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Should I ask a Co worker out for a 2nd time?

Pureawkward

Hi everyone,

Bit of an awkward one here,

About 6 months ago I asked co worker out on a date, now she didn't say no and to be fair she was only out of a relationship(2months). She told me she was scarred from her relationship ending and that her ex was abusive to her mentally.

Well initially I took it as a no she just wasn't interested and that she said that as a way of letting me down easy which I was good with anyway I ask girls out generally and some say yes some say no so we weren't awkward after I asked we get on quite well.

Now fast forward a few more months and I feel like she's constantly hinting at me to ask her out again

We have abit of banter and she's confided in me about certain things in her life. But nearly every week she's going out of her way to tell me she has no plans for the weekend or the following week I don't even ask her what she's up to for the weekend.

She also keeps seeking me out in work to have chats. And there not normal things like she keeps telling me she's in a much happier place now compared to back then and feels more confident.

I feel abit confused, I mean I do like the girl but have you ever felt like someone was hinting at you?

Just curious what would people do in my position? Our work place is small so we're in contact every day but she works a desk job in the office and I'm out on the factory floor. Last thing I want is to ask her out again and get told no or something else for a 2nd time.

But I'm sure the first time she told me she was scarred it felt genuine.

And while we're not awkward about it at all from the first time I think asking a 2nd time might make things awkward. But the hinting is throwing me off. Either that or I'm reading her very wrong.

I think we have become close enough 'friends' thet we could tell each other anything but at the same time once we clock out after work we don't talk until the next day we Havnt got each others numbers but that's probably down to me asking her out the first time and it's awkward in that sense

So the summarise it, I like the girl we have alot in common, we're the same age but should I ask out a 2nd time? Or are these small hints just normal talk and I'm making it seem bigger then it is?

Cheers folks

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cj maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118299680#Comment_118299680

Many of my 'relationships' followed that very trajectory 😀

km991148

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118300326#Comment_118300326

yeah exactly...not like she couldn't bring it up.. unless she is waiting for the next rainfall so that the gentleman can lay down his coat over a puddle to save her petticoats from ruination..

ok too far on the sarcasm lol - but yeah - hang out outside of work - if something develops - have a chat and stop looking into hints and mind reading.

Ash.J.Williams

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058222124/should-i-ask-a-co-worker-out-for-a-2nd-time

i actually did training in work on this and it could be perceived as unwanted advances and it should be in the handbook

[Deleted User]

I'm along the lines of thinking that you should just say, what you up to the weekend. Id she says she has no plans, say either "I'm gonna head to see *insert some film* or "I'm dying to get out for a pint" and tell her if she's at a loose end, she should come along.

It shows interest but if she's not interested, it doesn't make it awkward as you didn't really ask her out. You just gave her an opportunity to tag along.

Tell me how

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118300268#Comment_118300268

How is it awkward? All it is is ensuring she knows she is being 'asked out' as opposed to just having a drink with a friend. It's something that will have to happen somehow, much easier do it at the outset than after they realise they are in the friend-zone.

rolling boh

The op has to ask her out and that she knows its a date he has before so she knows he has an interest in her if she declines well OK thats that and he can move on .The longer he waits the more likely he will be friend zoned and someone else will move in there .

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118301721#Comment_118301721

I don't agree. I think going out on a "non-date" type night would be much better. Then at the end, you will know better whether or not if your advances will be reciprocated. I agree that it shouldn't be too many of those type of nights out, but one or two where neither feel the pressure to impress or to feel the spark, generally is when the spark will occur.

Best of luck anyway OP. Keep us updated.

JoChervil

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118300268#Comment_118300268

I agree. Trying to get exact meaning of the meeting can end up discussing, what "date" actually mean etc. It would put me off. I would much easier agree for drinks with all options open, than for a date.

rolling boh

It could go either way of course but they have being chatting etc for a couple of months it seems so they must know a good bit about each other at this stage .

TheadoreT

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118301376#Comment_118301376

There are subtleties to early relationships, being too ham fisted with approach can stop something before it ever begins.

If they like each other and he has the slightest ability to escalate romance she won't be in any doubt it's a date without them having to get all needlessly literal about what it is they're on.

Pureawkward

Well sadly folks I couldn't ask her today, everytime she was around someone else was as well at least if its a no it'll be less embarrassing with other people around to hear. Fecking Murphys law haha

Il ask Monday if she's interested in doing anything the weekend

And she knows I'm interested already because I already asked so no point down playing it as not a date.

km991148

dont you already have each others numbers?

anyway - probably as well waiting at this point

Pureawkward

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118302154#Comment_118302154

We sort of do, we're in a work WhatsApp group but Havnt exchanged numbers so I don't want to come across as a creep specially if it's a no as another poster said it could be unwanted advances.

Wombatman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118302126#Comment_118302126

Wouldn't necessary have to be Monday. I'd be giving myself the week for the right opportunity to present itself. You will know it when you see it.

You are playing a blinder buddy. We are all rooting for ya.

ChrissieH

Agree with most of the people here that a casual suggestion to meet up is the way to go. From a woman's perspective, I do think she's hinting at you tbh - I know there are loads of women who would ask men out without batting an eyelid but to be fair, I think it's pretty standard procedure for us to hint for weeks rather than explicitly saying that we want to go on a date!!

I know it makes it a bit harder for you to not know where you stand and fair play to you for reading the situation so well and being so considerate and gracious - I'm guessing she appreciated your cool reaction to her previous rebuff and now admires your confidence.

