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"Visiting escorts can save a marriage"

Chefrio

I was browsing the escort Ireland forum for sh1ts and giggles and noticed an interesting thread about your first time with an escort or a client. It was mentioned by a few that visiting escorts saved their marriage.

Do you think this happens much and is the marriage really saved? I have mixed feelings on matter, think it probably could save some who are in sexless but otherwise happy marriages. But deception ain't cool.

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[Deleted User]

smellslikeshoes wrote: »

Or go see Candi the escort twice a month.

Careful, you could cause me a lot of hassle there

Czarcasm

catallus wrote: »

The real deception that is going on is the one in which people tell themselves that life-long marriage to one person is a valid societal construct.

Em, feel free to correct me if I'm picking you up wrong, but marriage is an institution constructed by a society with the aim of well, "till death do us part"?

I'd say marriage is a good example of the definition of a valid social construct? Unless you mean something completely different to the rest of society, in which case it's not society that's fooling itself, it's... well, you're the only one fooling yourself really.

Pumpkinseeds

Maybe the Vikings could force the other spouse to stay in the marraige:D Personally, I see marraige as mutally exclusive. Anyone who is looking for sex with someone outside of their marraige needs to re-evaluate their relationship, talk to their spouse and decide if the marraige is viable. If it isn't viable then it would be time to move on.

Czarcasm

smellslikeshoes wrote: »

I think you need to put yourself in the shoes of a man in a sexless or essentially sexless marriage before you criticize. You love your wife deeply but since you got married and had maybe 2-3 kids the sex has completely evaporated. What are you supposed to do, Trying to convince someone who doesn't think there is anything wrong to go to marriage counseling? If someone has made up their mind that they don't want sex anymore no amount of counseling is going to help. Divorce her?

Or go see Candi the escort twice a month.

You could equally dismiss and ignore the consequences of divorce as you did with the consequences of visiting an escort in order to support or disagree with your simplistic argument.

smellslikeshoes

Candie wrote: »

Careful, you could cause me a lot of hassle there

Sorry that was just the first name that came into my head, didn't mean to imply anything

poundapunnet

catallus wrote: »

The real deception that is going on is the one in which people tell themselves that life-long marriage to one person is a valid societal construct.

You're the most consistently odd and unpredictable christian poster in these here parts. I'm not even having a go at you, I just can't get my head around you at all at all, and I agree with your above post.

On topic: I can see how in a sexless marriage a visit to an escort could seem very appealing and could help someone who's feeling incredibly frustrated and unloved in the short term. And I can see how there's a case to be made that if one partner is maintaining that lack of sex isn't a valid enough reason to have a proper conversation then seeking sex outside the marriage isn't a valid enough reason to end the marriage.

Buuut, I do agree it's likely to be used in a self-serving way to justify the act after the fact. I doubt people were thinking when going to the escort "I better do this to save my marriage", they were probably just gagging for sex, which is an understandable if not forgivable motivation. I just don't think people who say that are being entirely honest.

smellslikeshoes

Czarcasm wrote: »

You could equally dismiss and ignore the consequences of divorce as you did with the consequences of visiting an escort in order to support or disagree with your simplistic argument.

Sorry could you elaborate on what you mean here?

[Deleted User]

smellslikeshoes wrote: »

Sorry that was just the first name that came into my head, didn't mean to imply anything

I know, I'm just joking.:)

beakerjoe

smellslikeshoes wrote: »

I think you need to put yourself in the shoes of a man in a sexless or essentially sexless marriage before you criticize. You love your wife deeply but since you got married and had maybe 2-3 kids the sex has completely evaporated. What are you supposed to do, Trying to convince someone who doesn't think there is anything wrong to go to marriage counseling? If someone has made up their mind that they don't want sex anymore no amount of counseling is going to help. Divorce her? That's an option I suppose but then you have to deal with how unfair divorce generally is for men, forced out of the house you paid for and have a draconian maintenance order imposed upon you and barely get to see your kids.

Or go see Candi the escort twice a month.

Ah but if the wife finds out about Candi then he will be out the door and then your in the divorce and homeless column anyway.

humbert

Why would people lie about that on the escort site? It's not a situation I ever see myself in but I don't have any great difficulty believing it. Life's complicated, people are different, so that quite possibly works for those people in thier marriages.

Czarcasm

smellslikeshoes wrote: »

Sorry could you elaborate on what you mean here?

Well basically in your earlier post you ignored any of the possible consequences of visiting an escort (neglecting to mention the financial implications even!), but when speaking about divorce you did indeed elaborate, so I just cut out the consequences of divorce the same way you ignored the consequences of visiting an escort, just to even up the argument for both sides.

Orlaw3136

Chefrio wrote: »

I was browsing the escort Ireland forum for sh1ts and giggles ...

Whatever you're into yourself I suppose. Do you tickle her or does she tickle you, and who wears the nappy ?

smellslikeshoes

beakerjoe wrote: »

Ah but if the wife finds out about Candi then he will be out the door and then your in the divorce and homeless column anyway.

That is a possibility sure but it's not something that is 100% definitely going to happen, 30 mins twice a month would barely be noticed and I'd imagine that discretion is a serious part of an escort's business.

