First date = kiss or sex or both

MIN2511 · 11-12-2007 11:41PM #1

Hi Ladies,

I was on a date tonight with a good looking guy. We went out for drinks and it was nice, half way through the date he had his hands on my thighs

and then he tried to kiss me. I haven't been on a date date in ages but is this the norm? And i think he had the impression we were gonna end up in my place or his

:eek:
Is that a norm, for guys to get cosy and lovey dovey on the first date and expect more... He's nice but i don't think i like him that much to want more

WindSock · 11-12-2007 11:45PM

It's norm if you are sending out those signals. If not, tell him you aren't interested.

mcquickerson · 11-12-2007 11:53PM

If ye dont like him, why you on a date?

I dont think its a guy/girl thing

some people see EVERY date as potentially finding "the one", and yes, some just want ye in the sack

If it puts ye off just tell him the aul sichiation

Alessandra · 12-12-2007 12:05AM

Afraid it's the hazard of the game. Some people want a casual thing and see the back of ya after getting into bed, others want a regular casual thing and then there are those that want relationships. You aren't gonna know who wants what unless you actually keep dating. You can just enjoy yourself until you find the one to settle down with. As an elder buddy of mine said on this issue, "Just be flattered that someone actually wants sleep with you".

mcquickerson · 12-12-2007 12:07AM

Alessandra wrote: »

"Just be flattered that someone actually wants sleep with you".

Peared · 12-12-2007 12:10AM

Alessandra wrote: »

Afraid it's the hazard of the game. Some people want a casual thing and see the back of ya after getting into bed, others want a regular casual thing and then there are those that want relationships. You aren't gonna know who wants what unless you actually keep dating. You can just enjoy yourself until you find the one to settle down with. As an elder buddy of mine said on this issue, "Just be flattered that someone actually wants sleep with you".

That last bits a joke right? Cos otherwise I really don't know where to begin with it.

Alessandra · 12-12-2007 12:15AM

Peared wrote: »

That last bits a joke right? Cos otherwise I really don't know where to begin with it.

No I don't think she was joking, some oldish larger lady I worked with (think she might have gotten the line from Joan Rivers). She was being tongue and cheek when she overheard us talking about dates etc. rReally funny at the time cos she was married!

barbiegirl · 12-12-2007 12:39AM

Been there done that, the truth is just like Alessandra said. Just keep thiking the more frogs you kiss the closer you get to the price. There are a lot of frogs though.
I once had a first date where when I told the guy I though he was obnoxious he still asked me if I wanted a quick shag. I just laughed and left. Still makes me giggle, he was a real asshole. Still kept dating now engaged to gorgeous man.

Jules · 12-12-2007 01:05AM

In all fairness Mcquickerson, if she didn't go on the date she wouldn't of know if she liked him or not.

And unfortunately a lot og guys can be like that. But you do have to put yourself out there in order to find the right person. Like they said Frogs and Princes. But ya don't acutally have to kiss them or have sex to know if you like them or not!

12-12-2007 01:20AM

WindSock wrote: »

It's norm if you are sending out those signals. If not, tell him you aren't interested.

If breathe and pulse could be described as those signals.

Peared · 12-12-2007 02:37PM

Moonbaby wrote: »

If breathe and pulse could be described as those signals.

Agreed Moonbaby. I think at these early stages a girl should just do whatever the hell she wants to and not be thinking about what hes thinkin. If he does like her, he'll go with it. If he doesn't, well, then so what. And that can mean sleeping with him or not.

Also, usually for men theres nothing more attractive than a girl who acts like she doesn't give a **** about seeing him again and is herself.

Maple · 12-12-2007 03:23PM

he's just chancing his arm. You do what YOU want to do, nothing else. And if he makes a big deal out of it, then forget him he is a total jerk.

Susannahmia · 13-12-2007 04:34PM

MIN2511 wrote: »

Hi Ladies,

I was on a date tonight with a good looking guy. We went out for drinks and it was nice, half way through the date he had his hands on my thighs and then he tried to kiss me. I haven't been on a date date in ages but is this the norm? And i think he had the impression we were gonna end up in my place or his:eek:
Is that a norm, for guys to get cosy and lovey dovey on the first date and expect more... He's nice but i don't think i like him that much to want more

It's the norm for w*nkers.

*Page* · 13-12-2007 04:58PM

kiss...

randylonghorn · 15-12-2007 05:43AM

barbiegirl wrote: »

I once had a first date where when I told the guy I though he was obnoxious he still asked me if I wanted a quick shag.

Well, he didn't exactly have a lot to lose at that stage, did he?

faceman · 15-12-2007 11:31AM

ladies, its ok to shag a man on a first date. but in a weird you'd never understand way, we probably wouldnt want to get into a relationship with you if you were up for it on night 1.

Crumble Froo · 15-12-2007 11:33AM

:rolleyes: i've been unfortunate enough to meet more than one who would have been quite happy for a relationship after the first night....

biko · 15-12-2007 11:43AM

I don't expect anything on the first date.
On the second date I will at least kiss her goodnight (after all she came out again, that means she likes me).

Have had long-ish relationships with 2 girls who had sex on the first date (both times drink was involved).

faceman · 15-12-2007 11:43AM

biko wrote: »

I don't expect anything on the first date.
On the second date I will at least kiss her goodnight (after all she came out again, that means she likes me).

