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Non-Alcoholic Wedding?

aiseiri47

Hi,

I've been pondering how one would go about a non-alcoholic wedding in Ireland. I'm not a drinker and my mother is an alcoholic, meaning that I am very uncomfortable around people who are drunk. I can usually deal with other people's weddings because I'm under no obligation to talk to most of the people there. The thought of my own wedding being an excuse for many of the guests to go out and have a night on the drink puts me off wanting a wedding at all. It wouldn't feel like "my" night in any way. But then, neither would having a typical wedding sans alcohol and feeling like everyone thought I was robbing them of their fun or something.

I've been trying to think of how I would have a non-alcoholic wedding, and I can't think of anything. My friend has her own lovely idea of an outdoor afternoon tea party for the whole guestlist, followed by an intimate dinner for her closest family and friends. But while I don't want to steal her idea, anyway, I am rather attached to the idea of having a dance and a laugh, too, so I'm sort of stumped.

I'm also curious about venues -- I assume most hotels and other wedding venues that cater receptions, while pricing their packages, take into account that they'll be making money hand over fist on selling drinks. Would these venues not be a little miffed to be told "no alcohol"?

Totally stumped

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Blood Farts

that's kinda rough, no booze, it is your wedding but think of your guests everyone loves a good piss up at a wedding stop trying to be edgy , let people have a drink , chill out

Love2u

Your idea of a non alcoholic wedding is fantastic and I only wish more people would take a leaf from your book. Have a great day whatever you decide to do.

Jellybaby1

We went to a non-alcohol wedding once. As I don't drink, I didn't even notice there was no alcohol, but my husband mentioned it on the way home that there had been no wine on the tables, and I said 'Really? I never even noticed that!' He said it wasn't really a problem for him and he enjoyed himself anyway. It was held in a marquee in the bride's parent's garden, and it was like a big family dinner. There was no band and no dancing. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, the food was lovely and there was a lot of chat and laughter. I am sure the guests must have noticed the absence of the demon dhrink, but they didn't say anything as they accepted it was what the happy couple wanted - it would have been impolite to do so. I know some guests might like some consideration, but not if it makes the couple unhappy, its their day after all! Its unfortunate for you that most Irish people prefer to drink. If you tell them beforehand that there is no alcohol they will possibly bring their own, which might sour things for you. Do what makes you both happy.

Hannibal Smith

I love the irish bashing going on in here. We're not the only culture to enjoy a drink at a wedding. The drunkest person at our wedding wasnt irish. ..and getting as drunk as he did was nothing to do with where he's from. He was just a complete tool.

I think you have to think of thr tone of the wedding op. The whole hotel idea kind of sets a tone of band/party/alcohol.

People tend to let loose with alcohol, so presumably its a more sedate/refined affair?

I dont know where you are In the country...but beaufield mews in Dublin is a beautiful venue with lovely grounds. You could possibly hire the upstairs? Its small and would carry a quiet wedding perfectly.

It would really set the tone and then if yiu were having a band afterwards...maybe non alcoholic cocktails?

April O Neill

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

I love the irish bashing going on in here. We're not the only culture to enjoy a drink at a wedding.

No, but we really don't help ourselves with that image going by some of the OTT responses in this thread!

December2012

April O Neill wrote: »

No, but we really don't help ourselves with that image going by some of the OTT responses in this thread!

It's not OTT I think. People all across the world enjoy alcohol. There is over eating and over drinking in most countries unless that country is very religious.

You could apply the priority to anything in a wedding - the bride and groom might love sushi - does that mean that sushi should be the food served to the guests?

It is something that a lot of people enjoy but not to excess. Particularly on special occasions.

Not every Irish person who drinks is an alcohol abuser!

tatli_lokma

December2012 wrote: »

It's not OTT I think.

I think what April was referring to were comments like these:

Howard Juneau wrote: »

A non alcoholic wedding to suit 1 guest? Not going to go down well, if you tell people in the invites its non alcoholic, expect women to arrive carrying very big handbags

Sleepy wrote: »

The reality is that Irish people can't fathom a party without alcohol and there's very little chance of getting many (particularly men) on a dancefloor without it.

super_furry wrote: »

I know I wouldn't like to dance without a couple of pints on me, and I doubt I'm alone.

deeks wrote: »

I wouldn't expect that many guests if you advertise that its going to be alcohol free though.

gallag wrote: »

I honestly would decline the invitation, sounds horrible being controlled for a day including what I drink! No thanks.

