes

Only one. He died on my birthday 4 years ago. :eek:

Plenty of former work colleagues post stuff on his timeline, as if he wasn't dead, like Happy 50th and so on. We have 22 mutual friends.

RedemptionZ

NachoBusiness wrote: »

I do the very same with GAA result with someone that was from Leitrim.

I figure if they ever manage to win, it might just shock 'em back to life

That's the most heartbreaking yet heartwarming thing I've read on boards, fair play

Say you're a great friend to have!

4zn76tysfajdxp

Stainless_Steel wrote: »

Death is life's natural change agent. Online social media shouldn't cause people to live forever.

They don't, really.

sparkle_23

I lost my brother to suicide December 2014. He was 24 years old. He would deactivate and reactivate his Facebook profile all the time. When he died it had been deactivated. I knew his email password & reset his Facebook password. I logged in and took screenshots of some of my favourite messages and posts from him. I have lived in Canada since August 2013 so we talked a few times on messenger. I deactivated it again, I do know the password and I'm glad I can reactivate it at any time... It would be weird though he would show up as online!

Tea-a-Maria

None thankfully. I have my own passwords put aside and have asked my family to deactivate Facebook should the worst happen.

For me, grief is a private thing. I'd rather not have my page turn into a shrine of meaningless platitudes from people who didn't bother to keep in touch while I was alive.

Sounds bitter I know, but there ya go.

bb1234567

I think just one of my Facebook friends is dead. She was a very popular girl from my school who was killed in a car crash aged 17. It was a very sad incident, I didn't know her well but she was one of those people who everyone just loved because they were such genuinely decent people. People even upload old photos and tag her profile in them, I think its nice. Her 12 year old sister posts on her page a lot and her posts are so innocent it would bring you close to tears.
Anyway I think its a good thing, it keeps the memories of our loved ones strong. Seeing pictures of them, things they said and posted, videos of them even, Im sure it helps families through the grieving process immensely having their loved ones 'alive' online.

bb1234567

Snickers Man wrote: »

This might be worth a bump after more than a year becuase

a) another elderly relative died over Christmas so now I have four dead Facebook Friends.

b) Somebody is writing about this very issue in today's Irish Times.

Brief highlights

Facebook and Gmail: what happens to your data after your death?

By Marie Boran

First published:
Thu, Apr 16, 2015, 01:55

In 2005, a motorcycle accident took the life of 22-year-old Nebraskan Loren Williams. In an effort to find out more about her son’s life, Karen Williams obtained his Facebook password from a friend and emailed the social networking company asking if she could log into the account and read his posts.

Within a couple of hours the password had been changed and she was locked out. By logging in to her son’s Facebook account, Williams was in breach of the terms of service.

Under US law Williams was forced to sue Facebook Inc in order to obtain a court order to gain access to the account. At the time, this case was unique but as social networking sites grew in popularity, more users inevitably meant more deceased users.

Apparently there are a few things you can do now to get at your deceased family member's data but it's difficult.

Thats ridiculous! Why should my family get access to my account just because Im dead? I wouldn't want them reading my private messages with friends/girlfriends anymore when Im dead than I do now. Ive said some mean things about them maybe if I was having a fight wit them at the time and I wouldn't want them to see that, or anything sexual I may have said.

Lollipops23

One.
She died of cervical cancer aged 30 years and 5 months. Far too young and far too fast.

1stuey1

weirdly alot, around 8 if not more... one murdered someone, then himself, around 3 sucicide, cancer, car accidents and bike accidents... I dont like seeing the pages though, especially when someone changes them to 'memorials'

Gael23

This is something I notice more and more as time goes by. In such cases I notice the persons page turns into a tribute page.
One person I know of has been dead since 2009 and I find it strange that his page still exists.
Another was a much older man but the last photo on his page was his Birthday in 2013 and I get chills sometimes thinking he wasn't around for his next one.

