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Socially inept people

TeddyTedson

What's with socially inept people? How are they so out touch with the majority of people that they have major difficulties communicating the simplest of things? I'm not talking about quiet or shy people here. But people how might have been in school, college or work with you who nobody could ever get.

I work with someone who is great at their job in a lot of ways and very intelligent. However them being socially inept basically makes them useless if they have to work with someone else together on something.
Their communication skills are utterly dire.

I actually think people like this need to be sent on course on how to work with people. They generally don't lack confidence or anything either in my experiences.
Socialising with them is often full of cringe worthy moments.
Is it nature or nurture?

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Pace2008

Lantus wrote: »

Wrong, everyone is a product of their environment.

If you grow up in the deep south of america you have a southern accent and speak about oher racial groups in a certain manner.

If you were to grow up in nazi germany you would salute and believe that germany was above all others.

The problems in our society IMO are all environmental. No one is born with shyness or any other deficiency, they are learned, adopted and reflected in to us by our families, friends and society at large. One poster mentioned nature vs nurture, no such thing.

The belief you seem to be espousing here, that humans are born as blank slates and are entirely the product of their environment, is a school of thought known as behaviourism, and it has been widely disregarded by psychologists and cognitive scientists since around the 1950s.

[Deleted User]

I'm not socially inept, just really, really slow. Usually it's Tuesday when I realised "that girl was coming onto me!".

Festy

Perhaps these socially inept people you speak of OP rather not talk about the usual ****e that Irish people talk about,for example.Weather,who's screwing who,Man utd or Celtic winning the league etc.Yawn.

kowloon

I don't know many in any group who I'd class as socially inept, I'm slowly coming to the realisation that it might be me, but I can't tell.

pragmatic1

I definitely socially inept at times. Some days very sociable and nice and other days might decide to be a cnut for the day.

diabloro

I guess people that take the time to write a thread about "socially inept" people should look at themselves. Sorry OP.

mauzo

I have no filter between my brain and my mouth. I say whatever comes into my head.

Sometimes its cringe worthy. I'm sure there's people who've met me and thought what the hell is she on...

My family are all outgoing and could talk the back legs off a donkey. I'm fine if the other person is chatty, then I feel more comfortable. But if not, I try carry the conversation and make a right twat of myself.

I also have a nervous laugh, I will laugh at anything the person says, usually a snort is thrown in and I just want the ground to swallow me up.

I'm a lot better now though. I just hate awkward silences and panic when it happens

Scanlas The 2nd

Pace2008 wrote: »

Lantus wrote: »

Wrong, everyone is a product of their environment.

If you grow up in the deep south of america you have a southern accent and speak about oher racial groups in a certain manner.

If you were to grow up in nazi germany you would salute and believe that germany was above all others.

The problems in our society IMO are all environmental. No one is born with shyness or any other deficiency, they are learned, adopted and reflected in to us by our families, friends and society at large. One poster mentioned nature vs nurture, no such thing.

The belief you seem to be espousing here, that humans are born as blank slates and are entirely the product of their environment, is a school of thought known as behaviourism, and it has been widely disregarded by psychologists and cognitive scientists since around the 1950s.

I never understood how people say either nature or nurture determines your character, it's obviously a combination of both.

Mr Benevolent

Shryke wrote: »

Teddy is the Louis Theroux of Boards.

I get the impression he's really socially inept.

copeyhagen

sounds like the guy has asbergers OP

newmug

Alan Partridge-ism /= autism.

Most Alan Partridges are just arseholes. They know full well how obnoxious they're being, they just dont care. Methinks they're just hardwired that way.

Rachineire

Lantus wrote: »

Wrong, everyone is a product of their environment.

If you grow up in the deep south of america you have a southern accent and speak about oher racial groups in a certain manner.

If you were to grow up in nazi germany you would salute and believe that germany was above all others.

The problems in our society IMO are all environmental. No one is born with shyness or any other deficiency, they are learned, adopted and reflected in to us by our families, friends and society at large. One poster mentioned nature vs nurture, no such thing.

