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No longer attracted to my girlfriend

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My girlfriend has gained a lot of weight over the past year and I find myself less and less attracted to her. I no longer wish to have sex with her but still love her which I don't think she realises. Am I best to tell her about how I truly feel or does this sound selfish?

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Wibbs

Tarzana2 wrote: »

At 30, you might. Maybe. Just about. But 30 ain't 40. Come back to us in 10 years.

Hate to break it to you but that's physiologically way off. Actual science like. Certainly for men. The hormonal profile of a 40 year old man is at worst 10% lower than at 30. Eating healthily(and less), exercising and in fairness the help of genetics shouldn't see much if anything of a difference in body shape and overall fitness at 40. The real drops happen after 50 and even then it's pretty slow until 60. Indeed if a guy was a bit of a slob at 25 and got the fitness bug at 35 he'd look better physically at 40 than at 20.

I dunno all this apparently rapid decay being talked about here seems to be more about excuses for slobbing out because of a date on a calendar. Ah shure don't we all get old, so that's alright like type stuff. Or "we'll all get old someday, so what does it matter if your GF/BF gets fat now". Middle aged spread is all very well, but the clue is in the phrase, getting "middle aged spread" at 25 is a very different thing and something all too easily avoided.

A lot of this stuff is cultural. Go back in time and you see a different picture in many cultures. EG Aristotle reckoned that men shouldn't get married until their late 30's(to 18 year old women) as they were at their peak then. Before the law was relaxed Roman soldiers didn't get hitched and start families until they retired in their early to mid forties. There were also gladiators in their forties. And all that's before modern medicine. The altar of youth is much more a fairly recent western thing. The 1960's "don't trust anyone over 30" really copperfastened it.

steddyeddy

Littlekittylou wrote: »

Prove us wrong eddy ...you prove us wrong.

Sylvester Stallone at 60 VS an overweight 20 year old.

Tarzana2

Dean0088 wrote: »

George Clooney would be a good example. Yeah - he has grey hair and wrinkles but he still looks youthful.

Nah, he looks like a good-looking middle aged man.

http://i60.tinypic.com/71jjhh.jpg

Littlekittylou

steddyeddy wrote: »

Sorry but I completely disagree with this "Oh well the body ages attitude". The body can still look excellent at 50 if people work out and take measures to improve. There are some 40 year olds with better bodies than some 20 year olds. Lifestyle is the primary factor.

Prove us wrong eddy ...you prove us wrong.

Littlekittylou

Look if I don't fancy you don't worry about it. I'm only a girl.

Lighten up.

Now chance for epic sparks song.

She won't go out with me, no, she won't go out
'Cause my intellect's paper thin
She won't go out with me, no, she won't go out
Since my intellect's not like him

So, lighten up, Morrissey

She won't hang out with me, no, she won't hang out
'Til my biting wit bites like his
She won't hang out with me, no, she won't hang out
'Til my quick retort's quick as his

So, lighten up, Morrissey?Lighten up, lighten up
Lighten up, lighten up
Lighten up, Morrissey
Lighten up, lighten up
Lighten up, Morrissey

She won't have sex with me, no, she won't have sex
'Less it's done with a pseudonym
She won't do sport with me, no, she won't do sport
Says it's way, way too masculine, look at him

So, lighten up, Morrissey?Lighten up, lighten up
Lighten up, lighten up
Lighten up, Morrissey
Lighten up, lighten up
Lighten up, Morrissey

I got comparisons coming out my ears
And she never can hit the pause
If only Morrissey weren't so Morrisseyesque
She might overlook all my flaws

So, lighten up, Morrissey
Lighten up, lighten up
So, lighten up, Morrissey
Lighten up, lighten up
Lighten up, lighten up
Lighten up, Morrissey'
Lighten up, lighten up
Lighten up, Morrissey
She won't dine out with me, no, she won't dine out
Says my t-bone steak is at fault
She won't dine out with me, no, she won't dine out
With a murderer, pass the salt

Lighten up, lighten up
Lighten up, lighten up
Lighten up, Morrissey
Lighten up, lighten up

Lighten up, lighten up
Lighten up, Morrissey
Lighten up, lighten up
Lighten up, Morrissey

steddyeddy

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Firstly, you're not him, a person who's job is to be in top shape. Secondly, he also probably looked better 10 or 15 years ago.

