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How the hell do I decide this one?!

Cullen82

Alright alright alright, Long time since I last posted ! Good to be back:D

I have a right head melting situation so looking for words of wisdom/advice whatever, I'm over in Africa working as a Tour Leader for an Overland Company....So I start the job in mid October, I've come to the end of my first trip and fly back to Nairobi to start my next one tomorrow and work my way down over 3 months to Cape Town again...Happy days eh? Well it would be only for the fact that I met someone on the trip who I tried not to become attached to..... but did....and so did she. We said goodbye to each other this morning and shes on her way back home in a few days......to CANADA....I've never met someone so made for me in my entire life...shes fecking A - mazing. I'm 28 by the way.

She wants me to go visit her in Canada after my next trip (circa April) which I most certainly want to do, In fact I'm more excited about seeing her again than seeing this unbelievably amazing continent again.....It's easily possible for me to do it during my next break between trips but if I decide to go, For me, it means Im serious about this girl being "the one" which will in turn will mean I'll end up leaving this "dream job" for whats obviously going to be a risk (the relationship) whatever way I look at it.

Any thoughts? The job is basically gone if I want any sort of future with her...I've already begun thinking of WH Visa for Canada.

Thanks After Hours,

Cullen82

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Duggy747

ScumLord wrote: »

Marry her on the sly, in Africa that makes her your property and she won't be able to go anywhere without your permission.

Hmm, buying some shackles wouldn't hurt either. Nothing worse than making her your property and she runs away because you left the door open.

jimthemental

snyper wrote: »

Dude-

A woman is like an onion and all that..they should be kept in the kitchen

What a horrible sentiment, the poor lad is pouring his heart out here:pac:

Lumen

Fly out to see her. Propose. If she says yes, don't come back. If she says no, go back to Africa.

Carpe corbiculida.

up for anything

Get a job guiding overland treks in Alaska. Then you've met her half way.

MagicSean

Africa is a ****hole. Go to Canada, become a mountie and marry her. Get free medical care for the rest of your life and own 10 guns for no reason at all. Simples.

pickarooney

k_mac wrote: »

Africa is a ****hole. Go to Canada, become a mountie and marry her. Get free medical care for the rest of your life and own 10 guns for no reason at all. Simples.

Medical care and guns would be much more useful in Africa though.

sanderelle

love is hard to find, i say go for it!! lovley story for the grandkids:)

Vicxas

But you have to fight the moose out in canada!

MagicSean

pickarooney wrote: »

Medical care and guns would be much more useful in Africa though.

Yeah but they don't have medicine in africa. And the children are the ones with the guns.

readyletsgo

You can always get another job dude! Your only 28.

But maybe you should talk to HER about how YOU feel. If she loves you, she will understand that you are in YOUR 'dream job' at the moment and maybe she can make it over to you sometimes for the next year, same as you can make it over to her on your breaks too.

stovelid

Best thing to do is to dither on baords about it so long that she'll end up banging one of her workmates in Canada.

AckwelFoley

Cullen82 wrote: »

But considering your post, How do you suggest in these circumstances I continue/progress the relationship AFTER the honeymoon period we've been having? I cant do it on skype so I either forget about her or go to Canada to see her................

Option a im afraid - forget about her.

Im bothered by the fact there has been no mention of her wanting to move as an option - its either canada or bust.

After 3 months of a relationship you have 9 more months left in the honeymoon period, but by that time you'll have made the big decision and the sacrafices by moving to canada... what sacrafices would she have made?

Anyhow, id suggest you shack up with an irish woman - they're better in the long run

stateofflux

id go for the holiday for a few weeks and see how it goes,
i wouldnt make any hard decisions decisions with your penis...you DO NOT want to end up quitting your job going to canada and being left high and dry & coming home broke with your tail between your legs and/or broken hearted over an infatuation that you didnt think through....

Jaxxy

I'd suggest chilling out about it. You don't HAVE to make any life changing decisions RIGHT NOW. Play it by ear, see how it goes. Go to see her when you plan on going to see her and take it one step at a time. When the time comes to make this decision it should be clear for you. You love her and want to be with her; job doesn't matter / You're unsure; she's probably not "the one".

EDIT: Also wanted to add that IMO there is no time limit on "honeymoon" periods. For some they can last only a couple of months (weeks in some cases) and for others they can last years. It all depends on the relationship and the individuals involved, so don't make any decisions based on the idea that things could go tits up or lose their sparkle after a set amount of time.

Cullen82

UNBELIEEEEVABLY there's some sound advice on AH for such a risky question!

Thanks everyone, Sound;)

IBarelyCare

:):) haha it's been a while, thanks for your input! I've actually already openly admitted before coming here that the only way I would leave this job within the next few years was for a woman - I just didnt expect to meet her within my first week. Seriously though, You know me and you should know if I come out with a comment so openly such as "I have never met or felt for anyone like this in my life " then it's not your average girl....I really think this is it!

