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Pressures around Church weddings

ZiabR

How many of you have had a church wedding and actually wanted to have the church wedding? Or were you under pressure from family and parents to have a church wedding?

For example, I am getting married at the end of this year. I am an Atheist even though I was baptised and confirmed etc. This is before I was able to make my own mind up as to what I wanted to believe. Myself and my partner never go to mass but my partner would have some faith as that is the way they have been brought up.

We are having a church wedding, and the only reason for this is that my partners parents and family and very very holy, god fearing people that say the rosary every 2nd day etc. It annoys me that we have to go down the church route but if I am honest, the trouble it would cause if we were to have a civil ceremony would not be worth it.

So, how many of you have been in the same boat and felt you have had to have the church wedding to prevent family war?

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Eeden

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

Hardly a new thing, the vast majority of weddings I have attended over the years have had a meet up the second night. It's always nice to have the second night imo.

Not really "traditional", though. When I got married in the early 90s, a second day was entirely unheard of.

Frigga_92

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

I think it's very sad how people don't want to be close to their parents and have them as part of their day to day lives.

People really love cutting their parents out of their lives don't they!!!!

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

I go home vey regularly because I really like being around my parents and other family members, being around my home area and getting out on the farm to name but a few reasons.

Why do people see it as a badge of honour almost that they live their lives completely seperate from their parents, I just don't see why people think it's so great.

Count yourself as very lucky that you still get on so well with your parents that you enjoy spending time with them.
Not everybody is as lucky.

MistyCheese

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

Hardly a new thing, the vast majority of weddings I have attended over the years have had a meet up the second night. It's always nice to have the second night imo.

It's probably safe to say that your opinion and my own would be pretty far away from each other. Would a husband and wife not have better things to be doing the day after their wedding than hosting a second shindig?

Eeden wrote: »

Not really "traditional", though. When I got married in the early 90s, a second day was entirely unheard of.

As were foreign hen/stag parties. The local for a few pints used to be good enough now it's weekends abroad to Lanzarote/Amsterdam.

Venus In Furs

Sometimes parents cut their children out of their lives - it isn't always the choice of the child to lose contact with their parents/immediate family.

rainbow kirby

MistyCheese wrote: »

Would a husband and wife not have better things to be doing the day after their wedding than hosting a second shindig?

The closest we'll get on the day after our wedding will be "Hey, we've grabbed the couch in the bar and the football's on. Join us?"

JupiterKid

I'm somewhat surprised at just how many people on here have got married in civil ceremonies as opposed to church weddings. As a gay man, I can't be married in a church - and nor would I want to in any case. A pleasant civil ceremony with my closest family and friends would be enough for me.

As for parents putting pressure on their children to have a church wedding, well that's just wrong. It's the couple's day, not the parents'. There is a good reason why adult children move out of the family home and forge a life for themselves. It's called growing up.

Electric Sheep

Eeden wrote: »

Not really "traditional", though. When I got married in the early 90s, a second day was entirely unheard of.

About as traditional as the Sweet Cart and the Cross Country Drive to the venue

Shurimgreat

If you don't go to mass every sunday before the wedding and after it, it's probably hypocritical to have a church wedding. I know many if not most who still do and I've very little time for them in general. They only do it to please their parents. It's a bit shameful to be honest.

TwoShedsJackson

Hypocrisy and 'sure that's the way it's always been/what will the neighbours think' tends to crop up a lot when some people talk about weddings or being Catholic.

AudreyHepburn

I'd like a Church wedding when the time comes, because I love the tradition of it and I would consider myself religious.

However it would depend on my partner and to be honest if he didn't want it then I'd be led by him because it's not worth an argument and as a religious person I often feel these days that I don't really have the right to ask for things to be done the religious way.

People hate the church and religion so much that sometimes it's just easier to keep your mouth shut and go with the atheist/anti religion approach.

Frigga_92

Shurimgreat wrote: »

If you don't go to mass every sunday before the wedding and after it, it's probably hypocritical to have a church wedding. I know many if not most who still do and I've very little time for them in general. They only do it to please their parents. It's a bit shameful to be honest.

