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Child Item

Embarrassing sexual antics

scientific1982

Anyone had any embarrassing sexual experiences that the couldnt share in real life. Ive had two types.
1. Getting caught giving myself a helping hand when my mother walked in. Words cannot describe the regret and horror felt by all.
2. Dose of Mr Floppy. Does wonders for the egos of both parties.

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Princess Peach

Gag reflex....

Asphyxia

Me and my boyfriend got caught by guards one night doing some naughty stuff.

GLaDOS

Chair fell on her head halfway through

Celly Smunt

Princess Peach wrote: »

Gag reflex....

thats sexy ya weirdo

stevoslice

mate of mine tore his frenulum, twice. Serious ouchies!

spitfireIRL

Princess Peach wrote: »

Gag reflex....

Did ya gawk?!:eek:

Nulty

I thought the "wrong hole" was a common one...obviously not

stryker mcqueen

Just as i came i let a god awful fart

( still my girlfriend 1 year later :cool: )

Misanthrope

It's not really sexual but, I was in the living room trying to remove an ingrown hair from my back passage using a cucumber, when my wife and kids came home unexpectedly early from shopping and saw me.

Now they're all convinced I'm gay because the Tivo just happened to be paused on a Baywatch episode where David Hasselhoff is in the shower and Barbara Streisand just happened to be playing on the hi fi.

My best friend Ted was very offended and simply put his clothes on picked up his cucumber and left without saying a word.Never saw him again:mad:

flyton5

I ****ed my neck up in the middle of roiding last summer. Absolute agony. Trapped a nerve in my neck and had to get her to drop me home. Awkward having her help me in the door of my ma's gaff(was temporarily living back there) and having to introduce them. The ma was a bit shocked as I was 21 at the time and the girl was about 30...

policarp

A fiend of a friend got caught in a vaginismus situation.
Had to get another friend to call the doctor to have them uncoupled...

Deus Ex Machina

I was having sex with a woman once and then suddenly I realise that I am Ted Bundy and that she had been dead for over a year!

Boy, was my face red!

bronte

I am a klutz.
I came over all stepford wife one Sunday morning and brought himself breakfast in bed....just to be nice like.
Anyway...I started kissing him and after a while one thing led to another.
Long story short I knocked his damn cup of coffee that had been on the bedside table all over his boy-parts.

Poor fcuker.

pickarooney

Kitten decided to launch an attack on my shiny white ass.

testicle

This thread is a thanks-whore's wet dream!

whiskeyman

testicle wrote: »

This thread is a thanks-whore's wet dream!

Because they love a good thumbs up...

shebango

whiskeyman wrote: »

Because they love a good thumbs up...

Da dummm tsssshhhhhh

The_Minister

mcdoogle wrote: »

Idiot ex girlfriend put her bed back together upside down with the the hard bit that supports the mattress on the ground and the soft bit that has no support under the mattress. The mattress was very thin as well. (no idea why she had taken it apart, think she was painting the room or something)

One night shortly after starting to see each other we did the deed on her bed. The mattress crashed through the bed and resulted in us struggling to get out of the remains of the bed when her da came running in to see what happened.......

Was an interesting year!

sacramento wrote: »

It took them a year to free you!?

Be honest, who else immediately thought of the Chilean miners?

Misanthrope

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

I was having sex with a woman once and then suddenly I realise that I am Ted Bundy and that she had been dead for over a year!

Boy, was my face read!

At least it was a woman son.

Misanthrope

Pocketfizz wrote: »

Me and my boyfriend got caught by guards one night doing some naughty stuff.

Was there a gimp and a basement involved?I hope so.

pickarooney

The_Minister wrote: »

Be honest, who else immediately thought of the Chilean miners?

I was thinking about the Galway U-21s, but that's a whole other story.

Conor Bourke

Me on top, being quite enthusiastic... til I pitched forward a little too hard and hit my head off the wall. Knocked clean out. When I came round had no idea what had happened, but thankfully had the presence of mind to persuade my bf not to bring me to A&E, seeing as I was a nurse there at the time!

smash

Alaskimo-cake wrote: »

Me on top, being quite enthusiastic... til I pitched forward a little too hard and hit my head off the wall. Knocked clean out. When I came round had no idea what had happened, but thankfully had the presence of mind to persuade my bf not to bring me to A&E, seeing as I was a nurse there at the time!

I presume he just let you fall down and he continued while you were out for the count?

FoxT

A whole new meaning to 'giving head'

twebb

Misanthrope wrote: »

It's not really sexual but, I was in the living room trying to remove an ingrown hair from my back passage using a cucumber, when my wife and kids came home unexpectedly early from shopping and saw me.

Now they're all convinced I'm gay because the Tivo just happened to be paused on a Baywatch episode where David Hasselhoff is in the shower and Barbara Streisand just happened to be playing on the hi fi.

My best friend Ted was very offended and simply put his clothes on picked up his cucumber and left without saying a word.Never saw him again:mad:

dont know how to thank threads/posts but i have to say that made me laugh... lordy

policarp

twebb wrote: »

dont know how to thank threads/posts but i have to say that made me laugh... lordy

Just click on the thumb up icon, bottom right of post...

Mackman

Myself and the ex were gettin jiggy one night, while i was down below she got very excited and farted, the pong was horrible

Waited for it to dissapate, then finished the deed :cool:

longhalloween

Ex of mine busted her head on the shelf above my bed.

And i thought those were good moans...

policarp

testicle wrote: »

This thread is a thanks-whore's wet dream!

You must have some good stories.
One testicle an' all that.

Conor Bourke

steve06 wrote: »

I presume he just let you fall down and he continued while you were out for the count?

AH answer: Yes
Real answer: no, the poor fooker got an awful fright. I came round to myself within seconds but was horribly confused. He lived 2 hrs away so we didn't get to see each other as much as we'd have liked. When I came round the last thing I could remember was coming home from a 12 hour shift and being too tired to go out and talking to him on msn. Next thing I know we're nekkit in my room and I've a horrid sore head but I should be out in the pub. Very confusing :pac: