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Being Shouted at in the Street

danslevent

Ladies, how often do groups of men shout at you or pass comments at you in the street? Contrary to what my username suggests, I am in fact a woman and I was nearly brought to tears by two separate encounters in the street yesterday.

I was on my lunch break eating an ice-cream, passed three men and one said "Can I have a lick?" while they all jeered and laughed. As I was walking home from work, I passed a mini bus that had more than 11 men in it. They were pulling up outside a hostel so I assume a stag or something. They looked to be over thirty years of age, probably some of them have young daughters, they all began wolf-whistling, shouting things like "Hello gorgeous" or "Give us a smile". I know this attention is not because I am so stunningly beautiful, but merely because I am female and was walking alone. It would have happened to any woman that happened to be passing them....I walked away with tears in my eyes. I felt so degraded and embarrassed.

This happens to me a lot, and I know my friends too. When I pass a group of guys I know that 30 percent of the time they are going to make some sort of comment towards me. I feel so objectified just because I am a woman. It should be so unacceptable to do this to a human being but it seems when some guys (not all now, of course not) are in a group they get a pack mentality and feel free to shout comments concerning appearance.

When I am walking alone and see a group of young men ahead of me I can actually feel my stomach tightening because if they are of a certain social class or drunk or just acting boisterous, I know they are going to say something...or shout something...that makes me feel so embarrassed.

Why does this exist? I feel so angry and upset about it, especially knowing that if I had a man with me, it wouldn't happen.

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danslevent

I'm an A bra size too but I have had random guys smack my ass so hard on nights out that for a few minutes afterwards it has felt a strong sting, almost like a hand is still resting there.

I think I will probably remain single for a long time, I find myself just so exhausted from all this crap.

mrsdewinter

kylith wrote: »

I haven't experienced a lot of this since my teens, but I do tend to dress in t-shirts and am very aware that, being busty, I can attract a lot of attention if I wear something 'nice'.

If you find yourself getting a lot of it a pair of headphones can be a lifesaver - you can't get upset at what they're saying if you can't hear them.

I left my headphones at home yesterday. Lo, and behold, I was on the receiving end of a particularly lovely 'woof!' from some brave soul driving past me as I cycled home from the shops. (Er, I know most of the comments mentioned so far have focused on women's attractiveness but some of us plain girls have to put up with harassment too...) I wondered if I've unknowingly been the subject of that abuse for years, but simply never noticed it because I've been drowning it out with choons.
It also brings out the angry feminist in me: why is it that men can walk/cycle the roads without comment but women need to put on their invisible armour and close their ears if they want to incorporate some exercise into their day? It upset me to the point where I re-organised my entire schedule, getting up before 7 to go for my run rather than chancing meeting other morons by going at a later time.

LittleFox

I've been yelled at for years generally due to being very chesty it becomes a staring and talking point. Groups of lads pointing and shouting" look at the size of those on it."Not even her, I become nothing more than a pair of tits to them. On two seperate occasions I've had guys grab them as I walked down the street, in the middle of the day completely sober. I know all guys aren't like this, I have amazing male mates but I still get nervous and anxious if I'm out on my own and walking past a group of lads.

Da Shins Kelly

I remember walking down the street in San Diego with my cousin a couple of summers ago when this car came careering around the corner at high speed and an old woman stuck her head out the window and screamed "WHORES!" at us. It was so bizarre that the two of us just pissed ourselves laughing. It was just that kind of American weirdness that you rarely see anywhere else.

[Deleted User]

I think it was an innocent enough comment, some people do experience it and some don't. Nobody bothers me and when I was on hols in the USA they didn't.
It's insane that it happened to other posters here so regularly in the states. I suppose they are right, it must be connected to their culture of never walking anywhere, among other things

Shakespeare's Sister

Stepping Stone wrote: »

Jaysus, relax. I was just commenting on how weird it is that there are differences in experiences. It could be because of any number of factors (physical appearance, age, location...), but I just commented that it is weird. No accusations of lying.