Blood Farts wrote: »

that's kinda rough, no booze, it is your wedding but think of your guests everyone loves a good piss up at a wedding stop trying to be edgy , let people have a drink , chill out

This does not paint the Irish in a light that indicates that we can enjoy ourselves without a drink. And in the main, it's true. I have been to weddings abroad where the majority of guests wouldn't drink or would drink very little and the craic was mighty and right from the outset. Most Irish weddings and parties take a while to get going, until people have had a drink, had a chat and loosened up. A number of my friends are Phillipino. We had a party a few years back, they all arrived bang on time, unlike most of the Irish who arrived 2 hours after the time on the invites (they of course had all been to the pub beforehand and were waiting for the party to get going before they arrived - but sure how can a party get going when half the guests haven't arrived yet???

). The Phillipino guests came in party mode from the minute they arrived in the door - up dancing and singing straight away. Most of them had a drink, so it's not that they weren't having alcohol, but they didn't need the crutch of the alcohol to get in party mode. Before the first drink was even finished they were boogie-ing away. So I do think it is a very cultural thing, and not for the better. When you are at a party with friends, what is so scary that you need a substance of some sort to give you courage to be sociable/have a dance/sing a song??

Electric Sheep

Blood Farts wrote: »

that's kinda rough, no booze, it is your wedding but think of your guests everyone loves a good piss up at a wedding stop trying to be edgy , let people have a drink , chill out

No, everyone does not love a good piss up at a wedding. Some people just want to attend the wedding, not get pissed. The OP wants a wedding, not a piss up, and she is entitled to that.

OP, I think it is likely that most of your friends and your fiance's friends probably don't drink, since you don't like being around those who are drinking. Consider not inviting the people (relatives or not) who view a wedding as an excuse piss up. You are not obliged to invite anyone you have reason to expect will not honor your wishes on your wedding day.

freshpopcorn

Hi OP!
Some people in Ireland do enjoy a drink to relax and unwind and let themselves go and some people do not.
I think if you want to have an alcohol free wedding you should. Some people might complain but most people won't.
Some people might leave a but earlier than normal because they might be a bit bored but that doesn't really matter your close friends and family will be their.
If ye do have it in a hotel it might be hard to have an alcohol free wedding. I would suggest maybe a marque or a small country house style hotel.
If ye were to have an alcohol free wedding I would make sure that he ye have a nice 3 course meal because when people attending a wedding the day is normally long and people spend a lot of money on clothes/hair etc as well as travelling to the wedding and giving ye a gift. I would avoid this idea of having a little afternoon tea or barbecue for the quests because I think they might be a little annoyed that they didn't get a proper meal and no alcohol. Because if I attend a wedding with no alcohol and a nice meal. I would always remember that the meal was good. But if I attended a wedding with bad food an no alcohol. I would be kind of disappointed if I spent a lot of money on the day.

Electric Sheep

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Hi OP!
Some people in Ireland do enjoy a drink to relax and unwind and let themselves go and some people do not.
I think if you want to have an alcohol free wedding you should. Some people might complain but most people won't.
Some people might leave a but earlier than normal because they might be a bit bored but that doesn't really matter your close friends and family will be their.
If ye do have it in a hotel it might be hard to have an alcohol free wedding. I would suggest maybe a marque or a small country house style hotel.
If ye were to have an alcohol free wedding I would make sure that he ye have a nice 3 course meal because when people attending a wedding the day is normally long and people spend a lot of money on clothes/hair etc as well as travelling to the wedding and giving ye a gift. I would avoid this idea of having a little afternoon tea or barbecue for the quests because I think they might be a little annoyed that they didn't get a proper meal and no alcohol. Because if I attend a wedding with no alcohol and a nice meal. I would always remember that the meal was good. But if I attended a wedding with bad food an no alcohol. I would be kind of disappointed if I spent a lot of money on the day.

While I agree that the food should be very nice, I disagree tha the guests will necessarily be spending a lot of money on the day. I think that a brunch/tea (I am speaking more of the time that the meal will be served, rather than the content of the meal) wedding will by nature be more casual that the usual cookie cutter Irish wedding. Also, if it is not expected to be a two day stay overnight extravaganza, it would be likely to be held in a venue that minimises the travel for most of the guests. Guests could attend the wedding, then, being sober, go on with whatever other plans they have for the day. A win/win situation for everyone.

