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How important is drinks with dinner?

Fittle

As with most people, we are on a tight budget and are trying to cut costs everwhere. We got one of those wedding deals with the hotel - all inclusive for X amount etc. We get a 'champagne' reception as part of the deal.

Himself thinks we should use this champagne for the toast and let guests have tea and coffee on arrival, which is fair enough.

However, I really want people to have wine with their dinner.

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where I wasn't offered a glass of wine with my dinner.

Himself thinks it's a waste of money and that we are giving them a glass of champagne, and if they want wine with their dinner, well....(u get the gist...)

It's probably a saving of 500euro if we don't offer the wine at dinner...but I really think we would appear very mean! Opinions really appreciated thanks.

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January

username123 wrote: »

Can only agree with the above comments. And a lot of people wont want or drink Rosè - particularly if they are drinking something else all day, so that will really just go to waste.

But most people don't drink wine at all - so what's the point in offering it? If they're going to drink something else after the meal that's not wine why not just offer them their choice of drink during the meal and for the toast? Two glasses of spirit+mixer/pint of Guinness/Bud/Heiniken/whatever = 2 glasses of wine, no?

lazygal

January wrote: »

But most people don't drink wine at all - so what's the point in offering it? If they're going to drink something else after the meal that's not wine why not just offer them their choice of drink during the meal and for the toast? Two glasses of spirit+mixer/pint of Guinness/Bud/Heiniken/whatever = 2 glasses of wine, no?

Plenty of posters have said its expected. You mightn't want to hear that because it doesn't fit with your plans, or match your unique experience of being at several weddings with no wine, but I think its safe to say not serving wine at wedding meal is going to be remarked on, and not in a nice way.

ABajaninCork

Do what we did. Wine with the meal, drink of choice for the toast!

Putting jugs of squash and sparkling water out for the kids seems a bit mean to me. If it were a West Indian wedding, you'd be cussed into the next life...

username123

January wrote: »

But most people don't drink wine at all - so what's the point in offering it? If they're going to drink something else after the meal that's not wine why not just offer them their choice of drink during the meal and for the toast? Two glasses of spirit+mixer/pint of Guinness/Bud/Heiniken/whatever = 2 glasses of wine, no?

I just dont think Rose is a popular thing at all - bit like Champagne, itll be sipped and left.

I agree that it would be better to offer a choice of drink actually, but next best is red or white wine with dinner. Both would be best of course!

January

username123 wrote: »

I just dont think Rose is a popular thing at all - bit like Champagne, itll be sipped and left.

I agree that it would be better to offer a choice of drink actually, but next best is red or white wine with dinner. Both would be best of course!

Oh I definitely wasn't talking about serving the Rosé at all.

lazygal - I'll be asking around with my guests and if it is at all expected of them I'll look into getting wine on the tables but if the majority of them would prefer a choice that's what I'll be going with. Having chatted with at least a quarter of them, wine is definitely not expected of them anyway. I think people commenting on the lack of wine at a wedding would be distasteful and hope that my guests would have more respect for me than that. Maybe people are inviting the wrong people to their wedding if people would comment on the lack of wine there.

Malari

I have to agree with January (and I'm a wine-drinker). If you offer your guests wine or another drink with your meal it's the same thing. Or even more generous.

People as guests have come to expect certain 'deals' with weddings, in my opinion, and as far as I'm concerned its a personal, unique party every time. Granted, a lot of them may be veeeeery similar, but I just don't like the idea of 'expecting' anything. Not when I'm at the wedding of a good friend or relative.

Lucyfur

We did a free bar. No one drank wine, as other drinks were on offer. Well, no one apart from me. I love wine

[Deleted User]

January wrote: »

But most people don't drink wine at all

How do you know that? have you done research on it or something?

Malari

Presumably you have a fair idea of what your friends and family drink?

January

Deleted User wrote: »

How do you know that? have you done research on it or something?

