Just discovered why the Bee Gees are afraid of horses!!
Apparently the gee gee's give the Bee Gee's the heebeegeebees!!!
Ever have one of those mornings where you can't even be bothered to get dressed?
Anyway, I was arrested at the bus stop.
I bought a suit of armour as I thought it would make me feel young and strong.
But when I put it on I felt middle aged.
Recreate the innocent childhood fun of playing Buckeroo by taking turns placing small household objects on top of your sleeping cat.
New Year's Eve is tonight and I'm very nervous.
I've been diagnosed with auld langxiety.
2020 you and 2018 TheBody want their joke back! (Still brilliant, though). 😁
Every year seems like a repeat tbh these days 😁
Happy new year regardless...
I never heard it....Happy New Year!
2022 is pronounced 2020 too.
Novak Djokovic is the first player to be knocked out of a grand slam after missing only 2 shots.
I made this one up today...
I really enjoy the Sunday newspaper. Mind you, I don't love it, I wouldn't buy it every day.
My parents sent me to a child psychologist when I was younger, but it was a waste of time. Children are not good at psychology...
If you look at this thread Upside down you would really see it from another angle ...
(Late night Comedic genius here 🙈)
Sesame Street have announced that the Cookie Monster is unwell with COVID.
Apparently he contracted the om nom nom nom nom nom icron variant
I bought a lettuce from a greengrocers owned by The Mamas & the Papas but it’s already gone off.
All the leaves are brown…
In a strange turn of events from Downing Street, it turns out that Boris Johnson can actually organise a piss up.
I just met the head of the Indian Maffia.
Poppa Don
I support feminism, and white male rappers.
I'm a Femineminemeninist.
For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Elton John brought his pet rabbit to the gym, he introduced it to the staff by saying… “it’s a little fit bunny”
what do you call a fat psychic ? a four chin teller
I was having breakfast in my favourite French restaurant. I said to the waiter why only one egg, I ordered two? He said, in France one egg is un eouf.
Why do French people look so depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is England.
The Conservative party have now changed their name to the Conservative work event.
i think i might have seen it on boards at one point;
i've started using the word 'mucho' in conversation with my spanish friends. it means a lot to them.
'mucho' times before 😜
A man was arrested yesterday after falling into a combine harvester while trying to steal it.
He's expected to be bailed tomorrow.
We're clutching at straws now 😉
Too corny?
you'd barley call that a joke to be fair.
The combine was a serial killer.......
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