It's the same as communion and confirmation. You hear parents complaining "I have to bring them to mass now because they're making their communion/confirmation", what is the point of that? And then as soon as the communion/confirmation is done with, no more mass.

lazygal

AudreyHepburn wrote: »

I'd like a Church wedding when the time comes, because I love the tradition of it and I would consider myself religious.

However it would depend on my partner and to be honest if he didn't want it then I'd be led by him because it's not worth an argument and as a religious person I often feel these days that I don't really have the right to ask for things to be done the religious way.

People hate the church and religion so much that sometimes it's just easier to keep your mouth shut and go with the atheist/anti religion approach.

It's not about hating the church, although given how the Catholic church and its representatives in Ireland have treated children over the years I can't see why anyone bothers with them. Many people simply don't believe in the teachings. Like they see nothing wrong with ivf, abortion, gay rights, contraception and sex outside marriage. So why get married in a.church which doesn't match their beliefs?

Ghost Buster

AudreyHepburn wrote: »

I'd like a Church wedding when the time comes, because I love the tradition of it and I would consider myself religious.

However it would depend on my partner and to be honest if he didn't want it then I'd be led by him because it's not worth an argument and as a religious person I often feel these days that I don't really have the right to ask for things to be done the religious way.

People hate the church and religion so much that sometimes it's just easier to keep your mouth shut and go with the atheist/anti religion approach.

At this point just imagine I have posted the famous pie chart picture of the majority Catholic population shouting "HELP.,! I'm being oppressed! "

Ghost Buster

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

Hardly a new thing, the vast majority of weddings I have attended over the years have had a meet up the second night. It's always nice to have the second night imo.

The vast majority of people you know seem to be stuck in 70s Ireland

lazygal

Ghost Buster wrote: »

The vast majority of people you know seem to be stuck in 70s Ireland

Turkey and.ham, blue nun and baked Alaska for all

eviltwin

AudreyHepburn wrote: »

I'd like a Church wedding when the time comes, because I love the tradition of it and I would consider myself religious.

However it would depend on my partner and to be honest if he didn't want it then I'd be led by him because it's not worth an argument and as a religious person I often feel these days that I don't really have the right to ask for things to be done the religious way.

People hate the church and religion so much that sometimes it's just easier to keep your mouth shut and go with the atheist/anti religion approach.

That's a massive generalisation there. Most non religious people are very respectful of the choices of others. I've been to many a church wedding and wouldn't dream of commenting on it. It's not my day, I have no reason to object. Most atheists in Ireland are used to having their choices questioned and are familiar with how much of a pain in the hole that is so I don't think they'd do that to someone else.

osarusan

Got married at this Shinto shrine.

Looked a bit like this couple, except for the big red Irish head on me.

We didn't have to - we were officially married two days earlier in a 2-minute 'family register signing' thing that wasn't even a ceremony.

My wife wanted to do it for her family and herself, and I didn't mind at all as it was pretty unusual and cool.

[Deleted User]

Ghost Buster wrote: »

The vast majority of people you know seem to be stuck in 70s Ireland

Not at all, its some on AH that appear to be stuck in some bubble to me. There is no doubt that the majority of weddings in Ireland are church weddings and if you leave out Dublin that figure would be the vast majority.

Ghost Buster

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

Not at all, its some on AH that appear to be stuck in some bubble to me. There is no doubt that the majority of weddings in Ireland are church weddings and if you leave out Dublin that figure would be the vast majority.

Im referring to your ultra cobservative attitude to anyone who you perceive to be stepping outside the norm of the quaint 70s Catholic universe you inhabit.

[Deleted User]

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

Not at all, its some on AH that appear to be stuck in some bubble to me. There is no doubt that the majority of weddings in Ireland are church weddings and if you leave out Dublin that figure would be the vast majority.

I think people might be mixing up the cultural and religious elements in weddings, often getting married in a local church is more a cultural issue and is connected to issues like pride in your village, you local team, and so on, maybe its the same church that your parents, grandparents, greatgrand got married in. Its not nesserley about imposing religious beliefs on anyone.

Turning this round a bit a parent who has a genuine faith would not expected a non believe to get married in church just to please them, so expecting a child to do something just to please the parent has noting to do with genuine faith its about something else maybe power and control.

