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The stingey-assed wedding thread

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A friend of mine once went to a wedding where, after the church part ended at 2pm, it was announced that the couple along with their immediate family were going to a local restuarant for dinner. None of the other guests knew about this or were invited along. They were told to meet back at a particular pub at 8pm that evening for a bit to eat.

As you can imagine, a lot of guests were very pissed off and just headed home but others hung around for the 6 hours and made it to the pub where the drinks were flowing and everyone was told to order from the bar food menu. After they'd eaten, the very embarrassed bestman had to walk around to everyone with a big till receipt, finding out what everyone had an getting the appropriate amount of money from them.

I'm putting this in AH rather than Weddings and Marriage as I want general stories, not just from those who are in the process of arranging a wedding themselves.

So, what's the meanest looking, tight-assed thing you've seen pulled by a couple getting wed?

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buckrodgers

I only had immediate famiy at my wedding, ie parents, brothers and sisters and one aunt. About 15 in total. That was it - no friends, cousins, etc. I had the meal afterwards in a local hotel, they gave us a private room and we had the restaurant menu. The priest came too. I got my dress for about £100 in Monsoon. My brother did the video. I gave everyone a disposable camera and they were my wedding photos. It was a lovely day and very cheap. I think if memory serves me right it cost under £1000. I found that no one minded me not inviting them when I said it was going to be immediate family only. I think they were glad to be spared the expense. Some even sent presents which I thought was really lovely of them.

KTRIC

buckrodgers wrote: »

I only had immediate famiy at my wedding, ie parents, brothers and sisters and one aunt. About 15 in total. That was it - no friends, cousins, etc. I had the meal afterwards in a local hotel, they gave us a private room and we had the restaurant menu. The priest came too. I got my dress for about £100 in Monsoon. My brother did the video. I gave everyone a disposable camera and they were my wedding photos. It was a lovely day and very cheap. I think if memory serves me right it cost under £1000. I found that no one minded me not inviting them when I said it was going to be immediate family only. I think they were glad to be spared the expense. Some even sent presents which I thought was really lovely of them.

I said this to the GF the other day, family only, much better idea.

I don't see the point in feeding and watering extended family that you haven't seen in years. My extended family is huge and her's is tiny.

It would still cost a packet to have them all to the wedding.

Twigster

Heckler wrote: »

We are having a very low key -50 people wedding

Did the same, about 40 people for ceremony and meal, booked a function room in the evening and just invited everyone for an afterparty thingy. Some people were pissed at not getting invited to the whole thing but lots of people came up to say how good a time they had

muffinob1

I've been to both big and small weddings and have decided to have the whole big bang on new years eve. We know it's really expensive for people and don't want presents and have bartered the price of the hotel down 50% for most guests rather than taking cuts ourselves in the price of other things. We've been friends forever grew up in a small estate across from each other and got together. Then we found out my mam was sick and so was he and the 2 are better now and so we want everyone we've known all our lives there. We really do want presence not presents have loads of drink sorted and hope we'll keep the costs down for people.

We want to have a great time and want everyone else to do the same

Heckler

Ultimate Chin wrote: »

Are we invited?

You are anyway !!

I have no problem with people having an extravagant wedding but not when it can't be afforded. Why put yourself in hock just to keep people (distant relations who you won't hear from again after the wedding) happy...Makes no sense in my book.

I do hear though that if you invite 150+ the wedding more or less pays for itself. Cash only !!!!

I'd marry my girl in a shoebox with a rat as best man. Feck them all.

dumptruck123

a friend of mine read in the business post today that castle durrows owners were in liquidation,having closed their restaurant coopers on lesson street. We have a wedding booked there in July and deposit paid how would we be fixed will we get our deposit back?

Big Wave

Mrs_Doyle wrote: »

I'm getting married in Spain...

