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Girlfriends Sister:( [mod warning post #24]

LegacyUser

Hi There,

I'll start by saying that I love my girlfriend very much but I've found myself in a situation I never thought I'd be in - I think I'm in love with her sister. Worse then that, I acted on it last weekend and I'm terrified it's all gonna come out over the long weekend we're sending with her family.

A bit of background, I've been with my gf for just over a year and we're both in our late twenties. She's a great person and I love her but she can be clingy and jealous and I feel like she puts alot of pressure on me. If I'm going out with my friends and she knows where we're going, I'll still get texts saying 'where are you? Many people there?'. Stuff that like really bothers me. I don't want to spend my night updating her on my whereabouts. She also freaks out over tiny things and can't handle my past at all. She's always banging on about ex-girlfriends and no amount of reassurance is enough.

I do love this girl though and I'm really cut up over what's happened/happening.

Her sister was living abroad but moved home a few weeks ago and I met her for the first time at her welcome home drinks. The minute she walked in, my jaw hit the floor. She's stunning, no man wouldn't want her, that's just a simple fact. I'm sorry if that makes me sound like a pr*ck, it's just the truth.

She was smoking hot. On top of this, she's so cool. She's the most chilled out, laid back, funny, smart , sexy woman I've ever met. I was in awe of her and how she handled the room that night. My gf is shy and stuck by side and it's just not attractive. Again sorry but let's face it, confidence is more attractive then shyness.

Long story short, we kissed last week. We were drunk, my gf wasn't around and I ended up drunkenly telling her how hot she is. We kissed and were all over each other but just as it was about to go further she started freaking out and left. She was in tears and seemed disgusted by me.

I am SCREWED now. This weekend we're invited to a BBQ at her parents farmhouse and we're supposed to stay for 2 nights. I'm scared her sister will get drunk and will tell my gf. She's a bit of a messy drinker.

Any advice on what to do?? Please go easy on me, I'm torn to pieces and feel guilty enough as it is. If my gf finds out she'll leave me and her sister seems to hate me now anyway so I won't get her either. It's lose lose or can I turn it round?

Help, I'm only human and being honest and decided not to sugar coat anything.

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Big Bag of Chips

Your mate, that's now with his brother's ex... Did he get off with her while she was still his brother's girlfriend? If he did, and the brother is still ok with it, then fair play to him.

The chances of your gf reacting the same are pretty slim.

If it was "just a kiss" then you should go to your gf and tell her that. Tell her it meant nothing and you want to still be her boyfriend. Better coming from you than the sister. I'd leave out all the bits about you being in love with her sister and finding her much more attractive than your gf, though.

But, if you want to tell her all that too, maybe then, just after she breaks up with you, you could ask her to put in a word for you with her sister :rollseyes:

retro:electro

OP there are plenty of confident, assertive, jaw dropping women around, and I'm sure she is not the first time you've seen one, so it's worth grappling with why exactly you developed such an instant fixation on your girlfriends sister. It may be that you see her as a projection of everything that your current girlfriend is not, smart, chilled out, laid back, sexy etc etc. and the fact that they are sisters is making you more aware of your girlfriends apparent shortcomings.
Putting all all else aside, you're clearly not happy with your current gf, if you were you wouldn't have acted when temptation came around.

LegacyUser

sistershame wrote: »

Whoa, relax everybody. I didn't realise I was posting in a convent.

Ah yes. The old the "best form of defence is attack" routine. It avoids you facing up to what you did was wrong. Youve already blamed your "girlfriend". Youve also tried to turn it around on anonymous posters on an internet form where you asked for opinions. Why dont you look at your own behaviour and act like a responsible adult?

sistershame wrote: »

It's not THAT big a deal, a kiss is a kiss. .

Again, total avoidance on what happened. What you did. It is a big deal. But shur, you dont care (you are only looking to get away with it).

sistershame wrote: »

I'm just asking how to apply damage control at this stage cos clearly neither girl will want me now.

Your girlfriend is an unlucky, unlucky girl to have found herself (and her family) with a deceiving person like you. Yes, OP. You are one of those men that most of us girls try to avoid, and hope we never meet. I think the sister realised this after the heat of the moment, and as you put it, ran.

FunLover18

Did you ever think that your gf might be shy and paranoid because she knows her sister is better looking and more confident. This will destroy her.

You're right you can't have either girl now and good for them. Your best course of action, break up with your girlfriend but DON'T tell her the real reason, and before hand contact the sister and explain to her that you're going to break up with your gf for some made up reason and ask that she never tells her the real reason for the your gf's sake.

le la rat

You might care for your girlfriend but it doesn't sound like you are in love with her. People make mistakes but this is very different from cheating with a stranger. I don't wanna kick you when you are down but do whats right by all parties. I don't see how you can stay in this relationship. Gl and I hope you and your girlfriend find happiness moving forward.

