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No friends

unhappycamper30

I am so down at the moment, i have no friends at all im with my boyfriend 5 years and he has none either, we had loads when we first got together but drifted apart from them all, and we moved to a different county, all i see now lockdown is over is people out with friends and i dont even have anyone to go for a coffee with , i have one friend who i maybe would meet with twice a year but she has loads of new friends and is too busy to hang out. Im in my 30's so its really hard to make friends. Is anyone in the same boat?

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Montage of Feck

Over the last two years of the pandemic I've completely drifted away from any friends to the point that I'm now dreading the easing of restrictions.

KaneToad

Don't be too harsh on yourself. Having no friends is very common. Plenty of people aren't bothered with having friends. Also, as you age, friends frequently drift away as other things (mostly kids/relationships) take over. You have to work at it to maintain your friendships.

If you're looking to get some friends you need to get involved with "things". Whether that's an evening class, running club, volunteering, part time job etc...

The more variety of ppl you encounter, the more likely you will find someone who you could forge a friendship with.

Just remember, friendship is two way, both parties need to get something from it. Don't use them as a free psychiatric service - or be a free psychiatric service for them!

Teacher2020

Yeah it is hard to make new friends in your 30s. We have moved to a new area during Covid too so in a similar situation. I've joined a few groups on Meet Up but still trying to get the courage up to go to an event. I don't know what I'm so scared of because I have nothing to lose but I think the fear of rejection is just awful for me and gets worse the older I get.

B.A._Baracus

Hey op, you're in a tough spot with covid and as you get older people naturally drift apart.

I would try MeetUp as teacher said above. People there are looking to be social. The old cliche advice was to do a course or doing something like yoga (or what not) but in my experience, and listening to the experience of others, majority of the time you won't make friends only acquaintances. Ie, people are there for the course and what have you.

goldenmick

OP, I feel for you I really do.

It can be very hard when you feel so isolated, but as previously mentioned, you have to be proactive in putting yourself out there if you want to meet new people - they wont be coming to you. There are absolutely loads of clubs, groups and associations you could join. Get busy on Google, local newspapers, etc, and find out where they are.

Also, you've made a big step by making your first post on here. Maybe become a lot more active and participate in more threads. You never know. After a little time you may strike up a friendship with someone nearby to yourself.

You don't say if you work or not. If you do, is there no-one you could relate to at your workplace? If you don't work, have you considered volunteering... charitable shop, rescue centre, etc. I'll repeat again, you must be proactive - as in any aspect of life - to get results.

Do keep in touch on here and I'll keep an eye out on this thread to see how you're getting along. Good luck.

Added later: You know, in hindsight, you do at least have your boyfriend. Surely he could be of some help in this. There are countless lonely people out there, and most are not as fortunate as you in that they are not in a relationship and have absolutely no-one. Really, at your young age, you should be doing more to help yourself.

generic_throwaway

3 times in the past 15 years or so, I've made a rake of new friends. Twice it was by doing a post-grad course, and once by starting a new job in a very challenging area.

What broke down barriers between people and forged friendships was that we were facing a common challenge and pulled together to overcome it. So, to echo the advice above - you need to put yourselves in places where you will actually meet new people, and if you are facing a common challenge/working towards a goal, all the better.

LilacNails

Im in a similar both op. With the handful of friends I do have, they have partners and do most things with them. I can't give them a ring when I'd like to chat up. There's no spontaneity anymore. I'm on my own most evening's it's really really hard, esp when I feel everyone else has people they can rely on and do fun things with.

I'm really conscious I don't have people to hang around with, I'm ashamed and embarrassed. I'd love to meet someone and meet new friends but I really feel that once they realize my situation they will be turned off, in fact I feel a few already were so in the past.

I eco what others are saying getting out there and joining things u have a interest is the first step. Ur not alone, it's so lonely, hope u meet new people v soon.

unhappycamper30

I tried the meet up thing years ago made friends there but no really close friendships, they all drifted away too, i do work but everyone is alot older then me, thanks everyone for the kind advice.

unhappycamper30

growleaves

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058230161/no-friends

Go to meetup groups - there are a few on meetup.com and Facebook.

Keep going to the same one and after a while you will get to know the regulars.

Be a joiner and go along to things.

We're out of restrictions so it's the best time.

Tork

As well as taking the good advice already given, is there any reason why you can't try to reconnect with some of your old friends? They're not living near you any more but you could still visit them or ring them up for a chat. You might be pleasantly surprised. Just be careful you don't make them think you're making contact because you've got nobody else to talk to.

unhappycamper30

I lost contact with them about 5 years ago, everyone doing there own thing now dont even have there numbers they were all friends i would have made through meet up, i find them friendships dont last and wouldnt be a fan of the meet up

unhappycamper30

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118545939#Comment_118545939

I've had the same number since I was 17. It would be a huge coincidence if every single one of them has changed their number in the last 5 years. Did you just delete them, by any chance?

unhappycamper30

No ive changed phones since and lost numbers they really were only people i went out for drinks with anyway, no real friendships.