I know no body in family drink wine, down to my cousins that I'd only see occasionally. A lot of my friends would drink wine but not with a meal, they drink it to get drunk if you know what I mean?

[Deleted User]

January wrote: »

I know no body in family drink wine, down to my cousins that I'd only see occasionally. A lot of my friends would drink wine but not with a meal, they drink it to get drunk if you know what I mean?

you said " most people don't drink wine at all" you didn't say "in my family" you said it as a broad statement, it appeared to be a generalisation, I was just wondering why you would make an assumption on behalf of everyone just because your family don't drink it.

January

I'm not going to bother any more. Have wine with your meal if you want it but if you would bad mouth someone because they didn't have wine with their meal at their wedding then it says a lot more about you than the people getting married.

username123

January wrote: »

I'm not going to bother any more. Have wine with your meal if you want it but if you would bad mouth someone because they didn't have wine with their meal at their wedding then it says a lot more about you than the people getting married.

From my own perspective, its not about bad mouthing or being bad mouthed. Its more just - what do you want someones memory of your wedding to be? Unfortunately people tend to remember bad stuff more than good stuff unless its outrageously good. I was at a wedding that was otherwise lovely but the lack of food was the thing I remember about it - I was hungry. Thats not bad mouthing, its just my memory of that day was "oh yeah, that wedding, hungry, starving actually".

These days it is very common to have wine on tables at weddings. So it may well be noticed if its not there.

Feets

Maybe u could just go ahead with the norm and serve wine. What if u heard the guests complain behind ur back? They would also b alot of disruption to dinner and speeches if people are up at the bar for ages... if you deffo cant afford it maybe cut back on the amount of guests?
Ultimately throw the wedding u can afford the best u can.

pwurple

danois wrote: »

I'm not serving wine at my meal. And I'm really surprised at people saying they expect it!! I will provide a glass of sparkling Rosè for the toast but apart from that people can buy their own. Weddings are expensive and I'm doing mine as cheaply as I can. No way I could afford to supply wine. I will be supplying drinks for the kids tho. I am buying robinsons and sparkling water and the hotel have agreed to put it in jugs on each of the children's tables. Also no desert using the cake instead. People don't have the cash for lavish weddings anymore. In my opinion wine is an unnecessary extra expense.

You are buying sparkling water and diluted sugar for the children who couldn't give two hoots... And may not like it, And stiffing the adults? Yikes.

If you can't afford to give people something to drink with their meal, your guest list is far too big.

danois

pwurple wrote: »

You are buying sparkling water and diluted sugar for the children who couldn't give two hoots... And may not like it, And stiffing the adults? Yikes.

If you can't afford to give people something to drink with their meal, your guest list is far too big.

lol my guests are all close family and a few friends I know what most of them drink and not many would be wine drinkers. I have kids and I know how expensive they can be getting them drinks and munchies is more expensive that drink.
Most of my guests know that there is no wine with the meal and they are all happy enough haven't had any complaints. They are not the shy type they would say it out straight.
My guest list is only 80 people so its not big but I am broke since organising wedding my partner lost his job so its a budget wedding and any one who comes and complains that they didn't get wine can feck off.
We are paying for diner for guests we have told all our guests that no gifts are necessary and we are marrying locally so that people wont have to stay if they cant afford it.

A wedding is about celebrating your love for each other not about how much wine is supplied or who has the most added extra's. Honestly if people are going to judge your wedding then maybe don't invite them. only invite those who will be truly happy to share your day with you

pwurple

Fizzy drinks not a requirement for anyone, let alone children. My own drinks water from a tap. Stick a bendy straw in it and it's a party.

I guess our ideas of what is a necessity, and what is an added extra are worlds apart. i'd put junk food (munchies?) and fizzy drinks in the added extra pile every time. Offering a drink with dinner to an adult is basics.