It would be pretty thoughtless to expect guests to travel a long distance for a wedding reception that would probably last 2/3 hours.

freshpopcorn

Electric Sheep wrote: »

While I agree that the food should be very nice, I disagree tha the guests will necessarily be spending a lot of money on the day. I think that a brunch/tea (I am speaking more of the time that the meal will be served, rather than the content of the meal) wedding will by nature be more casual that the usual cookie cutter Irish wedding. Also, if it is not expected to be a two day stay overnight extravaganza, it would be likely to be held in a venue that minimises the travel for most of the guests. Guests could attend the wedding, then, being sober, go on with whatever other plans they have for the day. A win/win situation for everyone.

It would be pretty thoughtless to expect guests to travel a long distance for a wedding reception that would probably last 2/3 hours.

I know its not expected to have a two day overnight stay but sometimes people have to travel a lot of the guests have to travel the last wedding I went to was in our local town in Cork(the brides hometown) but the groom guest had to travel down from county Antrim. So these people did have to stay two nights. Guests sometimes have to travel to weddings and it can be hard to avoid it. The cost of travel and accommodation can be expensive.
A lot of people when they attend a wedding a woman might get her hair done and buy a new outfit, normal a guy can get away with the same suit. Aside from this guests also have to cope with the costs of the present normally 150-200 euro for a couple.

April O Neill

tatli_lokma wrote: »

I think what April was referring to were comments like these:

Yes, this is exactly what I was talking about.

Of course there have been plenty of reasonable disagreeing posts in this thread too, but the ones quoted here are a bit nuts!

Toast4532

Friends of my boyfriends got married two years ago and had a non alcoholic and non religious wedding.

They had a civil ceremony and a reception after, there was sandwiches, cakes, buns, teas/coffees etc. and it was finished by about 8pm.

I didn't go but my boyfriend said it was a fantastic day and they had a great time.

gabsdot40

April O Neill wrote: »

Oh, I know, just saying in general, if the bride and/or groom are of one cultural background, doesn't mean they wouldn't cater for people attending from different backgrounds.

You're right most of my friends and family don't drink but there were aunties, uncles, grannies etc at my wedding who do drink and I guess they just had to do without. Same at my sister's wedding which was also 'dry'. People still came along and they all said they enjoyed themselves, ( maybe they lied).

If the OP want's a wedding without alcohol them he/she should be able to have one without feeling like she is ruining everyone's fun.
I recently was invited to a wedding of a couple who are of my Faith and don't drink themselves but are having a wedding with alcohol. They wrote on the invite "If you're offended by alcohol, we won't be offended if you don't come".
Maybe the OP could try something opposite to that. "If you don't think you'll enjoy a wedding without alcohol, we'll do our best to enjoy the day without you".

emuhead

Hi OP,

Just read through the thread. Perhaps looking into how Muslims or other religious denominations that traditionally don't serve alcohol at wedding celebrations (Methodists, Quakers, Jehovah Witnesses) do catering for weddings might spark some ideas, as they are generally alcohol free. Echoing what has been said, I'd let people know in advance that the wedding is alcohol free (if that's what you intend) in case people are booking hotels instead of driving home.

All good wishes with the big day.

Gatica

emuhead wrote: »

Hi OP,

Just read through the thread. Perhaps looking into how Muslims or other religious denominations that traditionally don't serve alcohol at wedding celebrations (Methodists, Quakers, Jehovah Witnesses) do catering for weddings might spark some ideas, as they are generally alcohol free. Echoing what has been said, I'd let people know in advance that the wedding is alcohol free (if that's what you intend) in case people are booking hotels instead of driving home.

All good wishes with the big day.

Just to correct you on one, Jehovah's Witnesses do drink alcohol, but have a low tolerance of drunkenness.

Buzz84

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

We went to a non-alcohol wedding once. As I don't drink, I didn't even notice there was no alcohol, but my husband mentioned it on the way home that there had been no wine on the tables, and I said 'Really? I never even noticed that!' He said it wasn't really a problem for him and he enjoyed himself anyway. It was held in a marquee in the bride's parent's garden, and it was like a big family dinner. There was no band and no dancing. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, the food was lovely and there was a lot of chat and laughter. I am sure the guests must have noticed the absence of the demon dhrink, but they didn't say anything as they accepted it was what the happy couple wanted - it would have been impolite to do so. I know some guests might like some consideration, but not if it makes the couple unhappy, its their day after all! Its unfortunate for you that most Irish people prefer to drink. If you tell them beforehand that there is no alcohol they will possibly bring their own, which might sour things for you. Do what makes you both happy.

No drink, no band or music. That sounds awful. Did you even get a cup of Tea?

