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No man wants to date me because I’m approaching 30?

Lucy29

So the title is a bit exaggerated but I am having a bit of an issue. I am 29 years old, Irish woman. I have been using dating sites and I feel like there are no decent local men my own age that match with me, and I can’t help but think it’s because I am approaching 30. I’m honestly feeling really sad that I can’t seem to match with anyone that seems like a decent guy, even though I am attractive. I'm just looking for a connection with someone, not anyone to tell me I'm no longer in my prime, as I have been told on a few occasions. I honestly miss the companionship from my first relationship in my early twenties, and although I feel very happy, in some ways I am still lonely. I don’t really know what else I can do other than go out and do things to meet others, but it’s hard for me to even do that. I’m also not really the type to like going out to the bars etc. Is approaching 30 really a turn off for men?

I’d like to add a couple of things. When I say decent men, I mean them meeting my standards that I’d say are actually fair. Also, I paid for one of my apps hoping to find matches, but find nearly all men my own age are looking for women age 18-25. I have been trying to give that a chance, but I haven’t matched with anyone that meet my standards. My standards are not crazy high. I do believe that my choices are more limited when trying to match with guys my age seeing as a lot of them may not want to date a lady approaching 30. I am attracted to men closer to my age so it’s just a little more difficult.

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Eamon McDermott

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120053147#Comment_120053147

She literally said she’s a woman and you’re accusing me of assuming her gender.

My god, women really are stupid.

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120053158#Comment_120053158

4th time of asking - are you going to bother to answer what part is misandrist... I thought you'd be chomping at the bit to list your reasons. Whenever you're ready...

"My god, women really are stupid." Not only should this comment get you banned from this forum (it surely will) it should get you banned from boards.ie.

Besides, I'm not female.

Eamon McDermott

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120053176#Comment_120053176

Her attitude that implies men should be falling at her knees because she thinks she’s attractive.

I assume you’re a woman yourself, you really are a bit dense.

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120053180#Comment_120053180

Care to elaborate where she implies men should be falling at her feet because she's attractive... she SAID she expected more replies/responses, which is a fair assumption. Unlike your assumption I'm female.

Eamon McDermott

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120053186#Comment_120053186

You have to be female with an intellect as low as yours.

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120053188#Comment_120053188

I'm going to give a wild guess, there's an Eamon McDermott in real life that's quite successful with the ladies that you are wildly jealous of and using his name here. Bye bye now.

Amirani

Eamon McDermott banned.

Airyfairy12

I really dont think that age is a factor, and the men who are concerned with it arent really worth your time anyway. Every one of my exes ended up with much older women than themselves and several men I know settled down with women in their mid to late 30's while the men are much younger. On the flip side of that I know women who are settled with much younger men and who only met them when they were well into their 30's.

I think the people who put women into a box like that based on their age, are usually those type of freaks who are obsessed with judging women and guilting & shaming them into behaving a certain way.

I just think that as you get older, majority of the men who want to settle down are already in long term relationships, youre left with a smaller selection of men, some of them want to settle down but they have too many red flags so no one will consider them, then theres men who don't want to settle down & just want sex, and then theres the odd decent guy whose open to settling down but you're just not compatible or attracted to each other for whatever reason.

Dating apps also give men the notion that they have endless options to choose from so theyre always looking for someone better or thinking they can do better. I also think the likes of instagram has given allot of men unreal expectations and they can be quite shallow when choosing a partner & can go for someone who looks good on paper but theyre miserable in the relationship. Then theres double standards that have to be considered too like for example, men who are looking for a mother figure/date mother figures and how this is such red flags. If you or I was looking for a father figure in a relationship it would be rightly considered as creepy but allot of women feel they have to conform and be a mother to their partner or else he wont stick around. I think having your boundaries and knowing what your comfortable with is such a strength and those kind of standards shouldnt be lowered just for the sake of having a relationship.

The point being is that dating after 30 can be like fishing in sewer sometimes.

Airyfairy12

......

Day Lewin

I've been reflecting on this one....

Full disclosure, I am female, Irish, double the age of the OP...and have long experience of the male sex - who I like and enjoy.

Here's a couple of thoughts arising, to the OP:

If blokes don't want to date you, why don't you date them? Go ahead - ask one out. (It worked for me!)
This "online dating" scene has a huge, huge failure rate - because there's a huge gap between reality and daydreams! (I've been on a couple of these sites, too)
the best way to meet someone is to actually meet them: in real life, real time. Smile at people, chat if they smile back. Honestly, hand on heart, this really works. It works much, much better than composing profiles and hoping someone likes the persona you portray in it...and guess what? The lads are doing the exact same. Hence the huge gap!

I could make a portfolio of all the women I have heard moaning that they had a lot of fun in their 20's but now. at 30 and later, the men aren't interested: all the "good ones" are taken or married, and the ones who aren't are bitter, disillusioned and only out for some gratifying sex with someone young and pretty.

Meanwhile, the men of a similar age are complaining that women only want to use them, to get what they want - money, marriage, kids and a house - and then discard them. Leaving them high and dry, and very broke.

So it has to be real life and real, honest relationships; it takes more work, but it really does deliver much better and long-lasting results.

FintanMcluskey

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120056056#Comment_120056056

Every one of my exes ended up with much older women than themselves and several men I know settled down with women in their mid to late 30's while the men are much younger.

Would advise against the lady being older in a marriage.

Men are usually years behind women in maturity, & women usually age quicker than men.

Most marriages end up with the wife never wanting sex as she gets older, I'd advise men not to end up in that situation while they are still quite young.

Airyfairy12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120056140#Comment_120056140

Speaking for myself it really feels like men dont want to put the work in, it takes 2 to make a relationship work.

Airyfairy12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120056158#Comment_120056158

I dont think this is true, yes hormones and menopause can effect a womans sexual drive but what I hear from allot of women is that their partner doesnt meet their sexual needs and doesnt listen when they communicate what they want sexually, I also hear from lots of women who feel like theyve had to be a mother to their partner, clean up after them, wash their clothes while their partner is selfish in the relationship. I can see how this would kill any sexual attraction or respect for that matter, for their partner. I know this isnt always the case and there are loads of men who are mature, kind, & treat their partner like an equal but from what allot of women say, their frustration in the relationship burns them out and they dont want to be intimate with their partner.

squidgainz

To be honest you can't be attractive in the traditional sense if you aren't getting matchs on a dating app. It's an impossibility. Unless you have a crazy profile.

[Deleted User]

Reading the latter stages of this thread you’d wonder how people get together at all. OR why you’d bother😀