Return flights, including taxes etc, cost €110 pps

With who?

johnp

partyguinness wrote: »

I was at a dirt cheap wedding in England last year with my English g/friend:

a. It was on a Monday.
b. It was a Civil wedding and it took place in the same building as the reception.
c. The bride bought her dress in TKMaxx and an indentical one for the flower girl which was cut up to fit.(£40 each)
d. No bridesmaids.
e. The meal was a self service buffet in the room next door.
f. The desert was the wedding cake.
g. 40 people invited.

It was great. Very cheap, lovely food and very civilised. I had the whole bar to myself which closed at 10.30 pm.

I would never get married in Ireland. My g/friend has been to weddings with me in Ireland and she thinks it crazy..

all the expense, hassle, 4000 people at it, waiting around for the reception for hours on end...and year long preparation..just a big money racket..

The couple were/are in their mid 20s.

Oh yeah..in England the ettitqette is to give money to cover the cost of the meal viz. £40-£50 between 2 of us.

Think that's the etiquette here too. Only weddings are so damned expensive that it ends up being a lot more expensive than that :eek:

javaboy

dumptruck123 wrote: »

a friend of mine read in the business post today that castle durrows owners were in liquidation,having closed their restaurant coopers on lesson street. We have a wedding booked there in July and deposit paid how would we be fixed will we get our deposit back?

Try the consumer issues forum maybe: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=542

They might be able to help you. Also you should really get in touch with Castle Durrow yourself. You won't get great answers in this particular corner of boards.ie to be honest.

Big Wave

dumptruck123 wrote: »

a friend of mine read in the business post today that castle durrows owners were in liquidation,having closed their restaurant coopers on lesson street. We have a wedding booked there in July and deposit paid how would we be fixed will we get our deposit back?

That sucks - demand it back NOW!

kingtut

Fu*king weddings!

John Mason

one of the best weddings i was at, had 25 people at it and we all went to the local pub for soup and sandwiches

it was great - thats the way to go rather then have to pay for food for all these distant relations you cant stand

Mingey

Why do people moan about taking time off work and buying clothes? You don't have togo if you don't want to you know. And if you do go, you don't have to buy a brand new dress/suit either.

Blitzkrieger

Ann22 wrote: »

I was invited to a wedding once, in with the invitation there was a note asking for a 'cash gift' instead of a present. Thought that was unusual, we were giving money anyway. Don't think I'd have the nerve to do that:o.

I think that's so accepted as the norm nowadays that most don't even bother to explitly say it anymore. I have heard it expressed with more tact though. Think one guy at work put it : "Gifts are not neccessary but should you wish, cash would be appreciated". He still ended up with two clocks, towels and three gravy boats.....

I think the most important thing at any wedding is the people. I would never do what the OP described, but at the same time, I wouldn't hesitate not to invite a lot of people who I would really like to have there. I've a huge family and the guest list could get gigantic.

One thing I've noticed at Irish parties in general though is people want to be fed. The way people behave when it looks like there won't be enough food to go around is embarassing...

axel rose

Mingey wrote: »

Why do people moan about taking time off work and buying clothes? You don't have togo if you don't want to you know. And if you do go, you don't have to buy a brand new dress/suit either.

People moan because for the most part they have only been invited because they will bring a cheque. I got married abroad. I didnt send out invites, just a general 'if you want to come please do' kind of thing. I didnt feel comfortable putting people under pressure to spend so much money on my celebration. However those that did were clearly told not to buy a present as their presence was more than appreciated. (and yes we picked up the tab for the food and drink).

Victor

Terodil wrote: »

One thing that I'd never do is send out a 'wedding gift wish list'... come on. What would I want with a glass bowl for 200 EUR. If guests want to bring presents, then yes, please do, but don't believe that we would rate your feelings for us by the money you spent on them.

Gift lists are there to stop the couple getting 14 toasters.

Blisterman wrote: »

Or don't get married at all. Seriously, what's the point in this day and age?

The tax breaks?

