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Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names]

Jaafa

I saw my fair share of these before I deactivated my account.

One of the worst came from an american 'friend'(?) of mine.

She said and I quote:
"Ughhh so stupid...I have to get a visa to go to south america! I mean seriously isn't this the UNITED sates! Ahhhhh....Worst state ever!"

She was promptly removed from my friends list.

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internet of cats

hope ur ok hun

mail xoxo

Comments

efb

mfceiling wrote: »

Am I the only one looking at the picture and thinking that Jesus is saying "go for it man, get that sh*t into you"

The power of Christ compels you!

zcorpian88

I'll never understand that when people I know that are on dole and happy to stay on it and are doing f**k all to get off it and post a status such as...

"Thank God its the weekend!"

Yeah I'm sure all that laying around watching Jeremy Kyle was f**king exhausting.

Idiot!

rawn

"feeling relieved at hospital

So relieved to finally have an answer to why I've been unwell the last while"

Friend: U okay? Omg

Friend 2: Wat was wrong

OP: Im grand, its private just gonna tell famile

Friend 2: god luv ye

fussyonion

"In de words of hope ur okhun get me the fk down de chinese for me chiken bals!!!!!!!!! few wickeds and babbies in bed and its mammy time woop woop"

"u deserve it babe any luck with dat interview de other day?"

"No didnt go slepp it out"

"LMAO"

CarpeDiem85

Boards should really employ a full time interpreter for this thread! *feeling confused*

shruikan2553

CarpeDiem85 wrote: »

Boards should really employ a full time interpreter for this thread! *feeling confused*

But half the fun is translating them and ending up with a really weird situation that you want to think isn't real but then you remember people are idiots.

mfceiling

893bet wrote: »

The profile of the guy is the best part. What a tool.

I am Facebook free 12 months and reading this thread keeps me away.

Same - probably closer to 2 years. Looking at the wife's facebook when she shows me a pic of her cousin's baby and all I see is a page of adverts.

Taylor365

fussyonion wrote: »

"In de words of hope ur okhun get me the fk down de chinese for me chiken bals!!!!!!!!! few wickeds and babbies in bed and its mammy time woop woop"

"u deserve it babe any luck with dat interview de other day?"

"No didnt go slepp it out"

"LMAO"

That's as good as life gets for some people.....

This is a great feel-good thread :pac:

diograis

fussyonion wrote: »

"In de words of hope ur okhun get me the fk down de chinese for me chiken bals!!!!!!!!! few wickeds and babbies in bed and its mammy time woop woop"

"u deserve it babe any luck with dat interview de other day?"

"No didnt go slepp it out"

"LMAO"

she referenced hope ur ok hun and fecking everything. Doing our job for us here really.

Vomit

I really hate those cryptic status updates that tell people of unhappiness but won't elaborate. Either you have something to say or you don't! ffs

CarpeDiem85

Stuck n Belfast al day by meself, didnt tink it b dis bad, fink da girl in Starbucks gona throw me out nw, being hoggin da wifi al mornin n cudnt drink anothr coffee r me heads gona explode, mite climb up 2 da top f Victoria Square n jump of :-( :-( :-(!...Followed by comments like 'we're u nw sir?...Ok, slightly melodramatic, you're a 28 year father. Time to grow up a bit but top marks for using capital letters and spelling placenames properly! I despair for the youth of today.

sligojoek

Things that used to worry me like "oh dear...I wonder if I offended that person when I said that?" don't worry me anymore. I mean I would hate to have a fall out with a friend or anything but these days if the friend is offended easily (just by honest and jovial chat, with a sprinkling of profanity and flagons of wine) then I've come to the conclusion that they are probably not going to enjoy my company anyway! Nothing has happened to cause me to post this, no fall outs, no bad feelings, just a conversation I had with K***** in P***** the other day when we happened to bring up the fact that we used to worry about this stuff and now it's very liberating that we don't! Life begins at 40 as they say! Wondering how much less I will give a f$%k when I'm 60!

At least she can spell

Sittingpretty

sligojoek wrote: »

Things that used to worry me like "oh dear...I wonder if I offended that person when I said that?" don't worry me anymore. I mean I would hate to have a fall out with a friend or anything but these days if the friend is offended easily (just by honest and jovial chat, with a sprinkling of profanity and flagons of wine) then I've come to the conclusion that they are probably not going to enjoy my company anyway! Nothing has happened to cause me to post this, no fall outs, no bad feelings, just a conversation I had with K***** in P***** the other day when we happened to bring up the fact that we used to worry about this stuff and now it's very liberating that we don't! Life begins at 40 as they say! Wondering how much less I will give a f$%k when I'm 60!