[Deleted User]

Ghost Buster wrote: »

Im referring to your ultra cobservative attitude to anyone who you perceive to be stepping outside the norm of the quaint 70s Catholic universe you inhabit.

I'm Certainly a fan of keeping traditions and have strong opinions on certain things etc but I don't think anyone would describe me as ultra conservative in general.

mariaalice wrote: »

I think people might be mixing up the cultural and religious elements in weddings, often getting married in a local church is more a cultural issue and is connected to issues like pride in your village, you local team, and so on, maybe its the same church that your parents, grandparents, greatgrand got married in. Its not nesserley about imposing religious beliefs on anyone.
.

I agree as I said a couple of posts ago plenty of the people I know getting married in the church are doing so for the tradition of it as much as the religious aspect, though that said many would be regular mass goers also and even those who are would still see the church part as per of the tradition as well as the religious aspect.

Son Of A Vidic

The Backwards Man wrote: »

...although a fair few of those would be outsiders taking advantage of our glorious scenery...

Outsiders?

Finally, I can put a face on The Backwards Man.

Grayson

eviltwin wrote: »

That's a massive generalisation there. Most non religious people are very respectful of the choices of others. I've been to many a church wedding and wouldn't dream of commenting on it. It's not my day, I have no reason to object. Most atheists in Ireland are used to having their choices questioned and are familiar with how much of a pain in the hole that is so I don't think they'd do that to someone else.

I'm pretty certain that most religious people would consider me a "militant" atheist. I've been to loads of weddings in churches. I participated in my sisters one and my only issue was the sermon where the priest started talking about IVF for 10 minutes. To be fair everyone wandered out of that at the end saying "Where the fcuk did that come from?"

I'm even a god parent.

Grayson

osarusan wrote: »

Got married at this Shinto shrine.

Looked a bit like this couple, except for the big red Irish head on me.

We didn't have to - we were officially married two days earlier in a 2-minute 'family register signing' thing that wasn't even a ceremony.

My wife wanted to do it for her family and herself, and I didn't mind at all as it was pretty unusual and cool.

You say your location is Tokyo but I have a feeling it's somewhere in North Kildare

I think we used to work together

amdublin

Civil.

I'm big enough and bold enough to explain to people to explain that a church wedding is not for me.
(Without upsetting anyone who it is for e.g. mother in law)

P.s. and also because I think it's really bad not to set foot in a church except at christmas for years and then suddenly want to use the church for your "big day"

Electric Sheep

mariaalice wrote: »

I think people might be mixing up the cultural and religious elements in weddings, often getting married in a local church is more a cultural issue and is connected to issues like pride in your village, you local team, and so on, maybe its the same church that your parents, grandparents, greatgrand got married in. Its not nesserley about imposing religious beliefs on anyone.

Turning this round a bit a parent who has a genuine faith would not expected a non believe to get married in church just to please them, so expecting a child to do something just to please the parent has noting to do with genuine faith its about something else maybe power and control.

You would be hard set to find any of the older generation who have true faith in religion. True faith in worrying about what the neighbors will say would wrap it up for most of them.

Electric Sheep

Ghost Buster wrote: »

The vast majority of people you know seem to be stuck in 70s Ireland

Crossed with the ignorance and arrogance of the worst part of the celtic tiger.

Almost like a character an author might be trying out for a book.

lazygal

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Crossed with the ignorance and arrogance of the worst part of the celtic tiger.

Almost like a character an author might be trying out for a book.

50 Shades of Grey: Irish weddings 1950 to 1990.

Tarzana2

Galilea Cold Miner wrote: »

Not at all, its some on AH that appear to be stuck in some bubble to me. There is no doubt that the majority of weddings in Ireland are church weddings and if you leave out Dublin that figure would be the vast majority.

Just over 60% in the last while have been church weddings in Ireland. A majority, but not a vast one. I can see the number of church weddings plummet further as civil ceremony become more everyday and people see that there is not just one formula for getting married in this country.

ronjo

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Just over 60% in the last while have been church weddings. A majority, but not a vast one. I can see the number of church weddings plummet further as civil ceremony become more everyday and people see that there is not just one formula for getting married in this country.

Outside Dublin too?