I don't know what in my post indicated that I need to relax.
This looks like more than just commenting that it's weird, it looks quite hostile! "I have never experienced anything like this either. I find it really odd that some people seem to experience it on a regular basis and others, like me have never experienced or witnessed it from a male to female.
I suppose that I must be horrendously ugly."

I know women can shout obscene stuff to guys, especially on hen nights and the like (I hate that caterwauling crap) but that doesn't change that the reverse does happen (not as much in this country as in other countries though).

beks101

Flaker wrote: »

This is interesting because in Ireland I rarely get heckled and it happens less and less as I get older, but when i lived in the States a while ago, it was pretty constant. My theory behind this is most people don't walk very far; everyone drives and as a consquence you don't see many women walking on the street very often, especially after dark. I was propositioned, shouted at, was asked if I wanted to "party" (a euphemism for have sex - as if I'm going to say yes!) had guys kerb crawling me, I even had someone stop and ask me "how much"!! And I can tell you now, I was covered from head to foot and certainly did not look like I was touting for business so to speak. I told him to f**k off in no uncertain terms.

This reminds me of my first summer in the States on J1, I used to walk about 2 miles along a highway to work every day (would not recommend!!) and I lost count of the amount of cars that would slow down beside me, window rolls down and some guy sketchily looks me up and down and mutters something about "giving me a ride", "are you working" etc etc. I thought it was hilarious at the time but thinking back on it...jesus christ. Some of these guys would be in business suits, visible wedding bands, driving along in Mercs etc.

I remember one guy in San Diego stopped and got out of his car as I was walking along a quiet street - he was driving a hummer, dressed as though he'd just gotten off a tennis court and just stank of money. Asked me if I "wanted a ride" (doesn't mean the same thing...but oh the irony), told me he had a daughter my age, then invited me back to his house "to hang out in the hot tub". And the big innocent eighteen year old head on me, thinking this lad who was old enough to be my dad was so friendly and open - "aren't Americans hilarious" - guy clearly thought I was touting for business because I had the audacity to walk along a street on my tod in summer clothes (because it happened to be 35 degrees)

Generally I've always found the big cities like NY, LA, San Fran and pretty much all of southern California to be highly sexualized places where women really are seen as commodities and treated accordingly on the street. I distinctly remember a COP vulgarly licking his lips and ogling the crap out of me on the streets of NY as a 19 year old, and the "nice tits momma", "check that ass out!" creepy up-and-down stares that were the norm on passing men on the street over there. Of course, hilarious at the time and we'd laugh amongst ourselves but jesus, the level of 'normal' that behaviour can be on the streets over there is beyond disturbing.

Flaker

metaoblivia wrote: »

I get this almost every day. I live in Oakland, CA and take the BART train into San Francisco for work Monday-Friday. It's about a half mile walk from my house to the station and then from the station to work. Once in a while, when I'm in SF doing the trek to work, someone will say something, but literally every day when I make the walk to and from home in Oakland, I get harassed. 9 times out of 10 if I pass a group of guys, they'll say something. Guys in cars yell things out, some will even slow down and follow me as I walk down the street yelling things. I had to change my route at one point because one man would wait for me and follow me all the way home a few steps behind trying to talk to me the entire way.

And mostly, this is because I'm a woman walking alone. It's really annoying, and I hate it when they ask if I have a boyfriend (I don't). I always say that I do though, and usually this gets them to leave me alone, but even that is crap because the only reason they're leaving me alone is out of respect for some imaginary dude and not because I'm a woman who just has no interest in talking to them. But even then, some persist. It's not complimentary, and it can feel very threatening, especially in my area which is known for sex trafficking and kidnapping young women.

This is interesting because in Ireland I rarely get heckled and it happens less and less as I get older, but when i lived in the States a while ago, it was pretty constant. My theory behind this is most people don't walk very far; everyone drives and as a consquence you don't see many women walking on the street very often, especially after dark. I was propositioned, shouted at, was asked if I wanted to "party" (a euphemism for have sex - as if I'm going to say yes!) had guys kerb crawling me, I even had someone stop and ask me "how much"!! And I can tell you now, I was covered from head to foot and certainly did not look like I was touting for business so to speak. I told him to f**k off in no uncertain terms.