Sleepy

April O Neill wrote: »

Yes, this is exactly what I was talking about.

Of course there have been plenty of reasonable disagreeing posts in this thread too, but the ones quoted here are a bit nuts!

It's not disagreeing with the OP's ideas to point out that she can't expect a traditional Irish wedding without alcohol. It's a deeply ingrained feature of our culture of "craic" and while some take it to excess, tourists come from all over the world to experience it (The Guinness Storehouse is actually our largest tourist attraction!). Lets not turn this into an Ireland bashing thread: alcohol and drunkenness are far from Irish inventions and while the stereotype of the Irish is one that involves both, comparative statistics on alcohol consumption between different countries rather rubbish that stereotype.

While planning our own wedding, my other half had me watching 4 Weddings US and any time a bride had an alcohol free wedding there, the other brides marked her down for it, so it's hardly a uniquely Irish thing.

There have been some wonderful alternative wedding ideas suggested to the OP that would work far, far better as alcohol free events than simply trying to emulate a traditional Irish knees up without the social lubricant that fuels such an event. The "tea party" idea suggested was actually done on one of those Four Weddings shows which might be worth searching Youtube for OP, as it looked fantastic and I'd say they got some beautiful photographs. It does tie you to an early finishing event but perhaps you could arrange something special for you and your husband to be to do afterwards?

Booking your honeymoon to leave that evening would be one great way to do this: have your wedding, afternoon tea party with friends and family and then head to the airport to fly off on your first adventure together as a married couple. Those that want to make a session of the day would be free to do so and you wouldn't have to see anyone drunk.

gabsdot40 wrote:

"If you don't think you'll enjoy a wedding without alcohol, we'll do our best to enjoy the day without you"

While I'd agree it's a good idea to let guests know that no alcohol will be served at the wedding, I'd strongly advise against such a snotty, condescending way of telling them that.

April O Neill

Sleepy wrote: »

It's not disagreeing with the OP's ideas to point out that she can't expect a traditional Irish wedding without alcohol.

The quoted ones were nuts, IMO.

Did you miss the part where I said some disagreeing posts made a lot of sense? And the "nuts" quotes, by the way, were the posts that don't exactly help the image of Ireland as drink-sodden. We tend to be very high up on binge drinking tables, which is key. And people in this country do get the third degree and at the very least funny looks about not drinking, in general. As for 'Four Weddings', on that show people are looking for any excuse to bitch, so it's hardly a good example. Anyway, that's all I'm saying on the subject.

Jellybaby1

Buzz84 wrote: »

No drink, no band or music. That sounds awful. Did you even get a cup of Tea?

Wasn't awful at all. I still look at the photos, lots of happiness that day. Soft drinks, juices, tea, coffee. It was all grand. By the way, the families of the couple were not short of a few bob either so it wasn't done to skimp. It was done that way because that's the way they wanted it. Simps!

freshpopcorn

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Wasn't awful at all. I still look at the photos, lots of happiness that day. Soft drinks, juices, tea, coffee. It was all grand. By the way, the families of the couple were not short of a few bob either so it wasn't done to skimp. It was done that way because that's the way they wanted it. Simps!

I know it sounds lovely but a lot of Irish people would consider it very tight!

Jellybaby1

I suppose you could say, 'old money' doesn't need to be flaunted!

lazygal

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

I suppose you could say, 'old money' doesn't need to be flaunted!

Old money doesn't loosen the purse strings that often, I've found.

Sligo1

lazygal wrote: »

Old money doesn't loosen the purse strings that often, I've found.

Lol... Maybe that's why they've still got money at the end of it all. Not like the Celtic tigers that are no more.

I think it's a lovely idea.... And I love an auld drink... Or 2...

pwurple

lazygal wrote: »

Old money doesn't loosen the purse strings that often, I've found.

That's reason the money gets some age.

fleet

Where do Muslims go for weddings?

Ask in the Religion forum?

/edit - already suggested!

April O Neill

lazygal wrote: »

Old money doesn't loosen the purse strings that often, I've found.

Meow.

Jellybaby1

We are getting wayyyy OTT now!

nlgbbbblth

logie101 wrote: »

Having the wedding on Good Friday and say that out of religious conviction no alcohol.

Ive heard of Alcohol free weddings up North in the Free prestbertarian Bible Belt areas.

Yes. And a few down here too.
Of the ones I've heard about the common denominator for all has nothing to do with alcoholism but is because they're Protestant (Methodist or Presbyterian) weddings.