Hoboo wrote: » He was taking care of his sick son, and you rang him to chastise him rather than to see how HE and his son were? And all after just sharing some flirting and a kiss. I think that could be the issue here, not him.
ncmc wrote: » You knew this guy for 4 days, had one innocent kiss and had booked travel to Spain to meet him off the back of this? Seems like way too intense for someone you barely know.
Sardonicat wrote: » This. He told you every day he missed you? You were in each other's company for 4 days! How could he miss you, he doesn't know you! OP, if you want to protect yourself from situations like this you need to start recognising that genuine people don't say things that extreme after 4 days of a work event. The most likely scenario is he had no intention of travelling to Spain and was indulging in a long distance ego boost, or, a more conveniently located prospect presented itself. It's not you, it's him. But you really need to cop on a bit and learn to recognise these very obvious red flags.
bottlebrush wrote: » I'm sorry op but I think he had already decided before the incident with his son (if this actually happened) that this wasn't going to work out. cue the five days of silence - if somebody is really into you they always find the time to send a quick text even in a crisis and this wasn't even a life or death event my only advice is to not get too invested too quickly like thinking you have finally met 'the one' and if it doesn't work with this guy there are no other men left in the world! you are probably out of pocket too unfortunately because your trip to Spain didn't work out?
bitofabind wrote: » Cue like 5 days of silence, which is totally uncharacteristic of him and after which I texted him and told him I was pretty disappointed to not have heard from him and he hadn't made me feel great this week. He got super defensive to that - "I've been 100% honest with you....I've not been in touch because my son is my priority" - and effectively ended it there. "I like you but I don't think this is going to work".
Calypso Realm wrote: » OK, I haven't read the other replies but and assuming problem with son it's true (and we've no reason to believe otherwise) you were making this about you so essentially adding to his existing problems. Instead of giving him some space (and letting HIM roll back round to you when this had blown over) as far as he was concerned, you were an additional stress he just didn't want to deal with! So something to learn for next time. (I'm pretty sure just sending a 'supportive' text hoping everything was OK would have elicited a very different response!)
bottlebrush wrote: » well consider it money well spent on finding out what he is really like. while you would never do something to somebody else like what he has done to you, not everybody is as honest as you and it takes a hell of a lot longer than knowing somebody for four days and some texts and phone calls afterwards to know what a person is really like underneath all the charm. and don't let it put you off. you have to give everybody a fair chance to show their true colours, and when they do, believe them the first time. just don't commit to something too ambitious, like a trip abroad together, too early on in the relationship. don't know if you live in Ireland, but if he arranged to fly here to see you, and his plans changed either genuinely or otherwise, while you would be disappointed. the hit wouldn't be so bad. the thing is you don't know what anybody is like until the relationship is tested, and lucky for you, the test came early on home luck op
bitofabind wrote: I don't see how it benefits me to think that he never intended to meet me in Spain
Dial Hard wrote: » Because realising and accepting that this really is the most likely explanation may make you a bit more sensible in future. Sorry, OP, I know that sounds harsh, but seriously, you'll look back at this in a bit and laugh/cringe.
bitofabind wrote: I don't know, is it really likely that he lied about it all?
bitofabind wrote: » It's just so hard to believe, I mean this is a man with a very important job, kids, that pursued me for weeks on end.
Dial Hard wrote: » Yes. Far more likely than a man with a "very important job" and kids being prepared to go to the expense and trouble of flying across the Atlantic to meet someone he'd known for four days. Sorry.
bitofabind wrote: Then why did he instigate the whole thing?
bottlebrush wrote: » think about it. in your own words you say you got a text from him cancelling the plans. and then silence. not a phone call. wouldn't you think if he was genuine yes it should have been done by phone and not alone that, he should have been talking about rearranging such as "would it suit you to go next week instead, let me get on to the hotel to see if we can change the booking, can you get on to your airline and see if you can change flights" etc. isn't that what you would do if you had to change plans with a friend?
bitofabind wrote: » I don't know, is it really likely that he lied about it all? Decided he wasn't going to bother meeting and made up some elaborate lie? We'd been talking about it and making plans up until the week before. I know he booked his flights, but when it came to booking a hotel he put it off until the last minute. I messaged him about it on the Monday before, he said yep, doing it tonight, and the next time I heard from him he was calling the whole thing off. Big long war and peace message at 4am US time about how his eldest son called him in a panic and he was going to have to cancel our plans. It's just so hard to believe, I mean this is a man with a very important job, kids, that pursued me for weeks on end.