I so hope this works out for you!!

Purple Mountain

I think playing it down as a casual work buddy drink would be sneaky.

And giving mixed signals.

I'd hate to think i was duped like that.

And fair play, OP for not lifting her number from the WhatsApp group. For now, she's a work colleague so keep the boundaries but I would be implying to her that it was a date you're after not pints with a mate.

You can still keep it non pressure. Like next time she says about loose end on say Saturday night, you say "I'm not doing anything either, Mary. Look remember I asked you out months ago, I would still be interested in taking you out, I get the impression things are better in your life but if the answer is still no, I absolutely get that and will not ask you again and we need never mention it again (little giggle).

osarusan

I wouldn't consider it being duped. As the OP has said, he's asked her out before, so she will see that element to it.

But they can go for a drink (or whatever) and they'll either get on well or not. At the end of it, if it goes well, he can suggest another meeting - if he says something like 'I really enjoy spending time with you, I'd like to do this again and see where it goes between us' then it's clear what's going on.

JoChervil

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118302126#Comment_118302126

Yet, you don't really know why she said no. Maybe she wasn't ready for a date, but would have agreed for drinks? Maybe she is still not ready for a date, hence hinting, not inviting you because it would mean date, but is ready for a road leading to it. Remember that she was in an abusive relationship, so is cautious. She knows you only in work settings and might need time to know you better.

cabledude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118298443#Comment_118298443

This………

Wombatman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118304092#Comment_118304092

Please don't ask 'Mary' like this and don't emit any little giggles either. It's not like you are proposing marriage. Don't make any assumptions about her life history or current head space.

All it is is a casual first step. She will know what it means. It may lead to more steps, it may not.

If she says no, then no big deal. Yer positive working relationship needn't take a hit.

locohobo

Ok I get where you are coming from on this...Really like her BUT afraid of rejection again...... (fair play to you for not wanting to put her in awkward position ) but if you REALLY LIKE this girl then let her know...As you say she maybe hinting at you asking again but play it cautious...Just let her know that you really like her and that you would like/love to to go for a drink/meal/film..whatever...Just let her know that you are still interested but do not want to place her/yourself in an awkward again....Basically what I'm trying to get across is...Womens lib and all that...let her know you are interested but are afraid of rejection again and leave it to her to ask you out.....JUST LET HER KNOW!!!!!....(it may turn out to be the best thing in your life!!).......

[Deleted User]

Stop messing around on boards and ask her out. Nothing gained, nothing lost (except a slightly bruised ego). Stop over thinking it.

Enjoy your Sunday.

Sonic the Shaghog

Hate to be that guy but.... Does your company have one if these policies about only asking the once? A few multinationals I know brought in this thing where if you are turned down and ask again it's seen as harassment if reported to HR and taken very seriously. Is there anything like that in place?

I just also can't help but feel she knows you fancy her and if she really wanted to all she has to do is ask you out herself

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118311063#Comment_118311063

Jesus Christ, I never knew this existed. Most men would be fired. FFS. Good point though.

Maybe just ask her out after work instead. I mean, it only becomes a problem if she makes a big deal out of it and reports to HR, and perhaps you could argue it was outside of work time, and in any event this is extremely unlikely to happen.

What is the expression, no risk no fun? I would say plough on and if she says no, side line it and time to get back on tinder.

rolling boh

seems if she says no she would be ok about it and would not cause any issues between you both .

Ceolaguscraic

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118311063#Comment_118311063

I'm sorry OP but I agree with the last paragraph here. You've already shown interest before. She knows this. If she was interested, I don't think you'd be left trying to read between the lines as much as you're left doing. Either way, you sound like a decent person, so good luck in the event of either outcome.

Tell me how

Unsurprisingly, it is clear there is no hard and fast rule.

Some think just go ahead and invite her out casually, some to make it clear it is a 'date', some not to do anything given you already did and she turned you down, some that the ball is in her court to ask the OP if interested.

A vast majority of what to do here is entirely subjective. What we can all agree on, is if the OP just ghosts us on this thread that it will be the worst thing possible to happen. :)

In your posts so far, you sound like you're calm and measured and are going to go ahead and ask her. Good luck with it, I hope she's in to you in that way. Make sure to tell us how it plays out.

[Deleted User]

Ask her out! She was scarred whilst emerging from a bad relationship, things have been sorting themselves in her head, and clearly she likes you… a lot! Don’t overthink it, go for it! 😉😃

B.A._Baracus

I get why people are saying chance it again. Sure nothing ventured nothing gained. Thing is you already got a no... sure she didn't say the word no but you didn't get a yes. She said her ex scarred her a bit. That could also be a way to let you down gently.

She knows you are into her. Nothing stopping her from saying she's been thinking lately and if you're still interested wanna go for a drink.

She sounds like a friendly woman. But some women dial up the friendliness after being asked out to stop any awkwardness. As guys we can often misinterprete that as 'I think she's into me now' - you could ask her out and for her to say yes, being too friendly and wanting to ease you down gently again, with the intention of going for a drink then saying ah sure no chemistry.

Nothing stopping her asking you. Balls in her court. If you ask out again and get another no you'll kick yourself worse.

SunnySundays

I'm at a loss.

She said no once and has no reason to think you have changed your mind and are no longer attracted to her. You aren't dating anyone else, you haven't pulled back etc.

She knows she's pushing against an open door so why isn't she. It's not the 1930s, she could act on it with the likelihood of knowing she would get a positive response from you if she mentioned it.

Maybe she just likes the attention.