It's funny, because I was trying to remember the amount of times I've been shouted at or something on the street and I was only trying to think of incidents in Ireland. I totally forgot about what it was like in America.

Flaker

YumCha wrote: »

I'd say the majority of the street harassment I encountered was when I was under 18 - which is utterly depressing.

Me too. I think it's because the older you get, the less likely you are to take this nonsense, and these stupid men know this. They shout their stupid crap and young and vunerable girls on their own.

Although I do know a few young ones that would give these guys a run for their money!

LenaClaire

metaoblivia wrote: »

And mostly, this is because I'm a woman walking alone. It's really annoying, and I hate it when they ask if I have a boyfriend (I don't). I always say that I do though, and usually this gets them to leave me alone, but even that is crap because the only reason they're leaving me alone is out of respect for some imaginary dude and not because I'm a woman who just has no interest in talking to them.

I used to live in the States and got this a lot as well. I used to find that the yelling, whistling from cars all came from groups of younger men. The ones that actually tried to approach me, ask if I had a boyfriend, etc where usually a little older and alone. The ones in groups used to scare me more, cause I always figured, if just one guy won't leave you alone you might have a chance to get away, but if it is a group of guys are you in serious trouble. Also, the ones in groups seemed to be egging each other on, it was like a machismo thing to see how much of a reaction they could get from me.

I think I have only had this happen to be 3-4 times since I moved to Ireland, it is a lot less frequent here.

LegacyUser

As someone else suggested earphones are a life saver. I wouldn't be able to go anywhere without them now.

I would be a very large chested lady and up until I bought an ipod last year to block it out I was being shouted at, at least 3-5 times a week. I have about a mile walk home from work and traffic does be at a standstill on this road and men regularly shout out their car windows at me.

It was actually horrific and I developed anxiety and panic attacks for the 1st time in my life. Thankfully the earphones have helped to curb the panic attacks but I am still anxious.

Why in this day and age in a "civilized" society are women still being subjected to this crap!

czechlin

Catcalling, whistling etc. is irritating and I usually try to ignore it, it does however make me feel uncomfortable. It's an unwanted attention, nobody likes that. Groups of men can be a bit terrifying (no matter the age), especially when they're under an influence of alcohol, they probably don't mean any harm most of the time but you just don't know how things can pan out. It seems to be more common in some countries than others as well.

Someone mentioned hen parties. To be honest I find hen and stag parties equally annoying and equally bad and try to avoid both.

kylith

I haven't experienced a lot of this since my teens, but I do tend to dress in t-shirts and am very aware that, being busty, I can attract a lot of attention if I wear something 'nice'.

If you find yourself getting a lot of it a pair of headphones can be a lifesaver - you can't get upset at what they're saying if you can't hear them.

Stepping Stone

Magaggie wrote: »

Are you implying people are lying?

Yeh, confirmation bias maybe.

Jaysus, relax. I was just commenting on how weird it is that there are differences in experiences. It could be because of any number of factors (physical appearance, age, location...), but I just commented that it is weird. No accusations of lying.

As for confirmation bias, I actually think that it is the pitch of female voices that attracts my attention. Ya know, we females are biologically programmed to respond to higher pitched sounds (like babies crying). Having a relatively high pitched female voice shrieking obscenities is by far more likely to penetrate my thoughts than a deeper voice shouting obscenities. Please feel free to disregard this biological instinct though, if it doesn't suit your personal views.

sasta le

Its a thing I thought was going slowly with Irish men but can see from the pub trade younger guys under 25 being very rude to women.its the UK chav lad beer boy thing

username123

Women are just as likely to drunkenly shout at others (both male and female) in an aggressive manner.

Last Xmas I drove into Dublin City centre to meet friends and as I was driving into Temple Bar carpark a group of hens came down the street towards where I was turning. They were festooned with head bands and feather boas etc and I smiled in their general direction, more in fond memory of such nights out myself. The one in the front of the group caught my smile and screamed "WHAT ARE YOU ****ING LOOKING AT YOU ****ING LESBIAN!!!!!".