CaraMay

sistershame wrote: »

I have a friend who's now going out with his brothers ex and his brother has no problem with it. For ages he didn't tell him cos he was worried his brother'd go mad but he didn't even care.
.

Yeah his EX not his girlfriend. Big difference.

Btw your the one who choose the username sisterSHAME so don't blame people for making a moral judgement on what you have done given you clearly have yourself.

I know a newly wed couple and the husband was having an affair with her sister before and after the wedding. It destroyed 3 families - the couple, her parents and his parents. It really ruined lives. Nothing is worth the level of destruction this can cause.

Definitely break up with her. You should have done it immediately.

skallywag

OP, to be frank your story does not come across as being authentic to me, but nonetheless I can only assume it is, so here is my own comment.

You need to clear the air with the sister, quickly, and while sober. She's going to be feeling just as bad as you about this whole lark, and rightly so, while you are certainly at fault, her behavior is disgraceful. One kiss does not indeed need to be the end of everything, but the final outcome will depend from what you may have learned from all this. Cheating the first time can leave one extremely guilt ridden, but then the second, third and fourth times can become remarkably easier though.

such is life 2

ah here lad, no matter how bad things were with my ex ( some of it was bad and some good) i would never in a million years have scored her sister or fooled around with her when i was with my gf. sit her down tonight and tell her everything and bare all, she deserves that much. God knows what it could do to the relationship between her and her sister the poor girl.

FurBabyMomma

Your post to me fits the definition of a typical narcissist. You display no empathy or remorse and instead seek advice on how to improve the situation to your benefit. Your attempt at giving us 'background' was a thinly veiled attempt to tell us how awful your girlfriend is in an attempt to shift the blame for the situation onto her. You also blame the sister by describing her as someone no man could resist -again shifting blame from the real culprit. And of course when the rest of us do not back you up like you expected you assume there is something wrong with the rest of us 'convent' folk and not yourself.

I feel so sorry for your girlfriend. If you don't have the decency to set her free to find someone of decent character then I sincerely hope it all comes crashing down on you. In the meantime take a good look at yourself and assess how you can be a better person for the person in your life who will one day mean everything to you. Because right now I wouldn't wish your deceptive self on anybody.

Da Shins Kelly

sistershame wrote: »

Whoa, relax everybody. I didn't realise I was posting in a convent.

So nobody here has ever been tempted or ever made a mistake? Is was a kiss, nothing more, nothing less. The girl ran away from me afterwards and believe me I'm suffering enough over this. I know they're sisters but they're not that close.

I have a friend who's now going out with his brothers ex and his brother has no problem with it. For ages he didn't tell him cos he was worried his brother'd go mad but he didn't even care.

It's not THAT big a deal, a kiss is a kiss. I'm just asking how to apply damage control at this stage cos clearly neither girl will want me now.

Good Lord. Both of those girls would be well rid of you.

- Trying to figure out how to apply damage control?
- If you can't have one, you'll have the other?
- It's not THAT big a deal?

You sound like a textbook narcissist. I know you think it's all about you and how you feel, but there are actually other people embroiled in this situation too, and you have potentially threatened family relationships as well as the relationship with your girlfriend.

Do everyone involved a favour and break up with your girlfriend and stay well away from them. And I certainly wouldn't have the cheek to turn up to their family home as if you'd be welcome there if they all knew what you were up to.

I think you need take some time out to yourself.

Toots

I'm sure we've all been tempted, a lot of us may have made mistakes. Not sure how many people gave their girlfriend's sister the shift though, that has to be one of the lousiest things you could do to someone. Regardless of whether or not they're close, they're still immediate family - you can walk away and cut contact if the sh1t hits the fan, they'll always have the same parents, have to see each other at family events. This has the potential to devastate an entire family, not just the two sisters.

Do not go to the bbq, if someone gets loose-lipped with a few beers on them it could be a complete disaster. Break up with your gf (from the sounds of it you're not happy with her anyway) but for the love of god don't tell her you scored her sister. If the sister decides to tell her, that's fair enough, but don't you be the one to drop that bomb and then just walk away from the aftermath.

Yolandi Boraine

sistershame wrote: »

Hi There,

I'll start by saying that I love my girlfriend very much but I've found myself in a situation I never thought I'd be in - I think I'm in love with her sister. Worse then that, I acted on it last weekend and I'm terrified it's all gonna come out over the long weekend we're sending with her family.

A bit of background, I've been with my gf for just over a year and we're both in our late twenties. She's a great person and I love her but she can be clingy and jealous and I feel like she puts alot of pressure on me. If I'm going out with my friends and she knows where we're going, I'll still get texts saying 'where are you? Many people there?'. Stuff that like really bothers me. I don't want to spend my night updating her on my whereabouts. She also freaks out over tiny things and can't handle my past at all. She's always banging on about ex-girlfriends and no amount of reassurance is enough.