Mad_maxx

Do like I do ,reconcile yourself to the fact that people don't like me

SamStonesArm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118547721#Comment_118547721

Surely someone takes pity on ya ?

Purple Mountain

OP, I think this should be a lesson to you and everyone else not to ditch your friends when you get with a partner.

In your case you say you both did and now viola you're both isolated now with no external outlet.

As someone who lost 2 friends over the years for being dropped for a boyfriend I know how that feels.

Just bear that in mind when you meet new friends.

Everyone needs an independent outlet outside their relationship.

AllForIt

Nobody has 'loads of friends'. Some people might know 'loads of people' but that's different.

Anyway, friends don't just arrive on your doorstep. You just need to put yourself in social situations and I don't mean the pub necessarily.

Rather than trying to 'find friends' try to find social situations you might enjoy, whether it be a sporting or game activity or whatever interest's you have. And if you don't have any I'd say go and find one. Try something new, for the fun of it.

And don't think your problem is some unique problem you have. Feeling alone and isolated is a well know social problem. Do something about it, as i have suggested, as nothing will happen by magic if you don't.

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118547795#Comment_118547795

Oh I have a woman , I'm fine with it , what you'd call a sociable loner

B.A._Baracus

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118545972#Comment_118545972

I can relate. When I was 25 I ended a few "friendships" I had. They weren't really friends. Just people I knew through a sport I did and we all liked going to the same bar the same day of the week. Realised they weren't friends after a few bad examples.

@Purple Mountain I get what you are saying. But that happens every day of the week. Not the op's fault. Its the age old thing - when someone gets a partner they're no where to be seen. But broken up or single they're always around.

fritzelly

Just need to get out there - lots of people are in the same situation especially after the past few years where we all became a little bit introspect/introverted

I would say both of you having no friends is a red flag - are you doing everything together therefore not trying to expand your social circle?

Go out by yourself - visit a coffee shop and if someone is by themselves try striking up a conversation - you can meet friends in the most unusual of places, maybe not the frozen food aisle tho

boredatwork82

You just have to get out and about.

Join clubs. Do common activities. Like someone said trying to overcome something as a group creates a bond. This is really good advice, and I only realised that when I read it above.

I did an MBA. Lots of tough group projects and individual projects but we were all trying to get through. Still friendly with a lot of people from there.

Lately joined a triathlon club. A few new members like me are training for our first big event. And we are starting to form a bond. Whilst not going for coffee yet, we are planning things together, booking accomodation together, doing small extra training ourselves. That puts you in a position to chat and create bonds.

So really OP, join a club or a group that has aligned goals. And go for it. To be honest I couldn't believe how friendly and supportive the triathlon club was and most new members to triathlon are in your age bracket I'd say.

[Deleted User]

Get involved in a local political party or campaign group. You’ll meet lots of people with similar shared values and interests.

If you’re planning on having kids, that will open up a whole new network, especially for mammies at the school gate.

Dial Hard

I'm often struck by the number of people in couples who have absolutely no friends outside of their partner, and never had. If you can meet someone and be interesting and engaging enough for them to want to be your romantic partner then you can 100% make friends!

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118549572#Comment_118549572

it often depends on where you live in youre thirties or forties , unless you live in a city or large town , making new friends later in life is very difficult as people who stay where they grew up are not programmed to make friends with " blow ins " , thats just how they are , unless you are " seed , breed and generation " , they dont want to know

in many smaller towns and parishes of this country , Brad Pitt could walk into a pub and find himself overlooked in favour of johnny who sports a beer belly but who played junior B hurling for the parish and whats more , so did his grandfather , outside relatively large urban areas , we are an incredibly cliquey and clannish people

sonic85

I'm in the same boat as the OP but my main problem is I only really ever had a handful of friends and as time went on we just dropped out of contact. I'm going to read this thread and keep an eye on it so I can get some ideas on what to do to try get out of this hole I'm in!

zoobizoo

Maybe look at friendships as being in different leagues/divisions.

I've about 2 very good friends.

I've about 4 good friends.

In the past I'd have had a lot of casual friends from a hobby, from doing a Masters, from travelling.

Some casual Friends have moved from casual into good division.

So start with casual friends and if that's how they are, better to have people to socialise with than none. Meet ups and clubs are great for that.

What I found was that in some of those clubs, there were people developing good friendships; they may have had more in common but more than likely, they made more of an effort to meet up than I ever did - they tool the risk of asking for phone numbers and to arrange separate get togethers.

You probably won't make a BFF or confidante in the short term, but you may do over time. And it will be worth the effort when you do.

unhappycamper30

Yes im the same never had more then 2 or 3 friends, but now id be happy to even have one, i think its the fact the one friend i do have who i text a good but never see as we live so far away is always telling me stuff shes doing with her friends it makes me feel so lonely, im lucky i have my boyfriend, but would just love some girl company at times.

BaywatchHQ

I haven't had a friend in over 8 years and I don't want any. I am one of life's loners who doesn't fit in alongside other humans. I have developed into a misanthrope over the years too so I crave company even less. The only human contact I have is with my parents, occasional texts from sister and sometimes I post on incels.is