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Cheating

Pissy Missy

Evidence suggests that over 50% of us cheat or have been cheated on, I'm just curious what people's honest views are on this subject.

As far as I know, one boyfriend (at the time) cheated on me (most likely a few times) and I drunkenly cheated on him once. I hate cheating and even more so hate the fact people lie about cheating.

What are other peoples thoughts.

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Liberty_Bear

To be honest as Im discovering lately there appear to be more closed relationships than I thought which was nice to see as it did appear to me open relationships were the norm. But yes what you say carries a lot of truth to it

EmmetSpiceland

I always thought that whole ‘gay lads all have open relationships’ thing was just something that homophobes, and those pretending to be gay so they can get away with being homophobic online, said to be homophobic.

PokeHerKing

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118875645#Comment_118875645

Lads are easier pleased. Straight, gay, bi whatever your persuasion. If you're a bloke you're less picky than women.

Women are just as unfaithful as men, straight, gay, bi etc they're just much more selective than we are. So it appears they're more faithful.

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118875733#Comment_118875733

Thats a bag of contradictions - if women are pickier then they are less likely to cheat as the pool of men is less available to them that they might want!

PokeHerKing

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118875767#Comment_118875767

Exactly. Think of it like this. Average male (who's willing to cheat) will cheat with whatevers available/willing. Average woman (who's willing to cheat) will only cheat with somebody who meets her standard and is also available/willing.

So from the above examples the average male will actually cheat more (more options/chances) then the average woman. But she's no less willing. Just less options.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118875645#Comment_118875645

Ten out of ten for squeezing that many phobes in to one sentence

If there's one thing I've seen from the cheating men that I know of, they're immensely self confident. They've beautiful wife's and the women they get for flings are not bottom of barrel at all. I will say those guys go for the thrill of the hunt.

There's also the more chronic cheaters out there, the ones who lead a double life with 2nd and 3rd relationships and they're doing it for different reasons. Again I don't think they're going to risk all unless there's a good physical attraction.

cj maxx

I’ve never got w by people cheat, One offs can happen, but to have a ongoing affair is alien to me, just leave the relationship

OnTheCouch

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118875733#Comment_118875733

Yeah I think cheating is more prevalent than people realise unfortunately. The above quote I think is also quite accurate to life. If a man is willing to cheat, then in my experience then he's not hugely picky about who he goes for. The issue is that women simply are not that attracted to that many men as a general rule. But that just means if willing to cheat, that they go straight for the select ones they like. Of course many men won't consider getting involved, but if the guy is single and the woman who is after him is attractive, it's more likely that he will go for her, as his ego and the physical desire are both stimulated.

As to why people cheat, in my opinion it's for numerous reasons. These could range from loneliness (even when living with a partner), the boyfriend/girlfriend taking them for granted, their other half being often away, boredom of the same thing, a desire to have a spark back in their life, to feel wanted and so on.

What I don't really agree with is the "once a cheater always a cheater" statement. Yes it can occur, you get some bad apples in both genders, but as a general rule, a man or a woman who is in a balanced, healthy relationship where there is mutual attraction shouldn't really cheat, even if they have done in the past. As stated above, there are so many potential reasons why people can cheat that are nothing to do with them being a flawed person to the core. I think maybe the most common is getting into a relationship with the wrong person. Both men and women suffer a lot from loneliness - can be a lack of someone to talk to or simply physical lust, so often start a relationship with someone who isn't really suitable, even though perhaps from their cultural background (similar to his/her family for instance), they seem a safe bet. Or the person was/is extremely good looking/high status and their partner was blinded to this initially. Then over time things start to unravel, they realise they don't actually like each other that much and both start having regrets and looking elsewhere. Bear in mind, there can always be a first time to cheat. My friend's wife cheated on him at the age of 46, when as far as we know she hadn't done this in any of her previous relationships. So you can be a cheater at 18 or 78, it's not really an age thing.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118877136#Comment_118877136

Leaving means volunteering for a huge loss of personal wealth ( for men )

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118877136#Comment_118877136

My puzzlement is why men who want to live that lifestyle get married in the first place. Okay people will say most marrying men set out with the best of intentions, but given the prevalence of affairs I can't believe there isn't a sizeable cohort saying "I'll be a committed husband and father but I'll also get my bit on the side." And that's just inviting mess and turmoil into your life...

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118877977#Comment_118877977

Well if you view it as a sort of "greed" in the first place then it makes perfect sense.

Plus having a significant other can sometimes actually make it easier. Firstly, you actually attract more attention for some reason and secondly once the bit on the side knows that she is the bit on the side then she doesn't have expectations. And the default position is always to revert back to the partner at home.

CreadanLady

I have cheated in every relationship I have ever been in. Eventually I realised that is just didin't want to be in a relationship so I removed myself from that sphere.

CreadanLady

The reality of it is that some men will get into a relationship or marry because they love their wife/girlfriend, but they secretly know that while they love them, they will always be hungry for the thrill of the chase and the risk of getting caught.

I know at one time, I got into a relationship knowing full well that I was going to continue seeing other women unknown to her, and actually at one point got into a second parallel relationship, and still even at that I was meeting up with several other women from time to time. The danger and the risk is what go me excited and it was almost addictive. I was always careful though, I always made sure that the women I was involved with were unknown to each other and would never be likely to interact or even cross paths.