The body ages as well as the face.

Sorry but I completely disagree with this "Oh well the body ages attitude". The body can still look excellent at 50 if people work out and take measures to improve. There are some 40 year olds with better bodies than some 20 year olds. Lifestyle is the primary factor.

steddyeddy

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Hold up, most seem to be agreeing that people have preferences. I think what people are objecting to is that she be dumped summarily when it might well be fixable. We've all done a lot of speculating here with scant info from the OP, who knows what's going on there. And she might not even be overweight. If she went from an 8 to a 12, say, unless she's skirting around the 5' mark, she's not likely to be overweight. Anyway, more speculation.

Yes I think it's fixable. The OP should discuss the problems with his GF's weight.

steddyeddy

PhilBill wrote: »

I think being taller is somewhat a physical trait.. People cannot change their genetics..

That's my point.

steddyeddy

Littlekittylou wrote: »

hm really?

Who is more image conscious gay men or lesbians?

I would say most people are image conscious.

Fukuyama

Littlekittylou wrote: »

hm really?

Who is more image conscious gay men or lesbians?

Them black bi-sexuals, let me tell you.... :rolleyes:

Fukuyama

Tarzana2 wrote: »

That's great. Still won't look the same in ten years time and not for the better.

But he'll look a damn sight better than his mate who sits at home every evening watching TV.

Littlekittylou

steddyeddy wrote: »

In fairness people I think there's a huge double standard going on here here. There are many women who say they prefer taller, more intelligent or whatever. Now I don't see how a man/woman finding a girl/boy overweight is worse than the examples above. A lot of girls say they prefer taller men which isn't a physical trait you change. How is that not worse than not liking someone for a physical trait they can change?

hm really?

Who is more image conscious gay men or lesbians?

Fukuyama

Nobody is saying that a 40 year old will look like a 20 year old because he runs a few times a week. But, if he keeps a good diet and exercises he'll get a more 'distinguished' look, rather than a 'finished' look.

George Clooney would be a good example. Yeah - he has grey hair and wrinkles but he still looks youthful.

Fat accentuates wrinkles and a double chin looks terrible. A beer belly looks like a person is used up, ready for the scrap heap. They're the opposite of youthful.

Also, fat and a lack of exercise can lead to back trouble and other disease. A forty year old man shouldn't be groaning when getting out of bed or trying to touch their toes. They shouldn't be out of breath after going up a few flights of stairs.

Tarzana2

Shabra wrote: »

I have two kids and I manage to work out four times per week and it's more than enough . Four hours of weights and some high intensity cardiovascular is all that's needed with a good diet to look pretty fupping good, no professional contracts required.

That's great. Still won't look the same in ten years time and not for the better.

Shabra

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Firstly, you're not him, a person who's job is to be in top shape. Secondly, he also probably looked better 10 or 15 years ago.

The body ages as well as the face.

I have two kids and I manage to work out four times per week and it's more than enough . Four hours of weights and some high intensity cardiovascular is all that's needed with a good diet to look pretty fupping good, no professional contracts required.

Tarzana2

Shabra wrote: »

Did you ever see Floyd Mayweather'so body? He'll be 38 in February.

Firstly, you're not him, a person who's job is to be in top shape.

Secondly, he also probably looked better 10 or 15 years ago.

The body ages as well as the face.

Tarzana2

steddyeddy wrote: »

In fairness people I think there's a huge double standard going on here here. There are many women who say they prefer taller, more intelligent or whatever. Now I don't see how a man/woman finding a girl/boy overweight is worse than the examples above. A lot of girls say they prefer taller men which isn't a physical trait you change. How is that not worse than not liking someone for a physical trait they can change?

Hold up, most seem to be agreeing that people have preferences. I think what people are objecting to is that she be dumped summarily when it might well be fixable. We've all done a lot of speculating here with scant info from the OP, who knows what's going on there. And she might not even be overweight. If she went from an 8 to a 12, say, unless she's skirting around the 5' mark, she's not likely to be overweight. Anyway, more speculation.