As I drove on I mused how strange this world is that an innocent smile can draw such a reaction. I felt sorry for whoever they encountered later that night. It's not the first or last time women have screamed at me on the street. It's less likely to be sexually suggestive but just as likely to be threatening.

tomaussie

danslevent wrote: »

I am not sure about the compliment aspect because they're all usually laughing so like an above poster said, they're just making you the punchline to their stupid joke.

Sometimes if you just ignore them they turn it around to make you seem like you're a prude or up tight, shouting "we're just being friendly" or whatever, but why should we play along and smile to their verbal harassment? It makes me so uncomfortable.

Once, I got revenge though! My friend moved into a new house and was sharing with three guys. I was waiting outside for her to come home because I wanted to see her new house. The three guys started shouting down the window to me, one of them shouted "I want to eat your ass". They didn't know I was waiting for my friend to come back so once she did, I walked straight upstairs to the room and asked "so who is it that wants to eat my ass?". The guy was absolutely mortified and pretty much ran out of the house.

I think next time someone shouts at me I will approach them, pretend I am doing a course on gender inequality and ask serious questions like "so how often do you sexually verbally harass women on the streets? " "is it mainly sober or drunk? " "would you ever do it alone or only in the comfort of groups?".

I think it should be illegal, the warm weather seems to make it worse....

Quality. Best comeback I've read yet. Everybody who hears this type of BS in public should be obligated to ask these questions in quite a confrontational manner, if it's safe to do so, regardless of their sex.

I'd say its a very safe bet that such nonsense it uttered by people in groups of 2 or more. Lesson ? Sheep are cowards.

beks101

Doesn't really bother me most of the time, or maybe I've gotten used to the fact that there are scumbag men everywhere who think it's their god-given right to pass comment on women's appearance, clothes, bodies etc.

I find it worse in some cultures. Any time I've been in the States I've been taunted or whistled at or commented upon daily - New York was always particularly bad I found. Just men with no filter and no shame whatsoever in following you down the street.

In Ireland it's far far less socially acceptable I find, unless the culprits are absolutely tanked, then all filters go out the window.

Latin countries again it's ramped up and walking down the street in summer clothes can be nothing short of terrifying.

TBH it's not particularly a war I'd be interested in waging, as it's so rampant and so ingrained into the minds of masses of men that it's perfectly normal and acceptable to cross a woman's boundaries like so. Personally I've mastered the art of either ignoring it or staring down the guy in question. I find anytime I've not just slinked away in embarrassment and actually changed my body language to be more aggressive - staring them down, raised eyebrows in a "what the fcuk is your problem?" kind of way - it's been far more effective at killing it than just pretending it isn't happening.

danslevent

Larry Wildman wrote: »

My God...it seems like you were subjected to particularly vile and disgusting abuse...

Anyone shouting anything at someone they don't know in the street is unacceptable. Are you actually trying to defend the behaviour of the men mentioned in the incidents in this thread?

danslevent

meeeeh wrote: »

I think it depends a lot where you live, if you are walking a lot and alone, how often you use public transport, what places you go to... if you sit in the car in the morning, drive to work and park in company car park you get very little hassle. Similarly if you go home from pub or club at midnight it's usually a lot quieter than at two, three... if you jog in the woods you can avoid hassle, on the road there is a lot more trouble. ..

Thats true, but it is so sad that walking alone in broad daylight as a woman carries the potential to be harassed. We shouldn't have to take any precautions just because some men can't help but act like primates when they see a woman in the street.

SusieBlue

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

I just think it's fcuking rude to start shouting at a stranger in the street, especially if they're on their own. I would never dream of saying something to some random person walking down the street by themselves.

That's just the crux of it, I think. Any time its happened to me, or any time I've seen it happen to someone else, the woman's body language couldn't possibly be more reserved..Not making eye contact, crossed arms, etc. Why would anyone think approaching someone who so clearly doesn't want to be approached is acceptable?