You know your own crowd though.

clint_silver

danois wrote: »

lol my guests are all close family and a few friends I know what most of them drink and not many would be wine drinkers. I have kids and I know how expensive they can be getting them drinks and munchies is more expensive that drink.
Most of my guests know that there is no wine with the meal and they are all happy enough haven't had any complaints. They are not the shy type they would say it out straight.
My guest list is only 80 people so its not big but I am broke since organising wedding my partner lost his job so its a budget wedding and any one who comes and complains that they didn't get wine can feck off.
We are paying for diner for guests we have told all our guests that no gifts are necessary and we are marrying locally so that people wont have to stay if they cant afford it.

A wedding is about celebrating your love for each other not about how much wine is supplied or who has the most added extra's. Honestly if people are going to judge your wedding then maybe don't invite them. only invite those who will be truly happy to share your day with you

80 people wont miss the groom rocking up to the church in a ferrari, or a chocolate fountain. They wont miss an antwerp bought hand carved diamond ring or the opera singer in the church. They wont miss the 1000 imported white lillies or 2 unicorns roaming the grounds with the bride and grooms names carved in to their horns. They wont miss the foie gras canopes on arrival at the hotel or lionel richies backing band at the afters.
But I absolutely guarantee much more of those 80 than you think would miss a glass of wine with dinner.

January

clint_silver wrote: »

80 people wont miss the groom rocking up to the church in a ferrari, or a chocolate fountain. They wont miss an antwerp bought hand carved diamond ring or the opera singer in the church. They wont miss the 1000 imported white lillies or 2 unicorns roaming the grounds with the bride and grooms names carved in to their horns. They wont miss the foie gras canopes on arrival at the hotel or lionel richies backing band at the afters.
But I absolutely guarantee much more of those 80 than you think would miss a glass of wine with dinner.

How do you know that the people that aren't serving wine are doing all of this? You don't so you'd be best off trying not to imagine what they are replacing the wine with.

People who are offering a toast drink are offering wine, just not directly. If you want wine, order wine, just because it's not at the table it's not stingy.

nlgbbbblth

January wrote: »

In my case the couple were Christians and didn't want alcohol served at the wedding.

ABajaninCork wrote: »

That was the reason why, too.

Cienciano wrote: »

A christian? Should have told him if Jesus was at the wedding, he would have turned the 7-Up into wine.
I think I'd leave after the first dance!

This sometimes happens at protestant weddings [usually Methodist / Presbyterian]. Hotel told not to serve alcohol. A lot of the guests might be non-drinkers anyway but if you're not it's a major pain.

viper006

January wrote: »

How do you know that the people that aren't serving wine are doing all of this? You don't so you'd be best off trying not to imagine what they are replacing the wine with.

People who are offering a toast drink are offering wine, just not directly. If you want wine, order wine, just because it's not at the table it's not stingy.

I guess that your opinion but dont expect it to be shared by others attending to be fair . I dont drink wine at all but I have never been to a wedding where wine wasnt served and I always notice how in the vast minority I am at weddings that i dont and just how many people enjoy having wine with their meal. Of course each to their own given people are so used to having some free wine with their meals, removing that opinion will be noticed and be prepared for people to view it as a negative spot on the day.

clint_silver

January wrote: »

How do you know that the people that aren't serving wine are doing all of this? You don't so you'd be best off trying not to imagine what they are replacing the wine with.

People who are offering a toast drink are offering wine, just not directly. If you want wine, order wine, just because it's not at the table it's not stingy.

I think you missed my point. some things are missed, some things are not. in your opinion wine is not necessary, for me, and the majoirty as you can read from here is that it is necessary. Its all opinionable, you can do what you want, but for those who are of the opinion its necessary saying wine isnt necessary is the same as being told you dont need bread with your soup. Can you serve soup without bread? sure. Would the guests drink it? Sure. But the bread would still be missed.

niallers1

If your guests don't drink wine then you havent much to lose by offering them wine.

Surely only a small number of bottles will be opened.

the_syco

cookiecakes wrote: »

Have you asked about a corkage fee?