As for her not making effort - She has made her feelings clear to me. Also I don't have any motives to settle in Ireland and for years now I've been open to settling wherever I meet the right person, I'd be more than happy to try Canada - I've spent more than 6 of the last 10 years abroad ,be it Spain, Oz, Africa or wherever else I've travelled/lived so homesick is not something I worry about.

For now, I reckon I'll finish my next trip, then get a ridiculously expensive return flight Nairobi - Toronto & Visit her for a few weeks....If I don;t think its right Ill go back to my job in Africa and if it looks like its working I'll maybe do one more trip in Africa and return to hopefully give it a proper go in Canada with her on a Working Holiday Visa.

Right thanks everyone, I've to try and get out of Jo'Burg now. Later

kerryman12

best of luck to you

Cullen82

Reviving an old Thread of mine, In need of advice more than ever!

Basically I fcked up!

Went to see this girl in Canada for 4 weeks & it went well for a while but then it went a bit sour - spending 24/7 together was tough and I was a bit of an asshole during this time. Only reason I can offer is that I see now how I resented the fact that I was being asked to choose between my dream girl and the job I am currently in and felt serious pressure this whole time....but thats just an excuse...I still shouldnt have done it and given her more respect in that sense.

Anyway I made a huge mistake. I told her I needed time to think after my trip over there and asked that we didnt speak about the future as I was finding it difficult. So we kept in touch (not enough on my part ill admit although it was very hard given my job in Africa ie not much internet) and eventually when I came back to her to tell her I wanted to see her again she was pissed off with me that I thought I could just decide this for her....She was right. I've since given her a lot of space and not a lot of contact. She made it clear she was making plans without me and so I tried to move on after making a serious effort to dissuade her - respectfully. So I did.....

Listen I know I've been an effing banker, For everyone that knows me on Boards I'm not capable of doing this normally and very embarrassed about it all. I don't need to hear how selfish and inconsiderate I've been - Ive been aware for this for long time now and aware that I've made my bed and need lie in it......but ffs I've made a huge mistake. She HAS since been in touch with me - basically to tell me she was annoyed that she no longer got exicted to see my emails because I had been such an ass to her.....I saw this as her possibly (guessing) making an attempt to get back in touch...my response I kept short thinking it best to show her that I was not gonna pressure her anymore and apologised to her that she felt the way she did because of me...that was 2 weeks ago.

Do you think there's much chance I can regain her trust?

Cullen82

Cullen82 wrote: »

Do you think there's much chance I can regain her trust?

I mean, Is there any way I can win her back

Micky Dolenz

Probably not.

westendgirlie

Oh dear

bradyle

Eh i'd go for the big romantic gesture...what are the chances of you being able to turn up in Canada with an engagement ring (only do that if you're 100% sure shes the one) if no engagement ring something silly and romantic...As much as you are giving her space which is nice and all not the way to win her back in my opinion...id send her letters describing undying love...not texts or phone calls or emails...go for old fashioned romance...would definitely would win me over...then again i'm a gigantic romantic...good luck hope it works out...and if it does don't **** up again!!!!!!!

HazDanz

Cullen82 wrote: »

Reviving an old Thread of mine, In need of advice more than ever!

Basically I fcked up!

Went to see this girl in Canada for 4 weeks & it went well for a while but then it went a bit sour - spending 24/7 together was tough and I was a bit of an asshole during this time. Only reason I can offer is that I see now how I resented the fact that I was being asked to choose between my dream girl and the job I am currently in and felt serious pressure this whole time....but thats just an excuse...I still shouldnt have done it and given her more respect in that sense.

Is she worth moving from a job you really enjoy, moving continent and also having to now fight to be with her if you found it difficult being around her for just four weeks?

Or maybe I've just misreading what you are saying.

Cullen82

No they're valid questions.

I'm willing to make all those moves if she'll have me back

The 4/5 weeks should have been so much better, I always had one eye on getting back to my job away from the temptation (the girl) of leaving it.....my mistake. I should have left when whe asked me but was afraid I would regret that decision in itself and therefore resent her!

Temptamperu

You shoulda blasted her with piss son.

k.p.h

Cuddlesworth wrote: »

FFS man your in Africa, stick your penis into something else. Like a Baboon or Zebra.

Your forgetting about the AIDS..

k.p.h

k.p.h wrote: »

Your forgetting about the AIDS..

Wooops didn't read the full thread before I posted that, now it seems really inappropriate. Ah well ...

Eroticfishcake

Temptamperu wrote: »

You shoulda blasted her with piss son.

It's AH, everyone's gonna try and be witty and try best they can to f1ck up your love life. It's a better read, we don't like happy endings.

Put yourself out there, let her know how you feel. If you were such a pr1ck by your own admission, is it going to be any different next time?

Jess16

Er, how have you been an ass here exactly -for wanting a little time to think before making someone the centre of your universe!?

Unless I'm missing something, she should be apologising to you for throwing her toys out of the pram over what was a very sensible decision on your behalf

opinion guy

I have one question for you - largely rhetorical.

Why are you telling us this instead of her ?

Jess16

opinion guy wrote: »

I have one question for you - largely rhetorical.

Why are you telling us this instead of her ?

I have one answer for you -largely obvious.

He wants advice