PhilBill

steddyeddy wrote: »

In fairness people I think there's a huge double standard going on here here. There are many women who say they prefer taller, more intelligent or whatever. Now I don't see how a man/woman finding a girl/boy overweight is worse than the examples above. A lot of girls say they prefer taller men which isn't a physical trait you change. How is that not worse than not liking someone for a physical trait they can change?

I think being taller is somewhat a physical trait.. People cannot change their genetics..

steddyeddy

In fairness people I think there's a huge double standard going on here here. There are many women who say they prefer taller, more intelligent or whatever. Now I don't see how a man/woman finding a girl/boy overweight is worse than the examples above. A lot of girls say they prefer taller men which isn't a physical trait you change. How is that not worse than not liking someone for a physical trait they can change?

Shabra

Littlekittylou wrote: »

he looks older in the face...don't fear it ...you are still sexy ....enjoy healthy living but the thing better than being perfect us to be free ..let your woman love you inside. You will be happier it doesn't mean letting yourself go.

old is sexy young is sexy big is sexy small is sexy...every skin is sexy when worn by the right person...

Sweet Jesus, no one said the face doesn't age.

PhilBill

This thread has gotten completely off topic. Why are we not still talking about the OP's GF?

steddyeddy

Tarzana2 wrote: »

'Slows' being the key word here. You are still going to age. And look older, despite all the protestations. So "You get worse with age" still holds. You do. It's just how it is. I know there are lifestyles people choose to slow it eg. calorie restriction. The calories restriction peeps I've seen interviewed don't look any younger! Now, they might live longer, we'll have to wait and see. But look younger? Nope.

That's very true but it is also very true that people age at different rates. A smoker aged 30 will often have worse lungs than a non smoker aged 40.

PhilBill

Littlekittylou wrote: »

be on the inside looking in not the outside looking in..

This seems somewhat wrong to me.

Littlekittylou

be on the inside looking in not the outside looking in..

PhilBill

Shabra wrote: »

Did you ever see Floyd Mayweather'so body? He'll be 38 in February.

I'll continue training and eating healthily until the day I die, life is more fun doing that.

Not everyone lives the life of that fat 40 year old sitting at the bar you know.

Hey!! My Grandads 40!!

Littlekittylou

Shabra wrote: »

Did you ever see Floyd Mayweather'so body? He'll be 38 in February.

I'll continue training and eating healthily until the day I die, life is more fun doing that.

Not everyone lives the life of that fat 40 year old sitting at the bar you know.

he looks older in the face...don't fear it ...you are still sexy ....enjoy healthy living but the thing better than being perfect us to be free ..let your woman love you inside. You will be happier it doesn't mean letting yourself go.

old is sexy young is sexy big is sexy small is sexy...every skin is sexy when worn by the right person...

Shabra

Tarzana2 wrote: »

At 30, you might. Maybe. Just about. But 30 ain't 40. Come back to us in 10 years.

Did you ever see Floyd Mayweather'so body? He'll be 38 in February.

I'll continue training and eating healthily until the day I die, life is more fun doing that.

Not everyone lives the life of that fat 40 year old sitting at the bar you know.

Littlekittylou

Shallow people can't get under your skin. They can't get in deep.

Shabra

Tarzana2 wrote: »

'Slows' being the key word here. You are still going to age. And look older, despite all the protestations. So "You get worse with age" still holds. You do. It's just how it is. I know there are lifestyles people choose to slow it eg. calorie restriction. The calories restriction peeps I've seen interviewed don't look any younger! Now, they might live longer, we'll have to wait and see. But look younger? Nope.

Has anyone said you won't look older?

Fact of the matter is if a man takes care of himself he physically shouldn't look much worse at 40 than at 50 in terms of his physique.

Littlekittylou

Shabra wrote: »

Littlekittylou wrote: »

At 30 now I have a much better body than at 20 and I was slim and athletic at twenty, I have more muscle now and less body fat.

you adonis you

memento mori....you are mortal my friend