I do love this girl though and I'm really cut up over what's happened/happening.

Her sister was living abroad but moved home a few weeks ago and I met her for the first time at her welcome home drinks. The minute she walked in, my jaw hit the floor. She's stunning, no man wouldn't want her, that's just a simple fact. I'm sorry if that makes me sound like a pr*ck, it's just the truth.

She was smoking hot. On top of this, she's so cool. She's the most chilled out, laid back, funny, smart , sexy woman I've ever met. I was in awe of her and how she handled the room that night. My gf is shy and stuck by side and it's just not attractive. Again sorry but let's face it, confidence is more attractive then shyness.

Long story short, we kissed last week. We were drunk, my gf wasn't around and I ended up drunkenly telling her how hot she is. We kissed and were all over each other but just as it was about to go further she started freaking out and left. She was in tears and seemed disgusted by me.

I am SCREWED now. This weekend we're invited to a BBQ at her parents farmhouse and we're supposed to stay for 2 nights. I'm scared her sister will get drunk and will tell my gf. She's a bit of a messy drinker.

Any advice on what to do?? Please go easy on me, I'm torn to pieces and feel guilty enough as it is. If my gf finds out she'll leave me and her sister seems to hate me now anyway so I won't get her either. It's lose lose or can I turn it round?

Help, I'm only human and being honest and decided not to sugar coat anything.

Your entire post is 'How can I get out of this'? You are not guilty just afraid you will be found out.

Your whole debate is whether you should go for your GF or the sister??? NEITHER OF THEM WILL WANT YOU.

You want to know if you can turn it around? Is that a serious question?

You need to look at yourself as a person you seem very undeveloped as a person and very emotionally immature.

I agree with the poster who described you as a narcissist. You have done a terrible thing and you are still only interested in your self and what you can get. You are not interested in trying to atone for what you did or trying to ensure the least emotional hurt you can to the other people.

You are a nightmare and both of them should run.

My advice will be falling on deaf ears but here try to grow up a little and think of others.

dixiefly

To be honest the story sounds a little strange but, based in the content, I think that the OP should break up with the girlfriend and leave it a few months before having any contact with either girl.

If he and the duster are still mad about each other then they could try something.

RossFixxxed

The only choice I can see is to grow a pair and own up for what you did.

But since you keep attacking people and looking for a way out, what about hiding under a big pile of coats until it goes away? Or maybe you could move abroad?

There's no way out of this, the sisters will talk at some point. This isn't about turning it around, this is about accepting that your actions have consequences, and the consequences of this one are pretty clear. Yes, you are screwed.

Now you can be:
Decent and own up and take it on the chin.
Or
Be a coward and try to turn it around and look like a self obsessed, lying, underhand narcicissist.

Up to you really. By the way, lashing out at people taking time to give you free advice, in their own time speaks volumes about you.

Chara1001

C'mon you don't really love her
You cheated on her with her sister FFS, under the disclaimer that every guy would. That's a lazy excuse.
You say you love your gf as a disclaimer too- because you then list a number of reasons to justify cheating on her with her sister.
No the sister isn't innocent in all this too- but imo, she feels like absolute s**t because of this, and wants you to stay the f**k away from her, but what are you doing?? Sniffing around her and feeling sorry for yourself that 'you probably won't get her either'.
This is a really ugly situation, have you ever thought that you girlfriend's relationship with her sister is more important than yours with either of them are??
the best thing you can do is to break up with your gf, and leave her family alone

paperclip2

To be honest OP it looks like you're toast. Its only a matter of time. It's obvious in your first post that you aren't massively into your girlfriend. Chances are its only a matter of time before the sister tells your girlfriend what happened. Best thing you can do is end it with your girlfriend. Say nothing about what happened with the sister, just end it. Then at least you might get away without causing a massive s**tstorm in their family and destroying your girlfriends confidence. She deserves better.

keyboardmouse

Going down the sister road is a big no no! Not that she has any reason to be on a high horse! She is as guilty as you, so tell her as much. That might stop her flapping her meat. But if there is one thing women do, it's talk. If the sisters are close, THEY WILL TALK! Maybe find a reason to bail! Forget the sister and if you get away before it comes to the surface (and it probably will) consider your lesson learned!

drquirky

Maybe propose a three way to them both? You gotta be in it to win it!!

Tokyo

drquirky wrote: »

Maybe propose a three way to them both? You gotta be in it to win it!!

drquirky - red card for that unhelpful comment.

Regards,
Mike

desertcircus

Stripped of any judgment regarding your actions:

The only rational option open to you is immediately splitting up with your girlfriend, not going to the barbecue, and operating on the assumption that you're never going to see the sister again. Every other option is heavily loaded with risk.