At least she can spell

And time travel too it appears if she's drinking flagons of wine

Un Croissant

Little Lion Woman wrote: »

I'm going to be watching to see who cares about friendship, like me. Thank you for being a part of my life. So, if you read this, leave ONE WORD as to how we met. DON'T SHARE!! Once you respond, I will inbox you this post to post on your wall. Only one word

People actually responded to this post on my wall. Who knew....

J Mysterio

Snort

Rosie Rant

I Nominate you for the Most loving and prettiest Mum Award. You must send to 12 mums and make their day. I'm also waiting!ðŸ•› Sometimes u just need to hear it ... You're a beautiful mum,doing a great job and you're so loved! Hit 12 mums who put their kids first. xxxxx

Saw this recently. The sentiment is nice, I suppose. It went completely ignored though. Haha, HIT 12 mums

Toots

You know it's January when the #cleaneats brigade are out in force

I saw a status that was a picture of a load of food divided up into tupperware boxes accompanied by this:

Meal prep done for the week, lookin 4ward to a #healthy week. Cant understand why ppl put so much procesed crap into there bodies, so stupid. when I #eatclean I can take on the world, #smashedit in the gym after work an still have tonnes of energy which is gud cos *boyfriend's name* can't get enuf lately ;D #trainmean #fitlife #gymbunny #thisgirllifts

As if the feckin hashtags weren't bad enough, this is all being spouted from a girl who, up until a fortnight ago, seemed to post nothing but pictures and statuses about getting rip-roaring drunk and falling out of chippers on the way home from various parties/clubs/pubs and whose goal for christmas 2014 was to stay pissed from christmas eve, right up until new years day. And if her facebook is anything to go by, she achieved her dream.

Unfollow.

zcorpian88

Seeing a lot of this dirt on Facebook, like the shyte a 15 year old would post, mostly women posting by the way and I quote.

"Right I know I have a heap of mates on here, but who are really friends? and who are here just to stalk? I'm going to be watching to see who cares about friendship, like me. Thank you for being a part of my life. So, if you read this, leave ONE WORD as to how we met. DON'T SHARE!! Once you respond, I will inbox you this post to post on your wall. Only 1 word...."

Well if you have a decent memory you'll remember how you met certain people and don't need to post some stupid status over it you clown!

rawn

""Have you been hurt?" *points at leg*
ARE YOU ****ING KIDDING ME HOW ****ING DARE YOU HAVE I BEEN ****ING HURT THEY ARE ****ING SCARS AND NONE OF YOUR ****ING BUSINESS YOU SICK **** I DONT EVEN ****ING KNOW YOU UGHHHH GET THE **** AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

This annoys me. Like, how dare you show concern, how dare you not know what ticks me off :rollseyes:

zcorpian88

Just seen another there now, a distant relative of mine I barely know...her status, and she does this every f**king night

"Good night all sweet dreams.."

Then people drop comments for the next half hour - 3/4 of an hour saying good night, and then she answers every one of them to reply back to say night night.

If you said "Good night all sweet dreams" 45 minutes ago you should be asleep by now! Go to sleep ta f**k!

pc7

Sounds like the facebook version of the Waltons. Good night Jim Bob

ardle1

When I read some of these posts I think to myself that I must have no heart or am uncaring, but no I'm not like that, their just all fcuking mental on fb....
So I've decided to start using fb!
And post stuff like 'omg I hear a knocking coming from the front left of my car'..
The replies would be: 'oj oj ardle1 do you know what it is and I really hope you get it sorted, don't worry we are all here for you if you want to talk'
Ahhh would you ever all pipe down and fcuk away off,shir it's only the old control arm bushing, but thanks for your concern it been amaze balls lols lols lols zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

P.s: This is not a status, it's just me commenting on this thread, it's very amusing and entertaining. And my car is ok....... So don't have sleepless nights over me lolslolslols...... I could get use to this eh this actually could be a fb status, now I'm confused lolslolslols

Toots

pc7 wrote: »

Sounds like the facebook version of the Waltons. Good night Jim Bob

"I said, '"Goodnight Jim Bob.'".......Jim Bob?"
"Damn it! Can't a guy masturbate in this place??"