If you go down this route, keep an eye on what bottles are opened, as there have been stories of hotels opening all the bottles, even if only 50-75% were used, thus forcing the couple to pay corkage on all the bottles.

Dubl07

the_syco wrote: »

If you go down this route, keep an eye on what bottles are opened, as there have been stories of hotels opening all the bottles, even if only 50-75% were used, thus forcing the couple to pay corkage on all the bottles.

Yes, the above is true. Good advice is to keep at least half of the wine in the boot of a trusted guest's car and bring it in a case at a time if necessary. Allow 1/4 bottle per head initially and then assess what's happening. Most decent wine shops and some supermarkets offer sale or return on unopened bottles.

Meangadh

My biggest issue in all this is the whole "weddings are so expensive, we're not serving wine at ours" view. I know weddings are expensive, but they are also expensive for the guests. All added together the guests at your wedding will more than likely have spent more on your "special day" than the wedding cost in the first place. Regardless of whether it is wine or a drink of choice from the bar, I wouldn't so much think it was stingy, but frankly quite rude to your guests.

You're going to be getting around €100 each from most of them anyway (I know not everyone can afford that, but also some people give more) so I think a few glasses of wine or a drink of their choice isn't exactly asking much.

cmbutterfly45

Meangadh wrote: »

My biggest issue in all this is the whole "weddings are so expensive, we're not serving wine at ours" view. I know weddings are expensive, but they are also expensive for the guests. All added together the guests at your wedding will more than likely have spent more on your "special day" than the wedding cost in the first place. Regardless of whether it is wine or a drink of choice from the bar, I wouldn't so much think it was stingy, but frankly quite rude to your guests.

You're going to be getting around €100 each from most of them anyway (I know not everyone can afford that, but also some people give more) so I think a few glasses of wine or a drink of their choice isn't exactly asking much.

I agree!! I'm getting married next year and while we're trying to keep budget down were doing stuff like DIY invites no fancy car ect. But cutting the food/drink budget just wouldn't be an option In my opinion you should look after your guests that to me means you should provide food drinks and entertainment, were having arrival punch (possibly prosecco too ) and half bottle wine pp with meal
It's not a huge amount or expense but I think if not there it would be missed!

Cienciano

lazygal wrote: »

Plenty of posters have said its expected. You mightn't want to hear that because it doesn't fit with your plans, or match your unique experience of being at several weddings with no wine, but I think its safe to say not serving wine at wedding meal is going to be remarked on, and not in a nice way.

If you're the type of person to do that, you're the type of person who's opinion I couldn't care less about.
The idea of a group of people bitching about having no wine at a meal makes me glad I have a close group of friends that I know well at my wedding and not a shower arseholes that bitch about something trivial.

viper006

Cienciano wrote: »

If you're the type of person to do that, you're the type of person who's opinion I couldn't care less about.
The idea of a group of people bitching about having no wine at a meal makes me glad I have a close group of friends that I know well at my wedding and not a shower arseholes that bitch about something trivial.

Yet you seem to care enough to write a ratty response to someone who is justing giving their opinion. Ive never been to a wedding where wine hasnt been served and Its going to be noticed if you decide not to serve wine as its very much the exception vs the norm. Its you think it horrible for peoplpe to be dissapointed they wont have afew glasses of wine at the meal I think thats more a negative reflection on yourself than the guests who are going to the trouble to attend your wedding , the majority of which will give you generous gifts on your day to boot .

[Deleted User]

Cienciano wrote: »

If you're the type of person to do that, you're the type of person who's opinion I couldn't care less about.
The idea of a group of people bitching about having no wine at a meal makes me glad I have a close group of friends that I know well at my wedding and not a shower arseholes that bitch about something trivial.

Wow! In the event of your guests being justifiably disappointed over not receiving a glass of wine with their meal, you would refer to them in such horrible terms- despite the fact that it is expensive enough for them to attend? there's a wedding I'd hate to be invited to.