Detached Retina

5 people on my page that I'm aware of. 3 Lads were suicides, 1 passed from bowel cancer and 1 girl in a car accident while travelling

knew them quite well, enough to have been sad they were gone and miss them.
The Suicides were the worst, as they on the surface had everything to live for. Their posts in 2 cases seemed absolutely normal right up to the point the did it, making plans and all that. The friend with cancer was a shock though too as he'd only told his partner and adult daughter, so his passing seemed really sudden. Had been chatting with him a couple of days before.
Actually would nearly have been 6, a lad I knew from years ago had friend requested me and 2 days later one of my friends told me he'd died suddenly of what turned out to be liver failure. So needless to say I didn't accept as it would have been bad to see activity from him coming up on his friends news feed after he'd just died.

Cork boy 55

Time is an abyss... profound as a thousand nights... Centuries come and go... To be unable to grow old is terrible... Death is not the worst... Can you imagine enduring centuries, experiencing each day the same futilities...

eternal

Cork boy 55 wrote: »

Time is an abyss... profound as a thousand nights... Centuries come and go... To be unable to grow old is terrible... Death is not the worst... Can you imagine enduring centuries, experiencing each day the same futilities...

Anne Rice?

Dozer Dave

eternal wrote: »

Anne Rice?

Uncle bens niece.

Cold War Kid

None, thankfully - but I can fully understand posts etc to the pages of those who are deceased, as a comfort. Makes complete sense to me.

Dozer Dave

eternal wrote: »

Are you following me?

Are you on the twitter machine or something

eternal

Dozer Dave wrote: »

Are you on the twitter machine or something

I knew you were going to say that. I hate predictability.

LadyAthame

Dozer Dave wrote: »

Are you on the twitter machine or something

I've been on the sewing machine all night!

FueledbyCoffee

One friend of mine has passed. Think it's lovely to see photos and happy times on her page and read the mad pm's we used to send each other.
I know her family get comfort from this as they know that we are all thinking of her and not forgetting her.

gandalf

One that I know of, a boardsie who I got to know and admire from my time on the Photography forum. One of my favourite photographs that I taken was a portrait of him. He was a gas character and died far too young.

His family and friends post messages up at Christmas and on his birthday which I think is lovely.

Kwiecien

I had 2 deceased friends on Facebook. One of their accounts was deactivated by his family a year after his death (his brother contacted Facebook admin to shut down the page).

Another deceased friends page is still active. Some people write messages and put up angel pictures and stuff.

Gael23

One of mine died in a car crash on Saturday and he's still signed in on his phone. Freaks me out a little, particularly since his funeral hasn't happened yet.

beks101

Two. One beautiful friend who killed herself in her mid 20s. She was an exquisite writer too, sometimes I just mill through her posts to be reminded of her refreshing take on things. Still hard to believe she died the way she did.

The second is a close friend who died in an accident last year. I couldn't look at his profile up until recently. Our other mates use his page to tag him in old photos they've found of him, usually of him pulling mental faces or balancing a pint on his head.

There's a video of him up there dancing around the kitchen to Barry White's My First My Last My Everything, fag in mouth, pint in hand, giving it socks for the camera. It was shared just after his funeral. Sometimes I just sit with it on repeat, I'd say I've spent days watching it at this point. It's everything that he is and was to everybody. God I miss him.

Hollister11

One of my school friends committed suicide last year when I was in 6th year. It was just before Christians. He is the only friend I have who has died.
It should be none

wakka12

Guy I know killed himself last week, was shocking seeing people tag him in RIP posts. I didn't even hear about it his death until I saw all the posts on his timeline. He was only 24 and had severe depression, he was also big into gay rights I was sad he wasnt around to see the referendum pass

Sure he would of loved to have seen it.

SparkySpitfire

2.

17 and 20

Snickers Man

OP wrote:

I now have three "Friends" who are no longer with us

Alf. A. Male wrote: »

OP, I'm sure you're very nice and all, but I hope we never become friends, 'cos you seem to be a jinx.

It's up to six now, so we really won't get on

branie2

Three, one of whom was married to my great uncle, who is also deceased.