I grew up in the deep south of america- I have a very flat accent (ie not southern) and am extremely tolerant....stereotype much?

deman

One guy I was at school with was like this. Didn't really have any friends even though nobody had anything against him. He wasn't a victim of bullying because basically, the bullies didn't really even know he existed. His nickname was Professor as he looked a bit like Jerry Lewis in the Nutty Professor.

Roll on 25 years and I bumped into him for the first since I left school. The guy just talked and talked forever. He's now a salesman and apparently doing very well.

Complete transformation.

Shocking!

SocSocPol

TeddyTedson wrote: »

What's with socially inept people? How are they so out touch with the majority of people that they have major difficulties communicating the simplest of things? I'm not talking about quiet or shy people here. But people how might have been in school, college or work with you who nobody could ever get.

I work with someone who is great at their job in a lot of ways and very intelligent. However them being socially inept basically makes them useless if they have to work with someone else together on something.
Their communication skills are utterly dire.

I actually think people like this need to be sent on course on how to work with people. They generally don't lack confidence or anything either in my experiences.
Socialising with them is often full of cringe worthy moments.
Is it nature or nurture?

Thinly vieled "I'm so perfect and everyone around me is a gob****e" thread!
OP should get a life!

TeddyTedson

SocSocPol wrote: »

TeddyTedson wrote: »

What's with socially inept people? How are they so out touch with the majority of people that they have major difficulties communicating the simplest of things? I'm not talking about quiet or shy people here. But people how might have been in school, college or work with you who nobody could ever get.

I work with someone who is great at their job in a lot of ways and very intelligent. However them being socially inept basically makes them useless if they have to work with someone else together on something.
Their communication skills are utterly dire.

I actually think people like this need to be sent on course on how to work with people. They generally don't lack confidence or anything either in my experiences.
Socialising with them is often full of cringe worthy moments.
Is it nature or nurture?

Thinly vieled "I'm so perfect and everyone around me is a gob****e" thread!
OP should get a life!

If that's what you're getting from that your intellect leaves a lot to be desired.

fishy fishy

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Kinda coming off as a dick there, teddy.

You are talking about socially awkward people and who are you to say "oh these people should goto courses on how to work with people!" ... geez man.

LOL

and in the next post he says And I'm one of the most tolerant people you'll ever meet (or not meet perhaps).

:

FAIL

TeddyTedson

There's a few social inept people deniers responding.
Some people thinking I'm being a dickhead about this but surely you must have come across social inept people in your life time.
Think real life Alan Partridge type of person.
I'm not having a go at social nervous people or anything similar to that.

MadsL

I met a gaggle of role-playing, sci-fi nerds recently. A more socially inept bunch you have never met. Classic basement dwellers. However, they found each other, and were as tight as I've ever know a bunch of friends to be. Nice people as long as you didn't want to discuss any topic that wasn't involving Orcs or Dragons.

JohnMarston

OP a lot of people are introverts - meaning they are shy, reserved and like to keep to themselves.
Whereas extroverts - outgoing, boisterous and easier to get along with generally
Obviously introverts find it much more difficult to deal with social ineptitude in themselves, the world caters more to the extroverts.

fishy fishy

TeddyTedson wrote: »

There's a few social inept people deniers responding.
Some people thinking I'm being a dickhead about this but surely you must have come across social inept people in your life time.
Think real life Alan Partridge type of person.
I'm not having a go at social nervous people or anything similar to that.

Everyone is different - you need to respect that. Not say that they need to go to a class to sort themselves out. Live and let live and get on with your own life, instead of worrying about theirs. I'm sure they are very happy in their own circles, and would probably buy and sell you and you wouldn't know it.

Do they intimidate you by any chance?

--Kaiser--

Lantus wrote: »

Wrong, everyone is a product of their environment.

If you grow up in the deep south of america you have a southern accent and speak about oher racial groups in a certain manner.

If you were to grow up in nazi germany you would salute and believe that germany was above all others.

The problems in our society IMO are all environmental. No one is born with shyness or any other deficiency, they are learned, adopted and reflected in to us by our families, friends and society at large. One poster mentioned nature vs nurture, no such thing.