Toots

javaboy wrote: »

Try the consumer issues forum maybe: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=542

They might be able to help you. Also you should really get in touch with Castle Durrow yourself. You won't get great answers in this particular corner of boards.ie to be honest.

Also if you can find out who the liquidator is and get in touch with them they'd know what the procedure would be.

UnderpantsGnome

Wow, this thread started off under the topic "Stingey-Assed Weddings" and swiftly dissolved into "This how I'm getting married. Anyone who doesn't get married the same way as me is wrong. And stupid. And will burn in Hell"

Zebra3

Sure lets face it, most weddings are a sham.

Couples up on an altar in church they never go to swearing how much they love each other and about how they are gonna live within the rules of the church while already living together.

In most cases the wedding is only happening cos the loser bloke has been hounded into it by his insecure bird who is determined she'll outdo her mates and/or sisters. I has the misfortune a few months ago of listening to three birds rant on about how they all told their fellas they wanted to be engaged within a year so I suggested they propose (which they had as good as done anyway) and they said they could "never do that-OMG!!!!". :rolleyes: Self-deluded mongs....

Fvck the weddings, they'll never be a patch on the stag weekends..... :cool: 4 to go to this year....... :pac:

Rowley Birkin QC

Two aspects of weddings that baffle me are the cost of the cake and the cost of the photographs for the day.

Was at a wedding last week and the cake reportedly cost upwards of €600 and it was that horrible cake that no-one likes anyway.

If I ever get married all guests will be asked to take as many and as varied photos as they like and forward them to an e-mail address, would give a way better representation of the days jolifications. As for the cake; 42 HB Romanticas.

Big Wave

Toots85 wrote: »

Also if you can find out who the liquidator is and get in touch with them they'd know what the procedure would be.

I e-mailed Castle Durrow this morning enquiring about making a separate booking, & they denied it.
Here is the article:
http://www.sbpost.ie/post/pages/p/story.aspx-qqqt=IRELAND-qqqm=news-qqqid=39377-qqqx=1.asp

It doesn't say that Castle Durrow are going out of business.

TwoShedsJackson

bigkev49 wrote: »

Two aspects of weddings that baffle me are the cost of the cake and the cost of the photographs for the day.

Was at a wedding last week and the cake reportedly cost upwards of €600 and it was that horrible cake that no-one likes anyway.

If I ever get married all guests will be asked to take as many and as varied photos as they like and forward them to an e-mail address, would give a way better representation of the days jolifications. As for the cake; 42 HB Romanticas.

You can easily spend over €600 on a wedding cake and as you say hardly anyone likes that poxy white icing type cake these days. Photographer can set you back 2 to 4 thousand if you're insane enough to spend that money.

We got three Superquinn chocolate cakes for our wedding which cost about €25 each i think, and were lovely, and got my boss to do the photos in exchange for a meal out afterwards.

So that was five grand saved right there :eek:

Grandadsbear

buckrodgers wrote: »

I only had immediate famiy at my wedding, ie parents, brothers and sisters and one aunt. About 15 in total. That was it - no friends, cousins, etc. I had the meal afterwards in a local hotel, they gave us a private room and we had the restaurant menu. The priest came too. I got my dress for about £100 in Monsoon. My brother did the video. I gave everyone a disposable camera and they were my wedding photos. It was a lovely day and very cheap. I think if memory serves me right it cost under £1000. I found that no one minded me not inviting them when I said it was going to be immediate family only. I think they were glad to be spared the expense. Some even sent presents which I thought was really lovely of them.

I'm doing the same...in 2weeks and have to say kinda worried about it cause although people say they don't mind I cann't help but think they DO

(and some comments from a certain individual about not being able to have a dance, don’t help...although I must add that they haven't danced at any other wedding I've been to with them there!!!)

but I'm sure it'll will be just fabulous...and we'll be Mr. & Mrs. which is the main thing :P

sceptre

Zebra3 wrote: »

I has the misfortune a few months ago of listening to three birds rant on about how they all told their fellas they wanted to be engaged within a year so I suggested they propose (which they had as good as done anyway) and they said they could "never do that-OMG!!!!". :rolleyes: Self-deluded mongs....