NormalBob Ubiquitypants

Affirmation
I trust my inner voice
I value my inner being
I create full spectrum magic with every breath
Gratitude for this life, and presence alighting central

dirkmeister

A mother that pretends to care to the world about her kids and grandkids to make her self look better. A mother that only makes a point when it suits. A mother that talks **** about her family to play victim....... Well that mother is mine!!!!

sligojoek

OP: e****s been in hospital the last few days . its looks like shes going to have the baby 5 weeks early .its a little girl and there isn't many girls in our family . so ive gone on a mad one and smashed my cards .and everything ive got is pink .pink pink and a different shade of pink . ive got her little customised bootys with damontees . shes kitted out now till shes 3 months . I feel now like ive got an addiction for buying little girls clothes . im so excited ..

A: thats lovely **** , it looks like one little princess is going to get spoilt.
B: good for you****, going to be nanny's little girl , best wishes to you all hun xxxxxxx&#55356;&#57212;
C: Oh how lovely is this going to be your grandaughter x
OP: yes i have 2 grandaughters . no sisters or daughters . and it untold boys in the family ..

Congratulations hun..xx
OP: ive got 2 other lovely grandaughters and i can have a giggle with them c****s only 18 months younger than my b**** . im glad she hasnt made me a grt granmother yet ..lol xx
E: rilliant news,hope all goes well,lots of cuddles and kisses xxxxx

Darkglasses

sligojoek wrote: »

OP: e****s been in hospital the last few days . its looks like shes going to have the baby 5 weeks early .its a little girl and there isn't many girls in our family . so ive gone on a mad one and smashed my cards .and everything ive got is pink .pink pink and a different shade of pink . ive got her little customised bootys with damontees . shes kitted out now till shes 3 months . I feel now like ive got an addiction for buying little girls clothes . im so excited ..

A: thats lovely **** , it looks like one little princess is going to get spoilt.
B: good for you****, going to be nanny's little girl , best wishes to you all hun xxxxxxx��
C: Oh how lovely is this going to be your grandaughter x
OP: yes i have 2 grandaughters . no sisters or daughters . and it untold boys in the family ..
Congratulations hun..xx
OP: ive got 2 other lovely grandaughters and i can have a giggle with them c****s only 18 months younger than my b**** . im glad she hasnt made me a grt granmother yet ..lol xx
E: rilliant news,hope all goes well,lots of cuddles and kisses xxxxx

:eek: Filthy language in that family.

Sittingpretty

sligojoek wrote: »

OP: e****s been in hospital the last few days . its looks like shes going to have the baby 5 weeks early .its a little girl and there isn't many girls in our family . so ive gone on a mad one and smashed my cards .and everything ive got is pink .pink pink and a different shade of pink . ive got her little customised bootys with damontees . shes kitted out now till shes 3 months . I feel now like ive got an addiction for buying little girls clothes . im so excited ..

A: thats lovely **** , it looks like one little princess is going to get spoilt.
B: good for you****, going to be nanny's little girl , best wishes to you all hun xxxxxxx��
C: Oh how lovely is this going to be your grandaughter x
OP: yes i have 2 grandaughters . no sisters or daughters . and it untold boys in the family ..
Congratulations hun..xx
OP: ive got 2 other lovely grandaughters and i can have a giggle with them c****s only 18 months younger than my b**** . im glad she hasnt made me a grt granmother yet ..lol xx
E: rilliant news,hope all goes well,lots of cuddles and kisses xxxxx

I despair.

Facebook reached a whole new low for me yesterday.

Fb friend lost a baby about half way through pregnancy 12 years ago, photos of the child's headstone and sitting on the grave etc.

Having miscarried myself I have every sympathy for such a loss but Jesus that just doesn't belong on Facebook. I can't bring myself to click "like" on such posts

yerwanthere123

"To The scumbag Who kikd the mirrors off my friends Car down by the Tech,going back on the Cameras in the mornlng and the gaurds are involved,not to mention What either one of us Will do to you when we find out Who u are, in the mornlng wel no. Thought u wer Being clever . Wont look so clever when when your nose gets broke. U Scumbag"

retro:electro

"We are overwhelmed to announce little Chloe was welcome into the world today. We won't be putting up any pics of her so anyone that wants any just pm us and we will send you one. She is too precious"

That was two days ago. Just checked facebook there and there's now 86 photos of her updated to an album called "our little angel"

Lol.