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Sexless marriage/relationships

Sunnyisland

Was out last night with a group of male friends and the conversation got around to sex and relationships,to our astonishment one of the lads who got married just under three years ago said they don't have sex anymore,;he said; that his wife has no intrest and is not at all bothered by it.

Before they were married it was all go,fun games etc etc and where as now they have everything martarialistic the sex has gone, They have no children.

What you think AH ? Is this normal and what's to be done...

Tldr Newly married man is not getting sex anymore what should he/they do

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Sunnyisland

johnayo wrote: »

OP. What age bracket is your friend and his wife in. Are they elderly. Maybe she feels too old to have sex.

Both are36.

Penny Tration

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

Cant a strong marriage survive without sex.

I wouldn't consider it a strong marriage if people can't bring themselves to have sex.

Donaldio

Hhhmmm thats a tricky one. First off bringing it up in conversation might be a bit tackles a more supple aproach would be more romantic wine and dine etc. Even then he has to be prepared to play a long game this problem wont be fixed over night. I think he should try to injeckt some romance but a subtle aproach is needed it has to be enjoyable and interesting for her and he must know the right buttons to press inside and outside the bedroom. Straight up asking a woman for sex in coversation is about the least sexy thing a man can do.

I would think he should try to salvage this if the relationship is gone cold. The first initial phase or romance is maybe the easy part but he should not take for granted what he has now it will be missed if is lost.

Also he should ask himself is he in two minds about this relationship himself ? If he is thats no good either ! Otherwise he should value what he has they may still have alot to learn about each other. Maybe she is honestly just not into sex ?

Loafing Oaf

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

He should be canonised if he endured a 13 year dry spell for a marriage

Surely pretty common if both parties are 60+

caustic 1

both were in 30s now 40s

Pang

It seems pointless to be in a married relationship if there is no sexual contact, especially if both people haven't agreed to such an arrangement.

The Diabolical Monocle

Get a goomah or a hoor

UCDVet

Pang wrote: »

It seems pointless to be in a married relationship if there is no sexual contact, especially if both people haven't agreed to such an arrangement.

No disrespect intended; but I think that's completely wrong

Sexual contact is just a tiny part of a marriage. If you are getting married just to get laid, you're making a mistake.

Tasden

UCDVet wrote: »

No disrespect intended; but I think that's completely wrong

Sexual contact is just a tiny part of a marriage. If you are getting married just to get laid, you're making a mistake.

If you build a relationship with someone which includes sex and they propose to you they want to cement and build upon the relationship ye already have together. This includes the sex life ye have now. If you never had sex before fair enough but taking it away as its "only a tiny part of marriage" is not fair. And I don't think its a tiny part of marriage, if someone has sex every night with their partner and then its taken away once they're married that's a huge part of your life/bedtime routine gone, never mind the intimacy, closeness, fun, you miss sharing with your partner.

Pang

There needs to be some sexual contact in a married relationship or otherwise you just become like siblings or friends. A certain level of intimacy is required.

UCDVet

Tasden wrote: »

If you build a relationship with someone which includes sex and they propose to you they want to cement and build upon the relationship ye already have together. This includes the sex life ye have now. If you never had sex before fair enough but taking it away as its "only a tiny part of marriage" is not fair. And I don't think its a tiny part of marriage, if someone has sex every night with their partner and then its taken away once they're married that's a huge part of your life/bedtime routine gone, never mind the intimacy, closeness, fun, you miss sharing with your partner.

Sure - but that's an entirely different situation that you are describing.

My comment was in response to someone who said:

It seems pointless to be in a married relationship if there is no sexual contact

That doesn't mean that it was taken away. That means, there is no point in being married if there is no sexual contact.

Wattle

I don't think there's any great mystery. After a certain amount of time people can get bored with each other sexually. Even though they might still love and care for each other the passion just dies. When you think about it monogamy is quite unnatural.

The Corinthian

UCDVet wrote: »

Sexual contact is just a tiny part of a marriage. If you are getting married just to get laid, you're making a mistake.

Not every day you hear something so daft, but there you go.

Thing is sexual contact is not a tiny part of marriage, it's a gigantic part and one of the principle reasons why marriage was originally invented - reproduction - which is intimately pretty closely tied to sex (presuming your elective preference isn't for reproduction via IVF).

Moreover, one of the presumptions of marriage is the concept of monogamy, whereby you "forgo all others" for sexual contact with only your spouse; in some US states, not forgoing all others, A.K.A. adultery, is even legally a felony. As such, lack of sexual contact in a marriage is particularly serious, because it means that in theory the person denied sex is doomed to a life of celibacy as they are forbidden to seek it elsewhere.

All of which is before one considers the bonding effects that sex produces in couples.

So suggesting that "sexual contact is just a tiny part of a marriage" is utterly daft. It's almost certainly the single most important part of a marriage and so reflected by the laws and customs that have grown up around the institution.

nc19

UCDVet wrote: »

No disrespect intended; but I think that's completely wrong

Sexual contact is just a tiny part of a marriage. If you are getting married just to get laid, you're making a mistake.