Czarcasm wrote: »

Well basically in your earlier post you ignored any of the possible consequences of visiting an escort (neglecting to mention the financial implications even!), but when speaking about divorce you did indeed elaborate, so I just cut out the consequences of divorce the same way you ignored the consequences of visiting an escort, just to even up the argument for both sides.

Sorry I thought the fact that the most of the thread has been about the consequences of visiting the escort would mean I wouldn't have to elaborate on that part. Lets face it here we all know the ****storm that would ensue if your partner found out you had been going to an escort.

Fred Swanson

This post has been deleted.

28064212

smellslikeshoes wrote: »

I think you need to put yourself in the shoes of a man in a sexless or essentially sexless marriage before you criticize. You love your wife deeply but since you got married and had maybe 2-3 kids the sex has completely evaporated. What are you supposed to do, Trying to convince someone who doesn't think there is anything wrong to go to marriage counseling? If someone has made up their mind that they don't want sex anymore no amount of counseling is going to help. Divorce her? That's an option I suppose but then you have to deal with how unfair divorce generally is for men, forced out of the house you paid for and have a draconian maintenance order imposed upon you and barely get to see your kids.

Or go see Candi the escort twice a month.

What if your wife isn't sexless, but you simply do it for her anymore? And she's off visiting "Chet" or "Randy" twice a month because you aren't a satisfactory performer? But that's ok, right? Because she's "saving the marriage"

Chefrio

28064212 wrote: »

What if your wife isn't sexless, but you simply do it for her anymore? And she's off visiting "Chet" or "Randy" twice a month because you aren't a satisfactory performer? But that's ok, right? Because she's "saving the marriage"

Then she should have been honest and told her husband that she wasn't attracted to him anymore.

Lyaiera

If everyone's happy with then it I'm happy with it. I don't get to decide how they conduct their marriage and relationships. That's entirely up to them.

[Deleted User]

I acutely think it would be a stage on the way to the end of the marriage, at fist the man maybe thinks it is helping, but after a while going to a escort will be come just another problem the marriage has, there is no such thing as uncomplicated sex.

Boskowski

Projecting your own traditional views on marriage and what marriage is does not make it true for everyone. That's for the strong views on this just shy of venomous brigade.

And that's not me saying I'm not having traditional views myself btw.

Only saying.

28064212

Chefrio wrote: »

Then she should have been honest and told her husband that she wasn't attracted to him anymore.

Kind of missed the point there...

cade

Sure, in certain specific situations, but as a general remedy it would have the adverse affect.

I remember reading about the rise in adultery due to being snowed in with the S.O. and finding it a bit saddening. You'd think that with a lot of people choosing their own marriages these days that they could put in the effort required to maintain them.

Chefrio

28064212 wrote: »

Kind of missed the point there...

What was the point?

poundapunnet

Lyaiera wrote: »

If everyone's happy with then it I'm happy with it. I don't get to decide how they conduct their marriage and relationships. That's entirely up to them.

Yeah but I'd say if you looked at the marriages where it's happening everyone isn't happy with it because everyone doesn't know about it.

Non-monogamous marriages in general, sure they can work and it's nobody's place to judge the couple. But for every open marriage with the full consent of each partner there's probably 100s with someone just straight up cheating behind their partner's back, and I'd put money that the VAST majority of cases where escorts are involved this is the case. Escorts are useful for that because of the lower likelihood of getting caught like.

I Heart Internet

Lyaiera wrote: »

If everyone's happy with then it I'm happy with it. I don't get to decide how they conduct their marriage and relationships. That's entirely up to them.

Remember, though, that many "escorts" are not working in that particular industry of their own free well, or are particularly happy about it.

The Th!ng

I've never met them personally, but I know of a couple who have visited prostitutes toghether both here in Ireland and on holiday in Europe.

In the past I've also had business dealings with someone who I suspect was availing of their services with the full knowledge of his wife - he did tell me that he loved his wife and children, but if he had to do it all again he wouldn't marry. I think he was someone who had a high sex drive and his wife was happy to take a back seat.

Chefrio

I Heart Internet wrote: »

Remember, though, that many "escorts" are not working in that particular industry of their own free well, or are particularly happy about it.

I'd say most are doing it of their own free will.

The Th!ng

I Heart Internet wrote: »

Remember, though, that many "escorts" are not working in that particular industry of their own free well, or are particularly happy about it.

Many people get involved in other areas of the sex industry voluntarily, why should prostitution be different?

I Heart Internet

Chefrio wrote: »

I'd say most are doing it of their own free will.

I disagree. And how would one know when one arrived to avail of said services? The sex industry is supported by trafficing and violence. Some people may be in it of their own free will, but I'd say just as many are more or less in it under duress (sp?)

poundapunnet

Chefrio wrote: »

I'd say most are doing it of their own free will.

The Th!ng wrote: »

Many people get involved in other areas of the sex industry voluntarily, why should prostitution be different?

She said "many" not "all". And if you don't think there's some serious coercion and exploitation involved in the prostitution industry then I don't even know what to say to you.

28064212

Chefrio wrote: »

What was the point?

That the man sleeping with the escort is equally guilty as a woman doing the same, and yet somehow I don't think smellslikeshoes would be happy with his wife going outside the marriage for her needs