Do I regret any of it? Truth be told, no. I do not.

While I do not get into relationships anymore, I continue to meet multiple women from time to time. At present, I have 4 on the go.

If some people think that makes me a scoundrel and a rake, then so be it. That is their own problem.

KieferFan69

I think it’s hypocritical of many women and men that look down and accuse the cheaters while they themselves have been fawning over colleagues in their imagination or looking at Facebook or pornography it developed feelings for someone. That for me us worse than a cheater who just dies the deed due to lust and alcohol and moves on. I would prefer to hear she had sex on one night stand then that she secretly had long-standing romantic affection for a lad. Same reason I will stray and not feel to bad. It is just a body to grasp and poke really, at the end of the day.

KieferFan69

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118878257#Comment_118878257

Ah ha. You are my hero if only all could be so honest and attractive

Potential-Monke

I hate cheating. I'll tolerate a certain amount of flirting, but I'll draw a line when that flirting starts getting physical, ie: touching. Regardless of the circumstances, how that makes the other person feel is horrible. It's pure selfishness, but that is to be expected of humanity.

I've had 2 x 7 year relationships, and never cheated. I had an unbelievable moment where I geuinely believe I could have had a 4-some with 3 girls. I spoke about it in other threads, but it was basically a situation I drunkenly found myself in where there was an element of power at play, the 3 of them were friends who I was dealing with as a Garda at the time. One on each knee, one kneeling between my legs. I couldn't do it. Looking back, I'm saying I would, but I think if it happened again, I still wouldn't do it. I'm terrible with guilt, so I would be worse than she would have been.

I was cheated on once, in the first 7 year relationship. It was about 6.5 years in and she shifted a lad she was in college with. She came straight home and told me, and while we tried to continue I just couldn't trust her anymore so I ended it a few months later. I still feel the pain of being cheated on if I think about it. It's one of the most horrible things you can do to someone you're supposed to love. I'll echo others, if you want to cheat, just end the relationship. I don't care how hard it would be for you, do the right thing instead of playing with someone elses feelings. It doesn't just affect that relationship, it'll affect their future too, that's why it's so selfish.

But again, humanity doesn't surprise me anymore, a horrible selfish race.

Marymoore

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118877136#Comment_118877136

its unfair on the person being cheated on of course but some reasons why people cheat would be fear of being alone, their cheating may not be an established relationship so until it is they keep their other half on the side.. some people can’t decide who they want to be with so they get in a mess stuck with 2 partners and can’t decide on one.. some people have kids and it’s not so easy to leave.. separations can be messy with kids or mortgages etc.. some people get into a relationship fully intending to commit to that person but things change, life isn’t simple or perfect

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118881643#Comment_118881643

So nice and refreshing to see a genuine person with integrity and humility. People talk about how not to judge others who do it, of course I can understand how people might stray, but it's never an excuse for cheating or getting mixed up with someone who's already in a relationship even if you're not in one and what's worse, these people carry on or don't carry on and don't even have any regrets or don't be straight with their partner, the mind boggles, but I agree with you, I think we live in a society with many self absorbed self serving people sadly. The challenge is avoiding this negative energy.

KieferFan69

Two stories to every song. Sometimes one won’t cuddle or be affectionate anymore so other strays , specially with alcohol l,

Potential-Monke

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118882944#Comment_118882944

That situation sounds like the love is gone and they should sort it or break up, instead of cheat and somehow hope that makes the relationship last.

NedsNotDead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118885421#Comment_118885421

Don't be such a Debbie Downer. A little bit of cheating can a nice bit of spice to a relationship

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118881643#Comment_118881643

I agree with you on cheaters, they are weak individuals who cant be trusted either by partners or friends.

But the 4 some story doesnt make you look great at all, forget about the cheating element, an on duty Guard doing that would be insane, it would have come out and you would be all over the papers and news for it like the ejit below.

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/crime-and-law/courts/high-court/garda-who-engaged-in-sex-act-with-woman-in-station-wins-challenge-over-suspension-1.4842146

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118890030#Comment_118890030

Ha what a total scumbag. Did you hear about the Irish influencer who's bf at the time cheated on her, he was a guard too n he was sleeping with another guard and who knows who else, fairplay to her for respecting herself and dumping his ass

Jequ0n

A lot of angry folk hanging around in this thread. How depressing.

pgj2015

some guy I know was telling me about how he cheated on his wife with her best friend and how he was with his friends girlfriends as well. I really lost all respect for him. snake.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118890737#Comment_118890737

Sounds like he was bragging about how 'great' he was, clearly insecure. A bouncer I used to work with used to talk about all these married women he'd get off with and then asked me out on a date 🤣 #charming

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118890770#Comment_118890770

He wasnt bragging, he said it wasnt the right thing to do but id say he would do it again if he got the chance. This was in his younger days.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118890964#Comment_118890964

Well nice he was morally reflecting on it at the very least, guess its just like a habit for some people, just sad how much hurt it causes when people are lucky enough to find out

Andrea B.

I am in my 50's. Cheated on girlfriends during my 20's in form of one night stands.

Never planned. Always drunk.

Ruminate on it sometimes and feel **** for the deceit.