Either ;

You get it enough to have never known what it is like not to (within a marraige)

Or

You have no interest in it therefore dont miss ot

Either way, your statement is pointless

JuliusCaesar

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

He should be canonised if he endured a 13 year dry spell for a marriage

caustic 1 wrote: »

She endured it.

Yes, newsflash, women like sex! :eek:

Loafing Oaf wrote: »

Surely pretty common if both parties are 60+

Yes, newsflash, older people like sex, even into their 70s, 80s and beyond - maybe not as frequently (men) or as gymnastically, but your grandparents are probably still getting it on. :eek:

Tasden

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Yes, newsflash, women like sex!

But was the point of that original post not that the woman in that case didn't like sex, or at least didn't want it with her partner. She was the one not interested, he was.

JuliusCaesar

Tasden wrote: »

But was the point of that original post not that the woman in that case didn't like sex, or at least didn't want it with her partner. She was the one not interested, he was.

Indeedy, but the point is that both/either sex can go off sex or not want it. That's fine if it's both people in the marriage, but often it's one or the other.

Sunnyisland

Tasden wrote: »

But was the point of that original post not that the woman in that case didn't like sex, or at least didn't want it with her partner. She was the one not interested, he was.

That's correct, in this case it's the woman who has changed completely.She is still a loving caring women in every other way,except in the lovemaking department.

Czarcasm

There's not nearly enough information in the OP to be able to form any kind of an opinion on his friends immediate apparent issue that there is a lack of sex within their marriage.

Lack of sex within a marriage can be down to an infinite number of reasons and more often than not is never as easily solved as "Sit down and talk", "Up 'n' leave", "Get it somewhere else/they have to be getting it somewhere else" nor "Seek marriage guidance/counselling", etc.

Without knowing the people involved, it's impossible to comment with any authority on the circumstances of their relationship.

Tasden

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Indeedy, but the point is that both/either sex can go off sex or not want it. That's fine if it's both people in the marriage, but often it's one or the other.

OK I get you now. I don't think people were saying it was a female/male problem, just that it was a woman in the cases being discussed and the man endured it. Also I think the whole "women not wanting sex" has some merits because they go through so many hormonal changes, after childbirth/menopause for example, that can play havoc with your body, so its not really a "women don't like sex" myth its more women can go off sex alot easier than men generally due to biology (not saying men dont have their own battles!). Although I could be talking crap here!

caustic 1

All relationships can go through no sex dry spells, but you need to communicate and talk openly in order to get by these times.

Legs.Eleven

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

He should be canonised if he endured a 13 year dry spell for a marriage

I get the impression it's a woman.

woodoo

professore wrote: »

Is he well off? Your mention of materialistic things make me suspect this. Maybe she was after him for money and just not attracted - but performed for him to get him to marry her.

She could be a lesbian.

brilou23

im in same boat we have child aged 3 since child came we barely have sex we both love each other and neither would cheat but she has lost her sex drive im lost this stage dont know what to do she doesnt want to address the issue

Shrobbs

UCDVet wrote: »

No disrespect intended; but I think that's completely wrong

Sexual contact is just a tiny part of a marriage. If you are getting married just to get laid, you're making a mistake.

If it's a tiny part then open marriages make more sense.

Sunnyisland

As far as we all can gather from last nights conversation, She is not a lesbian,Is not having an affair, She is just not interested in lovemaking anymore,with anyone.

Shrobbs

brilou23 wrote: »

im in same boat we have child aged 3 since child came we barely have sex we both love each other and neither would cheat but she has lost her sex drive im lost this stage dont know what to do she doesnt want to address the issue

If he has no interest in dealing with the issue or at least trying then tell her you need to look for sex elsewhere.

It is incredibly selfish to force or attempt to force another individual to never or rarely have sex.

brilou23

Shrobbs wrote: »

If he has no interest in dealing with the issue or at least trying then tell her you need to look for sex elsewhere.

It is incredibly selfish to force or attempt to force another individual to never or rarely have sex.

i wouldnt do that to her but im only 29 and dont want go rest my life with out sex

Aineoil

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Yes, newsflash, women like sex! :eek:

Yes, newsflash, older people like sex, even into their 70s, 80s and beyond - maybe not as frequently (men) or as gymnastically, but your grandparents are probably still getting it on. :eek:

I agree with you Julius. I'm a woman in my late forties (nearly 50) and I enjoy sex with my husband. In fact I would say it got better as we got older.

Wanting to enjoy intimate moments with a partner doesn't really have an age profile, and that's only my opinion.

Each to their own, but for me a marriage without sex would be a cold one.

whupdedo

Couples who don't have sex are just housemates, you need to have sex/make love to have an intimacy with each other, let's face it, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with has to be able to have that intimacy with you, without ridin fairly regularly your just friends, and in the real world you normally wouldn't be friends with them