Stavro Mueller

The BBQ was the weekend that's just gone past. Even if the OP got through this one unscathed, the risk of the sister spilling the beans will always be there. It might not even take for the girl to get drunk for her to say anything. I'm sure she has given the situation some thought...

LegacyUser

I wish i was trolling for those who said I was. It's grimly true and I've missed work today and am up drinking alone in bits cos of it all.

CaraMay

sistershamw wrote: »

I wish i was trolling for those who said I was. It's grimly true and I've missed work today and am up drinking alone in bits cos of it all.

Hope you finished with her

RossFixxxed

sistershamw wrote: »

I wish i was trolling for those who said I was. It's grimly true and I've missed work today and am up drinking alone in bits cos of it all.

By now you've probably reaised that didn't work. So really the best thing to avoid this is to come clean about the whole thing. It's clearly eating away at you and your attempts to dodge it or rationalise it away have clearly atrophied and died by now.

Sorry man, I don't doubt it's a horrible feeling, but your actions have consequences as I said. You need to stand up straight, and handle this as best you can, honestly and apolgetically. Don't expect a good reaction, but hiding this is going to weigh on you and sooner or later is going to be out there in the open.

Stavro Mueller

sistershamw wrote: »

I wish i was trolling for those who said I was. It's grimly true and I've missed work today and am up drinking alone in bits cos of it all.

Hopefully you'll learn some lessons from this and not make a mistake like this again. You were living in cloud cuckoo land if you thought that (a) the truth would stay hidden indefinitely and (b) that in time you could switch sisters and all play happy families.

Perhaps you could do with some time being single to reflect on the greater picture. Why were you staying with a girlfriend who was this needy? Especially when you found your head being turned so dramatically by her sister? As you've found out "only a kiss" doesn't wash as an excuse all the time.

iPink

FunLover18 wrote: »

Did you ever think that your gf might be shy and paranoid because she knows her sister is better looking and more confident. This will destroy her.

You're right you can't have either girl now and good for them. Your best course of action, break up with your girlfriend but DON'T tell her the real reason, and before hand contact the sister and explain to her that you're going to break up with your gf for some made up reason and ask that she never tells her the real reason for the your gf's sake.

I agree 100%... While honestly is almost always the best option this could destroy your gf, her relationship with her sister & potentially cause rifts in the whole family. ..
You need to break up with your gf, that much is clear but not to ever tell her the reasons why. .. also let her sister know & hopefully she will play ball but she may be a decent person & think she needs to tell her sister the full truth whatever the consequences...

OP I would be very concerned that you aren't really showing any real remorse here or understanding of the potential damage you might have caused. You say it was only a kiss yet it seemed very clear to me that you would have been more than happy for things to have gone further if the sister hadn't run away... also stating that you think you love your gf's sister who you have just met seems a bit immature & ott to me... do you honestly realise what you have done & the hurt it could cause? ?

Do the right (selfless) thing OP... years from now you will look back on this & be glad you did

FurBabyMomma

sistershamw wrote: »

I wish i was trolling for those who said I was. It's grimly true and I've missed work today and am up drinking alone in bits cos of it all.

So... you deserve the sympathy in this case? Seriously, your narcissism is astounding. Now the 'woe is me story' instead of an admission that you were honest with your girlfriend and gave her the opportunity to walk away from someone who would disrespect her enough to cheat on her with her sister.

The only one who is going to feel sorry for you is YOU as the rest of us can see you deserve to feel bad.

iPink

sistershamw wrote: »

I wish i was trolling for those who said I was. It's grimly true and I've missed work today and am up drinking alone in bits cos of it all.

It's good to know that you are feeling some remore (hopefully) & not just feeling sorry for yourself for the situation you have got yourself into.
We all make mistakes OP yes, but how we handle them is the telling of the kind of person we are.
Stop the 'pity party', take responsibility for your actions & do the right thing by you gf... this could be the making or breaking of you & the kind of person you want to be in the future

Legs.Eleven

If I was in the poor girl's shoes, I would never speak to my sister again over this tbh or it'd take me years to forgive her. I can't imagine what it would do to this girl if she found out. Whatever about the OP but the sister is the person I would be most angry with. This is unforgivable deceit in my view but that's just me.

sadie06

sistershamw wrote: »

I wish i was trolling for those who said I was. It's grimly true and I've missed work today and am up drinking alone in bits cos of it all.

I apologise for that accusation. The quickest way to end this misery for yourself is to end the relationship. You can't undo what has been done, and you can't go on as if nothing has happened.

Do not tell your GF the reason why. Coming clean is not the right option in this situation as it could decimate the family unit.

You were not in a relationship that was going to go the distance anyway by the sounds of it, so you should get over it soon enough.

Seriously, the only way to feel better is to break up and move on.