Have had long-ish relationships with 2 girls who had sex on the first date (both times drink was involved).

you got to be getting a least a kiss on the first date, otherwise its confusing

tallaght01 · 15-12-2007 12:57PM

faceman wrote: »

you got to be getting a least a kiss on the first date, otherwise its confusing

Agreed.

Although the fact that the guy wanted a rattle on the first night doesn't make him a bad guy, or mean that he doesn't want a relationship.

Just means he's a bit of a horndog

faceman · 15-12-2007 04:26PM

tallaght01 wrote: »

Agreed.

Although the fact that the guy wanted a rattle on the first night doesn't make him a bad guy, or mean that he doesn't want a relationship.

Just means he's a bit of a horndog

of it could mean he hasnt had relieve in ages and he just needs to. Maybe other dates he wasnt so forward. Its unfair to judge the chap on one meeting.

Then again, maybe the OP interpreted his body language incorrectly. Hard to say. Although chances are he wanted sex anyway.

randylonghorn · 15-12-2007 04:41PM

tallaght01 wrote: »

Although the fact that the guy wanted a rattle on the first night doesn't make him a bad guy, or mean that he doesn't want a relationship.

Just means he's a bit of a horndog

QFT.

Most of us have the cop-on not to admit to wanting it, because we know she's likely to think differently ... but if we get a few drinks in we may forget to be so diplomatic.

And yes, I agree that there is a double standard here a lot of the time ...

faceman wrote: »

ladies, its ok to shag a man on a first date. but in a weird you'd never understand way, we probably wouldnt want to get into a relationship with you if you were up for it on night 1.

... one which I disagree with.

I think it depends entirely on the people, the circumstances etc. ... the "x date" rules are a pile of artificial crap.

maple wrote: »

You do what YOU want to do, nothing else. And if he makes a big deal out of it, then forget him he is a total jerk.

Absolutely.

16-12-2007 02:45AM

Some need to be in love before sex has value and meaning, drawing them closer through increased intimacy and sharing. Others enjoy passionate sex for sex sake. In essence, there are as many motives and needs as their are differences in people... and we all are different in many ways. So you cannot generalise. I might kiss on the first date, if I truly fancy someone, but I would never jump in the sack on the first date.

Star Lord · 17-12-2007 12:07PM

As a man, I can honestly say I would not have sex with someone on a first date. Primarily because I would not want to leave the lady in question wondering or worrying that it's all that I was after! Plus I want more than that!

But on a first date, if I did not get a kiss I'd chalk it down as a lost cause.

Solarball10 · 17-12-2007 12:37PM

Kissing's fine on a first date!! Wouldn't sleep with someone till I knew em pretty well tho....mind u, depends how long I'd gone without some

Solarball10 · 17-12-2007 12:38PM

faceman wrote: »

ladies, its ok to shag a man on a first date. but in a weird you'd never understand way, we probably wouldnt want to get into a relationship with you if you were up for it on night 1.

This, I think, is true in most cases. Most blokes I know say this. Hypocrites!

tallaght01 · 17-12-2007 12:56PM

I once had a friend who had a very strict rule about who he would go on a second date with....

"If she rides me on the first date, she's a slapper, so I wouldn't go out with her. If she doesn't ride me on the first date, she's no fun, so defo wouldn't get in a relationship with her"

You gotta admire his logic

Star Lord · 17-12-2007 01:00PM

If circumstances let to me thinking enough of someone to sleep with them on the first date I certainly wouldn't think badly of them, I'd be more worried they'd think I took advantage...

Cuddlesworth · 17-12-2007 01:48PM

First of all I would like to say that I love this forum. Its like reading Cosmo when you think no-ones watching.

Second of all, I will say "leave the guy alone". As it stands at the moment, its the status quo that the guys initiate the relationships, we initiate the sex and we even initiate the commitment. We can't get it right all the time, maybe he thought you were up for it?

greenteaicedtea · 22-12-2007 05:35AM

half way through the date he had his hands on my thighs and then he tried to kiss me. I haven't been on a date date in ages but is this the norm?

Well if that happened to me, and if I wasn't interested in ending up in his bed, I would put up my hand to stop him or clearly dodge the kiss or whatever, and I'd definitely put a deep freeze on the atmosphere afterward.

Even if I really liked him a lot, I'd prefer to get to know him better first, just in case he was a jerk and I didn't notice yet.

So no, I don't think that's normal. Anyone who respects you would give it some time and try to establish over time, what it is you exactly both wanted. If it was really a one night stand they were after, and if they were creative, they'd make some kind of racy joke or comment, to see what your reaction was first, and if you weren't receptive, they'd be respectful and back off.

if she didn't go on the date she wouldn't of know if she liked him or not.

and I've had that held over my head, when I told a guy I wasn't interested in a date in the first place!! eg. "how would you know if you liked me if you didn't date me" whereas I had already seen & heard enough to make my decision.

OT, but for a ladies' forum, there seem to be an awful lot of men here posting in reply. If I'm reading correctly, her post starts "Hi ladies..."

jesus_thats_gre · 22-12-2007 06:18AM

And to think, we can't have men only golf clubs yet ye are demanding women only forums. Tis a disgrace!!

If you were giving him socks, he may have thought that is was appropriate. Guess it is down to the signals you were sending or him being particularly forward.

First date = kiss or sex or both

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