I got proposed to. Twice. Four years apart. Same girl. I thought she was joking and just being sweet. Turned out she wasn't. Who knew. Just as well, we broke up later.

faceman

Thats a mental story OP. People are entitled to do what they want for their wedding but a bit of courtesy for the guests by letting them know what you are doing in advance would be appropriate.

People take times off work, buy new outfits etc to attend a wedding. So even if it is your day out, you have to consider those who are taking time out to celebrate it with you!

I was at a wedding once and the priest was great craic. He was only 30 something and well up for the session till late in the night.

During the cermon, the bit where the priest gives his little talk on love, he address the crowd by saying "this is the bit where Im supposed to tell you all about love and relationships. Well Im actually the most unqualified person here today to do that, so Im going to skip that bit completely"

buckrodgers

Grandadsbear wrote: »

I'm doing the same...in 2weeks and have to say kinda worried about it cause although people say they don't mind I cann't help but think they DO (and some comments from a certain individual about not being able to have a dance, don’t help...although I must add that they haven't danced at any other wedding I've been to with them there!!!)

but I'm sure it'll will be just fabulous...and we'll be Mr. & Mrs. which is the main thing :P

I'm friendless now - maybe thats why

. Seriously most people will be glad to escape the expense, especially in these recesionary(cant spell!!) times. Have a great day.

Last Angry Man

I'm getting married in October and actually quite looking forward to being married. I'm not sure exactly why - maybe I fell and hit my head....

Anyway, we have a 1 year old little girl so it's like having a shouty laughing little recession running about the place and as a result we are smashed. I have been to plenty of weddings of varying costs but the format is always the same and some are great and some are not so great.

We will most likely have about 100 - 120 people at the wedding due to large family on one side and practically no family but lots of friends on mine. We were looking around and most places offered the standard deal which was way ourt of our price range. We looked at doing buffets but most places charged almost as much but then we found the perfect place and it looks like we may even bring the whole thing in under €10k.

Thankfully my fiancé is the most frugal person in the world and is not interested in spending a fortune on crap for the sake of it. She was going to make all the dresses herself but stumbled upon a vintage dress for €150!!!!

We also decided to have the wedding on a Friday evening and not too far from Dublin so people won't fell like they have to stay over. It is still really expensive in my mind but nowhere near what some people spend and hopefully it will be a great evening. We will also only have a short honeymoon, partly because of cost, partly because of our daughter, but we are happy with what we are doing and looking forward to it.

I have told friends what we are doing and a lot of people think it is a great idea. Because it is in the late afternoon people really only have to take a half day but it will be a long enough evening to justify dressing up.

I think there is way too much pressure on people to spend money just for the sake of it and I think a lot of hotels and other businesses involved in weddings take advantage of the stress involved and the emotion that many brides in particular invest in the occasion. I have one friend who feels self conscious that they are not spending 4 weeks traveling in Asia like their friends did when they just want a week away in Europe.

I think you have to make sure that people are fed and watered and that some thought goes into the day but I don;t think you have to re-mortgage the house to do it... I'll let you know how it goes!

nomorebadtown

Last Angry Man wrote:

I'm getting married in October...and it looks like we may even bring the whole thing in under €10k.

Last Angry Man wrote:

Thankfully my fiancé is the most frugal person in the world and is not interested in spending a fortune on crap

Toots

it looks like we may even bring the whole thing in under €10k.

nomorebadtown wrote: »

I think getting a wedding for 100-120 people for under €10k in Ireland is good going, even in this climate.

nomorebadtown

yea probably i dont really have a clue its just €10k might as well be a €1million from where i'm sitting.