Da Shins Kelly

I just think it's fcuking rude to start shouting at a stranger in the street, especially if they're on their own. I would never dream of saying something to some random person walking down the street by themselves.

woodchuck

Morag wrote: »

I have friends who have never experienced, it we recon boob size plays a factor.
Those who have never experienced it tend to be less then a 36 C size and those of us over that have experienced it.

I'm a 38C and it never happens to me.

I terms of the where's and whens, I take public transport every day and walk on my own a lot (Dublin city centre and surrounding areas), but not in the wee hours of the morning or anything.

Thinking back I did get a bit of this at the end of drunken nights out in college... but it seemed like pretty harmless stuff at the time.

meeeeh

Magaggie wrote: »

Are you implying people are lying?

I think it depends a lot where you live, if you are walking a lot and alone, how often you use public transport, what places you go to... if you sit in the car in the morning, drive to work and park in company car park you get very little hassle. Similarly if you go home from pub or club at midnight it's usually a lot quieter than at two, three... if you jog in the woods you can avoid hassle, on the road there is a lot more trouble. ..

eviltwin

It only happened to me once, a group of drunk lads and I told them to grow up and then one followed it up with a rape threat. I was terrified because things can get out of hand and you just don't know do you? It took a long time to feel okay after and I avoided that park for months in case I saw them again. It hasn't happened since but now groups of lads spark that fear and I HATE that.

Larry Wildman

danslevent wrote: »

they all began wolf-whistling, shouting things like "Hello gorgeous" or "Give us a smile"

My God...it seems like you were subjected to particularly vile and disgusting abuse...

Shakespeare's Sister

Stepping Stone wrote: »

I have never experienced anything like this either. I find it really odd that some people seem to experience it on a regular basis and others, like me have never experienced or witnessed it from a male to female.

Are you implying people are lying?

I have seen plenty of women shouting stuff at men though. Really vulgar stuff too. Perhaps I am just more aware of the terrible stuff that I hear from females.

Yeh, confirmation bias maybe.

Da Shins Kelly

I've experienced this too. It's usually the "why don't ya smile?" sh*te. Mind your own business. It's not any if your concern if I'm smiling or not.

Just last week I got a taxi home from the pub with some friends, and it was a bus taxi, so there were other people in the taxi. Sitting in the back were a bunch of lads in their mid 30s, so a good 10 years older than me and too old to be behaving like teenagers. I also know that a couple of them are married men and one if them has a child, so they are at a point where they shouldn't be so immature. But the whole journey home they kept making comments towards me, singling me out in a taxi full of people, they kept touching my hair and one of them grabbed my arm to get my attention when I was trying to ignore them. I eventually turned around and just shouted at them to fcuk off, and then one of them eventually told the others to leave me alone. It didnt feel intimidating as such, but I did feel very harassed and like I was being ganged up on. Wasn't nice at all, and I don't think a lot of men, especially when they're in groups, realize how humiliating that kind if behaviour can be.

czechlin

@metaoblivia That's horrendous, my blood is boiling only reading that! I'm sorry you have to go through that on regular basis.

metaoblivia

I get this almost every day. I live in Oakland, CA and take the BART train into San Francisco for work Monday-Friday. It's about a half mile walk from my house to the station and then from the station to work. Once in a while, when I'm in SF doing the trek to work, someone will say something, but literally every day when I make the walk to and from home in Oakland, I get harassed. 9 times out of 10 if I pass a group of guys, they'll say something. Guys in cars yell things out, some will even slow down and follow me as I walk down the street yelling things. I had to change my route at one point because one man would wait for me and follow me all the way home a few steps behind trying to talk to me the entire way.

And mostly, this is because I'm a woman walking alone. It's really annoying, and I hate it when they ask if I have a boyfriend (I don't). I always say that I do though, and usually this gets them to leave me alone, but even that is crap because the only reason they're leaving me alone is out of respect for some imaginary dude and not because I'm a woman who just has no interest in talking to them. But even then, some persist. It's not complimentary, and it can feel very threatening, especially in my area which is known for sex trafficking and kidnapping young women.