This is one of the most retarded posts I've read on AH (and that's saying something). I literally don't know where to begin

neemish

Yup Teddy, you're talking about me. I miss cues in conversations, manage to end perfectly good chats (and threads!), don't always get the joke. I'm told its not stupidity, part of a learning disorder of some kind. And I was always the same. I was an awkward kid and now I'm an awkward adult. I don't mean to do it. Honestly!
I'm better than I used to be but have to work incredibly hard to make the simplest social situations work. Socialising just doesn't appeal to me. I'm happier at home than going out, even to dinner or to the cinema.

Please don't add to my paranoia by not replying!

midlandsmissus

TeddyTedson wrote: »

What's with socially inept people? How are they so out touch with the majority of people that they have major difficulties communicating the simplest of things? I'm not talking about quiet or shy people here. But people how might have been in school, college or work with you who nobody could ever get.

I work with someone who is great at their job in a lot of ways and very intelligent. However them being socially inept basically makes them useless if they have to work with someone else together on something.
Their communication skills are utterly dire.

I actually think people like this need to be sent on course on how to work with people. They generally don't lack confidence or anything either in my experiences.
Socialising with them is often full of cringe worthy moments.
Is it nature or nurture?

Socially inept people come from horribly abusive families. It's hard to go in and be smily and friendly in school for example when you're suffering extreme stress and worry at home.

christmas2012

social ineptness can be for many different reasons,its easy to judge a person,its harder to walk in their shoes,they could have had a hard time at school with bullying or bullying in the workplace,they could have grown up in a time where expressing yourself was frowned upon etc..others have social anxieties and fears of big crowds and get panic attacks,its not usually just one reason why either

midlandsmissus

neemish wrote: »

Yup Teddy, you're talking about me. I miss cues in conversations, manage to end perfectly good chats (and threads!), don't always get the joke. I'm told its not stupidity, part of a learning disorder of some kind. And I was always the same. I was an awkward kid and now I'm an awkward adult. I don't mean to do it. Honestly!
I'm better than I used to be but have to work incredibly hard to make the simplest social situations work. Socialising just doesn't appeal to me. I'm happier at home than going out, even to dinner or to the cinema.

Please don't add to my paranoia by not replying!

Exactly - some people just can't do it.

I can write perfectly, and in some social situations am absolutely fine - not a bother, but sometimes I've been in groups who were all making lighthearted small talk, and think 'I really wish I could do that so easily!' Just can never think of anything to say - or don't have the confidence to join in.

We grew up quite isolated - so I know that's why - my conversation abilities were just never developed as well as some other people.

Don't judge other people! They more as likely than not come from a **** background.

neemish

Hmmm...but that's your experience and not mine. I don't think we can all be lumped in together quite so easily

midlandsmissus

neemish wrote: »

Hmmm...but that's your experience and not mine. I don't think we can all be lumped in together quite so easily

Fair enough - some people who are socially inept come from a not great bakground, and never had the chance to develop their social skills properly

Did you say you were told yours were part of a learning disorder?

Wibbs

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Some Socially inept people come from horribly abusive families.

FYP M. I've known socially inept people from perfectly fine families and backgrounds. I've seen really extreme examples among siblings that were "normal". When I say "socially inept" I'm not just speaking of shy introverts, but oblivious to others extroverts too. Basically people who don't quite "get" the general social protocols and other people.

midlandsmissus

I also don't want to stereotpye the other way.

I went to counselling for a period about a different matter, and I said to my counsellor 'Im also really shy in certain situtions and can never think of anything to say' as I wanted help with it. And was saying 'you know some other people can do it so easily, they're always talking away, super confident, bla bla'

And she said - 'you wouldn't believe the amount of people I get in to me who say 'I'm the life and soul of the party, but no-one knows what I'm really like - I'm terrified, miserable and upset inside all the time'. And these people were going to her because they were upset they could never let people see the real them.

You never really know whats going on with people - everyone has problems - as long as we all try to help each other!

ejmaztec

With some people it's dumb insolence.